


Just Dance With Me

by fadetoblue



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hollstein-Freeform, Mentions of Death, Profanity, Smut, no supernatural, there will be characters that are not in the web series and I haven't read the novel so bare with me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 135,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4198950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadetoblue/pseuds/fadetoblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla are in their final year of college, their relationship may have started off a little rough in the beginning, but four years later they are the best of friends, with a seemingly unbreakable bond. </p><p>So, what happens when Carmilla does Laura a favor? Will it change both of their lives, for better or worse? Is there friendship really that unshakable? Or will it all fall a part because of a single mistake?</p><p>(I'm not good at this whole description thing. Check it out you just might like it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wanted: Girlfriend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3903718) by [inlovewiththesunset (deeperinmyhead)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deeperinmyhead/pseuds/inlovewiththesunset). 



> This is my first fan fiction and I have no idea what I am doing. As it is, this story is already turning out longer and different than it was suppose to. So, I hope you like it Creampuffs. Be kind. But I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticism. Also I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I have to give a little shout out to inlovewithsunset (deeperinmyhead) for their fic: Wanted - Girlfriend cuz it inspired me to do this, and no I did not plegiarize their work, in a sense the principal is the same but my fic is completely different.

**Chapter 1**  


Laura grabbed another cookie from the package sitting next to her on the couch without taking her gaze away from laptop. Tossing it in her mouth unceremoniously, she let out a groan of exasperation and double tapped the button on her mouse. She had spent the better part of the last three hours siphoning through her email and she was no closer to accomplishing her goal now, than she had been when she started. It was driving her nuts.

It was the same fruitless result as yesterday and the day before that, and day before that, and so on for the last two and half weeks. Ironically, when she first came up with the idea it had seemed so simple. Now she regretted even placing the damn ad in the first place. But, what choice did she have? It was too late to do anything about it now. She was almost out of time. Three weeks. She only had three weeks to make this work, or she was screwed. 

It’s seven o’clock on a Friday night and should be out with her friends having a good time, not stuck in her apartment, scrolling through her email like life depended on it. But no, that would be to easy. It’s her own darn fault really. Why did she have to open her big mouth? One small little lie, hell it was more an omission of the truth, that’s not really a lie right, had led her to this. 

_“Agh...you gotta be kidding me,”_ she voiced her frustration before grabbing another cookie and shoving it in her mouth in an attempt to calm her nerves. _“How can it be this hard? I just need one, just one decent response. Is that too much to ask for?”_

She double tapped on the mouse again to go back to her inbox. Her eyes squinted as she scanned the numerous emails she still had yet to go through. She tried to be optimistic, telling herself maybe the next one would be better. Maybe the next one would be exactly what she is looking for. 

Deep down Laura knew she was lying to herself, but she wasn’t about to give up. It wasn’t in her nature, to let herself be defeated. She was too stubborn for that. Try, try, and try again that was her motto. She might be small physically, but she was strong mentally, persistent. If there was one word that could be used to describe her, it was determined. Being tenacious got her through the hardest times in her life, when the darkness wouldn’t recede and gloom threatened to take hold, Laura was not about to let it fail her now.

“I can do this!” Laura reaffirmed, blindly reaching for, yet, another cookie. She was far too stubborn to give up, which was probably her best and worst quality combined but, whatever.

With a renewed sense of determination, Laura once again, set her sights on accomplishing her goal. She’d be damned if she let herself give in to failure.  
...  
“To weird,” she muttered clicking through to the next message. “That’s so not gonna happen.” She clicked again her eyes almost bulging out of her head. “Oookay, that’s just...wow...I don’t even have words to describe it.” 

She barely noticed another two hours fly by, her eyes never leaving the computer screen as she continued to peruse her email, occasionally mumbling out loud. Her eyes were hurting and her vision was beginning to blur but she refused to call it a night. 

Laura was so caught up in her mussing that she barely paid attention when her roommate entered the apartment and tossed her keys in the dish on the table by the door.

“Hey,” She said to Laura on her way to the kitchen.

“Hey,” Laura replied distractedly before getting lost in the contents of her email, and her own internal monologue again. 

She was an adult, living on her own, well kind of, with a roommate and, but still. She was independent (of her dad’s incessant hovering, though he still sent her day of the week bear spray) paying her own rent, and she would have been paying her way through school to, if it weren’t for her scholarship. Hell, she was going to graduate in the spring with a degree in communication with an emphasis in journalism. She all of the freedom she could possibly ask for, and still, she couldn’t completely break away from the desire to please her dad and the rest of her nosy family. And, okay, maybe that’s a little bit harsh. But she’s frustrated at the moment, because they are the reason she’s putting herself through all of this. Laura can’t help but wonder. Why she had to be the kind of person that cared so damn much about what other people thought of her? Why...

“Why does life have to be so hard?” She didn’t realize that she had said that out loud until her roommate replied.

“What are you going on about?”

“What? Oh, no, n-nothing.” She stammered finally taking her eyes off the screen to look at her roommate.

“Right!” Her roommate rolled her eyes sarcastically. “That’s why you’re so twitchy.” 

“I’m not twitchy,” Laura said, gestured wildly with her hands as she spoke. “There’s an absence of twitching.” 

“Sure! Whatever you say, Cutie.” Carmilla put her soy milk container back in the fridge, taking her glass to flop down on the couch next to Laura eyeing her best friend curiously. 

“How can you drink that stuff?” Laura asked with a frown, her nose scrunching in distaste, watching her take a huge sip from her glass. 

“That face you make is hilarious, buttercup.”

Laura rolled her eyes, cringing when Carmilla leaned in closer as she took another long drink from her glass. 

“What? It’s not _that_ bad.” Carmilla rolled her eyes, her lips playing up in a smirk at Laura’s reaction. “Besides, it was on sale, way cheaper than regular milk.”

...  
Carmilla tried to take a glance at her laptop, but Laura quickly turned it away before she had a chance to see what she was up to. With a sly grin, she grabbed the package of cookies sitting between them and took out the remaining four cookies threatening to shove them all in her mouth at once, smirking when Laura whined, her gaze moving back and forth between the last of her tasty treats and Carmilla’s mouth.

“Carmilla, y-you wouldn’t...”

“You think so?” She quirked an eyebrow at her, accepting the obvious challenge. “Are you willing to bet your last four cookies on that?” 

“Carmillllla!” Laura whined again as she lifted her hand (slowly) edging the cookies closer to her mouth.

“Let me see, or I _will_ eat them and I know you don’t have any more stashed away.” She said looking pointedly at Laura.

 _“Fine!”_ Laura, muttered, “sucky best friend,” under her breath as she turned her laptop for her to see and quickly snatched the cookies out of her grasp, tossing one in her mouth while cradling the rest in her hand, like they were precious gems. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help laughing at the antics of her best friend before she turned her attention to the computer screen in front of her. She skimmed over a few of the emails in Laura’s inbox, before clicking on one of the messages and reading it carefully, her features drawn into a confused frown. Her lips pressed together in a hard line. 

“What is this?” Her gaze shot up to fix Laura with a hard stare. 

“Oh, um - it’s, it’s not a big deal.”

 _“Seriously_ , Laura,” Carmilla glanced at the screen again then back up at her. “What the fuck.”

Sighing, Laura muttered, “I took out a personal ad, okay. It’s really no big deal.” She leaned over to open a word document on her computer and showed it to Carmilla.

The personals ad was pretty cut and simple: 

_**Fake Girlfriend Needed** ___  
_I have an event to go to on November 24th and_  
_I need a girl to pose as my girlfriend. No questions asked._  
_Being gay isn’t required as long as you’re okay with pretending._ >  
_It won’t be anything to major just hand holding and stuff. But_  
_you’ve really got to be able to sell it, ya know._  
_If you are interested you can_  
_contact me at: Laura2theletter@gmail.com._  
_My name is Laura by the way._

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“What?” Carmilla glared at her, as if to say seriously. “You don’t understand.”

“Damn right, I don’t.”

“Look,” Laura sat up straight and met her eye refusing to feel guilty or ashamed for what she’d done. Her hands began flailing wildly as she spoke. “My cousin’s engagement party is coming up at the end of next month. And, that wouldn’t be an issue, if I hadn’t lied to my dad a few weeks ago, and told him that I had a really hot girlfriend, because he was pestering about needing more than school and work in my life. He’s always saying that I spend so much of my time focused on getting my degree that I don’t have time for a relationship. Which is so not true, by the way, I just haven’t met anyone worth the effort lately. Anyway, he started going on about how, I’m going to end up letting true love pass me by and I won’t even know it until it’s too late.”

Laura stopped for a moment in the middle of her ramble to catch her breath. 

“I was gonna tell him, that if someone really loves me then they would be willing to wait. But then, he comes out and says, “I just want you to be happy. I want you to find the kind of love and joy and happiness I had with your mother”, and I just couldn’t do it. So I told him that I had met someone and that she is really amazing and perfect and I’m totally crazy about her, just to make him feel better.”

She threw her arms in the air in frustration, but kept right on talking, because now that she had started, she couldn’t stop, she needed to get everything off her chest, and hopefully clear her conscience in the process. 

“I never expected him to tell the rest of the family but, I guess, I should have known that he would. Now, everyone is expecting me to bring said girlfriend to Sarah’s engagement party. And, obviously, I’m not actually seeing anyone, so I had to do something. I mean of course, I thought about tell everyone, we broke up, but the way I may my dad believe, the way I know he embellished it, I knew that would never work. And, my family knows all of my friends, well except for you because you’re so anti-social you never wanted to go with me when I went back home, so I couldn’t ask one of them. So I took out the stupid personal ad hoping I would find someone who would be willing to play along. Because, I really don’t want to have to go home for the party and embarrass myself, by telling my family it was all a lie, that I don’t have a girlfriend and haven’t even dated in months. But I never thought it would be like this. I never thought I would end up with my email flooded with a bunch of pornographic images and request for lewd sexual acts...”

Finally finished with her speech, Laura looked to Carmilla expectantly twisting her hands in her lap. Despite being nervous she waited patiently for her to process everything that she had said, while Carmilla just stared at her blankly for a several minutes.

 

For most people it would be damn near impossible to understand Laura once she went off on one of her rambles, but Carmilla had known her for a little over three years (and had lived with her the same amount of time), so she found it relatively easy to keep up. Understanding it, though, took more time. What Laura had told her kind of blew her mind. 

Carmilla didn’t really get the whole family dynamic. She’d never really had anything like it, growing up, being the product of a fucked up foster care system and all. She’d been bounced around from home to home from the time she was six until she turned fourteen, that’s when her mother, a kind elderly lady, (took pity on her) and kind of adopted her, though it wasn’t legal, she kept her in her home until Carmilla aged out of the system and the checks stopped coming so she couldn’t afford to take care of her anymore. Carmilla guesses, in a way she was luckier than most, she’d been a fuck up when she first graced, Lilita Morgan’s doorstep, smoking (cigarettes and pot) drinking fighting, but that woman always let her know that she cared about her no matter how much she fucked up, and maybe eventually Carmilla started to believe it. Eventually, she had realized she wanted to make her mother proud of her, her personality didn’t change, but she got her life on the right track. She stopped smoking pot and drinking, the cigarettes were a litter harder to give up (she occasionally has relapses even after all this time) and started going to school, which surprisingly she was really good at, pretty damn smart, (must have been all the books she read to occupy herself when she had to hide away when she was younger), but it got her into college with a partial scholarship and the help of financial aid. She used to go visit her mother from time to time, until she died a couple years ago. 

Carmilla didn’t want to think about that right now. She did however, want to help Laura, her best friend, the only real friend that she’d ever had. She’d never been good with people a youth spent in the system hadn’t made it any easier; it had essentially jaded her view of people, the world and humanity in general. But, Laura is different; she’s special, always bubbly and full of energy, like sunshine all bottled up in a tiny package and Carmilla would do anything for her because she loves her. Not loves like _love_ , platonic love. 

“I’ll do it.” Carmilla said nonchalantly. Not wanting Laura to make a big deal of it. 

Prepared to defend herself from more of Carmilla’s scathing remarks about how idiotic her plan was, Laura started talking almost as soon as she Carmilla opened her mouth without really hearing her. “I know it was stupid, Carm, you don’t have to...” Finally registering what she just said Laura stopped mid-sentence and stared at her confused, “...wait. What?”

“I said, I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend.” Carmilla replied. 

“You would do that for me?” 

“Why not,” she shrugged, “how hard can it be?”

“You do realize we’d have to be all couple-y, right,” Laura’s hands were moving in tandem with her mouth again as she tried to make sure she understood what she was getting herself into. “I mean, you’d actually have to pretend to like _like_ me.”

“I’m a natural flirt. Won’t be a problem for me,” She regarded Laura with a seductively teasing lilt, her eyes slowly trailing over her body as her tongue darted out to lick her lips before she captured the bottom gently between her teeth and met her gaze again. “You on the other hand, Cutie...”

“Shut up!” Laura elbowed her playfully in the side, unable to control the blush rising on her cheeks from her teasing. Sometimes she hated that Carmilla get her flustered so easily.

Carmilla tried to contain her laughter as Laura’s turned a crimson color that seemed humanly impossible. She really did, but failed miserably. Carmilla knew she shouldn’t tease her as much as she often did, but it was too damn easy and so much fun. She just couldn’t help herself; the expressions Laura made were always priceless, and, honestly, kind of adorable. 

“So, now that that’s settled,” Carmilla took Laura’s laptop from her and closed out of her email before bringing up her Netflix account. “What are we watching?”

“You’re not going out tonight?” Laura asked unable to hide her surprise. 

Carmilla almost always went out on the weekend (it was her favorite time of the week with no classes to attend and only work to worry about sometime in the afternoon), usually to hook up with some random chic that she never talked to again, no matter how much those girls might seek her out. Not that she had to wait; girls practically fell in her lap on a regular basis. But, that was none of her business. Laura didn’t judge. Carmilla is who she is. It was one of the many things she liked about her, Carmilla’s a free spirit who preferred to live in the moment, rather than spend her time focusing on what the future might bring. 

It wasn’t always this way though. Laura let her mind wonder back to how things used to be for a moment. When they first met freshman year they couldn’t stand each other. Having to adjust to living with someone who was rude, messy, and nocturnal with a copious amount of study buddies over at all times of day or night wasn’t easy, and for Carmilla having to adjust to someone living with a “naïve provincial girl” as she use to put it (and a neat freak) wasn’t easy either for her either. But, eventually they had found a common ground and have been best friends ever since. 

“Uhuh,” Carmilla motioned for her to move over so she could lay down beside her, “too tired. Work was a cluster fuck, it wore me out.”

Laura uncrossed her legs and shifted so her head was resting against the arm of the couch making room for Carmilla to stretch out next to her and resting her head on Laura’s shoulder like she always does. The couch was big enough but there wasn’t very much room, so the length of their bodies ended up being pressed together. Not that either of them minded, they always ended up cuddled up like this at some point during when they had a movie night. 

“You’re such a big softie,” Laura teased, as she draped her arm around her waist, chuckling softly. 

“Shut up!. And play a damn movie, Cupcake,” Carmilla muttered glaring up at her, “before for I make you pay for that.”

Chuckling again, Laura quirked her head to the side a little bit in a silent challenge, daring her to give it her best shot, a decision she quickly regretted. Carmilla flashed her a sly smile, moving the arm she’d wrapped around Laura’s waist to wiggle her fingers mockingly against her ribcage, arching an eyebrow at her, the threat clear. 

“No, Carm, don’t...” Laura squirmed under her hand, biting her bottom lip to contain the laughter threatening to break free, “please, don’t tickle me.” 

“Mhmm, that’s what I thought.” She patted Laura’s side before letting her hand rest there.

It took Laura a few minutes to click through the selection until she found a movie that they could both agree on. “Now You See Me” was one of the movies that had just enough mystery and suspense, with a little romantic element, that suited each girl’s personality. Though, they had seen it a couple times before they didn’t mind watching it again. 

“Hey, Carm,” Laura said not long after the movie started. “Thanks.” There was no need to elaborate Carmilla already knew exactly what she was grateful for. 

“No problem, Cupcake.” Carmilla said snuggling closer, her arms tightening around Laura.


	2. There Must Be Something Underneath It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusion and fears are revealed, emotions run high, but at the end of the day maybe a friend is all you need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> Alright guys I know I said this would be up days ago, but I had a bout of writers block, then I couldn’t stop writing. Go figure. Anyway, this is a long one. Hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> Oh, and just so you know, I actually split this chapter up : )

**Chapter 2**

It is in the stillness of the night that the depth of Laura and Carmilla’s intimacy is revealed. As they fell asleep in each other’s arms, all the pieces seemed to fall into place, as they had done infinite times before. Their breathing, soft and rhythmic, intermingling; even as they dreamt, their bodies were naturally in tune, complementing and transcending. The slightest movement or soft whimper was intrinsically met with a matching response, communicating without words or conscious thought. In this realm there was no denial or self-preservation, only acknowledgement acceptance and understanding, stripping away all they refused to give credence to during the day. Whether the complete reversal in their conscious state is intentional is at the heart of the mystery which makes them so beautifully flawed, like uncut diamonds, ruff and raw. 

But, in this moment why doesn’t matter, so much as all that is revealed in utter silence, under the shroud of darkness, there is peace, and in each other’s arms, security safety unity and home. Laura and Carmilla are one. 

...

In the morning Laura woke up to find Carmilla practically lying on top of her, her nose nuzzled into her neck, and she couldn’t help but smile. For a badass, she was always so cuddly when they were alone. Not that she minded, it was nice to be the one able to bring out this softer side in Carmilla, to take part in the moments when she so freely lets down her guard. Seeing who she is inside, without the façade she puts on for everyone else, is a beautiful thing. It’s priceless. 

Carmilla would never admit to it, but beneath all of the snark, she is the sweetest, kindest, most generous and loving person Laura knows outside her family. And, she is grateful that she gets to witness it, when nobody else ever does. 

“Hey, Carm,” she shook her lightly to wake her up. 

Carmilla stirred but made no effort to open her eyes let alone get up. 

“It’s time to get up.”

 _“No,”_ Carmilla mumbled sleepily, tightening her embrace and snuggling deeper into Laura’s arms, her voice lower and raspier than usual, “too early.” 

“It’s almost eleven,” Laura brushed her sleep mussed hair away from her face and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, “come on, sleepy head, we both have jobs to go to in a little while.”

“Uhm mmm,” Carmilla’s nose brushed against Laura’s collar bone when she shook her head, keeping her eyes tightly clamped shut. 

This was one of those precious moments when all of her defenses were down, and she wasn’t afraid of her own childlike qualities. It was a time when she truly allowed herself to act like the little girl that she had never actually gotten to be, but desperately holds onto the memory of, for dear life. These instances meant everything to Laura, they reminder her how much Carmilla has truly grown, how much they both have. Carmilla never censors this part of herself with her, because she trusts her to protect and nurture it. 

“Come on, Carm.” Laura rubbed her back, eliciting a soft purr of contentment. 

Laura chuckled softly. Waking her up always took a lot of patience and effort. For the next ten minutes or so, she murmured soft pleas in Carmilla’s ear to encourage her to get up, but it was like talking to a petulant child, which of course, Laura found absolutely adorable, and she knew it. Laura hated having to do this, but with a sigh, she began tickling her side mercilessly. 

Carmilla yelped in surprise, a sound Laura would have to remember to tease her about later, and sprung up out of her arms with a dramatically muttered, “fine.” Shooting Laura a harsh glare and mumbling, “pain in the ass,” under her breath as she marched off to her room to get ready for the day. 

She couldn’t control the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth, as Laura’s amused laughter echoed behind her. Damn, she really loved that girl, even if she was an annoying little cuss sometimes. 

“I’m so gonna make you regret that, Cutie,” Carmilla said to a still laughing Laura, as they passed each other while she was on her way to shower, after grabbing her robe.

“Love you to, Carm.” Laura replied with a smug grin that earned her an eye roll in return. She went to her room to get dressed since she showered the night before, which also meant that she was the one making breakfast. 

Somehow Carmilla always managed to avoid preparing meals, even though she was an excellent cook. And, Laura never realized what she was up to until after she was standing over the stove whipping them up something to eat. She knew having to do the dishes afterward was problem. The only way she got Carmilla to cook anything was when they did together. Which meant she did all the cooking so, Laura would have to do the dishes, ironically, they have a dishwasher so it never took that long. Laura had a feeling that no matter how much Carmilla grew as a person, her aversion to cleaning would never change. She was lucky Laura didn’t mind, she’d gotten used to taking care of those kind of things when she was growing up because her dad was always so busy she did what she could to help out. 

“Something smells good in here, Cutie,” Carmilla said waltzing into the kitchen with a smug grin, wrapping her arms around Laura from behind, she let her palms glide over her sides applying a little pressure to her most sensitive and ticklish spot. 

“Carm, if you tickle me, I swear I’ll burn your bacon.” Laura shot a quick glance over her shoulder at her. 

“Sounds kinky, Cutie.” 

“Oh god,” Laura rolled her eyes, the girl never stopped thinking about sex. “Make yourself useful and grabs some plates.”

“I _am_ being useful right now.” Carmilla said resting her chin on Laura’s shoulder. 

“You’re going to make me late, _again_.” She gently nudged her away with her hip. 

“Fine,” Carmilla huffed, pressing a light kiss on her bare shoulder before releasing her. 

Ten minutes later, the girls were sitting at their small dining table, sharing tidbits about the past week amidst the usual lighthearted banter, just like they did every Saturday morning since they moved into their apartment two years ago. They used to do pretty much the same thing in the Dining Center when they lived on campus, but it wasn’t nearly as intimate. No one really bothered them, though, because one look from Carmilla was all it took to turn them away, even Laura’s friends found somewhere else to sit, it had quickly become known that they weren’t to be disturbed, so everyone left them alone. It never mattered whether or not Carmilla went out the night before, Saturday’s were always reserved to spend quality time with Laura. 

Once they finished eating the girls went to gather their purses, well, Carmilla didn’t really carry a purse most of the time she didn’t even carry a wallet for that matter, (she preferred to keep important things like her cash, keys, phone and Driver’s License in her pockets, she said they were harder to steal that way, but she always carried a messenger bag for other things like her current favorite book, Laura figured it was a product of how she grew up), along with everything else they would need for the day and met back up at the apartment door. Walking side by side as, they went down three flights of stairs, until they reached the car port at the far end of the parking lot where their cars were parked in parallel slots. 

“Have a good day, Carm,” Laura said drawing her into a tight hug, before she got in her car. She had gotten her dad’s old Camry before she left for school freshman year because he bought another car, insisting that he would feel better knowing she had a way to get around and didn’t have to rely on public transportation. In all honesty, she knew he just thought it was safer. So, as much as she wanted to save up to buy her own car, she didn’t fight him on it, and after hearing some of her Carmilla’s horror stories, she’s glad that she didn’t. 

“You to, Cutie, see you later tonight.” Carmilla waived at her as she drove away, then climbed behind the wheel of her ‘69 Camaro and gunned the engine with pride. 

The car was a rusted out piece of junk when she bought it two years ago at an auction for five-thousand dollars, which was less than half the list price, but she fixed it up really nice. It took several trips to junkyards all over the municipality and she even had to find some of the parts on the internet. Carmilla did most of the body work herself, if there was one good thing she learned growing up, it was about cars. With the help of some people she knew back in the day, despite their reputability, she’d done everything legit. She mostly needed them for tools and someplace to work on her car, and restoring a classic beauty like this is still a source of pride in her old neighborhood, so there was never a shortage of people willing to help her out. The Camaro’s interior had to be completely redone. The seats replaced and reupholstered in leather and the body underwent some extensive detailing. Now, it was as sleek as they come, maybe even better than it had been back in the day Everything’s black inside and out, just the way she wanted it to be. It looked pretty damn good, if she did say so herself.

...

Lafontaine, one of her closest friends, and coworker, was already behind the counter when Laura walked into the bakery at a little before one, she was glad she wasn’t late for once. Ready for another long day, she gave them a quick wave before heading to the back to put on work her shirt and grab her apron before she clocked in. It was a little surprising to some that she worked in the bakery at a grocery store, given her love of sweets and all. Everyone that knew her wondered how she managed to keep her hands out of the proverbial cookie jar. Despite what other’s thought she did have some self-control.

She checked her work list for the day, on her way back to the front to join Laf. It consisted of the usual prep work for the afternoon rush and an order that got called in the night before, too bad it wasn’t for a cake, Laura loved decorating those, in addition to her regular closing procedures. 

“Just another day,” She said with a goofy grin, rubbing her hands together in pure delight. She loves her job. She got to make some of her favorite foods and get paid for it what could be better than that, it the icing on the cake. Laura laughed to herself at the intended pun. 

A brilliant smile adorned her face while she whipped up the batter for the brownies she was making for the special order. They needed to be ready for pick up by four-thirty, with how bust they were probably going to be, she knew if she didn’t start them now they wouldn’t be done on time. Laura didn’t want to wind up disappoint the customer, because nobody should be unhappy when it came to chocolate. That would be totally wrong. Chocolate is supposed to make people smile, well at least until it’s gone. 

“You’re in an especially good mood.” 

“How so? I’m always happy when I’m working,” she replied still smiling brightly. 

“I don’t know what it is,” they admitted, “just something’ different.” Laura just shrugged at them and kept right on stirring the contents in the bowl. For some reason she had a thing against using a mixer preferring to do as much as she can by hand she claimed it was “more authentic” that way. 

They rubbed their chin thoughtfully, watching Laura bouncing around on the balls of her feet, not that it was unusual, the girl never seemed to stop moving. They had always been curious about where she got all her energy from, at first they thought it was because all of the sugary food that she consumed, but after a while they noticed her energy levels never seemed to peak or plummet they always stayed the same. Out of obvious curiosity They had even offered to conduct a few test, well, experiments really, on her freshman year, you know, for science, but apparently she’s deathly afraid of needles. So, that was a indefinite no. Though, they may or may not still have hope that she will change her mind. Their findings could be very interesting, scientifically speaking that is, yep, totally for science. 

“I would ask what you did last night, but I already know.” They said as they went back to work. “So, how was the search for a fake girlfriend?”

“It started out pretty sucky, but ended up not being so bad.” Laura shrugged, before pouring the brownie batter into the prepared pan and gave it a good shift shake to help it settle the contents then proceeded to smooth it out with a spatula carefully getting around the edges, and just to make sure it looked pretty she drew several swirling patterns across the top before carefully placing it in the oven and setting the timer. 

“You didn’t spend the night sifting through porn and request for indescribably kinky acts?” They asked regarding her curiously. 

“No, I did...”

“Oh my god, _Laura_ ,” they exclaimed clutching a hand to their chest in mock disbelief, “has the internet finally corrupted your innocent little mind.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny, Laf,” she rolled her eyes at their teasing, “but no it hasn’t.”

“So...” They began measuring the ingredients to make more loaves of French bread while Laura busied herself with bagging the ones that had already been made and left on vented trays to cool on the rack. 

“What?”

“What _did_ you end up doing, if you weren’t looking for a _date_ to take to the engagement party?”

“I was going through the responses to my ad when, Carm got home from work...”

“So, you ditched your _desperate_ search for a fake girlfriend, to hang out with Carmilla?”

“No. Not exactly.” 

“ _Oookay_ , then,” Laf exclaimed, because, yeah, that obviously explained everything. Seriously could she be any less elaborate. Done with their measuring, they turned to stare at Laura expectantly. 

Laura glanced up at them as she finished bagging the last loaf of bread and moved on to another task. The industrial oven was already set to three-hundred-and-fifty degrees from the brownies. Taking the pre-made rolls of cookie dough out of the fridge, she began to cut them into even round discs, her tongue darting out each time she made slice, lining them up two inches apart on the cookie sheets spread out on the counter. After she was finished with the first four trays, she placed them in the oven to bake and set another timer for fifteen minutes, then placed the rest of the dough back in the refrigerator so it wouldn’t get down to room temperature and affect how they rise.

The best part of her job, was that any cookies that didn’t come out properly, the employees got to eat for free, which of course meant Laura usually had a near endless supply of tasty treats at her disposal, but her favorite are chocolate chip. Not that she would ever intentionally mess some of them up just for her own selfish needs. _What? She didn’t._ When she had to, she bought prepackaged cookies of the shelf. 

When she finally looked up from what she was doing, Laf was still staring at her, like she had two heads or something. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, L.” They replied sarcastically. 

Laura rolled her eyes at them.

Alright, so, she knew exactly what they wanted, she wasn’t going to deny it. For some reason Laf had it in their head that her and Carmilla had a thing for each other, which was so totally no true. They are just friends, and yes, she could admit that Carmilla is a beautiful. Under different circumstances, Laura would even say that she is hot, but Carmilla is her best friend, and the bond they share is friendship, nothing more. Anybody who thought otherwise is reading too much into things, or their eyes are playing tricks on them, because they’re definitely seeing things that aren’t there. So what if that happens to apply to every on of her friends, not just Lafontaine. That’s their problem not hers, or Carmilla’s. 

With a huff and another eye roll, Laura started telling them about last night.

“Carm, came home and stole the last of my cookies, using them as leverage until I showed her what I was doing. Granted, I might have been having a mini freak-out at the time. So of course she was curious.” Laura shrugged. “Anyway, when Carm, found out--she was, well, a little--or, okay, maybe she was a lot pissed...”

“Go figure,” Laf muttered under their breath earning a pointed glare from her. 

“Do you wanna hear the rest of the story or not?” Laura snapped. She wasn’t going to do this with them, again. It’s the same thing every time. When will they get it their head? Her and Carm, are just friends.

“By all means, tell me how your _“best friend”_ ,” they made air quotes with their fingers, “reacted to you scouring the personal ads for a date, no wait, I’m sorry, I meant faux-girlfriend.” Lafontaine knew that they probably shouldn’t have been so sarcastic, but come on, seriously, this not-in-a-relationship relationship Carmilla and Laura have going on went way past ridiculous a long time ago. Lafontaine has seen enough of their “friendship” with their own eyes not to believe that crap. 

“Why do you have to be such an asshole, Lafontaine?” Her high pitched squeal sounded more like a shriek. Without thinking about what she was doing, Laura reached into the bowl of flour that she had been using to coat her hands, so the cookie dough wouldn’t stick to them, and threw a handful at them, out of pure frustration, accidentally hitting them in the face. 

They managed to close their eyes just time. Lafontaine blindly pulled out the towel hanging out of the pocket on their apron to wipe the flour from their face, and stare at her completely taken aback, because, Laura almost never cusses or does anything even remotely aggressive. Not that throwing flour is really an act of aggression, but still, it’s tiny bubbly Laura. She doesn’t do things like this. 

“ _I’m sorry, Lafontaine. I’m so, so sorry_ , I didn’t mean to do that. I don’t usually lose my temper like this.” She said immediately feeling guilty when she realized what she had done, but she still felt all riled up, despite the guilt. 

“It’s okay,” They say, placing a reassuring hand on her arm, seeing how much she is struggling to reign herself in. They know it’s their own fault for being so sarcastic and pushy. Laura’s relationship with Carmilla has always been a really touchy subject, and Laf knew that they should have kept their mouth shut or at least not have said so much. They were purposely trying to get a rise out of her, just not this one. Lafontaine had always kind of figured if they pushed hard enough, they would get her to admit she has feelings for Carmilla. They kind of assumed since she is so tiny and nice she would break easy, but she never has, until today, and that wasn’t the kind of break they were going for. They regarded her with concern.

Laura closed her eyes and forced herself to take several deep breaths, letting them out slowly, to calm herself. It took several long moments to regain her composure. When Laura finally felt at peace she expelled one last deep breath with a huffing sound, (like her therapist taught her after her mom died and she had all this pent up anger that she didn’t know how to control), before meeting their eye. 

“I really am sorry, Laf.” 

“At least it wasn’t a pot or a pan,” They shrugged it off. “Besides, L, I shouldn’t have mocked you like that. No harm no foul, right.” 

There was a flicker of curiosity in their eyes, and Laura offered them a timid smile, deciding to share the rest of the story because they deserved it after her outburst.

“I know you still what to know about last night.” 

Lafontaine nodded furiously in response, because anything that could make happy little energetic Laura that angry was definitely worth hearing. 

“So, here it goes...once I explained why I took out the personal ad in the first place, Carm offered to pretend to be my girlfriend for Sarah’s engagement party. So I didn’t have to look anymore.” The oven timer went off and Laura took the cookies out, they were a perfect mouthwatering golden brown, she loves the smell of fresh baked cookies. Unconsciously licking her lips, she set them aside to cool, then put four more baking sheets in the oven and reset the timer, before grabbing more rolls of cookie dough out of the fridge, and going back to work on preparing more baking sheets. Laura continued to tell Laf about last night while she did all this. “Carm and I spent the rest of the night cuddling on the couch watching movies, because she didn’t feel like going out last night.”

Laura was too caught up in what she was doing to notice the look Lafontaine gave her when she casually mentioned cuddling with Carmilla. They weren’t surprised it, everyone knew, it wasn’t some big secret. At one point or another all of Laura’s friends had walked in on them snuggling or sleeping in the same bed, some of them had seen them together more than others and Laf was definitely one of the some people. They had seen them kiss before a couple times two, not on the mouth, though, they never kiss on the mouth. The best they can figure is Laura and Carmilla think as long as they don’t the things couples do, then they’re not a couple. And that is what Lafontaine did not get, how two people could be disillusioned enough to believe that affection like that is platonic when it is so much deeper. In their mind it’s more intimate than sex. It’s a connection on an emotional level, where the euphoria is lasting, the pleasure coming from a deep understanding of who each other are. The best way they can think to put it is soulful. Not to say physical intimacy is not desirable, but how many people can say they have touched someone’s soul and actually mean it? And how many people can be this close without it being more? Unless there is something standing in the way, and the only thing Lafontaine can think of that would keep two people that are obviously so right for each other a part is the intangible. Fear. 

Usually Lafontaine wasn’t afraid to speak their mind, even if it meant, occasionally upsetting their friends. But, after Laura’s outburst earlier, they choose to tread lightly this time around. Or, at least approach with as little sarcasm as possible. “Okay, Laur, let me run that back just so I am clear? I want to make sure I got this right.”

She simply nodded but never stopped what she was doing or even looked up at Lafontaine for that matter. 

“You’ve got a date with Carmilla, who’s your girlfriend, but not your _girlfriend_ , but she’s going to pretend to be your _girlfriend_ in front of your entire family.” All they could really do with the image of that scenario was shake their head, just like they thought, ridiculous.

“Exactly!” 

“ _That_ should be interesting.” They said. Laf wasn’t trying to provoke Laura again, but that honestly needed to be said. Even they were baffled by that one, and the weird usually didn’t faze them one bit. They thrived off the weird. But Laura and Carmilla were a whole other level of interesting. As much as their relationship or lack thereof troubled them it fascinated them at the same time. 

This time Laura choose to ignore the implication of their comment. She couldn’t change Laf’s mind, so they could believe what they wanted. She was not about to lose her cool again just because they would never understand. And, honestly, Laura thought that she had long gotten passed that point in her life, when a little prodding could made her volatile. She had a relapse, but swore to herself she would not let it happen again. So she simply said, “getting people to stop flooding my email with...yuck will probably be a nightmare.” She shuddered, thinking about the disgusting stuff filling her inbox.

“Okay, if that’s what you want to go with,” Laf said under their breath as they went back to work because they couldn’t resist one last dig, _“crushes on Carmilla.”_

Laura heard them, despite their attempt to make sure that she didn’t, but she kept right working, not bothering to dignify that with a response or acknowledging them at all for that matter, she lost herself in the aroma of all the sugary goodness around her. 

...

It was almost eleven when Laura got home that night, by the quiet she knew that Carmilla must have went out which she was kind of grateful for, not that she didn’t love spending time with her, but after the day she had she really wanted to be alone. She needed to decompress. The confrontation she had with Lafontaine earlier still weighed heavily on her mind, the way she reacted bothered her immensely. She hasn’t had an episode like that since she was in high school, well, back then it was way worse. But still, that didn’t make it any better. 

She hated that side of herself. Laura thought those dark times were a thing of the past. She really thought that she had grown out of it. But, no, one too many sarcastic comments from Lafontaine, rubbed her the wrong way, and took her right back to that place. And she wasn’t sure why. 

By now, she was used to the way her friends perceived her relationship with Carmilla. Why none of them could seem to understand the dynamics of their friendship was beyond her. So why did she fly off the handle about it this time? What made today so different? As opposed the hundreds of other times, that Lafontaine or any of her other friends mocked her and Carmilla. 

Laura let out a deep sigh. To say that she was confused is an understatement. Dropping her key in the bowl on the table by the door and kicked off her shoes in front of the couch where she dropped her purse before making her way to the kitchen. 

“Maybe a cup of hot chocolate will help me figure this out.” She thought to herself out loud. 

As she stood in the kitchen making her cup of cocoa she let her gaze roam around the apartment taking it all in. It was rather simple, no thrills no frills, but not bad for two struggling college students. From the front door the kitchen was off to the right, the sink and dishwasher are straight away from the entrance, on the right there are a couple of cabinets with a modest size fridge next to them, across from that is the stove with a microwave tucked into the right corner of counter closest to the sink and their table was in the corner of the room opposite the stove, near the half counter. It was the only thing separating the kitchen from the living room and served as a bar storage space and work area more than anything else. Their bedrooms were at the back of the apartment opposite the front door, her room is on the left and Carmilla’s is on the right, (somehow they had kept the same set as in the dorms more or less), and their shared bathroom was on the other side of Carmilla’s room. They don’t have much in the way of furniture, just a couple of book shelves on the wall next to the bathroom, a small table by the door with a little bowl on top for them to put their keys (so they had to worry about where to find them), other than that there is just the couch, with a little coffee table in front of it, and a reclining chair that are more or less in the middle of the small living room but closer the far wall with the bookcases so they can walk around it and still have a semi-decent amount of floor space. And, for some reason her and Carmilla had both decide to leave the sofa facing the kitchen. The lights were overhead and operated by a switch, so that’s pretty much it, other than the contents of their bedrooms. All and all not bad for a couple of twenty-two year olds doing it by themselves, she mused as the teapot started to whistle. 

Carrying her steaming mug back into the living room, she curled up on the end of the couch, becoming lost deep in thought. The confusion encroaching on her peace of mind, nothing was as traumatic for her as losing her mom when she was young. The sadness had been overwhelming, and the anger all consuming. At first she isolated herself barely talking to anyone, even her dad, because she didn’t want to be any place that her mom wasn’t, but she was gone. But, the anger that came along with her loss is what was really hard to deal with, she was all fine and sweet one minute, and the slightest thing would set her off, and it all came pouring out, back then it didn’t take much, if she didn’t like something she went from happiness and sunshine to a flaming ball of rage. Laura didn’t like to think about that time in her life, the memories of how bad things had been for a really long time, were depressing, and usually she would force them away, but tonight she let them sink in, as if maybe they could provide the reason for what happened, the reason for lashing out at Lafontaine over what was essentially a conversation that they’d had hundreds of times in the last four years. But, it did nothing to help, it only offered up more confusion, more question she didn’t have answers for. 

She didn’t have this kind of reaction with Carmilla when they first met and they were at war (and it was kind of insane), and okay, there was a lot of screaming, on both sides, but it never came close to getting physical. Laura had never felt any type of aggression toward her at all, just a deep sense of loathing. And, if there was anything that should have brought it out in her it was all the tension and animosity that had existed between them back then. Her thinking Carmilla was beautiful couldn’t have been enough to keep the darkness at bay. She may have thought she was sexy, but she definitely hadn’t wanted to kiss her. She hadn’t wanted to sleep with her. She had just wanted to clean up her mess, take her hair out of the damn shower drain, and stop making out with her study buddies in her bed. Right? No, that’s ridiculous. She never thought about Carm that way. 

“So what the hell happened to day?” Laura took another sip from her mug, savoring the taste of the hot chocolate letting it sooth her body if it couldn’t sooth her mind, as she stared off in the distance, her gaze focusing on nothing in particular. “What was it about Lafontaine’s comment that made react the way I did? It’s not like, Carm agreeing to pretend to be my girlfriend means we like each other or anything, it’s just a favor.”

Okay. Yes, she hated that everyone they knew tried to define them, and made their relationship out to be something other than what it was. It is annoying and selfish on their part, treating her and Carmilla like pawns in a chess game. People have intimate friendships all the time without there being a sexual element to it. But, it seems like, because her and Carmilla live together, it somehow makes it different, like it gives her friends some type of justification that there’s something more going on, when there’s not. They make it sound as though she pines over Carmilla, or something crazy like that, when she has dated and even had several girlfriends over the past four years. And she friggin’ hated it. 

And, okay, apparently it still got to her, she could admit that. She had to after what happened today, but, none of this was anything new. It was the same thing all the time when she hung out with Lafontaine, Perry, and Natalie, well, Danny too, but that’s a different story. Ever since the thing last year, things haven’t been the same.

“This isn’t getting me anywhere! I’m just thinking myself in circles. And it’s making me even more confused than I was to begin with.” She downed the last of her cocoa and stood up, “If I keep this up I’m going to make myself upset all over again.” 

Laura carried her mug back into the kitchen and rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. She was actually kind of hungry, but didn’t really feel like eating. She leaned back against the counter rubbing her temples. Her thoughts were still running rampant and it was giving her a headache. 

“Maybe I just need to sleep. Maybe I will feel better and everything will be clearer, or at least seem better in the morning.” Laura pushed herself away from the counter and headed to her room grabbing up her shoes and purse on the way. 

Dumping everything by her desk, against the far wall under the window, she went to the closet grabbed her pajamas and got ready for bed. As she slipped beneath the cover, she hoped Carmilla wouldn’t be too loud when she got in. She really didn’t want to be woken up by loud moaning, not tonight, she just wanted to forget everything and sleep.

She would never understand what Carmilla did to those girls to make scream, at top of their lungs the way they did. Usually it didn’t bother her too much, when she got woken up in the middle of the night by some girls moaning, and she fell right back to sleep rather quickly (after they were done). She and Carm would usually share a good laugh over it the next day. It didn’t happen often, surprisingly Carm tried to keep most of her one-night stands out of their apartment, but every once in a while she brought some of the girls home with her (instead of going back to their place). 

...

Laura had a short shift at the store on Sunday morning with Natalie. Fortunately it went by rather quickly, when she got off at two-thirty, she decided to go for a drive. It always helped her put things into perspective. Getting a full eight hours sleep had helped calm the thoughts swirling in her head but she still felt a little off today. 

Her state of mind didn’t go unnoticed either, about halfway through her shift when she was coming back from break, Natalie had stopped her and pulled her aside asking, “what’s going on with you today, you seem distracted.” Laura really didn’t really want to talk about the incident with Laf yesterday, so she’d simply replied, “I’m fine. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” She could tell, Natalie was curious and hoping she would explain, but she didn’t push and Laura was grateful for that. She probably wouldn’t have been able to hold anything back had she started talking about it. She’s always had a habit of speaking without thinking about what’s coming out of her mouth. Though she has gotten better about it, being around Carm really helped with that one. She’d had to learn that sometimes the things she says come out hurtful, even when she doesn’t intend for them to. 

Driving did the trick once she got out of the heart of the city she stuck to the back roads and enjoyed the countryside on the outskirts of town. Taking in the splendor of the scenic farmland always did her good. It always amazed her that something so serene and virtually unchanged by man can exist in the same sphere as a major metropolitan city. Sometimes she even thinks the air is a little bit cleaner out here. It is beautiful, unencumbered, and incredibly peaceful. Freeing. 

The sun was starting to set as she headed for home, and she couldn’t resist the urge to pull off to the side of the road and capture it with the camera on her phone, (she had finally upgraded from the archaic flip phone to a smart phone about two years ago, but when the new Samsung Galaxy S5 came out she couldn’t resist getting it, even if everyone else said the iPhone was better there was just something about it that she liked). The hues of pink purple and orange mixed, meddled, and swirled together to transform each other into something new and even more beautiful, exotic and amazing. She enjoyed watching the sunrise too, but there was something about sunset that took her breath away. 

She was about to get back in the car and put her phone away when it buzzed, to notify her that she had a new text message, she glanced down at the screen and smiled when she saw it was from Carmilla. They hadn’t seen each other since yesterday morning and she missed her.

**Carm 4:30pm:**  
**Hey, Cupcake. I’m going out after work. I’ll see you tomorrow, Cutie.**

**Laura 4:31pm**  
**Okay. Have fun. :)**

 

Laura had been home for maybe an hour when someone knocked at the door. She’d had just enough time to change out of her work clothes and take a quick shower, before she had grabbed something to eat. She was finishing up the last of her cookies and milk, well she had made a grilled cheese sandwich too, but she always saved the best for last. 

“Just a minute,” She called out. 

As she crossed the room, she wondered who it could be, she wasn’t expecting anyone and people didn’t drop by unannounced, Carmilla’s rule, or more when Lafontaine, Perry and Natalie, had dropped by out of the blue right after they moved in, she’d cussed them out and Laura’s pretty sure she may have threatened bodily harm, she was in her room so she only caught the tail end of the conversation.

 _“...fucking imbeciles, this is why we moved out of the fucking dorm, so you fucking dimwits couldn’t barge in whenever you fucking wanted too.”_

Let’s just say it took a little bribery on her part and a promise to make it up to her, in order to calm Carmilla down. Either way she scared the hell out of them because none of her friends ever showed up without at least calling first after that. 

Laura truly wasn’t expecting to see Danny standing on the other side of the door. 

“Oh, Laura, I’m glad you’re home.” She said a little too enthusiastically.

“Hi, Danny, what are you doing here?” Laura asked in surprise.

Despite their breakup nearly a year ago, they had remained friends, but things were still a little awkward between them. They haven’t really hang out much since then, at least not alone, so her stopping by was, well...unexpected, yeah let’s just go with that. 

“I was actually in the area for a Summer Society fundraiser, and you know, it’s been a while since we hung out, you know--just the two of us. So, I thought I’d give it a shot and see if you were home.”

“Well, um,” Laura brushed a lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, she didn’t want to make this more awkward, than it already was. If Danny was making an effort, she would to. “Come in.” She said with a genuine smile as she stepped away from the door to let her in.

“I hope this isn’t too weird. Me just stopping by like this.” Danny said, they stood right inside the door, rubbing her hands together before shoving them in her pockets, (Laura knew that she did this when she was nervous).

“No, not it’s weird, just unexpected.” Laura replied, motioning for her to have a seat, “it’s really good to see you, Danny.”

Laura offered her something to drink before joining her on the couch. They practically sat at opposite ends but were (at least) turned to face each other with a leg propped up on the cushion in between them. 

“So,” Danny said drawing out the word, “how’ve you been?”

“Good. How about you?”

“Not bad. Just working mostly, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Between work and my course load there’s not a lot of time for much else.” Laura thought about it for a moment. “Well, I mean I guess there is time-for other things, you know, I just-I’m trying to stay focused I guess.” 

She felt a little weird she didn’t know why, but it kind of felt like she was trying to explain to her ex in a roundabout way why she wasn’t seeing anyone. Which she wasn’t, trying to explain, she meant, well she was dating anyone either, but that wasn’t the point. 

“Yeah.” Danny gave a tight little laugh, “I remember how it was for me the year I graduated.”

At first conversation came in fist and burst, neither of them really knowing what to say or how to bridge the gap, but before they knew it they’d found their rhythm. The awkwardness melting away, and it was just like it used to be between them before they started dating. 

“I’ve really missed this.” Laura says during a gap in conversation. 

“Yeah, me to,” Danny placed a hand on Laura’s arm, “so, how does it feel to finally be graduating?”

“Well,” Laura couldn’t help but chuckle, “stressful, but amazing.” 

“You know, Laura if you ever need a hand with anything, I’m only a phone call away.”

“Thanks.”

She really appreciated the offer, considering this is the first time that they’ve talked in months. It was nice to have her friend back. Talking to Danny was always so easy, and she really did miss it.

“Any time,” Danny grinned. Taking a sip from her glass of water before she asked, “Do you have anything lined up for after you graduate?”

“No, nothing for sure yet, I have been accepted for two internships. Ones for an actual newspaper and the other’s for a company that publishes a bi-monthly world news magazine, but they both start off unpaid for like six months, then they’ll hire me on permanently if they like my work.”

“That’s not bad, Hollis, either of those would be a great way to get your foot in the door.”

“Yeah,” Laura nodded, “but they’re both kind of far from Silas, and I’m hoping for something a little more secure.” 

“Sometimes you have to take what you can get, you know,” Danny offered up a encouraging smile, “I mean, they both sound like great opportunities.”

“They are, but I’m going to keep my options open. I still have plenty of time before I have to commit to anything.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Laura.” 

“I’ve sent out dozens of resumes. I’m actually getting some really positive feedback so far. They have all been saying that being on the editorial staff of the Silas U Sentinel is a great selling point because I come with experience.” She took a breath, “a couple even said they’d be in touch in a few months. The others recommended that I apply again or said they hoped I would apply again closer to graduation.”

“No matter what you do, I know you’ll go far. You’re too stubborn not to go after what you want.” Danny gave her and encouraging nod, a look of pride in her eyes.

“I’ll take that as a complement.” Laura said, laughing wholeheartedly. 

“As you should,” Danny replied laughing along with her.

The conversation shifted after that. Danny passionately expressed how much she enjoyed being an active member of the Summer Society, explaining how they really did a lot of good in the community, and helped a lot of people by organizing food and clothing drives or tutoring programs at some of the local high schools. Laura was surprised to find that they were even into politics, campaigning for equality and justice whenever there was a reason to fight, which was always. She’d known they were big on physical acumen and had a great appreciation for nature, but apparently they were survivalist to. But, Danny said what she loved most about being an active member was getting to mentor the new sisters, because it reminded her of her college days, not necessarily the drinking and partying, but just being young and more or less carefree. Which was weird, because Danny’s not old by any mean, she won’t be twenty-six for another few months; but Laura guessed back then she did have a lot less responsibilities, and she had taken on a lot of extracurricular activities, so she always had something to do and some place to be.

Somehow Laura ended up surprising herself by mention what happened with Laf. She’s still not sure how the conversation got there or why she felt the need to bring it up, and of course, Danny thought they were being an ass. Laura never understood why the two of them didn’t get along, they didn’t necessarily hate each other but they didn’t exactly like each other either. Whatever it was, it was something that happened long before her time. She was grateful when Danny touched her arm with a sympathetic smile as she said, “everybody has their bad days, Laura, it’s nothing to be yourself up over”.

And for some reason that actually made Laura feel better. Maybe what she had needed along was a friend she trusted enough to confide in, and there was no way she could talk to Carm about it, because she would have punched Lafontaine in the face the next time she saw them, she gets even more upset than Laura did when people label by imply that they have feelings for each other. She gets down right pissed, like how she got when somebody dinged the bumper on her Camaro, let’s just say Laura almost had to bail her out of jail, and it was only a little scratch, practically needed a magnifying glass to even see it. 

They talked about anything and everything. When how much they both love watching the sunset came up, Laura couldn’t help pulling out her phone and showing her the pictures she’d taken earlier on her way home. They actually were pretty awesome. 

Danny spoke animatedly about her nephew and how big he was getting, since he had turned three he was a rambunctious little daredevil, getting into everything, for him saying no obviously meant yes. We both laughed our butts off when she described him hanging upside down from the monkey bars at the park, pretending he was actual monkey. 

 

“Hey, Cupcake, I,” Carmilla was fumbling around in her messenger bag searching for her lip gloss as she opened the door, but a sudden burst of laughter made her look up only to find Laura alone in their apartment with Danny. They were practically hysterical, laughing and giggling over something and Laura was sitting so fucking close she might as well have been in the ginger amazon’s lap. And Carmilla didn’t like it one fucking bit. She thought she’d seen the end of the fuckin’ amazon when Laura dumped her ass. “What the hell?” 

She dropped her keys in the bowl on the table, and slammed the door as hard as she possibly could. Her lips turned up in a smirk when it startled them causing them to jump, putting some distance between them as their gazes snapped to her, but there was something else in Carmilla’s eyes. They were almost dark as the night, pupils blown wide, as if they were about to set something ablaze. 

“Hey, Carm,” Laura said (clearly) surprised to see her.

“Hey, Cupcake,” She said shooting a hard glare past her at Danny’s. 

“Elvira.” Danny practically sneered, returning Carmilla’s glare with a level gaze.

“Sasquatch,” Carmilla bit out through gritted teeth. 

“You’re home early.”

“Seriously!” Her gaze flew to Laura in disbelief and she had to force herself to speak somewhat calmly, “it’s like eleven o’clock.”

“Really,” Laura glanced up at the clock on the wall near the kitchen in disbelief.

“Holy shit,” Danny’s gaze followed Laura’s to the clock, she glanced back at Laura, “wow, I’ve been here for four hours. I didn’t realize that much time had passed.”

Hearing that the amazon had been in their apartment alone with Laura for that fucking long pissed Carmilla off even more. Four fucking hours, seriously, what the fuck is going on? Everything about the damn bean stalk rubbed her the wrong way and made her want to sock her in the face. She couldn’t stand the that gargantuan blood stain, in fact she hated her with a passion and it wasn’t because she was the only one of Laura’s friends that was never scared of her, (though she really ought to be, she had taken down bigger stronger bitches than her back in her fighting days, she might be small but she was fast and packed on hell of a punch). No, it was because she wanted Laura, and that was not okay. The amazon wasn’t good enough for Laura. 

Carmilla had never had any animosity toward any of Laura’s girlfriends, until Zena came along. Well she despised her before that too. Carmilla didn’t like her, she didn’t trust her, and she didn’t want her in their fucking apartment. But, she had been alone with Laura in their apartment for four fucking hours. 

“Me neither,” the two of them smiled wide at each other. “I guess time fly’s when you’re having fun, right.” Once glance at Carmilla told her that was definitely the wrong thing to say.

“I have shit to do,” Carmilla growled, before storming to her room.

 _“Oh, no, come back.”_ Carmilla heard Danny call after her, her voice dripping with sarcasm, (before Laura shushed her), as she slammed her door. 

The door slamming made Laura shudder a little bit, she really hadn’t expected her to be home until much later in the night, even if she had kind of lost track of time, or she would have at least given Carmilla a heads up that Danny was here, time to prepare herself so she would be caught off guard like she had been. Carmilla and Danny have always had this strong animosity toward each other, and she didn’t exactly know why, but Laura always had the feeling that it somehow had something to do with her. Not that she was being egotistical or anything, it was a gut feeling. 

When she realized Carm had gotten home early, Laura hoped that if she acted nonchalant things wouldn’t be so bad but that went out the window with the first words that they spoke to each other. She really wanted to go check on Carm but she couldn’t just up and leave Danny or ask her to leave because that would be rude, and Danny was the one who taken the biggest steps to rebuild their friendship. Laura didn’t want to be impolite and screw that up, so she forced herself to pretend like she wasn’t affected by Carmilla’s mood and stayed where she was. But, she couldn’t stop thinking about Carmilla. She promising herself she wouldn’t let Danny stay much longer, she had to make sure Carm was okay. 

 

The more she thought about the amazon being alone with Laura, the more she fumed and the memory of their laughter, of the close proximity she had found them in wasn’t helping. Carmilla tossed her bag furiously on her bed and began to stalk back and forth across her room, from closet to the window, on one of her treks she slammed her fist into the closet door so hard she thinks she might have splintered the wood, but she didn’t even feel the throbbing in her hand. She just kept pacing back and forth, not even realizing how close she was to tears. She felt angry and numb at the same time. 

After a while the physical exertion and emotional build up took its toll on her sapping all of her energy. Carmilla flopped down on her bed with a loud huff, kicking her bag onto the floor, not caring about the scattered contents that spilled out of it. 

Without enough energy to be angry, she could finally think, and the only thought on her mind was, “Oh fucking no, this is not happening again.” She didn’t want Laura to get back with Danny. Their relationship had suffered when they were together last year. None of the other girls Laura had dated had made her change for them, but with Danny she did and Carmilla had felt like she was losing her best friend. 

She hated that feeling. It scared her more than anything ever has, because Laura is so much more than just her friend. Laura’s family. And she doesn’t ever want to lose her, ever. Without Laura she has no one else, other than her brother, but Laura found her first, broke through every single one of her defenses and made her believe in the possibilities of someone other than herself. 

Laura understands her better than anyone ever has, even her mother, probably even better than she understands herself. 

“I need to talk to, Laura.” With that thought in her head, Carmilla didn’t hesitate. With a renewed source of energy, and sense of urgency fueling her, she sprung out of her bed, her feet had barely hit the floor and she was at the door in a flash. It was probably the quickest she had ever moved in her life. Carmilla’s hand trembled on the doorknob as she pulled it open and stepped out into the living room. She cleared her throat quietly. Both Laura and Danny turned her way, she saw the spark of disgust in Danny’s eyes and the comment ready to spill out of her mouth, but she ignored it. Her gaze locked on Laura’s and nothing else mattered. 

“Laura, can I talk to you.” Carmilla’s voice was a horse whisper. 

“Excuse me for a minute, Danny. I’ll be back.” Laura never broke Carmilla’s gaze as she stood up and crossed the distance between her and Carmilla. She left a gaped Danny behind, but she would never know it. 

Without a word exchanged between them Laura followed Carmilla into her room and closed the door behind them. In the next instant Laura was drawing her into her arms pressing their bodies close. Carmilla’s arms wrapped around her so tightly, it actually made it a little hard to breathe, but she didn’t mind in the least. She knew Carmilla didn’t need words, right now in this moment, what she needed was comfort that could only be given through physical affection. She could feel Carmilla trembling against her, so she just held her tight until long after the tremors had subsided. 

Laura smiled when she started to nuzzling the pulse throbbing in her neck. The playfulness meant she was finally calm enough to talk to her. With a tender kiss on the cheek Laura pulled back slightly, just enough to look her in the eye. 

“Hey,” She said softly lifting and to brush her fringe away from her eyes. 

“Hey.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?” 

Carmilla nodded letting out a trouble sigh.

“I’m sorry about Danny, she showed up completely unexpected.” 

“I don’t like her.” Carmilla looked away with a scoff and Laura waited patiently until she looked at her again. 

“I know.” Laura stroked her cheek as she said, “I didn’t mean to blindside you, Carm. I thought you were going out. I didn’t expect you to be home until after the club closed.”

“I wasn’t feeling it.” Carmilla mumbled brushing a lock of hair behind Laura’s ear, “I’d rather spend time with you before midterms come and take over our lives for the next couple weeks because I’ll hardly get to see you.” Carmilla pouted. 

“I promise, we’ll hang out when Danny leaves.” 

“Okay.” Carmilla huffed. 

“Don’t worry, Carm, Danny’s not going to come between us again. That was hell, you not talking to me whenever she was around.”

 _“What the hell, Laura!”_ Carmilla pulled completely out of her arms, frustration and anger showing on her face. “Please. Don’t tell me you’re getting back with that fucking amazon! _Please!_ ”

“It’s not like that, we’re just hanging out we’re not getting back together.”

“That’s how it starts.” Carmilla muttered crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Don’t be jealous.” Laura shook her head with a smile, “come here.”

Carmilla moved quickly into her arms, melting into the embrace as Laura’s arms wrapped around her. She buried her face in the familiar crook of her neck, inhaling deeply, she always felt so safe and secure and comfortable when Laura held her. In Laura’s arms she absorbed all the comfort she felt, found her strength and gathered her courage. “I’m _not_ fucking jealous.”

“Good. You don’t having anything to be jealous about.” Laura said starting to pull away, but Carmilla drew her back in for a moment longer before she let her move away. “I’m going to go say goodnight to, Danny, okay.”

Carmilla nodded watching her as she opened the door and disappeared from sight. “Hurry,” She said softly, even though she knew Laura couldn’t hear her. She missed her already. And right now, Carmilla really needed her best friend.

Laura guessed she was gone for at least a good twenty minutes, but Danny was still there sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine, not that it surprised her. That had been their problem. She never knew when to back off. She was just too hovering and clingy, which Laura typically did not mind, in moderation. With Danny it was anything but moderate, it was a-hundred-percent all the time and it had gotten to the point where she was starting to feel like she was back at home with her dad. She had tried to be patient, to make her understand that she was suffocating her, but she didn’t get the message, because the more Laura tried the worse it got. After a little over three months Laura called it quits.

The simple fact that she’s still here shows that she hasn’t changed. As long as she had been gone, anybody else would have thought they need some time alone and would have politely left. But, not Danny, Laura had a feeling even if she’d been gone for an hour, Danny would have still been here when she returned. Even if there had been the slightest possibility of them getting back together, which there hadn’t been. So, no, Carmilla had nothing to worry about. 

“Hey,” Danny said with a bright smile as she rounded the couch.

“Hey,” Laura replied giving her a small smile in return. She was trying to come up with a polite way to ask her to leave, because as much as Danny was bad for her relationship wise, she is great for her as a friend and she didn’t want to undo all the progress they made today. “So, um, it’s getting...”

“We should totally watch a movie.” She cut in. 

“That sounds nice, b...”

“Go grab your laptop. I’ll even let you pick it out.” Danny said smiling sweetly.

“Danny, I really think we should call i...”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of in the mood for a good comedy.” 

Every time she tried to say something Danny would cut her off and Laura was getting frustrated. She really didn’t want to be rude. But how many ways could she politely ask her to leave, before she just had to tell her to get (the hell) out. 

She was about to try again when she sensed more than heard Carmilla come out of her room. Fuck. She really didn’t want to have to bring her back down again. She knew it would be harder than last time. Her emotions are just as intense as her personality and when they get the better of her it is like swimming upstream. Not impossible, but definitely not easy. So she was more than relieved when Carmilla merely plop down on the couch in between her and Danny and rested her head on her shoulder. 

“Cupcake,” she nuzzled Laura’s neck, snuggling closer, “I got tired of waiting. I missed you.”

Laura saw Danny’s eyes widen in surprise when she shifted slightly to bring Carmilla in even closer as she started running her fingers through her hair making her purr quietly in Laura’s ear. 

“Um,” Danny cleared her throat, “Elvira we were going to watch a movie.” She said with the expectation clear. 

Carmilla didn’t acknowledge her at all, as she nuzzled at Laura’s neck again before her mouth replaced her nose, pressing soft open mouth kisses to the pulse on her neck and along her collar bone. Her right hand moving to rest high on Laura’s thigh, her fingers kneading and caressing her through the thin material of her shorts, and Laura instinctively shifted to accommodate her, her fingers tightening in Carmilla’s hair. Craving Carmilla’s closeness just as much as Carmilla craved hers. Letting out a deep breath as she drew Carmilla even closer, her hand covering Carmilla’s as it moved against her thigh before sliding up her arm to rest on her bare shoulder. Laura wasn’t thinking about Danny anymore all she cared about was being near Carmilla. 

Neither of them heard Danny her throat again. 

“I-I think I should go,” she said, as she got up to leave, there was a mixture of conflicting emotions evident in those words.

With a soft whine Carmilla lightly tugged at the hem of Laura’s tank top. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Laura murmured. 

With a nod, Carmilla stood and pulled her up by the hand leading them to her bedroom, closing the door behind them, she already changed her clothes while waiting for Laura. Carmilla headed straight for the bed, tossed back the covers and crawled in with Laura following right behind her. 

Carm is always a little more touchy feely after she has a really bad bout of insecurity, she craves the bonds of intimacy and affection, the sensation of skin on skin. And tonight was no exception. As soon as the covers were tucked up around them they were in each other’s arms. Laura burrowed her head in the crook of Carmilla’s neck brushing her lips against the sensitive spot behind her ear, while their hands sought each other out grazing any patch of bare skin they could find. Their hands roamed everywhere; touching and caressing, over arms, legs, thighs, backs and hips. Laura inhaled sharply when Carmilla’s hand slipped beneath her tank top, her nails grazing lightly over her stomach, before tracing the contours of her toned abdomen with her fingertips. Letting out another whine Carmilla moved to straddle Laura’s hips. Her eyes locking on Laura’s, holding her gaze as she tugged her shirt up to stop just beneath her breasts, then Carmilla’s eyes traveled lower taking in the bare skin she had explored with her hands. She never looked away, watching Carmilla intently as she studied her. Her gaze returned to Laura’s, as she tugged up her own shirt in much the same way, her mouth finding the pulse throbbing in her neck as she lowered herself on top of her pressing their bodies together. They both groaned at the contact, at the sensation of their skin pressing together, rubbing against each other. Tangling her fingers in Carmilla’s hair to keep her lips firmly against her neck, she arched up into her needing more of the friction that felt so damn good. She whimpered as the mouth on her neck became more determined, sucking harder, then Carmilla soothed the tender skin with her tongue, occasionally nipping at her collarbone. 

 

“Go to sleep, Carm.” She said as Carmilla curled into her side. 

“Kay,” Carmilla murmured, kissing her shoulder. “Thanks, for cuddling with me. I was really feeling...”

“I know.” Laura kissed her on the top of the head.

“You’re my best friend.” Carmilla mumbled drowsily against her neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Carm.” Laura smiled to herself when Carmilla’s hand fisted in her tank top as she drifted off to sleep. She knew that there would be marks from their cuddling, but she didn’t care. Carm felt better and that was all that mattered.

As she lie there her eyes dropping as sleep slowly took its hold, she thought about the intimacy of what they shared and knew nobody would ever understand, it might have seemed sexual, but it wasn’t. There was no desire for sex, there never is. It was about touching, feeling, needing to have each other as close as possible. It was an intense emotional need for physical contact, not pleasure or release. Just connection. Nothing more ever happens. They don’t cross the boundaries of friendship. There’s no groping, no hands wandering to private places, or even taking their clothes off for that matter. What they share is intimate and emotional, and very physical, but it’s nothing more than cuddling. Sometimes it’s Carm that needs it, and sometimes it was her who needed that kind of closeness. It’s not something that happens every day, or even often, but sometimes all the negative in their lives hits all at once, and when it does they just need something more, something real. They needed to feel connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things...the next chapter probably won’t be up till Friday, maybe sooner, if I get done before then. Also, I’m considering putting up the extras, stuff I deleted because it didn’t fit. They won’t necessarily be from Laura and Carmilla’s point of view. So let me know what you think. That part depends on you.


	3. Blown Off Stream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla hooks up, and maybe Laura does to, just not with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> There’s a lot more cursing going on this chapter, but I felt it was warranted. You’ll see why. And I’m sorry this chapter is so incredibly long, but I didn’t want to split it again...but ended up doing it anyway. I needed to adjust my outline to the changes in the story. Sorry.
> 
> Apparently the name I used for where Carmilla works is the name of a real place, so just roll with it, I didn’t know it at the time. But, I like it, so I’m not gonna change it. 
> 
> I’m sorry guys you might hate me for this one...But the next chapter will be better. I promise.
> 
> TW mild violence

**Chapter 3**

Gabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter for breakfast, Carmilla rushed out the door as she took a bite. She was running late for work, as usual, and it was all she had time for. Not that she would have fixed herself something anyway, she was not getting stuck doing the damn dishes. And Laura wasn’t there to cook for her because she had a class early that morning. Nope, it was absolutely not going to happen. The Cupcake didn’t even eat fruit, the only reason it was allowed in their apartment was for her to eat on the go, when Laura didn’t have time to cook for them.

She literally only had twenty minutes to get to the bookstore where she worked, which was all the way on the other side of town. Carmilla gunned the engine of her Camaro, mostly because she loved to hear it roar, and backed out of her parking space. After a quick glance in both directions she sped out of the parking lot. She never really paid much attention to the speed limit anyway, which annoyed her little Cupcake immensely, but Laura wasn’t here and she couldn’t be late again at least not for the next few months. Blowing through a stop sign she shifted gears to pick up speed. Carmilla loved driving a stick shift there was just something about it that gave her a sense of freedom and complete control. 

The Book Nook is a quaint family owned store, it’s not like a typical bookstore they have couches and chairs all over the place for people to sit down check out their books before they buy them. There’s even a little area set aside that acts as a makeshift café, where they sale some of the best pastries and pretty decent coffee to boot. And apparently it’s owned by the parents of one of Laura’s ginger friends. So, now she has to be somewhat decent to, Perry, but she enjoys working there so it’s sort of worth it. They sale mostly rare and used of out of print books that are hard to find anywhere else and there’s also a pretty extensive selection of gay and lesbian literature as well, not the same crappy volumes of erotica that are sold in the large corporate run chain stores.

That’s why she liked it so much, well that and, she hates anything too mainstream. She was, and still is, one of their best customers. It’s kind of how she got her job in the first place. Carmilla was always in there looking for another good novel. One day a few years ago one of the owners came up to her while she was just happened to be checking out a book on how to make a resume. He asked if she was looking for a job, and of course she gave him a snarky, “yes,” like isn’t it obvious, I am looking at a resume book dimwit, but he had just smiled good-naturedly and asked if she was interested in work at the Nook. Carmilla tried to play it off cool like she didn’t care, drawling out a slow disinterested, “yeah sure, whatever,” but she kind of did want to work there, she liked the place. Anyway, he interviewed her right then and there and pretty much hired her on the spot, and well, the rest is history. 

As it turned out the Perry’s are pretty good employers, they paid really well. Sometimes she wonders how they can afford to pay her what they do, the Nook isn’t always busy and it’s not like brings in a shit load of money. But, Carmilla knows not to look a gift horse in the mouth, besides even with what she makes, after rent and utilities, insurance and gas, plus paying for her half of the groceries (even with Laura’s discount) she still essentially lives paycheck to paycheck. 

At least she doesn’t have to worry about her job, it’s steady. When neither of the owners are around and she’s working, she is kind of the unofficial supervisor, at least the Perry’s treat her that way. In the last year-and-half they’ve given her a lot of additional responsibility, partly because she has been there longer than anyone else and she knows how shit works, but mostly it because they trust her. So, yeah, it is a pretty sweet gig. But recently the have been threatening to cut her wages and the position away from her, because of the whole damn punctuality thing. They seem determined to help prepare her for the ‘real world’. Carmilla honestly doesn’t think that they will actually do it, Lucas and Mary are the parenting type and she has a feeling they are just trying to teach her about responsibility or some dumb ass shit like that. Not that she isn’t responsible they wouldn’t trust her so much if she was, Carmilla’s never missed a day of work in the last two-and-a-half years unless she had to and she doesn’t fuck around, at least not while she’s on the clock, but (still) she’s trying to do better anyway. She likes the Perry’s and maybe, just maybe she wants them to be proud of her. Most of the time all of the interest that they tale in her is really fucking annoying, but she lets them get away with it because she needs this job, and maybe because, deep down she knows they mean well. But that still doesn’t mean she has to like it. And it certainly doesn’t mean she has to be _nice_ , to anyone except for customers, and even that is an effort for her most of. 

“What’s up?” Her coworker asked as she dropped her bag in the office, and came back out to the front. 

“The sky,” Carmilla grumbled, grabbing a stack of books that needed to be put back on the shelves. 

Leslie let out an amused laugh, “so I called you the other night.”

“And?”

“I thought we could go out.”

“Not happening,” Carmilla replied gruffly.

She hated small talk and conversations in general, except with Laura, and after a year of working together she didn’t know why Leslie even bothered to try. But, her short clipped answers weren’t enough to dissuade her, and her annoying persistent chattering. Well, there might be another reason for that to, but that is not the point. She did not like talking to people, or being around them for that matter (except for Laura, she’s different), but she didn’t have a choice in either. Life didn’t work that way. But it sure as fuck didn’t mean she had to like it, or be nice to anyone for that matter. Okay, maybe it did, but her version of nice didn’t endear to many people, so she can live with that.

“Why not,” Leslie asked with confused and hurt look on her face. 

She wanted to say, _“what? Are you deaf and dumb, or just a complete fucking moron,”_ but she didn’t.

“I don’t date.” Carmilla said in a clipped tone instead.

“It wouldn’t be like a date, or anything we could just hang out.” She said with a hopeful smile. 

“No!”

“Aww, come on, Carm.!” 

Carmilla stopped in her tracks, nearly dropped the books in her hands. Now she was fucking pissed. The girl was trying to make shit way to fucking familiar, and there was no way in hell she was going to let that happen.

“You need to stop this shit.” Carmilla growled barely managing to keep her voice down. Ignoring the pitiful hurt expression on her face, she stalked over to her before saying, “and no one, no fucking one calls me Carm, _except_ Laura!”

“Okay! You don’t have to bite my head off about it. Geez, it’s just a nickname.” 

The hell it was, she has seen Laura here enough times, to know no one but Laura called her Carm, if they did she gave them an ear full to make sure that they never let it happen again. Damn it Leslie’s worked at the Nook long enough to have seen it happen dozens of times. And it really fucking pissed her off that she was trying to make her relationship with Laura seem like it was nothing. But, for the sake of being at work, she was going to at least try and keep her cool. 

“You don’t get to call me by anything other than my name.” She bit out.

Leslie rolled her eyes, but then her expression shifted when Carmilla turned to walk away, and her eyes narrowed. “It looks, like you had a good night.” She muttered bitterly, motioning at the small hickey Laura left on her neck last night. 

“ _That’s_ none of _your_ fucking business?” Carmilla glared at the girl in annoyance, making a note to herself to never fuck a coworker again. 

Ever since she fucked her in the back room, after they got off work, a few months ago the girls had this jealousy thing going on. And it was getting on her last fucking nerve. She made it perfectly clear that it was just sex. How much clearer can she be? If the words, “I don’t do relationships”, hadn’t gotten the message across. 

“Whatever.” Leslie scoffed. Slamming a book down on the counter and walking away. 

She was getting sick of her shit, the only person she allowed to keep tabs on her was Laura, not some chic she had a quickie with in a dust filled store room. Her Cupcake is the only one with the right to know where she was going and what she was doing. She would definitely never make this mistake again, no, hooking up with girls she worked with was out. The best way to avoid girls that were all clingy and shit is to meet them at a bar or in the club. There girls already knew what was up. All they wanted was a good fuck. Get in get them off and get out. That’s her motto. 

 

For the next half hour Leslie avoided Carmilla like the plague, which was fine by her. She wasn’t looking to cause any more of a scene at work than they already had, maybe she had finally got the point across and the girl would finally just leave her the fuck alone.

The sex wasn’t even that good anyway, it was mediocre at best, and she wasn’t even that hot, just like fucking her, she was average at best. If she hadn’t been so got damn horny that night she never would have fucked her at all. Honestly, Leslie isn’t even her type, and yes she has a type, just because she fucks a lot of girls doesn’t mean that she does not have a preference. Admittedly she will sleep with just about any girl if they were hot enough. But she prefers girls with just the right mix of fem and a hint of butch with long flowing light brown hair, soft golden brown eyes, breasts that fit just right in the palm of her hand, curves in all the right places, and though, the height thing wasn’t really a big issue, she’d rather hook up with a girl who was shorter than her, or at least just as tall but an inch or two taller is okay too. And Leslie is none of those things. She’s too fem, her hair is shoulder length and blonde, she has no curves to speak of, her breasts are way too small and she’s way too fucking tall, and maybe she is understating her true physique, but the point is Carmilla didn’t find her attractive at all. 

Carmilla was lost deep in thought while she stocked books on the shelves and didn’t notice Leslie stroll over with a coy smile on her face, but she quickly became aware of her when the girl draped an arm around her shoulders, she glanced up at her already feeling nauseous from her touch. 

“Hey, so about before, I shouldn’t have said anything about the hickey,” Leslie sidled closer to her, “let me make it up to you. Have dinner with me tonight.”

“No!” She sighed in exasperation. 

“Come on, _Carmilla_ ,” she said with a flirtatious smile, “I promise, you’ll have a good time.”

That was it. She’d had enough. She can’t handle this clingy shit anymore. She just wanted to be left the fuck alone and do her work in peace, and that wasn’t going to happen as long as she kept being civil. So, she decided to tell her the truth flat out and then if she didn’t get the fucking message she is truly one dumb bitch. 

“I don’t want to go out with you. I don’t want to hang out with you.” Carmilla stated harshly, as she shook off her arm. “And, I definitely don’t want to fuck you again. Got it?”

“Fine. Whatever!” Leslie said indignantly. Trying to act like Carmilla’s words didn’t hurt her. “What a bitch.” She muttered as she tried to walk away with some semblance of her dignity intact.

Luckily it was a Monday, so the store was pretty slow and there wasn’t anyone around to here that. Carmilla went back to what she was doing without even the slightest hint of guilt. She was simply relieved to finally be left the hell alone. Though, she was sure it would probably come back to bite her in the ass, but what could she do about that? She would deal with it when the time came, but in the meantime she could do her job without any interruptions or shitty attempts at flirting to deal with. 

“Slut,” Leslie muttered under her breath, when she passed by her later. She kept her distance from Carmilla for as long as possible, but when she was forced to work near her she couldn’t hold in her anger because in her mind she didn’t have to be so rude about, all she had to do was say she wasn’t interested and she would have left her alone. 

As it turns out the blowback came sooner than she expected. She should have known. But she honestly thought the girl would, be too fucking butt hurt to speak to her for a while.

“If you got something to say, say to my face or shut the fuck up,” Carmilla snapped, she wasn’t going to let this fucking dimwit disrespect her.  
She had tried to let her down as easily as possible. It was her own fucking fault that she had to end up being blunt about it. But, it wasn’t her fault that some girls just couldn’t take the hint, sometimes she had to spell it out for them. Actually for her that was still rather nice, if she wasn’t at work, she would have said something much worse. 

Needless to say, for the next few hours, Leslie kept bitching at her about one thing or another. Luckily she got off way before Carmilla did because she was about this close to ringing her neck as it was, and at this point she didn’t care if she got fired, or much worse. Knowing that she was (probably) going to have to deal with shit from her from now on or at least for a while had her in fucked up mood for the rest of the day. 

... 

Carmilla really didn’t feel like talking to Laura about her day, but she really didn’t have much choice. She was in a foul mood when she got home, and her Cupcake noticed it right away. She wasn’t pushy or nosey like she used to be, Laura had gotten very good at keeping her curiosity in check, at least when it came to her. So, she simply made them some cocoa and sat with her quietly watching some lame ass reality show she found on Netflix, until Carmilla was ready to talk. 

And once she started talking about it, Carmilla just couldn’t stop, (apparently Laura has rubbed off on her a little bit too), she had started off the day in a good mood after cuddling with Laura last night, her mind had been at peace. Now, don’t get her wrong, she isn’t upset because of what she said to that girl earlier, she wasn’t even upset by anything the girl said to her. She didn’t care about that shit. She didn’t give girls or anyone else enough power over her to hurt her, (at least not anymore), well except for Laura, but she would never do anything to hurt her. Carmilla is sure of that. 

No, Carmilla is furious at herself, because of her mistake. She never should have had sex with someone she worked with. It was a stupid move, she knew how girls could be, that’s why she never fucked girls she knew she would see on a regular basis, because it took away her choice. She hated knowing that her dumb ass actions were going to cause her problems. There was no doubt in her mind that Leslie wouldn’t get over this anytime soon. And if the Perry’s found out, she hated wondering how it would be. Would she lose all their trust? Or worse her job.

The irony is, technically she did nothing really wrong, other than having sex in the store room, which was on her own time, after she clocked out, but in the end that little fact might not even matter, because she _was_ still at work. And, Fuck. She just felt so fucking caught between a rock and a hard place. But, like always Laura was there for her, she didn’t make her feel stupid. She didn’t even acknowledge that Carmilla had fucked up. Laura just held her and told her everything was going to be alright. And just like always, Carmilla actually believed it, because Laura always made her feel like everything would be okay. 

...

With a fairly long break in between classes, Laura and Carmilla were sitting at a table in the food court in the student union on campus having lunch. Carmilla sat with her right arm was draped around Laura’s shoulder enjoying being able to just relax hang out with her. It was nice not to feeling rushed or worrying about either of them having to rush off because they had some place to be. This didn’t happen often. They only had one day during the week where their schedules were pretty much in sync and they could spend some quality time together, even if it did happen to be in a bustling room full of loud obnoxious students. 

“Cupcake, let me have some,” Carmilla said eyeing her plate of Chinese food as she leaned in close to be heard over the din and commotion going on around them.

“I thought you wanted pizza.” Laura said.

“I did, but now it’s gone.” Carmilla trailed her fingers over her upper arm, lightly caressing everywhere she touched “Now I want some of yours.”

“Nope,” Laura replied right away moving her plate away from her when Carmilla started to reach for her fork with her free hand. “You should’ve got what you really wanted.” She flashed her a devious grin.

“I’ve got what I want,” Carmilla gave her a shoulder a gentle squeeze, “now let me have some.” She said motioning at the plate with a nod of her head. 

Laura ignored her request and ate a fork full of chow mein, licked her lips slowly and rolled her eyes at her with a mockingly playful smirk. It wasn’t the best Chinese food that she ever had, but it wasn’t the worst either, actually when she thought about it, the food wasn’t that bad, which made the torture even sweeter. Knowing Carmilla was watching her and waiting impatiently for her to relent; she repeated the move again, taking another huge bite of her food. 

“I’ll make you.” Carmilla warned at her teasing, an amused grin played on her lips. She liked when Laura taunted her. Partly because it was cute, and because she got to get her all flustered before she won their little game.

“Yeah, how’s that?” She challenged her. 

Carmilla shifted toward her in her chair, and leaned over to whisper something in her ear, resting her left hand on her thigh, slowly trailing it upward until her fingers reached the juncture of her hip. She let her fingertips dip to the inside of her thigh kneading incredibly close to her core through the lightweight denim of her jeans, knowing exactly how it would affect her.

“Damn it, Carm,” Laura gasped and grasped her hand to still its movement. 

Despite her best efforts to stop her, Carmilla’s fingertips continued to massage her too near center. God, she didn’t even know why she tried to rise to her challenges anymore. She never won. Carmilla always knew exactly what to do to throw her off and get her all frustrated in the process, and of course, most of the time it is sexual in some way. And no, get incredibly friggin’ turned on by the things she does doesn’t mean she wants to do her or vice versa. Hell, touching any girl right there, like Carmilla’s doing now is bound to cause the same reaction.

“Let me have some,” She repeated a third time with her devious trademark smirk firmly in place.

 _“Fine.”_ Laura breathed pushing the plate back towards her on the table, “now stop trying to make me horny.”

“I think it’s too late for that one, Cutie.” Carmilla said, finally taking her hand away to grab Laura’s fork and take a large bite of her chow mein.

“Bitch,” Laura grumbled squeezing her legs together tightly, taking a few slow breaths to try and calm her body down.

“Brat,” Carmilla had to fight back her laughter. “Just be happy I didn’t grab your breast.” 

“Yeah,” Laura muttered, “because that would be worse than damn near putting your hand...” Carmilla burst out laughing when she refused to say pussy, earning her a glare, but couldn’t help it Laura was too adorable. 

“I thought you liked when I touch you, Cutie.” She teased.

“Not when you’re trying to get me turned on.” Laura playfully snatched her fork away from Carmilla. “Which is really not playing fair.”

“Awww. Don’t be like that, Cutie, you know I am just messing around.” She kissed her on the cheek, continuing to caress her arm with her right hand.” 

“Yeah, but it’s still mean.” Laura pouted. 

“I’m mostly sorry,” Carmilla grinned and kissed her cheek again. “I’ll behave. if you share you’re food with me.”

“Deal, but you’re bringing me a slice of chocolate cake home from work tonight.”

“Anything you want, Cupcake.” She gave Laura’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. Carmilla was about to say something else when one of Laura’s friends plopped down at their table. “Damn it,” she grumbled glaring at the girl with distaste for interrupting her time alone with her Cupcake. 

Laura patted her thigh soothingly and whispered, “be nice,” before kissing her shoulder.

“Fine,” Carmilla huffed tightening her grasp on Laura’s shoulder as she turned her attention back to Natalie. “What do you want dimwit?” She asked in exasperation.

For Carmilla that was actually pretty nice, she didn’t threaten her with acts of bodily harm or curse, so Laura didn’t complain. As far as she was concerned it was a win win. She’d given up on trying to get Carm to like her friends a long time ago. The fact that she would tolerate them was good enough for her. 

“Nice to see you to, Carmilla.” Natalie replied ignoring the obvious disdain in her customary greeting. 

Carmilla merely grunted at her and rolled her eyes, fighting off the small grin tugging at the corner of her lips. Okay, she didn’t necessarily hate Laura’s friends anymore, so much as she disliked them always interrupting her alone time with Laura the dimwit squad had kind of grown on her over the years. (Except the amazon, she would never feel anything more than revulsion for her that _thing_ ). 

“So, Laur, I came over to make sure you are coming out with us this weekend. You know, like a last blast blow out before everything gets crazy next week.” 

“I don’t know,” She glanced over at Carmilla, “I was kind of thinking about doing something mellower, like going to the theatre or something else without much thought involved.” 

“You have to come,” Natalie’s voice was a mixture of enthusiasm and a high pitched squeal, “it’s been like forever since you let your hair down so to speak and hung out with us.”

“You should go, Cutie,” Carmilla said softly her fingers dancing along Laura’s shoulder. “It’s been a while since you did something with your friends. Go out and have some fun.” It might seem like she, was asking Carm for permission, but she wasn’t, she just wanted to know if she felt like doing anything.

“Okay. I’ll go,” She got a nod of approval from both of them.

“Yes!” Natalie exclaimed with a fist pump. “Wait until I tell the others, that I talked you into it. There gonna be super stoked.” She was already pulling out her phone as she spoke. Her fingers flew across the screen, she wanted to send out the good news before Laura had a chance to change her mind, (which has been happening a lot lately), so she couldn’t back out. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, liked she had anything to do with it. Laura was only going because she wanted her to. 

“Done. There’s no way you can weasel out of it now, unless you wanna answer to Laf and Perry.” Natalie said as she dropped her phone back in her purse triumphantly.

“I wasn’t planning on changing my mind.” Laura replied with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, sure, I heard that one before grandma.”

“I wasn’t,” She outright laughed this time.

“Well,” Natalie waved a dismissive hand, “I wasn’t taking any chances.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t like going out, she had been to her fair share of bars, clubs and college parties over the years, but she had gotten tired of the whole clubbing scene after a while. Laura never was much of a drinker, but don’t get her wrong she can definitely hold her own, but getting shitfaced drunk doesn’t have the same appeal it used to. Maybe it is because she’s maturing, or because the last club she went to was with the date from hell and that just turned off of the whole thing for a while. She didn’t know which one it was, but because of it, she’d only gone out with her friends a handful of times this semester, choosing to spend more of her free time at home cuddling with Carm instead. 

“When are we going?”

“I dunno yet, I’ll get back to you on that.” Natalie said digging into her lunch now that her job of convincing Laura to come out with them was done. “All I know is that we’re gonna hit up Club 1689. They’re supposed to have these like totally amazing drinks, I think they even use liquid nitrogen for some of them.” She waved her fork around as she spoke. “From what I’ve heard, it’s supposed to get you like really twisted good and fast.”

“That sounds...”

“Oh, no, you are going out with us this weekend,” Natalie cut her off, “and you are getting fucked up with the rest of us and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

“I was actually going to say interesting, Nat, calm down.” Laura held up her hands in surrender. “I heard about that place a while back it should be different and hopefully a lot of fun.”

“Totally, my brother went a few weeks ago and he hasn’t stopped talking about it and you know how David is.” 

Natalie glanced up from her food at Carmilla who had been silent and seemingly disinterested the entire time, other than encouraging Laura to go out with them she hadn’t said a single word. Now she has her nose buried in a book and Natalie has to wonder how she is managing to read with all of the chatter in the room, well that and her arm still being wrapped around Laura, like she has no intention of letting go anytime soon. How the hell is she going to turn the page? As she was contemplating that a thought crossed her mind, they had tried including Carmilla in their outings in the past, but she always turned them down with as much sarcasm as possible. But, it has been a long time since any of them made an effort and she honestly didn’t want her to feel left out, so she put her best foot forward and tried to bridge the gap once again, she is Laura’s best friend after all. 

“Hey, Carmilla,” She waited for her to glance up at her, “you’re more than welcome to join us, if you want.”

“I don’t know,” Carmilla cast a suspicious and confused gaze at her but saw nothing but sincerity in her eyes, so she held back on her usual sarcasm and responded in kind, “I’ll _think_ about. It’s not really my scene.” She put her book away when Laura nudged her, offering her a grateful smile. 

For a while they were all content to eat in silence Laura, of course, was sharing her food with Carmilla, occasionally feeding her forks full of her chow mein or walnut shrimp in between her own bites of food, and laughing at her as she tried to slurp the noodles into her mouth like she was eating spaghetti. They almost forgot Natalie was even there at the table with them.

She was so quiet, regarding them with the same mixture of curiosity, disbelief and amazement that everyone always observed them with. At one point a little sauce from the shrimp got on Carmilla’s chin, and Laura quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe it away for her. Carmilla grinned at her sheepishly and murmured a soft thank you, then kissed Laura on the cheek with her sticky greasy lips and instead of being thoroughly grossed out a hint of a blush crept on to Laura’s cheeks as she returned her affectionate smile. She didn’t even wipe the offending greasy smear away, Natalie mused to herself.

Their food gone Carmilla and Laura talked quietly, with Carmilla mostly whispering in her ear. Moving the arm she’d had draped around her shoulder to rest on Laura’s leg aimlessly tracing small patterns on the inside of her knee. Shaking her head furiously Laura chuckled quietly at something Carmilla said wiggling her eyebrows dramatically before she leaned in to place a kiss at the corner of her mouth earning her a tender affection smile.

“So, will you come, Cutie,” Carmilla asked finally speaking at a volume where Natalie could hear her.

“Of course, Carm,” Laura replied smiling sweetly, “you know I will. I’ve never missed one of your shows.” 

“I know. I just wanted to be sure since we’re leaving for your cousins party the next day.”

“I’ll be there, no matter what.” Laura laced her fingers with Carmilla’s giving the hand playing on her knee a gentle squeeze, “I’ll always be there to support you.”

“Thanks, Laura.” 

Laura could have sworn for the briefest of moments, there was the glimmer of something in Carmilla’s eyes that she had never seen before, something she couldn’t place, and maybe she’d just never noticed it until now. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, she didn’t have time to decipher its meaning or look deeper. So shook off the feeling figuring her eyes or her mind were playing tricks on her. Carm is her best friend, there can never be anything more between them, even if she wanted there to be, which she doesn’t. That would be ridiculous. Just having a thought like that in her head made her feel ridiculous. And she didn’t want to think about it, or the fact that she’s noticed a lot of unfamiliar looks from Carm lately (like the other night when they were cuddling after Danny left, the way Carm looked at her when she straddled her it was--different). But she really didn’t want to think about it. There is no point in entertaining the impossible, that they meant something more than the love for each other they share as best friends. (Then she would have a problem. Disillusionment. Carm isn’t the type to settle down. And they can never be more than friends). 

“Always,” Laura smiled brightly at her as she repeated her promise again, “always.” Their gazes locked on each other in an intense stare.

Neither of them seemed to notice the tension in the air, but Natalie certainly did, she felt kind of awkward, like she was spying on something personal and very private between the two of them, a moment that wasn’t meant for outsiders be privy to. To be honest, she was pretty sure that they had forgotten she was there at the table. 

Even Natalie knew whatever they were talking about must have been serious if Carmilla called Laura by her name, she barely needed both hands to count the number of times she actually heard her use Laura’s name since she met Carmilla freshman year. 

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, she uttered the first thing that came to mind to break the spell. “So, Laur, do you still need me to cover for you at the store tonight?” 

“Oh,” Laura blinked looking at her like she just remembered that she was there, “Yeah--if you could, that would be great. Just for like an hour or two, I have to get the layout down for the paper tonight so we can go to print in the morning.” 

Carmilla huffed glaring at Natalie with barely controlled anger. Damn Laura’s friends they always get in the way, ruining the perfect moments. She muttered something unintelligible under her breath, causing Laura to turn and look at her with concern, giving her hand another gentle squeeze to calm her down.

“Sure, no problem, but you owe me one.” When Laura turned to glance at Carmilla, that’s when Natalie noticed several fading bruises on her neck. 

“You got it.”

“What’s that on your neck, Laur?” Natalie said unable to resist the urge to ask. 

“I was attacked by a vacuum.” Laura replied nonchalantly. 

She couldn’t believe people were still asking about the hickeys on her neck, it had been three days and it wasn’t that bad to begin with. The remnants of them were nearly gone now, there was nothing left but a slightly yellowish hue in certain spots, hardly anything to draw attention to them. Glancing at Carmilla to see her reaction, Laura rolled her eyes when she saw the smug smirk of satisfaction tugging at the corner of her lips. Of course, she would get a kick out of this. 

“You liked it.” Carmilla whispered in her ear. Her trade mark smirk fully in place when Laura flushed a little, her cheeks coloring with just a hint of pink.

“Oh, that’s awful!” Natalie gave her a skeptical look, but she went along with it. Vacuum cleaner her ass. But, if that’s what Laura was going to go with, she resigned herself to play the fool for the time being. 

She had not seen Laura since Sunday so this was news to her, though Laura seemed slightly annoyed at her for asking. She was willing to bet that it was more like Carmilla’s mouth had left those marks, but at the same time that would be more than just friends cuddling. Sure she sees them kiss all the time, but they are always little pecks that seem fairly innocent. It left her wondering exactly how far their cuddling really went. Because leaving love bites was definitely more than cuddling. Natalie saw that Carmilla had a hickey on her neck to, it was hard to miss, the deep purple was barely fading away. Not that was something new, Carmilla tended to have marks on her all the time from her exploits, Laura, not so much, unless she was seeing somebody, and as far as Natalie new, she wasn’t. Then again, Laf had mentioned something about Laura freaking out when they road her about the whole fake girlfriend thing. Natalie got the feeling one or both of them wanted more and was too afraid to admit it, even to themselves. 

Natalie has witnessed so much chemistry going on between them today alone, from the looks to them feeding each other, well, Laura was feeding Carmilla, but same difference, right down to them walking away from her hand in hand right now; and couldn’t understand how they were not actually together. They were always so gross and couple-y, it was sickening really. Especially when she is waiting for the right guy to come along and act this way with her; and Laura and Carmilla had like the perfect relationship and didn’t even know it, hell, they aren’t even a an item. It is annoying, how can they not see it. Honestly, they’ve been all over each other for the better part of four years and, according to them, nothing’s ever happened. Natalie just doesn’t get it? How blind can they be? She loves Laura and all, but sometimes she hated her too, well it’s more envy and jealousy than anything else. Mostly she really just wants her to be happy (and maybe she wants Carmilla to be happy too), and she has a feeling, they will never be satisfied with anyone, besides each other. But, she seriously doubted if they would ever figure that out for themselves. They seem too content to make sure they never become anything more than what they are now, and she is certain that one day they will regret it. They’ll look back and see all of the missed opportunities but by then it will already be too late to do anything about it. 

 

Laura’s next class was on the opposite of campus from her own, but Carmilla didn’t mind as she took her hand, intertwining their fingers then proceeded to walk her there. It didn’t matter that she would undoubtedly be late to her own class. All that mattered was Laura. She’s all that ever mattered to her. They should have been in a hurry, eating lunch had taken longer than usual, but still they took their time. Enjoying each other’s company, even in the silence, as they strolled leisurely, sometimes understanding someone as well as they understood each other, there was no need for words. Everything that needed to be said was expressed with a simple gaze, the softest touch, the gentlest caress of a thumb brushing over the back of a hand, and the quiet hum of each breath. 

They respected each other, accepted each other, they loved each other. It was a friendship deeper than either one of them had ever known before. When people talk about soulmates, they are almost always talking about lovers and rarely ever just friends. But, maybe in the end, it’s all the same thing, finding someone in which trust loyalty honor compassion and faith all equate one thing, when two halves are made whole. 

Minutes seemed like hours, a journey of about ten minutes seemed like miles, when they finally stopped outside of Laura’s class, she turned to Carmilla with a smile, pulling her into a tight hug. Fitting their bodies together, was as natural as breathing, and she sighed softly into Carmilla’s shoulder, understanding she just held Laura closer, because yeah, she didn’t want to let go either. But Carmilla knew she had to. It was an eighteen hour work day for both of them. Laura had to attend to her (Silas) Sentinel duties after class and then another four hours at grocery store, and she had classes until four-thirty and then head across town for the art program she helped coordinate for a community funded afterschool program, before helping out with inventory at the Nook then go home to work on her own pieces being featured in the art exhibit at the Lustig gallery next week as part of the senior showcase. Neither of them would be home until late.

Heaving a sigh Carmilla reluctantly released her, “I’ll see you tonight, Cupcake.”

“Yeah,” Laura kissed her cheek, “see you tonight, Carm.” With one last smile she turned and walked into the room trying to create as little disturbance as possible, seeing as she was over fifteen minutes late. 

 

Carmilla was on her way to her own class on the other side of campus when some jackass bumped into her and almost knocked her phone out of her hand, ruining the relatively good mood she was in after spending the latter part of the morning with her Cupcake, it had only been diminished a little bit after saying goodbye to Laura a few minutes ago. Now, it was completely gone. 

“What the fuck asshole?” She glared up at the guy, who was at least a head taller than her, with unbridled rage and disgust. 

“Oh, sorry little hottie didn’t see you down there.” The guy smiled giving her a lascivious once over, before offering his hand for her to shake. “Names Brett, by the way sexy lady,” He said with a flirtatious wink. 

Her hands were clenched into tight fists at her side. Not only did the fucking lackwit almost knock her down and make her drop her phone now he has the audacity to try and flirt with her too, and badly at that. Zeta’s. She hated fucking Zeta’s. Misogynistic pigs. Carmilla was tempted to take his hand alright, and shove it so far up his ass, that he’d never get it out. 

“Watch where the fuck you’re going, dipshit.” She spat out. 

“Easy there fierce little hottie.” He was still holding out his hand to her, but now with a big toothy grin that said, ‘I’m gods gift to everything’, plastered on his arrogantly smug face. 

“Get the fuck out of my way muscle bound imbecile.” Her teeth were clenched so tightly they were practically grinding together. She tried to go around him but he blocked her path once again.

“Not till you accept my apology, angry hottie.”

“Bite me.” Carmilla growled her anger spiking.

“It’d be my pleasure.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, “and here I thought I might have to actually put some effort into getting you to go out with me.”

“Fuck off jackass.” She was seething now. “And if you call me hottie one more time you’ll regret it.”

“Aww come on, that’s no way to treat a bro,” he said and there was almost a look of confusion on his face like he didn’t get why she wasn’t falling for his lame ass come-ons, “I’m just tryin’ to be nice, angry hot...”

Before her could get the rest of the word out of his mouth, Carmilla grabbed him by his collar and pulled him towards her, bring her knee up into his crotch with all of her might. He cried out in agony falling to the ground and holding himself when she released him an instant later. She had a satisfied smile on her face as she smirked down at him, watching him wither around on the ground in agony for a moment before she turned and walked away saying, “I warned you not to call me a hottie asshole.”

“Well, that was a kick.” Or a knee, she thought to herself, she could still hear the imbecile whimpering in pain as the distance grew between them. She assumed some of his ‘bro’s’ was trying to help him up by the sounds of it but she didn’t care either way. Kneeing that giant muscle bound dimwit and making him scream like a little school girl felt pretty fucking good. It was oddly satisfying actually. 

Carmilla was still smiling smugly when she walked into her class a few minutes later. She couldn’t wait to tell her Cupcake about it, though she was sure Laura wouldn’t be nearly as amused as she was. She didn’t like violence, and Carmilla understood why, but today she just couldn’t help it. The buffoon was getting on her nerves, and she did try to warn him, besides he deserved it he was being a sexist asshole. 

She actually considered not telling Laura about it, but knew she would, if she didn’t and Laura found out she would be pissed at her and Carmilla hated when they fought. In fact she hated it more than pretty much anything, which says a lot, because she detests most things. Besides her and Laura don’t keep secrets from each other, they talked about everything, they might not share everything right away, but they never waited too long either. The other night once she was finally calm Laura told her about what happened with Lafontaine, explaining how confused and upset it made her feel. Of course Carmills was so furious she wanted to rip Lafontaine a new one, but her Cupcake made her promise not to. 

Carmilla always keeps her promises, at least to Laura. It didn’t matter if it was spoken out loud between them, expressed in a gaze, or uttered in the solitude of her mind. She never went back on her word. That’s why the two of them have the kind of bond that they did. It is why there friendship is stronger than anything life can ever throw at them. Together her and Laura are indestructible.  
And she promised herself--no she swore to herself that she would never let anything come between them. Nothing will ever break them. Her and Laura are going to be together forever. Best friends. Soulmates. 

...

That Friday night both Laura and Carmilla ate dinner together, of course Laura cooked. She’s use to it by now, and she’ll admit Carm did help some. But by helping she meant that she either watched or tried to cuddle her while she was fixing the food, but it was fun and she had no complaints. Carm was actually being incredibly sweet. She even helped with the dishes, okay well, she put the dishwashing liquid in and started it without being asked, and that’s more than she’s usually willing to do without a lot of bribery. 

They spent the next hour-and-forty-five minutes helping each other get ready to go out. Well, it was more they kept ending up in one another’s rooms distracting each other because they got tired of trying to talk through the wall and didn’t feel like shouting every five seconds. But Carm did help her put on her necklace and insisted on polishing her nails for her, it only took Laura fifteen minutes to convince her black nail polish wouldn’t go with her outfit. She kept pouting the entire time, it was pretty cute. 

With all of the running back and forth it took them nearly twice as long to get dressed. It wasn’t an easy fit, but somehow they both managed to squeeze into their tiny bathroom to do their hair and makeup. Taking turns would have made more sense, but they enjoyed getting ready together and it was much more fun having someone to talk to. To have some there to say ‘you look good’, even if it wasn't necessary to hear it but just the vocalized thought made it all worth it. 

“You should come with me, Carm.” Laura said as they both stood in front of the mirror putting the final touches on their makeup. 

“I can’t, Cutie,” Carmilla applied her bright red lipstick and smack her lips together, “I need to get laid. We both know how midterms make me. I need to blow off some steam before I turn into a ‘raging bad person’.”

“Funny.” Laura rolled her eyes at her, but smiled all the same. 

“But, oh so true.”

“Suit yourself,” Laura shrugged, taking one last look at herself in the mirror before giving her a seductive wink, “you never know maybe we’ll both get lucky.”

“Yeah!” 

Carmilla eyed Laura’s retreating form reflected back to her in the mirror as she walked away. Her deep brown eyes unconsciously darkening with a desire hidden deep inside. She looks good tonight. Carmilla couldn’t help the thought from running through her mind. Laura always looks good, but tonight she looks pretty amazing.

Laura wouldn’t have any problem hooking up, but she wouldn’t. She didn’t work that way. She needed to fall in love, or at the very least have the possibility of falling, to have sex with someone. And Carmilla was glad, more than that she was relieved. Laura isn’t made for this kind of life. In spite of everything that she has been through, Laura is still too innocent and pure. She’s too good for random hook ups in public restrooms, shabby motel rooms, or some anonymous chic’s apartment. Laura is just too good, period. 

She wants the possibility of a future and happily ever after, whereas Carmilla only wants the moment, the pleasure, the release. She’s been hurt too much to believe in the possibility of forever, love or future happiness. Beyond right now, nothing else matters for her. She doesn’t believe in that kind of love, therefore it does not exist in her reality. This life is all she is good for, no feelings, no strings, just sex, meaning less, wild carefree fucking. And if she was ever truly honest with herself, she would admit that she wouldn’t wish it on anybody, because it’s a lonely way to be. But it is the only ways she knows how to survive, without losing every part of herself that she fights so hard to hold onto every day. She’s too afraid to look beyond it all, and believe, too afraid to hope, that only brings heartaches and heartbreaks, and she’s been broken enough to last (her) a lifetime. So, it is what it is. 

She smirked at herself in the mirror, and yeah, she was ready.

 

Walking into Club 1689, Laura was in awe, it wasn’t like any other club she’d been to. The blue art deco lights that hung low from the ceiling were dimmed but somehow it was vibrant and alive with, splashes of color, bright pinks, vivid reds, and mellow yellows along with the pop art tastefully decorating the walls gave it a vibe, and a voice all its own. 

The long rectangular building had booths lined up along the walls and tables right across from them, offering a place to sit and listen to the music. While the bar was in the center of the room with access on all four sides and nothing but open space around it and Laura immediately saw the nitro-bar that ran along the far side, and of course it peaked her interest. She heard about them, and even seen pictures in magazine, but it was a whole different thing seeing it firsthand. There were tubes and tanks seemingly jutting out of nowhere, with frequent burst of what looked like smoke, but she knew it was the liquid nitrogen gas vapor. It remind her of something only seen in science fiction, and it was pretty frigging awesome, she wondered how much of it was for show just to add to the clubs trendy new age feel. 

After a few more moments of rapt attention, she started looking for her friends noticing the fairly large dance floor at the rear of the room where the DJ was set up. She spotted Danny almost right away, (with her tall frame) she’s kind of hard to miss. As she approached the table, she saw that Natalie was there and assumed she invited Danny because it certainly was Laf.

She spotted Danny almost right away, (with her tall frame) she was kind of hard to miss. As she approached the table, she [saw/noticed] Natalie sitting next to her and figured she invited Danny, because it certainly wasn’t [Laf].

“Hi guys,” she said as she reached the table.

“You finally made it.” Natalie hopped up to give her a hug, and Laura could tell by the way she was swaying side to side, she was already a little tipsy.

Danny only offered up a tight lipped “hi,” and a stiff awkward little half hug. Laura noticed the difference from the last week but decided to let it go.

“Where’s Laf and Perry?” Laura asked looking around the room, there were already a lot of people in the club, but it was by no means packed, and she didn’t see them anywhere.

“They’re no here yet.” Natalie replied. 

She’d barely sat down at the table before Natalie took her hand and pulled up, “come on, Laur, let’s get you a drink before she could form a response, she was being dragged across the room over to the bar. Where Laura ordered a green glowing concoction that she had never heard of, but it sounded good. She took a sip after the bartender handed it to her, and wow, okay, it was really good and strong. Danny looked up at her with a sullen scowl on her face when they came back to the table, but Laura was too busy sipping on her drink to do more than regard her morose friend with a weary gaze. Wondering why bothered to come out if she was in such a gloomy mood, but her musing was interrupted. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t force Carmilla to come with you tonight.” Natalie said curiously as she took sipped on her drink.

“Why would I?”

“Uh, I don’t know, you’re like always together.”

“She had other things to do.” Laura shrugged. “Besides we don’t spend all of our time together, we do have our own lives.”

Danny who was sitting in between her and Natalie, scoffed, muttering something unintelligible under her breath. 

“Could have fooled me,” Natalie replied, neither of them paying attention to Danny being broody.

“We’re just friends.”

The DJ in was playing nothing but top forty hits which suited Laura just fine but she’s really glad Carm didn’t come with her, she would have absolutely hated it. Not just the music but the entire atmosphere is to bright and culture clad for her tastes.

“Oh, please, Laura! Are you forgetting I was at your apartment last weekend?” Danny said with more than a hint of irritation. “You were all over each other.”

“Carm, just wanted to cuddle.” Laura rolled her eyes

“Cuddling doesn’t involve her sucking on your neck.” Danny snapped. 

Natalie’s eyes went wide when Danny said that. She’d been right there was definitely more to Laura’s and Carmilla’s friendship than they let on. But that kind of made it sound like they were actually hooking up, which would kind of change everything, because Laura wasn’t that girl who would be in a relationship of any kind with a girl that wasn’t committed to her, Carmilla didn’t do that commitment. She wanted to say something, maybe ask questions for her own peace of mind because Laura is one of her closet friends and she cares about her, but she kept her mouth shut. At the moment Danny was saying more than enough for both of them. 

“Whatever!” Laura replied dismissively, she wasn’t going to get into this with her or anyone else. It was none of their business, and she didn’t have to justify herself.

“Did you fuck her after I left?”

“Whoa. Who fucked who?” Lafontaine asks as they took a seat at the table along with Perry. 

“Lafontaine,” Perry elbowed them softly in the side, “language.” 

“Sorry, Perr,” They smiled sheepishly and kissed her cheek before giving their friends an expectant look.

“Nobody had sex with anyone.” Laura shrugged, “at least not as far as I know of.”

“Yeah right,” Danny muttered under her breath, glaring at her. 

“Okay, then.” Laf said, looking back and forth between the two of them. They thought things were getting better between them, but maybe they were wrong. Not that they minded if Laura wasn’t friends with her then maybe she would go away, Danny could be a real asshole sometimes, and they’d prefer to be around her as little as possible. Honestly they were glad when she and Laura broke up, nothing about them being together was right. 

“I need another drink.” Laura said as she chugged the rest of the contents of her glass down. Leave it to fucking Danny to try and ruin her mood. If she keeps this jealousy crap up, there isn’t any hope for their friendship after all, because she is not going to put up with it. She had enough to deal with in her life without adding to it. 

“Easy there lightweight.” Laf said playfully trying to lighten the mood. 

“I can drink you under the table Laf,” Laura said as she stood up, determined to have a good time in spite of Danny. 

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Laura chuckled, “I’ve done it before.”

“That was one time,” Laf muttered defensively, “and I was sick.”

"Prove it.”

“I’ve got to see this,” Natalie said, slurring her words a little more than before. 

“You’re so on, short stuff.”

Perry looked on at the back and forth banter between the two in dismay, she was prepared to deal with a drunk Lafontaine, but she didn’t know if she could handle a drunk Laura too, or a drunk everyone for that matter, and it looked like that was the direction this was headed. 

“Lafontaine,” Perry warned them quietly. 

“Don’t worry, Perr, I’ve got this,” they kissed her on the cheek again, “besides, you know I can’t back down from a challenge.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Perry sighed in defeat. 

“I got this,” they assure her again, “short stuff ain’t got nothing on me.”

“Hey! That’s enough with the short jokes.” Laura pouted at them. 

“For now, little bit.” Laf tossed one last dig, as they followed her over to the bar with Natalie trailing close behind.

“Well, this should be interesting.” Perry said, with a glance in Danny’s direction, but all she got in return was a grunt. “What’s wrong with your, Sweetie? Cramps?”

“No, nothing, I’m good, Perry. I just got a lot on my mind.” She sighed. “But thanks for asking.”

“Anytime, Sweetie,” Perry smiled and placed a comforting hand on her arm, “you know what I think is the best way to get over a bad mood?”

Danny simply arched and eyebrow at her, but she honestly wanted to say cleaning, because Perry can be a semi-neurotic neat freak. But she managed to keep it to herself, because despite not getting on along with Lafontaine, Perry was okay with her. 

“Spending time in the company of good friends,” Perry said surprising her. 

“I guess I can get behind that.” She forcibly cheered herself up, by trying to remember she was there to have a good time and not think about Laura or Carmilla. 

Laura, Laf and Natalie, returned to the table a few minutes carrying full glasses of some glowing cocktails and shots for everyone to, except for Perry she wasn’t drinking tonight because they were, so they brought their girlfriend a bottle of water. Laf had even gotten a shot for Danny, which was a surprise. But if they can be cordial, Danny figure she could be too.

A few drinks in Lafontaine was already slurring their words, while Laura did feel a little tipsy, but mostly she was fine, she can handle her alcohol, she just doesn’t like to drink that often. They talked back and forth amongst themselves about anything that wasn’t related to school or anything even remotely related to education. Although every now and them, Laf did bring something up that was related to science and would have been indecipherable even if she was sober but that is just them. It’s what they do in their free time too, from what Laura gathered they almost blew up their kitchen this morning while they were conducting some kind of experiment, for science, of course. Hearing them describe the whole thing was rather entertaining even if she didn’t understand a word of it their enthusiasm was more than enough. And Laura was just relieved to see that Danny seems to have loosened up, or at least, she’s not nagging her anymore, even if she’s not really talking to her much at all, but she’ll take a win where she can get one. 

The club turned out to be really cool, or maybe it was the company that made the it feel that way. Everyone was having a good time and that’s really all that matters. At some point or another they all got up and hit the dance floor, there was a lot of group dancing, mostly, but Laf and Perry did couple up at one point, but when they were dancing along with the rest of the them they were just doing some goofy dance routine. Which was actually kind of cute, so Laura made sure to get a picture, and possibly, even a video, for posterity’s sake. She even danced with Danny for a hot second, which totally, wasn’t weird at all. She’s still not sure how that happened but at least there was no grinding. And the two hot girls that she ended up dancing sandwiched in between next more than made up for it, they were really, really good dancers. She’ll have to remember to find them again later. So all in all, not a bad start to the night, well other than obvious reasons, but still it’s shaping up to be rather enjoyable and more relaxing than Laura originally anticipated. 

 

Carmilla stepped through the doors of Club Onyx and was immediately submersed in the familiar smoky darkness, strobing lights coming from all directions even up from the floor, as she made her way over to the bar. The earsplitting music nearly throbbed in her veins just the way she liked it, it was part of the ritual and she willingly gave herself over to the feeling, letting it consume her body and mind. Stripping away everything but the barest essential need until she was left with nothing, almost primal, a wild animal uncaged stalking its prey. 

Her dark nearly black hair fell around her shoulders in wisps and waves, a black halter-top that left very little to the imagination, tight leather pants that fit her like a second skin, and her favorite pair of combat boots. Like every other time the night stood at her beck and call. With just a look, she knew she could have any girl in the room she wanted. Sometimes there was more than one, depending on her mood, there’s been as many as three, and before a new day dawned she’d have all of them, quantity always varied by the enormity of the craving inside yearning to be fulfilled. 

Tonight she hadn’t decide what she wanted yet, she was still searching for the ones tempting enough to eat. As she leaned up against the bar her gaze scanning the crowded room, a snifter of scotch in her hand, she swirled the amber liquid in her glass releasing the pungent aroma before she took a sip letting in bathe her tongue and slide down her throat, mulling over her options. Pleasure or Pain. Dominant or Submissive. Maybe, just maybe, all of the above, the night was young and she was ready, for whatever was to unfold. 

With practiced ease she observed, watching and waiting, to find a girl that sparked her desire, her gaze almost predatory. In moments Carmilla’s eyes locked on a brunette across the room, her lips pulled up into her trademark smirk as she made her way over. Hungrily licking her bright red lips as she closed the distance, she knew what she wanted. Even in the dark she could see how the girl flushed as she watched her make her way over, biting her lip at the sway of Carmilla’s hips. The girl swallowed hard when she saw the wild look in her eye as Carmilla stopped in front of her. Looking her over with a seductive lilt. Her tongue tracing her bright red lips as she met her gaze again, making no attempt to mask what she wanted. She was hungry. And this girl looked good enough to eat. 

“How bout a dance, Sweetheart,” Carmilla drawled, her sultry tone raspy, seductive, and downright ravishing. 

All that was needed was those few words and the girl was putty in her hands ready to be molded into whatever she desired. There were no names exchanged, no pleasantries of any kind. Without another word they made the way to the dance floor, their bodies rubbing and grinding as they moved to throbbing bass. Carmilla slid a hand down to her ass, giving it a firm squeeze as she pulled her closer. Her hands roamed all over the girl’s body touching anywhere she pleased. It aroused Carmilla immensely knowing she could take this girl right there and then in the middle of the crowded club, she could fuck her until she screamed, if she choose to. And who knows she just might. Carmilla’s hand slipped beneath her skirt gliding along her inner thigh, she didn’t need to hear her whimper to know how desperately the girl wanted her to fuck her. This is what the thrill of the hunt is all about. Control. 

 

“Hey, Laura,” Danny’s cheeks were flushed a little red from the drinks she had consumed. She waived Laura over to where she stood near the door as she was making her way back to their table from the bathroom. 

“What’s up, Danny?” Her words slurred slightly.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She motioned to the door with her head. 

“Sure,” Laura said following her outside. She was more than a little tipsy now, but she knew how to handle herself. 

“So, uh-I want to apologize about before.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Danny” She said placing a hand on her arm, “it’s forgotten. We’re all drinking, and you know, sometimes alcohol makes people say things they don’t mean. It’s no big deal, okay.”

“Thanks,” She said giving Laura a relieved smile. 

“No problem. Let’s go back inside?” She could hear the latest One Direction hit flooding out the door and she felt like dancing.

“Uhmm,” Danny started rubbing her hands together. She hadn’t drunk as much as the others so she was only a bit buzzed, not tipsy or drunk she didn’t think. 

“Just one more thing, I didn’t mean to call you out like that, but I still have to ask, are you sleeping with, Carmilla? I mean, she’s bad news...she’s gone through at least half the girls in town and...”

Laura held up a hand to stop her, her face flushing in anger, “first of all don’t talk about, Carm, like that. It’s not cool. You don’t know the first thing about her.” 

“Do you?” Danny asked rather harshly, but Laura ignored the interruption and finished what she had to say.

“And second, who _I_ sleep with is none of your business. We are not together anymore, Danny.”

“I--I know, but I still care about you.”

“Then respect me, and my choices.” Laura shot back and walked away. She was neither going to confirm or deny whether she’d had sex with Carm or not. Heading back into the bar, she was determined not to let her ruin her night. 

Laf was still nursing their last drink when she reached the table, their face flushed with a warm glow. Laura took her seat on the stool next to them and sipped from her glass, letting the liquid wash away the memory of Danny’s words. Sometimes she understood why Carmilla didn’t do relationships, even when they were over; there was still too much work involved, too much jealousy to contend with. And maybe if she let herself go she would have the courage to, give herself over to meaningless sex and have a one-night stand too. She had meant what she said to Carm earlier, maybe they would both get lucky. Or right now, maybe it was the alcohol talking, but fuck it, who cares. 

“You up for another round,” She asked glancing at Laf and Natalie who were by far worse off than she was, they were both certainly going to feel this in the morning, then again she probably was too. 

“Sure thing, little L,” Laf slurred, “I was jusst waiting for you to get back.”

“I think I’ll pass on this one guys.” Natalie replied rubbing her temples, “I gotta sober up some before I drive home.”

“Sweetie,” Perry patted their arm, shooting a disapproving glance at Laura, “I think you’ve had enough.”

“Awww, come on babe,” Laf whined, “I-I’m gooood. Jusst one more drinky. Then I’ll dance it off, promise.” Perry heaved a sigh, but gave in like she always did. 

“I’ll come with you,” Natalie offered when Laura got up to get her and Laf another drink, “I could use a bottle of water.”

They were a good distance away from the table when Natalie spoke again, “You okay, Laur,” she asked.

“I’m fine.” 

“I know Danny’s been riding you tonight.”

“Nothing I can’t handle, Nat.” She gave her friend a reassuring smile. 

“Okay.” Natalie let out a sigh and smiled, placing a hand on her arm as they stopped at the bar. “Just, I’m here for you if need to talk, you know.”

“Thanks.” Laura said returning her friends smile, “but, I’m fine really.”

After Laf finished off their drink, they begrudgingly gave in conceding to the fact, that Laura could indeed drink them under the table as they refused another one, a victory which she took great pride in mocking them about, as they chattered away. No one seemed to notice, or perhaps they didn’t care, that Danny never returned to the table. They were all having a great time without her.

Even though Laf didn’t join her Laura went for one last drink, and headed onto the dance floor, she didn’t see the two girls from earlier, but that didn’t matter when a hot girl with nearly jet black hair started dancing with her. Their hips grinding together as they moved to the music and when she leaned in to kiss her Laura kissed her back, parting her lips, granting access to the tongue lightly tracing her lips. She did nothing to stop the bold hands caressing her body in places that only her previous lover’s hands had ever been, well and Carmilla’s hands too, but that didn’t count. Laura moaned into her mouth as the girl groped her breast, teasing her hardened nipple with her thumb. For the first time, in forever, she wasn’t thinking about what she was doing, she just let it happen. 

After dancing for a few songs, she offered up no resistance when the girl led her off the dance floor by the hand. They ended up in the lounge area of the bathroom making out on a couch. Laura let her hands slip beneath her shirt to feel bare skin, as the girl pushed it up over her chest and hooked her index fingers in the cups of her bra tugging it down to bare her fully. She watched as the girl lowered her head to her right breast taking her nipple in her mouth, moaning as soft lips wrapped around it and drew her in, sucking gently but firmly stroking the peak with the tip of her tongue. Laura’s fingers tangled in the girl’s hair, a gasp escaping her lips as she cupped her other breast with her left hand, teasing Laura’s nipple with pad of her thumb. Releasing her grasp on her head, she slid a had beneath the girl’s shirt smiling when she moaned against her breast as her fingers teased her nipple through her bra then slip beneath it to lightly tug the hardened peak with her thumb and index finger. The girl pulled back for just a moment to tug her own shirt over her head, and then her mouth was back on her. She let her touch, let her taste, and she did the same, but Laura wasn’t so far gone that she would let a girl she didn’t know fuck her in a public bathroom. She wasn’t made like that, meaningless sex has never been her thing, and never would be.

They parted ways with the girls whispered, “call me sometime,” as she slipped Laura her number, and Laura headed back to her friends. She was flustered definitely, and incredibly aroused, but she felt freer than she had ever been. And Laura had to admit, it felt good. 

“Hey guys,” she said as she reached the table. The three of them started at her with disbelief and shocked expressions. Perry’s mouth moved but no words came out and Natalie gaped at her with wide eyes, so of course Laf was the first to speak.

“Okay, L, what the hell was that?” They motioned in the direction she came from, seeming more sober than they’d been since the first few drinks.

“What,” Laura shrugged, “I didn’t fuck her if that’s what you mean.”

“Ummm, Laura, sweetie,” Perry cleared her throat, “is everything alright.”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t be?”

“I don’t know,” Laf stated, “because you just hooked up with some girl in the bathroom.”

“That implies sex, which I did not have.” Laura wondered why they were making such a big deal out of nothing. So what if she decide to do something she wouldn’t usually do, isn’t that the point of tonight, to blow off steam.

“So, seriously, nothing happened?” Natalie finally chimed in.

“I wouldn’t say nothing,” she smiled to herself at the memory, feeling a light blush coloring her cheeks, “but not what you guys are thinking. We just made out, that’s all.”

“Laura, this isn’t like you,” Perry said hesitantly her gaze still weary.

“Exactly!” 

“Laur, if that was about Dan...”

“It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me.” She said cutting Natalie off. “Isn’t that why we came here tonight to blow off steam? Well that’s what I did.” Laura looked around the table at the three of them. “Relax guys. For once in my life I wanted to be carefree and wild, to make my own rules. Isn’t that the point of being in college?”

“Laura, has a point,” Natalie said with a shrug after a moment of silence. “We’ve all done it in one way or another.”

“But...” Perry started to speak but Laf cut her off with a shake of their head. 

“I’m proud of you, L.” They said, and Laura knew they meant it. 

Maybe making out with some random girl wasn’t the best idea, but Laura was breaking away from expectations of who others thought she should be, even if only for a moment, even if it was just for tonight, and they respected that immensely. Because it’s not always easy to be different, when the entire world is trying to dictate what’s okay and what isn’t with all of those societal labels that not everybody fits into. They understood better than most. 

All talk of her out of character actions ceased with Laf’s genuinely uttered statement, and the rest of the night was filled with dancing and laughter as they fell easily into the usual rhythm that they had grown accustomed to in the four years they’d known each other. Their unique personalities meshed well together as they exchanged inside jokes and reminisced about the groups past exploits together. 

It was getting close to time for the club to close, by then so no one drank anymore, and even Perry relaxed and enjoyed herself now that the drinking was over she wasn’t so worried about her person and the rest of her friends (well maybe Laura a little bit, but even she could admit, that sometimes it was freeing to do the unexpected). She stopped being the mama bear and let her hair down, literally. Shaking and moving on the dance floor with her person and two of her closest friends. 

Laura smiled and laughed as she and Natalie joined Laf and Perry in their goofy dance, arms flapping like chickens while they bobbed up and down to a beat that had nothing to do with the rhythm of the music. It was the most fun she’s had in a while. The last thing on her mind was next week and the inevitable stress of midterms. Tonight was a good night, she felt more relaxed, more comfortable with herself than she has ever been. And she has no regrets, about anything. 

 

It took less than twenty minutes before Carmilla was following the girl out of the club and they were headed back to her place. Jody, Jenny, Jennifer, she didn’t really remember, nor did she care to. After the quickie on the dance floor, whatever her name is was so eager to fuck, Carmilla didn’t even have to waste money buying her a drink. A few whispered words in her ear while she made her come, and she was begging for her to go back to her place, and Carmilla was more than happy to oblige, her mood for the evening decided, pleasure above all else was the name of the game. 

Clothes were discarded as soon as they walked through her apartment door. Carmilla pushed her up against the wall and kissed her deeply. Grabbing the front of her blouse and tugging it open, buttons popping off ash she kissed along her neck. Biting, sucking and licking, make sure leave marks. This is going to be a night this girl will never forget. Her bra was next to go, as she kissed her way down her chest. Taking a peaked nipple between her lips, sucking it vigorously until she moaned and her legs buckled. She captured the girls lips and kissed her deeply, her tongue demanding entrance, claiming its dominance, while her nimble fingers quickly did away with her skirt, unfastening the clasp, easing down the zipper, and letting it slip from her fingers to hit the floor. 

“Bedroom,” Carmilla breathed hotly against her lips. She is naturally a top, no matter what the night called for, unless she was feeling particularly shitty and wanted to be taken advantage of, at least to some extent, but even then, she is always in control. When it came to sex she only had two rules and that was one of them. Never give herself over to anybody. Never give up her control.

In a daze the girl merely nodded and led the way down the hall. Carmilla stripped her clothes off while she followed behind her. As soon as they entered the room she pushed the girl down on the bed. Slipped off her panties, and crawled on top of her, kissing her again as her hands skimmed over her body. Her mouth following the same path, while the girl moaned and whimpered beneath her, she trailed kisses along her neck and down to her collar bone, sucking and licking, before moving lower to draw her taught nipple into her mouth. Teasing it mercilessly until the girl was squirming beneath her, before lavishing the same attention on her other breast. Moving lower she trailed open mouth kisses across her stomach. Until she was finally kneeling between her legs, the girls arousal, was alluring and strong, her folds glistening and full, ready for her touch. Carmilla moaned when she tasted her, trailing her tongue up to tease her clit, before drawing it into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it as she sucked. The girls breath hitched in her throat and she cried out when Carmilla increased her rhythm, as her finger began to tease her opening. She slipped two fingers inside thrusting deep, pumping to the tempo of her mouth. Her hips bucked wildly beneath her and Carmilla fucked her harder. Hooking her other arm around the girl’s hip to keep her still while she devoured her. Adding another finger, she reveled in the girls screams, in her lustful voice begging her not to stop while telling how good it felt. Pumping faster inside she could feel her getting close to the edge. A gush of wetness coated her hand, chin and mouth, and Carmilla moaned against her in delight. That was all it took to send her over the edge. The girls repeated cries of ecstasy filled the room as she slowed her movements to prolong her pleasure.

Carmilla withdrew her fingers cupping her pussy as she climbed back up her body, because she was far from done. She was just getting started. Balancing her weight on her forearm she stared down into the girls hooded eyes two fingers entering her again without preamble as her body relaxed and her breathing returned to normal. She thrust deep and hard grinding against her the force of her hips driving her deeper. She fucked her hard and mercilessly taking pleasure in every scream, every moan, every plea for more.

Her hand was tingling. Her fingers cramped with fatigue as she flopped down beside the spent girl and lay on her back, closing her eyes as she caught her own breath. She didn’t open her eyes or make a sound when she felt the girls hands on her, sometime later, instead she just lets herself feel, enjoying the eager hands and mouth stroking caressing and teasing her. She can feel the wetness of her own arousal coating her thighs. 

“No!” Carmilla growls suddenly, roughly grabbing her wrist when the hand between her legs went from stroking her clit to playing at her opening. “I’m not into that sort of thing. I don’t do penetration.” She ignored the girl when she pouted, urging her head down between her legs.

It was a lie, Carmilla loved the feeling of having a girls fingers inside her seeking to possess her, as they fucked senseless, but she never let any of these girls finger her. That was rule number two. She never let any girl touch her like that anymore. It was to personal an intimate for her. And it’s been a really long time since she’s let anyone go inside her, not since the last girl she thought she loved that she thought was worthy of something so special. And she’d be damned if she let a one-night stand take her like that, have that part of her. And, okay maybe, just maybe, she was still enough of a sentimental fool, a cliché, that she was holding on to the thing that gave her the most pleasure, saving that particular experience for someone special. Even if she didn’t really believe it in it anymore she wanted to have something to offer. A piece of herself that was still virtually untouched. Something that she hadn’t so freely given away to every girl she ever fucked, like the rest of her body. Yes, it is sentimental and cliché but maybe, just maybe she hopes that the wounds of the past will eventually heal enough that she will be able to trust someone enough to let herself be vulnerable, to let herself fall in love again. Maybe she hopes that one day she can find someone who will love her despite all of her baggage. Love her enough to see past it to who she really is deep down inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit there are certain parts of this chapter that I’m not happy with, so I hope you guys liked it. Or at least don't hate me too much.


	4. If I don’t Believe (In It), It Can’t Be Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings and friendship and a little shopping on the Silas strip shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs.  
>   
> There is a little point of view change.  
>   
> Hope you like it guys.

**Chapter 4**

Saturday morning Laura woke up with monster hangover. The slightest movement made her head throb like, well at the moment she didn’t really know, she was trying not to think too hard, because she felt like hell, yeah, that’s what it felt like, and her stomach roiled, nausea threatening to make her spew her guts all over her bedroom floor. She moaned quietly, too afraid to open her eyes to the bright light she could feel shining in, and hitting her face through the open curtains she forgot to close last night. She of course made the mistake of going to bed last night without drinking any water to combat the alcohol, and she is certainly paying for it now. Crap. She was never drinking again, or at least not like she did last night, after a three month hiatus. 

It took her a long while before she finally gathered up the courage to open her eyes and try and sit up in bed. The light her hurt her eyes and the room spun with the movement, so she quickly clamped them shut again, taking several deep breaths to settle her bubbling stomach, because she really didn’t want to throw up. Not in her room, well not at all. When the rollicking in her guts finally settled see chanced open her eyes again. The first thing she saw was the tall glass of water, with a note propped against it, and the Advil on her bedside table. Grateful, she grabbed the pills, popped them in her mouth and down the water in three gulps, before looking at the note. 

_Hey Cutie,_

_Thought you might need a little something for that hangover. I know how you get when you go out and you probably forgot to drink water before you passed out. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk._

_Hope you had a good night._

_I’ll see you when you get up._

_Love You Cupcake_

“Carm,” Laura smiled as she said her name, despite her body threatening to revolt against her.

She shifted in her bed to rest head against the wall with her legs sticking out in front of her while she waited for the Advil to take effect. The whole time was thinking about why she loves her best friend so darn much. Carm always does things like this for her, and she doesn’t mean just when she goes out and gets drunk either, she’s talking about the little things that she does just because she knows they will make her happy or make her feel better when she’s sick or down. Carm doesn’t show it to anyone, but her, but she really is such a sweetheart.

Laura stayed like that, with her back propped against the wall for a while longer before she forced herself to get up out of bed. Whether she liked it or not, she had to go to work this afternoon but at least it was only for six hours, because she doesn’t think she could handle a full eight, not with the way she feels right now. Surprisingly it wasn’t as late as she thought it would be, it was only a little after noon, at least she still had plenty of time before she had to go in at four. When she finally emerged from her room, Carm was sprawled out on the couch reading with a new book, or maybe it was an old one, figuring it out required too much thinking.

“Hey, Cutie, how are you feeling?” Carmilla asked setting her book on the floor and made room for her on the couch as Laura cuddled up next to her.

“Like crap,” she mumbled. 

“Poor baby,” Carmilla draped her arm around her shoulders and held her close.

“But thanks for the water and Advil. They helped a lot.” Laura rested her head on Carm’s shoulder. 

For a few minutes they just sat in peaceful silence while Carmilla ran her fingers soothingly through her hair. “Are you hungry?” 

“Yeah, a little,” Laura sighed, “but I don’t feel like cooking, and we’re all out of cereal and cookies.”

“You don’t have to,” Carmilla replied with a smile, “I made breakfast earlier.”

“You did,” She asked sitting up and shooting her a surprised look.

“Yep. I figured you wouldn’t want to cook anything, and I even did the dishes too.” Carmilla kissed her on the forehead. “You’re plate is in the microwave.”

“Thanks, Carm,” Laura started to get up, but she gently pulled her back down.

“I’ll get it, just relax, Cupcake.”

“Thanks, Carm,” Laura said again. Yeah, the little things, Carm is an amazing friend.

Carm brought her plate back a few minutes later and sat down beside again watching silently as Laura greedily ate the perfectly cooked bacon and eggs along with two slices of toast she’d made for her. She’d thought about making pancakes or waffles but wasn’t sure if Laura would feel up to eating something heavy like that, so she kept it simple.

“I take it you had enjoyed yourself last night,” Carm asked when she was almost finished eating. 

“Mhmm,” Laura mumbled around a mouthful of eggs, after she finished chewing and swallowed, she said, “yeah, I did.”

Munching on the last of her bacon, Laura thought about the night before. Carmilla didn’t ask but she told her about it anyway. As to be expected she wasn’t happy about the Danny part, Laura wasn’t sure if it was just because she had been a complete and total jerk or if it was the fact that she was there to begin with, but she didn’t ask. She figured that it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. Carm was amused by the drinking competition she had with Laf, but of course, not surprised she won. She knew the extent to which Laura can drink better than anyone. Laura told her in great detail about how they had dance like fools without a care in the world. But when she got to the part about making out with the girl in the bathroom, Carm’s mood seemed to change drastically. She glared at Laura, all of her amusement and laughter coming to an abrupt halt as she crossed her arms over her chest and furrowed her brow. 

“Why didn’t you?” Carmilla asked tightly.

“What?”

“Fuck that girl.” She was trying to hide how upset she was, but failed miserably, her tone coming out gruff.

“You know that’s not me, Carm.”

“But, you let her...” Carmilla waved her hand to indicate Laura’s body, because she couldn’t bear to say it. “Just, because the amazon talked shit about me!” She didn’t know why she was so upset, but she was.

“It wasn’t about her,” Laura sighed. She could tell Carm was pissed at her and she wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. “I--I just wanted to know what it felt like...I mean, for once in my life I wanted to do something carefree and wild, to just let go, and lose control--to lose myself for a little while.” Laura said softly.

Feeling really guilty about what she did now, because it had made Carm angry and she really didn’t mean to upset. She honestly hadn’t thought it would bother her so much, and she was kind of surprised that it did, not in a judging kind of way, but sex is no big deal to her. And she didn’t even have sex. In some ways Carm’s touched her more intimately than that girl did last night. So her reaction is a little confusing, it almost seems like she’s jealous, but Laura knows she’s not. She’s probably just reading too much into it, she does have a tendency to do that a lot. 

“Don’t be mad.” 

“Don’t do something like that again,” Carmilla mumbled leaning back against the arm of the couch, drawing Laura down with her so that her head rested on her chest.

“I’m not. It was a onetime thing.” Laura replied readily brushing her lips against her chest, exposed by the v of her t-shirt, before murmuring, “It didn’t mean anything.” 

Laura didn’t know why she said that. It wasn’t like Carm had a reason to be jealous or anything like that. She was probably just worried about her, that’s all. She is very protective of her, not overprotective, she just likes to know that Laura is safe. So, that must be what was bothering her. Knowing that something bad could have happened last night and she wouldn’t have been there. Maybe Carm was just feeling a little bit guilty too.

The two of them stayed like that, cuddling, until Carm had to get up and get ready for work, an hour later. They both sighed at the loss of contact as they moved apart. But, the kiss Carm planted on her forehead before she went to her room, made Laura smile happily. She always knows what to do to make her feel good. 

“Are you going out tonight after work?” Laura asked from her spot curled on the couch, when she reentered the room.

“I don’t know yet, probably.” Carmilla grabbed her messenger bag from where it sat by Laura’s feet. “Take it easy, okay, Cupcake.” She said as she headed for the door and grabbed her keys.

“I will,” Laura felt much better than she had when she first woke up, and Carm treating her with breakfast definitely helped, but she wasn’t taking any chances, because she still had to get through her six hours this afternoon. “Bye, Carm.”

“Bye, Cutie, have a good day.”

“Hey, Carm,” Laura called out as she was about to walk out the door. “If that Leslie girl gives you any more problems, tell her I’ll kick her butt.”

What? She could totally take her, if she wanted to. Size isn’t everything. She does have a black belt in Krav Maga, after all. Well, that’s putting it mildly, she’s been training most of her life, and was a black belt by the time she was twelve. Leslie doesn’t want to have to answer to Laura, that’s for sure. So she better not mess with her best friend. 

“I will, Cutie,” Carmilla chuckled, as she closed the door, because her Cupcake was really adorable when she got all protective of her. 

...

Laura woke up early on Sunday, like really darn early. She hadn’t planned to, it just happened. She tossed and turned for a while, but couldn’t fall back to sleep, so she kicked off the covers and got out of bed with a grunt of displeasure, and padded to the bathroom sullenly. Grateful that she had thought to put socks on so the chill from the floor was tempered, at least a little bit, but if she stood in one place too long her feet would go numb. That would have just been icing on the cake, and not the good kind, no, one of the obscure flavors that only a toddler would actually eat, like banana, yuck. It was just too darn early, it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet. Okay, maybe she’s a little bit grouchy when she doesn’t get enough sleep, but she had an Orange Is The New Black marathon until four in the morning, what, hot girls, don’t judge. After a nice long hot shower she felt better, or at least more fully awake. 

She usually worked on Sundays, but this week she had the day off, well she did, since she switched shifts with one of her coworkers. Which meant she was up at the crack of dawn and had nothing to do with herself all day, or at least not until Carm got up, but that wasn’t going to happen for hours, and it kind of sucks, because she’s just so gosh darn restless. And the time is passing incredible slowly, although that could be because she’s been looking up at the clock, like every two minutes. Geez, how do people do absolutely nothing, it must be like a crime against nature or something like that. She had thought about making breakfast, but it didn’t make sense to cook something for herself, when she was just going to have to fix Carm something to eat later. 

So there she was sitting at her desk across from her bed staring out the window bored out of her mind. There weren’t a lot of option at this time on a Sunday, there was nowhere to go, everything was still closed up tight. Though she may have had a staring contest with a bird perched on the roof of the building next door, but it flew away. Ha, at least she won. This was ridiculous she needed something to do, too much sitting in one place was starting to get to her. It had only been a little over an hour since her body betrayed her and made her wake up and she already felt like she might be going crazy. Yeah, hint hint, bird staring contest. Ugh! She was about to grab her computer and run through Netflix for some mindless dribble to watch, (because that hadn’t been the cause of her current predicament in the first place), when she spotted the prominent sticky note written in bold black marker attached to her bulletin board. 

“Damn it.” She mumbled as she yanked it off the wall, of course, it was a reminder that she still needed to find a dress for Sarah’s engagement party. How could she have forgotten all about that? Well she knew, the whole fake girlfriend thing had completely thrown her off. By the time Carm agreed to be her date, it wasn’t a blip on the radar. How stupid could she be? Get girlfriend, buy dress, equally important. This was perfect just perfect. Well, at least now she knew how she would be spending her day. Once glance at the clock told her it was still way to early, nothing would be open until eleven, and it wasn’t even nine. 

 

“Hey, Carm, are you up,” Laura asked as she opened the door to her room later in the morning. 

The hardwood floor was cold beneath her bare feet, because, yeah she totally forgot to put on socks this time. Oh, one of the many things she already regrets about today and it hasn’t even started. She padded across the room to her bed, when she got no response. Carm had it setup close to the window, but not directly under it, because she said it was the perfect angle to look at the stars when she was lying down, she had yet to understand her obsession with them, but maybe one day she will. Carm always gets really philosophical when she talks about the stars, but Laura knows there something more behind why she finds them so comforting. 

She sat on the edge of the bed, to get her feet off the floor, and shook her gently. “Carm,” She was buried beneath the covers with them pulled up and curled around the top of her head, before tucking beneath her chin, to cover most of her face, to help block out the few rays of light shining in through the small gap in her closed curtains. “Come on, Carm, I know you’re awake.”

“Mmm,” Carmilla groaned, cracking an eye open to peer up at her. “What?”

“I need a favor.”

“Which is?” She mumbled tiredly.

“Come shopping me.” All she got in response was an eyebrow arched in question. “I need to find a dress for the party and I want you to come with me ‘cause...”

“Seriously,” Carmilla said cutting off her rambling before it even got started, “you haven’t done that yet, Cupcake?”

“I know I should have done it a long time ago, but I maybe kind of let it slip my mind, with the whole fake girlfriend search and all. So, will you go with me, please?” Laura asked giving Carm her most pitiful pout. 

“Fine. I’ll go, but...”

“Yes!” Laura exclaimed cutting her off with a loud squeal, her fist pumping in the air victoriously.

“But,” she repeated, rolling her eyes at her Cupcakes enthusiastic antics, “only on two conditions.” Funny how stuff like that used to annoy her, especially this early in the morning, but now it doesn’t even faze her, like she’s become immune to it or something. 

“Name it,” Laura said excitedly. 

“We’re going to Diesel too.” 

Diesel is Carmilla’s favorite place to shop for clothes, partly because it’s privately owned and partly because they specialize in the kickass gear she wears. They sale a little bit of everything to fit the needs of the crowd that doesn’t believe in wasting their hard earned cash buying into the mainstream bullshit, preferring an alternative that doesn’t subscribe to all the stupid ass fucking boxes and labels. Diesel is actually more than just a clothing store though, it’s more or less a hangout for a lot of the punks in town, a place where nobody is judging them, or trying to change them into something they’re not. They play awesome music, all punk rock all the time and it’s like going to a concert every time she walks inside. There are couches set up at the front of the store, and more along the back, for people to just hangout and chill, even if they’re not shopping, and there are a couple of pool tables in the back of the store. Sure it cost money to play, but five bucks a game isn’t so bad. It’s actually a real chill place. She doesn’t go there to hangout or anything, but the fact that she could if she wanted to is a sweet alternative to have. 

“Ah, Carm,” Laura’s nose scrunched up when she frowned, “the guy that owns the place creeps me out, with his tattoo covered head and red beady eyes following my every move.” She’d rather run around the neighborhood in the nude, than set foot in that damn store. She thought about suggesting it, but knowing her, Carm would probably take her up on her offer just to see her squirm. 

Carmilla tried to contain her laughter, but couldn’t, Laura’s expression was too fucking hilarious and pretty damn adorable at the same time, “They’re just contact lenses, Cutie and you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.” She bopped her on the tip of her nose with her index finger.

“I don’t care,” Laura grumbled, “he’s always staring at me like he wants to eat me. It’s friggin’ creepy.” She shuddered just thinking about it. And she wasn’t judging him, if her didn’t pay so much damn attention to her she wouldn’t have a problem with him at all. 

“Too bad, you’re going.” The corners of her mouth turned up in a smirk, to hide the smile threatening to take over. “That’s your punishment for waking me up so early on my day off.”

“But, it’s almost eleven.”

“On my _only_ day off.” 

“You weren’t even really asleep, Carm.” Laura pouted.

“My eyes weren’t open either, Cutie, which means...”

 _“Fine.”_ Laura sighed in defeat looking away, because, yeah, she knew Carmilla liked to sleep in and she never got up before three in the afternoon if she didn’t have too. And it was the day before midterms started, so she’s already being really sweet to her for agreeing to go with her. 

“That’s more like it.” Carmilla took her hand, with a broad grin. Tugging on it to get her attention and draw Laura’s gaze back to her. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you, Cutie.” She said in a seductively teasing tone. 

“Shut up.” Carmilla ignored her and kept right on talking.

“Hey, we’ll even find you a little something too,” she gave her a thoughtful expression, “maybe a vest. Or better yet, something that’ll accentuate your gifts,” she let her gaze trail slowly over Laura’s body, “or not hide them at all. Hmm, I’m thinking maybe a corset, or a perhaps a thong...”

_“Shut up!” _Laura stated smacking her lightly on the arm, unable to control the blush rising from her neck and creeping onto her cheeks. Once again, Carmilla had gotten her all flustered and she can tell by her smug smirk that she’s enjoying it immensely. She hit on the arm again for taking so much pleasure in her discomfort. “What else?”__

“You have to fix me breakfast.” 

Laura readily nodded in agreement. “You already know I was going to do that anyway.” 

That one was easy and she didn’t mind, she liked to cook when she had the time. Although, she might just pour up bowls of cereal, just to spite her for the whole Diesel thing, she knew she wasn’t going to actually do that, but she could surely think about the possibility. Another gentle tug on her hand brought Laura out of her thoughts to focus on the woman smiling up at her. 

“Whatever devious thoughts going on in that head of yours can wait ‘til later,” Carmilla murmured, playing with her fingers, and for a few moments they just stared at into each other’s eyes in silence. “Lie down with me for a little while, Cupcake,” there was a certain softness to her tone as she spoke, “let’s take a nap.” Carmilla reluctantly released her grasp on Laura’s hand to pull back the edge of the covers invitingly. 

“Okay,” Laura said crawling in bed and stretching out beside her, “but just for a little a while. Promise.” 

“I promise, Cupcake.” Carmilla wrapped Laura in her arms snuggling against her so her front was pressed firmly against Laura’s back, and yeah, she likes this _a lot_ , usually she was the little spoon. “We’ll go find you a sexy little dress to wear, later.” She mumbled as her eyes drifted closed. 

“Kay.” She covered the hand Carm had draped around her waist with her own and drew it up to press against her chest, over her heart, as she laced their finger together. Yeah, a nap sounds really, really good, and not just because she got to cuddle with Carm, or anything, she was kind of tired from being up all morning. In the sanctuary of each other’s arms, they both fell asleep quickly. 

__

The two of them woke up a couple hours later, well Carmilla did anyway and couldn’t help snuggling up to Laura for a little while longer, she was just so damn soft and cuddly, like a big teddy bear. She admitted to herself that she enjoyed waking up next to Laura, there was just something...nice about it, but there was certainly no reason to read anything into it, it has always been this way. When she was in Laura’s arms she always got the best night’s sleep, even if it was during the day. 

She loved watching her sleep. As she untangled their intertwined hands, Carmilla mindlessly traced her index finger across the back of Laura’s hand and up her arm to caress her cheek, gently brushing a few wisps of hair from her face. Laura was so beautiful when she slept, well, she’s always beautiful, gorgeous really, but right now she’s just so peaceful and adorable, and downright cute. But she wasn’t thinking about that. She wasn’t. Carmilla just wanted to cuddle with her Cupcake that’s all, yeah that’s all there was to it. And there was nothing wrong with wanting to watch her best friend sleep, nope, nothing at all. It’s perfectly normal. There was nothing to worry about. 

Laura stirred opening her eyes, still heavy with sleep, to see Carm smiling down at her, and she offered up a drowsy grin in return. “Were you watching me sleep again,” she asked groggily. 

“Maybe,” Carmilla murmured drawing out the word as she ducked her head to hide her face in the crook of Laura’s neck. 

“You’re adorable when you wake up,” She said with chuckle. 

“Am not,” Carmilla playfully nipped her shoulder, for calling her adorable, just hard enough to leave a light impression of her teeth. She wasn’t adorable, she’s tough and badass. 

“Are to,” Laura replied with another hearty chuckle. 

“Shut up.” She mumbled. Her face still burrowed against Laura’s neck to hide a small smile. Okay, yeah, only Laura could get away with calling her that, if anyone else ever did she’d flip the fuck out on them, but her Cupcake always gets a free pass. 

__“What time is it anyway?”_ _

__“A little after one,” Carmilla said after shooting a quick glance at clock on her bedside table._ _

__Laura merely groaned in response, but made no move to get out of the bed. She was still incredibly tired from waking up so early that morning. Letting her eyes flutter shut, she was content to stay there just a little while longer. Carm didn’t seem to mind her procrastination either, she was being all cuddly, purring quietly in her ear while she traced swirling patterns on her upturned palm, Laura always found it very relaxing when she did that and maybe a little but arousing. But that wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t, like it meant anything, Carm always did things to get her flustered when she was teasing her or trying to win, okay winning, one of their little games (of dare), not that is what she is doing right now, they were just cuddling, but that’s not the point. There was just something soothing about it, yet invigorating at the same time, that’s all, it had nothing to do with the way Carm touched her, that would be ridiculous to even think about. And she totally wasn’t thinking about it!_ _

__She honestly didn’t know why, but Carm loves to draw these indecipherable designs on her body with her fingertips, she does it all the time, her hands were never idle when she touched her especially when they cuddled, or anytime really. Laura had asked her about it one time a few years ago, but Carm had only said she thought of her body like a blank canvas waiting to be painted, waiting for the right artist to turn it into a masterpiece. She figured that was some kind of artsy saying or something, well the way Carm described it anyway. It didn’t really make sense to her, but she isn’t an artist. And yet, at the same time, she’d always sensed there was a deeper meaning behind it. So she just took it to mean that, this is her way of showing her that she cares, that’s all. Carm was never very good at expressing her feelings, though she has gotten much better at it, sometimes it’s still hard for her to put them into words, so she uses her artistic prowess to express herself. At least that’s what Laura assumes she is doing when she created these patterns on her skin. There’s nothing even remotely sexual about it, that’s just the way her body maybe reacts sometimes, no really, it only turns her on some of the time, and she’s only a little bit aroused, not as if she’s all wet and ready or anything. Honestly. It’s not like she’s falling for Carm or anything. That would be crazy._ _

__Shifting her legs restlessly beneath the covers, a clear indication of just how turned on she was getting, the top of her foot accidentally brushed against Carm’s leg, caressing bare calf, causing her to let out a little groan and purr even louder in her ear. Yeah, see, she wasn’t the only one who could get a little worked up in these little exchanges. So it was really no big deal, sometimes Carm got turned on too and she’d barely even touched her._ _

__Since Carm was lying partly across her chest, with her arm draped over her to play with her left hand, she was pretty much pinned to the bed, not that she couldn’t get out from under her if she really wanted too, which she didn’t. Laura’s other arm was wrapped around Carm’s shoulders holding her close, tangling her fingers in her long raven curls she tugged gently before lightly massaging her scalp eliciting a low growl and a sharp intake of breath, Carm tended to make a lot of uniquely animalistic noises when the two of them were cuddling. There was something feline and graceful in the way she moved too, especially when she was getting a little heated, or at least with her she was. She had no idea how she was with the girls she has sex with, and honestly she doesn’t want to know, and no, it’s not because she was jealous, or anything stupid like that, she just liked to believe that this was something special that Carm only did with her. Even though she knew it probably wasn’t, she still let herself believe it was anyway. But, that didn’t mean anything either, she and Carm were just friends, intimately emotionally physically involved, platonic friends. That’s all._ _

Carm whined softly, pressing her head more firmly against her hand when she momentarily stopped massaging her scalp. And she couldn’t help chuckling, as she began her ministrations again. Carm was just so damn adorable, even if she wouldn’t admit it. Neither of them were in much of a rush to get up, but eventually Laura tossed back the covers and sat up, perching on the edge of the bed, wiping the sleep out of her eyes with balled up fists. She felt the bed shift as Carm stretched beside her with feline grace before climbing out of bed. It wasn’t until she dropped her hands to rest in her lap that she actually saw her. And wow, when did Carm get so... _hot_? Laura couldn’t help herself, gaping at Carm as she crossed the room and made her way over to her closet. She was wearing nothing more than a loose shirt that hung off her right shoulder stopping at her midriff and lacey satin boy shorts that left very little to the imagination. Not that she had ever imagined but...oh god. Laura blinked, her heart fluttering, which was so not normal. 

Laura didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed sooner, but then again, she couldn’t possibly feel anything through her jogging pants. And don’t get her wrong, it’s not like she’s never seen Carm in this state of undress before, they did share a dorm room for two years, to be honestly she’s seen her in far less on several occasions. She wasn’t blind, of courses she could admit that Carm is sexy and beautiful as hell, but she’d never thought about her that way before. But damn, she’s _hot_. Like, oh crap, just damn...wow. Admittedly she was already a little turned on from cuddling, but oh crap. _Damn!_ Laura’s jaw dropped, she was practically drooling, her breath hitched and her heart kicked up several notches, beating like a drummer’s solo, at the new view in front of her 

_Carmilla bent over to dig around in the bottom of her closet, her ass sticking up in the air, (like a beacon), the toned muscles in her ass, thighs,_ _and lower back, tensing, twitching and flexing with every movement as she rummaged through the pile of clothes on the floor._

_Oh, crap!_ Laura’s mouth went dry, her palms sweaty, her breathing even more erratic, her abdomen clenching and tightening as a fire ignited and quickly turned into an inferno hinting at her growing arousal, as did the moisture pooling between her legs. She was so turned on, her body singing with need, pleading for release. _Damn!_

_Stop it, just stop._ Crap... This is Carm, her best friend, she can’t think about her like that. So, what the hell was she doing gawking at her like that, like a piece of meat, or in her case chocolate chip cookies or a slice of devilishly delicious chocolate cake? What was she thinking? What the hell was she doing? It was wrong, on so many levels. She was not...No. She could not let her current dry spell cloud her judgement making her feel something she shouldn’t be feeling, because it wasn’t real. It wasn’t! She does not want to have sex with Carm, because that would mean...no, she is not attracted to her. Absolutely, positively not, just no. No she is not falling for Carm. She and Carm are just friends, that’s all, nothing more. It can never be more! 

__She forced herself to look away. Shaking herself out of her stupor an instant before Carm slowly stood up and turned to face her, with a murmured, “got it,” and a satisfied smirk as she waived her red and black plaid flannel in her hand._ _

__Letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, Laura tried to push away the confusion. Because nothing that just happened made any sense to her, she’s known Carm for four years, been best friends with her for nearly just as long, and never once in that time had she been attracted to her or thought about her sexually. Why would that suddenly change now? When nothing has changed between them, they’ve always been close emotionally and physically. That’s just the way their friendship is, and it works for them. And no, she doesn’t want anything about it to change. So, why, did she just get so incredibly turned on by her? It didn’t make sense at all._ _

__The only thing that came to mind was that all of that, whatever it was, was result of her going so long without having sex. The weirdest things make her horny these days, and pretty much anything hits her soft spot, from the sight of couples walking hand in hand or sharing a quick kiss to the romanticism in the literature and poetry she reads (which does include her favorite fanfiction), when she has the time to the pictures of naked women she’s seen in Carm’s art magazines (and other places). And don’t even get her started about sex scenes in movies, ugh, even some of the sweet romantic scenes in her favorite Disney movies, yeah, like she said weird. She gets turned on in some way by the slightest things, so yeah, essentially seeing Carm half-naked would definitely be enough to put her over the edge, with all the sexual frustration she’s got built up. Maybe she should have just slept with that girl the other night, or at least kept her number, because, seriously what the hell, at least then she wouldn’t be feeling like this. Because no, she does not have romantic feelings for Carm and she is certainly not lusting after her. That’s impossible. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to think about it. She couldn’t._ _

__“Everything alright, Cupcake?” Carmilla could sense Laura’s anxiety from all the way across the room, and it worried her._ _

__“Y-yeah,” Laura rubbed her hands together nervously._ _

__“What’s wrong,” Carmilla asked. She knew Laura was keeping something from her and didn’t like it. No, she didn’t fucking like it at all._ _

__“N-nothing,” Laura stammered and cleared her throat, but it didn’t really help, “I-I’m fine. I-I... was just thinking about the party next weekend.” She lied, well, at the moment it wasn’t a total lie. The instant she said it, it kind of became the truth, because yeah, she had to do something about her little situation before then. Then again she could take care of most of the problem herself._ _

She got up to leave the room, but before she could take more than a few steps, Carm’s arms were around her hugging her tightly from behind. And, yeah, that was so not helping her current predicament, because she may not have feelings for Carm, but the woman had turned her on and she is still half naked and pressed very intimately against her back, and...She did not want her hand to slip a little lower into her jogging pants and take care of the problem for her. _Damn! So not helping. Now she’s even more turned on. She was definitely feeling a little overly stimulated right now._ Geez, when did her body start ruling her mind? She needed to stop this. 

__“Don’t worry, Cutie, we’ll be fine.” Carmilla said pressing a quick kiss to Laura’s bare shoulder. She felt the fluttering and tightening of muscles, a familiar warmth that she refused to think about, or put a name to. This wasn’t the first time she felt that twinge, all she had to do was ignore it. If she did, it would go away. It had to. She was in control._ _

__“I should...I should go get ready and fix us something to eat. It’s getting late.”_ _

“Yeah,” Carmilla gave her another tight squeeze before letting her go, unconsciously biting her bottom lip. Watching her walk away, admiring the curve of Laura’s ass and sway of her hips until she disappeared from her sight. _“Fuck!”_ She said in a breathless whisper. 

__Scrunching the flannel in her hands, Carmilla closed her eyes and tried to forget, or maybe she tried to remember, whatever it was, it was all she could do, she need control. It was one thing when the two of them were just messing around, jokes and teasing, touches that were meant to frustrate, that was fine. She was in control, messing around nothing serious, it was like cuddling. But checking out Laura’s ass was another thing altogether. That couldn’t happen. Thinking about fucking her couldn’t happen._ _

__“It’s Laura!” She chastised herself. “Fuck, Carmilla, stop being a fucking idiot. You need to get over this shit. You cannot fuck Laura dumbass.”_ _

__She knew that she shouldn’t be thinking about Laura or look at her the way she does (sometimes), wondering what it would be like to kiss her, not just pecks that they share here and there or the more intimate kisses on the neck that happen sometimes when they cuddle, but really kiss her. No, she definitely should not think about what she taste like or how her lips would feel against her own, or any of the other things that won’t stop running through her mind, on a fairly regular basis, not all time but often enough (that they give her pause). But, it’s so fucking hard not to, imagine from time to time. Fuck! It’s damn near impossible, because yes, she finds Laura very fucking attractive, but then again, who wouldn’t._ _

__“Okay, get you’re shit together Carmilla. You can’t fucking do this. You don’t have feelings for Laura.”_ _

__She’s a dork and a little bit of a klutz (sometimes), but she’s headstrong, super sweet and adorable, and loyal to her like no one has ever been before. When they became friends any possibility of fucking Laura went out the window, no matter what she may or may not feel. That would be a fucking mistake. She cannot fuck her best friend._ _

__“You do not fucking have feelings for Laura. You don’t! Get your fucking head on right.”_ _

__Her brain’s only wired one way, when it comes to girls, but with Laura it’s different, and at times so very much the same._ _

__“You don’t have feelings for girls. You fuck them.”_ _

__Carmilla’s little pep talk worked for the most part, at least about as much as it usually did, it dulled the ache and made her think about consequences, something she never gave a shit about with other girls. She fucked their brains out, then never called, they either loved her or hated her, but that shit didn’t matter. That was the difference. With Laura everything matters. She means more to her than sex. So much more and she would never use her Cupcake like she does all those other girls, no matter, how big the temptation occasionally is to have sex with her, she would never do that to Laura._ _

__“You cannot have sex with Laura, even if you have thought about it, since you met her. That was fine when she hated you, then she was just another piece of ass. And you mostly wanted to know if she was quiet, or did scream, because she was really fucking good at screaming at you. Then you had nothing to lose.”_ _

__Her hormones are not going to ruin their relationship, she won’t let that happen, she won’t screw this up. Nothing will ever come between her and Laura, no matter how many girls she had to fuck to get rid of this feeling. She’s family._ _

__“So, keep it the fuck together. Stay in control. Because, now you have everything to lose, Laura’s not a one timer, she’ll want more, fucking will never be enough for her. And that’s all you have to give.”_ _

__Talking herself down was one thing, but Carmilla knew that she was going to have to get laid before next weekend. The only good thing that ever came out of her momentary weaknesses, or maybe it was temporary insanity, was the huge increase in girls she fucked. Whatever, don’t judge. It doesn’t happen often, or at least it never used to. But, there was no way in hell she could spend two whole days pretending to be her girlfriend with all this pent up sexual tension. Or she just might do something stupid like fuck her best friend._ _

__(She would never do anything to hurt Laura, which means that she can never have her.)_ _

__

__Laura barely made it to her room and collapsed on her bed before she had her hand in her pants stroking herself, biting her bottom lip to keep from moaning too loud. She was so wet, her fingers slid easily through her pussy, separating her lips to tease her clit. Rubbing it in slow gentle circles, her fingers coated with her own wetness. Each pass of her fingers over the sensitive nub made her whimper in pleasure. The light friction made her want more, but she liked to tease herself a little bit. Her thighs quivered as she dug her heels into the mattress. Her hips rising off the bed as her fingers grew more focused, tracing along her clit, and pressing harder against it._ _

__“Oh, god,” she turned her head to moan into her pillow._ _

__Stroking harder, her hips bucked involuntarily, as she slid her other hand beneath her shirt to cup her breast, teasing her painfully hard nipples with her thumb, pinching hard enough to make her pussy quiver and spasm. Damn her nipples were so sensitive, if a girl knew what she was doing, she could come from her sucking on them alone when she was this turned on. She pinched them again, harder this time, causing another spasm. The fingers working her clit gliding lower to tease her opening. She almost didn’t turn her head in time to muffle another loud moan, as she dipped two fingers inside wanting to prolong her pleasure. Knowing if she went always inside it would be over too soon and it had been so long since she had a good orgasm, she wanted this to last._ _

__She eased a little deeper, swirling her fingers around in her wetness, before dragging her hand out of her pants and bringing it to her lips, tracing her fingers along her bottom lip, coating it with her arousal she slowly sucked it into her mouth. Moaning quietly at the taste of her own desire on her tongue, teasing her other nipple, as she licked her fingers clean. She slipped her hand back into her panties, her fingers tracing through even more wetness than before as they circled pussy. She couldn’t wait anymore, she needed, she wanted to come. Tweaking her nipple roughly as she thrust deep inside, her thumb stroking against her clit, her fingers pumping frantically without gentleness, in her desperation for release, her hips bucking and rolling against the mattress. The echo of her fucking herself and her moans filled the room, her breath becoming more ragged with each thrust._ _

__She was so close, she could feel her walls spasm, as she roughly pinched her nipple again, twisting it at the same time. She added a third finger thrusting deep inside, and pressing her thumb hard against her clit. A few more hard thrusts and her body tensed, her mouth fell open as she let out a silent scream a fierce orgasm roiling through her, gush after gush of release saturating her palm._ _

__For a few moments the world fell away, but quickly came rushing back. She slipped her fingers from her pussy and dragged them out of her pants to taste herself again, taking even more pleasure in it as she slowly licked them clean one by one. Then let her hand fall to the bed, while the other continued to cup her breast. Laura lay spent on her bed, knowing she was going to need another shower after that. Her panties were soaked through, ruined, as was her jogging pants, and she imagined the sheets too, but damn was it worth it._ _

__Ironically, she’d gotten herself off in less than fifteen minutes, not that it mattered Carm was going to take forever to getting ready anyway, she always did, even if she purported not to care what people thought, she liked to look good and well put together whenever she left the apartment and that took her a while. Laura still had plenty of time to shower and fix them something to eat before she even emerged from her room. And no, she was not thinking about Carm while she touched herself. She just needed a release._ _

__As she lay there basking in the afterglow of her orgasm, she affirmed to herself that it was time to get back out there and play the field, eight months of not dating, eight months without sex, was just too damn long for her. Sure, it had been nice, just being by herself, a much needed reminder that she didn’t need somebody to make her feel whole, after being in and out of relationships since freshman year, because college had expanded her world and possibilities for dating so she’d jumped in wholeheartedly. It had been a much needed change of pace. She had no regrets, but it was definitely time to start dating again. There’s only so much a girl can do for herself before she needs more. And the brief moment of insanity she had lusting after Carm, made it clear that she’d reached her limits. After next weekend she was getting herself back in the game, she would start sooner, but midterms and her cousin’s engagement party (along with work and her duties for the Sentinel) will likely consume most of her attention for the next two weeks._ _

__

__The door to Carmilla’s room opened just as Laura was finishing with the food and was putting it on plates. She strolled out of her room, wearing a black tank top under her plaid flannel and her favorite pair of black jeans that were ripped at the knees, and of course, her usually combat boots. Yep, perfect timing, it’s like she had some sort of second sense for knowing when it was time to eat or something._ _

__“Something smells good in here, Cupcake,” She said as she plopped down in her chair at the table._ _

__“You say that every time,” Laura replied with an eye roll._ _

__“And I always mean it,” She rubbed her hands together as Laura set her plate in front of her, and she eyed the big juicy burger made just the way she liked it and the fries piled high smothered in ketchup._ _

__“You’re lucky I know how to do more than just bake.” Laura said as she took a seat across from her._ _

__“Trust me, we wouldn’t be roommates if you didn’t.”_ _

__“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes at her again, trying to hide the smile threatening to creep up on her and turn up the corner of her mouth. “Like you could stomach living with anyone other than me.”_ _

__“You got me there, Cutie.” She smirked, then picked up a fry and popped it in her mouth. Her eyes rolling back in her head for a moment, because damn, she loved homemade fries, (especially when her Cupcake made them for her)._ _

__As the two of them settled in to eat, it appears whatever they felt when they woke up from their nap was a non-issue, a thing of the past or at the very least squashed and put under wraps. Neither of them acted or treated the other any differently as they traded barbs amidst the laughter of inside jokes and other randomness. At one point Laura tossed a fry at Carmilla when she mocked her infatuation with the Doctor and the replica of the sonic screwdriver that she had prominently displayed on a shelf in her room, and she simply thanked her with an amused smirk before smearing it in the ketchup on her plate and tossing it in her mouth. Perhaps those feelings from earlier were nothing after all, just a distant memory to be quickly forgotten and set aside._ _

__“So where are headed,” Carmilla asked taking a huge bite out of her medium well burger, “and please don’t say the mall.”_ _

__“No,” Laura rolled her eyes, “not the mall, I was planning on checking out some of the shops on the Silas strip. They always have really nice clothes when I window shop.”_ _

__“Perfect,” Carmilla said, overly pleased, “Diesel’s right by the strip.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Laura grumbled, “I know, you don’t have to remind me.”_ _

__“Relax, Cupcake, it’ll be fine.” She said with a laugh as she took another bite from her burger, licking away the juices that dripped onto her fingers._ _

__“You’re just doing this to torment me,” she muttered under her breath, to which Carm replied with a devilish grin._ _

__Laura grumbled a little bit more about it, but for the most part they quickly finished the rest of their meal in comfortable silence. While she loaded the dishwasher, Carm went to go grab her bag from] her room, and probably her latest book. It took her longer that Laura had expected, so she grabbed a couple of cookies and leaned back against the counter, popping one in her mouth while she waited. She was munching on the other one when Carm reappeared a few moments later. Rolling her eyes at her knowing grin, she grabbed her purse off the half-counter where she left it earlier when she came to cook. As they headed out the door Carmilla convinced Laura, or rather, she adamantly proclaimed that they were taking her car because she wouldn’t be “caught dead” in her Camry, which was so not true, she’d ridden in it plenty of times before, at least until she got the ‘beast’ as she called her Camaro, but she acquiesced anyway, even though she wasn’t exactly a fan of Carm’s car, or maybe it was just her driving it like a bat out of hell._ _

__

__Shopping was an...adventure, to say the least. Carm tried to be supportive but after spending nearly three hours in the first few shops, she was beginning to get angsty and very irritated. By this point, Laura had tried on numerous dresses and she looked good in each of them, but for some reason, they just weren’t right. Well, they were okay, none of them where exactly the fit or look she was going for though. She wanted something that spoke to her, and she hadn’t found it yet. But shopping for the just the right outfit was an art, it took time and patience, right, at least that was what she kept telling herself, after trying on nearly two dozen dresses and couple of pant suits._ _

__She was showing Carm, yet another dress, the fifth one she’d tried on at Haven n Lace alone, but all she did was mutter a half-hearted complement, as she flopped back down on the little bench outside the dressing room with a loud huff._ _

__“Come on, Cupcake,” Carmilla grumbled dejectedly, “we’ve been at this for hours. You’ve got to pick something out.”_ _

__She was trying to be supportive, she really was, but there was only so much frill she could take and her Cupcake had dragged her into nearly half the damn cutesy shops on the strip, hell, she was starting to get hives from all the mainstream shit around her. And, if one more person gave her a suspicious look she just might flip. No, she didn’t give a fuck about what they thought of her but it was getting on her last got damn nerve._ _

__“Just a little bit longer, Carm, I promise.”_ _

__“Whatever,” She huffed again before burying her nose back in her book, and roughly turning the page. “You said the same damn thing like an hour ago.” She muttered._ _

__Yeah, this is kind of why they never went shopping together. Carm has no patience, she knows what she wants and goes in and grabs it, the only thing she has to pay attention to is size, whereas she likes to take her time and try things on. This time her outfit really did have to be perfect. Her cousin is getting engaged after all, and she wanted to look her best. And no, it was not because it was expected of her, this is a special occasion, and she just wants to be stunning that’s all. Besides, she knows Sarah will really appreciate all the time and effort she’s putting into it, even if she did technically wait until nearly the last minute, she would understand that too, she knows how hectic senior year can be, and she was actually really excited Laura could get time off of work to come at all, so yeah, she was doing this for her._ _

__Holding onto her optimism, she tried on three more dresses, getting little to no response from Carm when she showed them to her. Laura was almost beginning to regret asking her to come with her, and yet at the same time she couldn’t really blame her either. There was no way Carm would ever grace the doorstep of any of the boutiques on the strip, if she wasn’t doing it to make her happy. Shopping for clothes isn’t really Carm’s thing to begin with and she knew that from the start, the only reason she’s even here with her is because she practically begged her to come._ _

__She stuck them on the go back rack outside the dressing room, and scooped up the last three sitting on the bench next to Carm, (who didn’t even bat an eyelash), and took them back into the dressing room with her. At this point Laura figured, if she came out in something that got her attention that would have to mean something._ _

__Laura tried the first one on but didn’t even bother showing it to her. She didn’t like it at all. It just didn’t fit her right. It was too loose in the chest and hips, and made her look like she had no curves at all. With a sigh, feeling almost defeated, she took it off, put it neatly back on the hanger and hung it up on the hook in the dressing room, before stopping to look at the last two dresses that she had picked out. One was red and incredibly fitted with a fringe of lace along the hem, and the other was a baby blue with lace across the bodice that ran down the center of the dress to the waistline._ _

__There were still several other shops that they could go to, if these didn’t work out, but she had to admit, she was getting a little tired of this herself. With a hopeful sigh, she grabbed the blue one, (she isn’t a big fan of red anyway), and slipped into it, and of course, she struggled a bit with the zipper. But once she finally had it on, she chanced a glance in the mirror. And...she actually thought it looked pretty darn good, if she did say so herself, clinging in all the right places, accentuating the curve of her hip and butt. Now she just needed to get Carm’s opinion, which with any luck, wouldn’t be the same resigned indifferent grumbling as the last few times._ _

__“Hey, Carm,” she crossed her fingers as she pulled back the curtain and stepped out, “what do you think about this one?”_ _

__Slowly, Carmilla unenthusiastically glanced up from her book to look at her. The moment she saw Laura, her eyes went wide, unconsciously darkening, and her mouth gaped open a little bit._ _

__“Wow! Damn, Cupcake,” she rasped, not even noticing the book slip from her hands and hit the floor, “you look...amazing.”_ _

She ignored the tightening in her abdomen and the sudden moisture between her legs and the fact that she may have just creamed a little bit in her panties. Because yeah, she just needed to get laid that’s all. Laura is an incredibly attractive woman, and all, who wouldn’t get a little, turned on just by looking at her, especially in _that_ dress. And okay, maybe she was more than a little bit aroused right now, but yeah, her mind was always on sex anyway. So it was no big deal. It didn’t mean a fucking thing. Besides, she was going to take care of that particular urge to fuck tonight. There was nothing for her to worry about. Everything was _fine_. 

__“Really!” She asked spinning around slowly so Carm could see how it looked on her in full. “You think so?”_ _

__Yeah, that was definitely much better than the reaction Laura was hoping for. It made her heart beat a little faster and that sensation in the pit of her stomach started to come back but she shook it off and pretended she didn’t feel anything at all. She couldn’t let this become a thing, if Carm found out it might change everything, and she didn’t want that. She did not want them to stop cuddling, she did not want their friendship to change, she likes them just the way they are. Carm meant way too much to her, to ruin their friendship by falling in love with her. She couldn’t feel this way and she wouldn’t allow it to happen. So she chose to put all of her focus on the dress instead to take her mind off it, to make herself forget._ _

__“Definitely,” Carmilla replied instinctively biting her bottom lip, taking it all in before Laura stopped turning and stood still in front of her. “That is definitely the one.”_ _

__“Good. I’ll go change and pay for it.”_ _

__“Okay,” Carmilla nodded a flicker in her deep brown orbs as Laura disappeared behind the curtain._ _

Laura charged the purchase to her credit card because it would be too big of a hit to her bank account. She didn’t get paid again for another two weeks and rent was do in next Monday, plus their electric bill and the water bill still needed to be paid before then, and on top of that gas and groceries. So, basically yeah, she couldn’t really afford it, but the interest charges she would accrue on her card would be totally worth it. Because she _did_ look pretty damn hot in that dress. 

__“I’m starving,” Laura said as she put her wallet away, “are you up for a late lunch?”_ _

__“Hell yeah,” she replied rubbing her stomach in anticipation._ _

__“Okay,” Laura took the bag that the cashier handed to her as she thanked her, “It’ll be my treat for suffering through this with me.”_ _

__“Is it my choice,” Carmilla asked hopefully._ _

__“Isn’t always,” she said with an eye roll._ _

__“Not always, sometimes your cruel and make me eat weird stuff, like sushi.”_ _

“Carm, _you_ like sushi,” Laura rolled her eyes at her again. 

__“Not the point, Cutie, so not the point.”_ _

__Carmilla automatically took Laura’s hand as they walked out of the store, both of them smiling like fools, as they made their way to the parking garage a few blocks away, and neither of them knew it, or at least they didn’t seem to mind, holding hands was as normal for them as cuddling at night._ _

__“Thanks, Carm,” Laura said tugging on her hand as they waited at the light to cross the street._ _

__“Anytime, Cupcake,” her smile grew a little brighter when Laura leaned into her and kissed her cheek._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a regular update schedule, but I’ll try to post at least one chapter a week. Sorry I was a little behind on posting this one, the changes I had to make to the story took a lot more time to fix than I thought.


	5. Somewhere Inside Me There May Lie The Strength To Mend What’s Broken, But How Will I Fight The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of last chapter. 
> 
> Feelings, friendship and comfort...and maybe one of the girls gets some ink. 
> 
> A childhood fear is brought to the surface, maybe it’ll be confronted, or maybe it’ll always be the thing that plagues the mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> There will be some point of view changes, hope they’re not too confusing. 
> 
> This is a little different from the first four chapters, hope you guys like it. 
> 
> I know this chapter is incredibly long, I was going to split it in two parts, but decided not to, either way the word count would be the same. Sorry guys. In the future I intend for the chapters to be much, much shorter. 
> 
> TW mentions of death and disease, mentions of anxiety attacks

**Chapter 5**  


The moment that they walked into Diesel, Laura felt the owners eyes settle on her from his place behind the counter, his mouth drawn in a tight line as he scowled at her, and she had to fight back a shudder of discomfort. Yeah, like she said before the guy is just f-ing weird. She stuck as close by Carm’s side as she possibly could, occasionally even trying to hide behind her or amongst the clothing racks, but his gaze never faltered, locked on, tracking her like a hunter stalking its prey. Even when he couldn’t see her directly, she found him staring at her in one of the mirrors hung high on the walls to help deter shoplifters. 

Carm tried to tell her she needed to relax when they first walked in the store, that the guy, apparently his name is Sean, only watched her like a hawk because she was always so jittery whenever she came in. But it didn’t help. The discomfort she always felt had already settled in. She just couldn’t help it the guys beady little eyes pursuing her still creeped her the hell out. Having him stare at her like she was some kind of leper left her feeling uneasy. From the very first time she ever walked into his store, it has always been this way, at first she thought it was her bubbly personality that rubbed him the wrong way, so she had tried to tone it down the next time Carm brought her here, but it didn’t change anything. He still stared at her relentlessly. Maybe it was just a game to him, to make her feel uncomfortable, because yeah, it was pretty darn obvious that she didn’t fit in. 

When her advice did nothing to help, Carm just shook her head with a knowing smirk and started looking around, stopping at a display of leather pants and fingering through them until she found the right size. Tucking them over her arm, she led Laura over to a hanging rack of matching leather corsets a few feet away, picking out the most revealing one imaginable, before continuing to browse. The sensation of Carm’s hand clasping around hers again distracted her somewhat, but not much, she couldn’t shake the eerie feeling his scrutiny left her with. 

She was too busy trying to hide from _Sean_ to pay attention when Carm stopped at another clothing rack, at least not until she held up the skimpiest pair of panties that she had ever seen and waived them in her face. 

“Hey, Cupcake, what do you think?” Carmilla dangled the leopard print thong from her fingertips, wiggling her perfectly shaped eyebrows at her suggestively.

 _“Carm,”_ Laura exclaimed. 

“What?” Carmilla shrugged innocently. Biting her lip to control the amused laugh threatening to escape as Laura’s face was suffused with heat, her blush shot from the back of her neck to the tips of her ears and left her entire face a bright shade of crimson. “I think they would look _purrfect_ on you, Cutie.” She rasped with a teasing undertone to her voice.

“You’re such a pain in the butt sometimes, you know that.” Laura muttered out of embarrassment as she grabbed the underwear from her fingers and stuck them haphazardly back on the rack, before dragging her as far away from it as she possibly could, ignoring her adamant protest to go back and take another look. 

Of course, Carm wasn’t just messing around this morning that would be way too easy. She was on a mission to see just how flustered she could get her. Great, just what she needed, not only does she have to worry about the creepy owner, now she has to keep an eye on Carm too. This is another reason why she doesn’t often go shopping with her. She always likes to play the usual game of ‘let’s frustrate the hell out of Laura’ for her own amusement. 

“And you’re no fun.” Carmilla pouted, dejectedly eyeing the lace panties, over her shoulder as Laura led her away by the hand. 

Then another wicked glimmer graced her features, fortunately her Cupcake didn’t seem to notice, as something else caught her eye. Tugging on Laura’s hand to change their course, she led her over to a table nearby with an array of neatly folded shirts. She began leafing through the tops being careful not to unfold any of them before picking one out because she didn’t want to give away the surprise too soon. There would be no fun in that. 

“How about this, Cutie,” She said smirking at Laura as she held one out to her, letting it fall open in the process. 

“Oh my gosh,” Laura muttered, eyeing the blouse in question, other than a thin strip of material across the chest, the damn thing was completely sheer across the shoulders and body. “You’re impossible!”

“Try it on for me.” Carmilla nodded in the direction of the dressing room, her eyes sparkling mischievously, waiting for the intended reaction from her.

 _‘Ugh!’_ Laura grunted to herself. The mocking challenge in Carm’s dark brown eyes enticing her to do something she normally wouldn’t even think about. “Fine.” She muttered. 

Snatching it from her, she head over to the dressing room on the other side of the store, leaving a thoroughly shocked Carmilla to follow in her wake with her mouth gapping open. Laura closed the door to the changing room with one last smug glance at Carm. She was still staring at her with wide-eyed disbelief, clearly not expecting her to actually go through with it. For once they were playing a game that she could win and she was going to take a great deal of pleasure in proving her wrong. 

“Aren’t you gonna show me, Cupcake,” Carmilla asked after a few moments, all of the teasing gone from her voice. 

“No way,” Laura squeaked. One glance in the mirror had sent a fresh blush across her cheeks. The blouse left very little to the imagination, it clung to her like a second skin and the strip of material covering her chest did very little to hide the swell of her breasts, so much as it emphasized and drew attention to their fullness. 

“Come on, Cutie, let me see.” Carmilla coaxed, her tone nothing more than a soft plea. 

The anticipation was killing her. Once she got over her initial surprise, the thought of actually seeing Laura in that shirt was tantalizing and completely irresistible. She knows from experience, her Cupcake has an amazing body, but she rarely shows it off. The idea of catching even a glimpse of her left Carmilla’s mouth feeling unusually dry and her heart beating a little faster in her chest, (which she chose not to read too much into). 

“You’ve been trying on clothes for me all day, Cupcake. What’s one more time?” 

_‘Especially, when this is one I actually want to see you in.’_ She thought to herself, because there was no way in hell she was going to say that out loud. Part of her wonders how Laura can be so shy and insecure about the way she looks, when she’s so gorgeous, inside and out. Anyone can see that. 

“You better not make fun of me, Carm,” Taking a deep breath Laura stepped out into the open. She honestly didn’t know what she was making a big deal about, she wore less when she went swimming, of course there were a lot of nerves involved then to, but something about this, just felt--different.

“That’s...hot.” Carmilla murmured, letting out a slow airy breath, her nostrils flaring as she looked her over, there was no hiding Laura’s temptingly firm breasts or her toned abs, causing her to swallow hard before she spoke. “You should get it.” 

“It’s not my style.” Laura said, tossing a smug grin her way, as she turned around and went back into the dressing room to change into her blue and grey stripped t-shirt.

“But, it looks really _really_ good on you.” Carmilla replied, glancing at the blouse Laura left hanging inside the dressing room, when she reemerged a couple minutes later. 

“Nope, not gonna happen.” Laura shook her head firmly. 

“I’ll buy it for you,” Carmilla said quickly, biting her bottom lip. “I don’t care if you never wear it out of the apartment,” her hopeful gaze unabashedly on Laura, remembering how sexy she looked in that shirt and her tight denim skinny jeans.

The glimmer she saw in Carm’s eyes, caught her by surprise, but she chalked it up to her trying hard to win their little game and disregarded it, (despite the catch in her breath). “Unh unh,” She said. “I just wanted to give you a little taste of how it would look on me.”

“You suck, Cupcake,” Carmilla scowled at her. 

“Don’t be a sore loser, Carm.” Laura said when she glared at her letting out a disappointed huff. She was feeling rather pleased with herself, for once she had beaten Carm at her own game. 

For several moments Carm just stared at her, her espresso eyes unreadable. Laura tried not to think about the way her heart jumped a little in her chest as her gaze bore into her, but it was there, it happened. (And it wasn’t nearly as easy to let go of or stop the tightening happening in other places, but she had to. Nothing good could ever come of this). A small smirk gradually appeared on Carm’s face as she took her hand and began to slowly guide her around the rest of the store, eyeing this and that, with mild interest. 

The pleasure Laura had taken in her small victory was short-lived. Falling into one of their competitive games had temporarily made her forget the discomfort she felt at being in Diesel. But when they came out of the dressing room, she could feel the intensity of _Sean’s_ gaze on her again and it all came flooding back. For some reason his scrutiny made her even more flustered than before, or maybe it was that mixed with the way Carm had looked at her and the odd effect it had. Either way this time she couldn’t hide the tremor that coursed through her body. Carm’s tiny little smirk transformed into a full blown grin, curling at the corner of her mouth completely replacing her scowl, when she groaned and uttered a quiet curse under her breath.

She was sure this was Carm’s way of torturing her, to pay her back for all the foo foo boutiques she dragged her into earlier today because she has been holding the same pair of leather pants and skimpy black corset in her hands pretty much since they walked into the darn store. She can tell by the amused looks Carm keeps giving her, that she’s enjoying her discomfort quite a bit. The evil little witch. Just wait ‘til she finds out what movie she’s planning on watching tonight. Frozen. That’ll show her.

They spent about an hour-and-a-half in Diesel before Carm finally made her purchase, yep the same darn leather pants and corset she had all along, although Laura did catch her trying to go back and sneak that damn see-through shirt up to the register without her knowing, on more than one occasion. She wasn’t sure why she was so set on getting it for her. The flirting was all a part of the fun for her, wasn’t it. Yeah, that’s had to be it, ‘cause it’s always been that way. 

As they made their way out of the store, Laura couldn’t help the sense of relief that washed over her. It almost felt like she could breathe normally again now that she was out of there. _Stupid evil best friend,_ subjecting her too that. The two of them walked down the street side by side in silence on their way to the car, and she huffed when Carm took her hand, but didn’t pull away. There was something about her silence, and the way Carm’s thumb absentmindedly stroked the back of her hand. Laura could tell she had something on her mind. 

And although she was curious about what had her in such a weird mood, she didn’t let it get the best of her, she had learned from repeatedly making that mistake a long time ago. Plus she really enjoyed holding her hand, it was one of the best parts of their relationship. And prying would only put a damper on it. She knew Carm would tell her in her own time, so she was content to wait her out in spite of her inquisitive nature. 

 

Carmilla popped the trunk once they reached her Camaro and tossed her bag inside. She wanted to ask Laura something, but didn’t want her to freak out about it. And she was pretty fucking sure that it would, but she has been thinking about getting a tattoo for a long time. She has done a lot of research and even found the shop she wants to go to. They had almost a-hundred percent excellent reviews on Yelp and she had checked out the tattoo artists portfolios online, she had even drawn up a design. But, she’s really fucking nervous and maybe even a little bit scared of going alone, yeah, she can admit it, at least to herself. That’s why she hasn’t gotten it done yet.

The point is that she really wants to ask Laura to come with her for support, and yeah, getting her tat today just feels right somehow. And it wouldn’t be such a big deal but, the thing is her Cupcake has this unnatural fear of needles, and of course she understands why. So it’s a major favor to ask, (and she’s definitely not sure she should). But the truth is, even if she did have someone else she could ask to go with her, she wouldn’t. In some weird way this is kind of something that she wants to do with Laura. Getting a tattoo is nothing special, of course she knows that, but doing something so permanent is a big change for her, and kind of a big deal, that’s the part she wants to share with her Cupcake. 

Carmilla cast a nervous glance at her as she slipped behind the wheel, watching Laura as she climbed in next to her. Swallowing hard, her mouth felt unusually dry, and her palms were a little sweaty to. Fuck, was she nervous. She really wanted to do this, but actually asking Laura was something else altogether, because seriously, what if she freaked out, then what would she do?

“Cupcake...” She hesitated for a moment, while Laura simply gazed at her expectantly and waited for her to continue.

Damn, her Cupcake already knew that she had something on her mind. She should have known, Laura is so good at reading her after all. Fuck! She couldn’t back out now even if she wanted to, she didn’t, but not having a choice in the matter is a bit overwhelming. And lying to her about it is out of the question, she knew her Cupcake would see right through that too. Fuck! 

“I--I um,” Carmilla stammered, “will you come with me to get my tattoo?”

“Whoa,” Laura gaped at her not sure that she had heard her right, “I--I’m sorry...you’re what now?”

“A tattoo,” Carmilla could tell by the look in her eye that she wasn’t handling this well at all. 

“T--t-tattoo,” Laura exclaimed with a high-pitched squeal, her voice faltering. “Wh--what are...thinking,” she was shaking her head fiercely and it took her a moment longer to form a semi-coherent response. “N--needles, C--Carm.” 

“Cupcake, please calm down.” Carmilla said soft and soothing, she wanted to reach out and wrap her in her arms, but she knew that wasn’t the best idea at the moment, touching her would probably be a mistake. _‘Fuck! I’m such an idiot! I never should have mentioned it. What the fuck was I thinking?’_

She could tell Laura was close to freaking the fuck out, (and she was the cause of it), which was broaching on new territory for her, her Cupcake tended to stay far away from things that caused her anxiety, and she’d only experienced it a few times, and it was never as bad as this looked like it could potentially be. 

_‘I was being a selfish jerk, thinking more about what I wanted, than what was best for Laura. I’m so fucking stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Fuck.’_

She’s not sure she would even know what to do if Laura went into full blown panic mode. Carmilla wasn’t certain the usual method of soothing her by speaking calmly would work for something like that. But it was too late to turn back now. She couldn’t take it back, the only thing she could do was hope an explanation would be enough to calm her down, or at least distract her long enough for her to calm down. 

“I’ve wanted to get one since the end of last semester. I did a bunch of research on what to look out for when you’re getting a tattoo, and I checked out all the tattoo parlors in town. I even drew something and I’ve been carrying the design around with me for the last three months,” Carmilla spoke softly, keeping her voice calm and even, because it was all she knew to do to bring Laura back down. “I just--I don’t want to go by myself.” She bit her lip and waited uncertainly for Laura’s reaction. 

“T--That’s n--news to me,” Laura stammered out before clearing her throat and glaring pointedly at Carmilla, “w--why did you hide it from me?”

And, okay, maybe that wasn’t the issue at hand, but it was what she poured all of her concentration into at the moment. Because the two of them don’t keep secrets from each other, especially not about something like this, or at least she thought they didn’t. Right now, she wasn’t so sure, or maybe it was the fear talking. All she knew was centering her attention on that while she tried to regain her bearings was easier than dealing with the bigger issue of what Carm was asking. Her synapses were firing rapidly, and no matter how hard she pushed it away her mind kept going back to one thing. _Needles._ Laura shuddered involuntarily. Friggin’ needles, not like sewing needles, or anything like that, those she was fine with, but syringes, anything that is meant to intentionally puncture the skin, those are maybe her biggest fear.

“Because, I know how you feel about the whole needle thing,” Carmilla whispered apologetically, “I didn’t want you to freak out, like you’re about to do right now.”

Carmilla didn’t feel guilty about many things, she always said what she meant and meant what she said, but she definitely felt guilty about upsetting Laura. She just wanted to do this with her, getting her tattoo was symbolic for her and her Cupcake meant everything to her. She is special. Doing this with Laura was meant to be special too. Not like this. She never should have opened her big fucking mouth. The right thing to do would have been to girl the hell up and get it done on her own, she could have just showed it to Laura afterwards. And it still would have been meaningful, not the same, but still significant. Fuck. She is such an idiot. 

“I...I’m not about to freak out.” Laura stammered.

“Laura, you’re shaking.”

Okay maybe, that is true, but it does not mean she’s freaking out, it doesn’t, Laura argued with herself internally, her heart racing in her chest. She wasn’t going to do this to herself again. She wasn’t going to have an all-out figgin’ panic attack. _‘I’m not freaking out.’_ She repeated over and over again in her head, forcing herself to take several deep calming breaths, waiting until the tremors subsided before she spoke.

“I--I’m fine.” Laura stated, adamantly determined to be just that. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Laura.” Carmilla said softly, “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry. I know...”

“I’m not,” Laura said interrupting her apology, her voice was still a little shaky, but she no longer felt like she might have an emotional melt down. She glanced up at Carm, capturing her gaze, “you really want to do this?”

“Yeah,” Carmilla nodded with certainty, “I do.”

Alright maybe, she’d kind of been hoping that she would suddenly change her mind. But...This was Carm’s decision and she would do her best to support it. Even if that meant facing one of her greatest fears (in the world), Laura couldn’t believe she was about to do this, but it was Carm, and she let herself pinpoint on that, because she matters more to her than the fear, and thinking about anything else would just make her all anxious again. She had made Carm a promise that she would always be there for her no matter what, and she intends to keep it. 

“Okay,” Laura said quietly. Her eyes fluttering shut for a moment as she flittered through the thoughts bumping around in her head. _‘I can just go and be there for her. I can at least do that much, can’t I? It’s not that much to ask of myself. I can do this for Carm!’_ Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes again, with it settled in her mind she felt a sense of tranquility wash over her. “I’ll go with you.” 

“Really!” Carmilla asked excitedly, though there was still a hint of uncertainty in her voice. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes,” Laura leaned in and kissed her lightly on cheek, “but, just so you know,” she resettled herself in the passenger seat and put on her seatbelt, “I’m not watching while you get it done.” She said trying to lighten the mood as much for Carm’s sake as her own. 

The anxiety had subsided, for the most part, her breathing had evened out and her heartbeat was back to normal again. She was going to be okay, Laura thought to herself, and for once she actually believed it. 

“That’s okay. I don’t need you to go back with me or anything.” Carmilla reached over to take her hand running her thumb along the back of it. “Just knowing you’re there is enough.”

Laura lifted Carm’s hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “I’m always here for you, Carm, even if it scares the shit out of me. I’m with you.”

“Thanks, Laura,” Carmilla said softly. 

She hated having to let go of Laura’s hand, but she needed both of hers to drive. That was one of the drawbacks of owning a stick that she had never considered before now, not being able to hold a girls hand while she drove. It had never been an issue before. Carmilla started the engine, leaving her hand on the shifter as she pulled away from the curb, (being careful to pay particular attention to speed limits and stop signs). She didn’t want to think about what she was feeling in that moment or why it suddenly mattered, so she focused on the road. 

 

“Are you sure about this, Cupcake,” Carmilla asked as she took the keys out of the ignition and turned to look at her.

“Yes,” Laura replied unbuckling her seatbelt. 

She had done a lot of thinking on the way over here. Her nerves were calm and she didn’t feel panicky, knowing where they were headed or what she was about to about to do. “I can’t make any promises or say this won’t get bad for me, Carm, but I want to try.”

“I know. I just...”

“I’m fine right now, okay.” Laura reached out to take her hand, “let’s just focus on that.” She didn’t want to think about the ‘what if’s’ or the very real possibility that she’ll end up having a panic attack. Her fear of needles ran deep down to her very core, and she knew the reasoning behind it was irrational, but it didn’t make her any less afraid. Logic didn’t really come into play with things like that. 

“Okay.” Carmilla glanced down at their interconnected hands then met her gaze again. “Just, promise that you’ll tell me, if it’s too much. Don’t try to hide it from me.”

“If I can’t handle this, you’ll know, Carm.” Laura sighed, but it wasn’t out of exasperation, “you’ll know,” she repeated. She knew how she would be if she broke down, it would be--bad, and that was putting it mildly. 

The two of them shared a look of understanding before they got out of the car. Standing on the curb waiting for Carm to get her bag out of the trunk, she fidgeted with her hands, Laura wasn’t panicking, but she was nervous. Doing something like this was a big thing for her, she’d never come close to overcoming her phobia, and she’d certainly never willingly faced it before. But she hated being afraid, having something hanging over her head that could so easily dictate her life, more than that she hated when it did, then she didn’t even have the capacity to control her own body, because the fear was so real it consumed her mind. She didn’t want to be afraid anymore, but she was. In spite of all that, she was doing this. She was determined to walk into that tattoo parlor with Carm, regardless of whatever may come. With the thought firm in her mind she stopped fidgeting her hands, at this point, she didn’t know if this was more about Carm, or herself. And to be quite honest, it didn’t really matter. 

Carmilla set the alarm and tucked her keys in her pocket as she stepped up on the curb and took Laura’s hand. There was a chill in the air as the two of them walked down the street, but it wasn’t too bad, since winter was still more than a month away. The weather hasn’t really changed enough to matter, it is still warm enough to wear shorts and tank tops during the day, but a jacket is a necessity when the sun went down and the air cooled off. It wasn’t late enough to be an issue though; it was only around six-thirty, besides they were both prepared for that anyway. They made the short walk in compatible silence, there wasn’t really much left to say. 

It was barely starting to get dark when the two of them walked into Justice By Design. The bell on the door chimed as they entered, and a few moments later a tall muscular guy, with tattoos covering every visible inch on his arms and neck, emerged from behind the closed curtain at the back of the tattoo parlor. 

“Hello ladies, welcome to Justice By Design,” he smiled wide, “I’m Lucas. What can I do for you today?”

Carmilla kept a firm grasp on Laura’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as she guided them over to the counter. She honestly, still couldn’t quite believe that Laura was here with her. It was one of the things that she loves about her the most. Laura is brave. She has to be or she never would have set foot through the door, even if she is only doing it for her. She is doing it, that’s what mattered. Her Cupcake is willing to face one of the things she fears the most, just to keep a promise to her. And she’s truly amazed by it. No one has ever done anything like that for her before. 

“I want to get a tattoo,” She said.

“Well, we’ve got plenty to choose from,” he gestured to the accordion rack hanging on the wall behind them, “and if you don’t find anything there, our portfolios are right here,” he pointed off to his right on the counter, “but I’m the only one available at the moment.”

“No, no, that’s fine. I checked out everyone’s body of work online already.” Carmilla recalled seeing his extensive portfolio on their website, and his work was pretty damn good, “besides I don’t need to look. I know what I want.” 

“Really,” he said, as if that was something knew for him.

“Yeah,” Carmilla replied confidently, “I drew something up.” 

“Okay,” Lucas offered a hesitant smile, and Carmilla thought this must be something that happens to him all the time, people walking in off the street, with something shitty that they designed, but she’s not one of them. She knew what she was doing, and in about six months she’d have a degree to prove it. “Let’s take a look at what you’ve got,” he said with a resigned sigh. 

Her sketch pad was in her messenger bag slung across her shoulder, but she didn’t want to let go of Laura’s hand to get it out, she’s been so unusually quiet this entire time and she could feel involuntary tremors coursing through her every so often. Carmilla turned her attention away from him to gaze at her, giving her handle a gentle squeeze to get her attention, since she was staring at the wall behind the counter, her eyes flittering from one thing to another but not really focusing on anything for too long. So far Laura appeared to be doing okay with everything, but she needed to hear it for herself before this went any further.

“Actually, can you give us a moment,” She asked, her eyes only flicking to him for the briefest of moments, just long enough to see him nod before he moved away to stand at the opposite end of the counter. 

It took Laura a moment to register Carm’s hand clasping hers tighter, not because she was getting anxious, so much as she was curious, and trying to take everything in all at once. When she glanced over at her, she could see the concern written all over her face as her dark eyes bore into her. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey,” Carmilla replied stepping closer to her, “how are you, Cupcake?”

“I’m okay,” Laura said quietly her voice wavering a little bit. She hadn’t expected that maybe she was a little more wound up than she thought. But she was fine.

“Are you sure,” Carmilla asked searching her eyes for the answer, the unsteady delivery of Laura’s response didn’t go unnoticed, “because we can leave, if you want.”

“No, Carm, we came here so you can get a tattoo.” She refused to give in to her fear, not this time. “So do it.”

“You’re positive that you don’t want me to take you home?” Laura simply nodded at her. “Okay.” Carmilla said giving her hand one more reassuring squeeze before she released it. Summoning Lucas back over with a slight motion of her head as she began to dig around in the cluttered mess that was her bag, she kept Laura close, occasionally letting her arm brush against her to remind her that she was still there. 

It took a couple minutes to find the right sketch book, amongst the six others she cared around with her all the time, the book she’s currently reading, and a bunch of other loose papers she forgot to take out after her last class on Friday and once again before they left the apartment today, (most of them with something drawn on them, a doodle in the corner or a more detailed sketch across the top or bottom of the page). In addition to that she ran across the paper work for the exhibit at the Lustig next week that she thought she’d lost. When she finally pulled out the one she wanted with an intricately drawn dragon breathing out swirls of fire as it swooped out of the sky to attack, across the cover, and not some balled up piece of paper. She could tell Lucas was surprised and maybe even a little impressed by his arched eyebrows. 

“I’m an art major at Silas U.” She replied to the unasked question with an indignant glare.

“Aww, that makes sense.” Lucas’s smile broadened, all traces of uncertainty disappearing, he could tell she meant business, and he liked that kind of confidence from his clients. It made the whole process easier. 

Carmilla fingered through several pages of actual sketches, doodles and half ass drawings before she found the one she was looking for and she smiled a little at the detailed black panther on the page, it was her favorite animal, well she liked all cats, but she seemed to connect more with them, strong, smart, fierce, feared and independent. It just made sense, that her first tattoo would be what she thought of as the animal version of herself. 

“Here it is,” she said turning her sketch book around so he could take a look at it. 

She instantly reached for Laura’s hand again, drawing her closer, she was still trembling and Carmilla kind of hoped being near her would help. A sense of relief washed over her when her Cupcake started to caress the back of her hand with her thumb, she knew it meant that despite what she must be feeling, she was still present. Her Cupcake was scared, but she wasn’t panicking, and that was a damn good thing because she has a feeling that Laura would normally be far past gone after this much exposure. 

“This is pretty sick,” Lucas said leaning across the counter to get a better look. “Where would you want it?”

“On my ribcage,” Carmilla responded immediately pointing to her right side, she’d drawn the panther specifically for that spot. She’d originally thought about getting it on her forearm, so she could show it off, but decided there wouldn’t be enough room for what she had in mind for the design. 

“Nice,” Lucas said with a nod, “I was hoping you wouldn’t say your arm, ‘cause I’ma need room to work in order to fit in all this detail.”

“Yeah, I thought about that when I first started sketching it out.” She shrugged matter-of-factly. What did this guy think she was, a fucking idiot? Of course, she didn’t actually say that out loud. “I figured go big or go home, right.”

“I like the way you think,” he chuckled. Staring at the panther a little more, he began to rub his chin in thought and then asked, “what do you think about adding a little color?” 

“I’m not _completely_ opposed to it,” Carmilla admitted, “but I don’t want anything bright and flashy. I want it to be mostly black.”

“No, nothing like that,” he glanced up at her, “I was just thinking of using some white and gray highlights, maybe even a hint of blue and a fiery yellow for the eyes, or something like that.”

“I can work with that.” She nodded her approval.

“What about size?”

“As big as it needs to be, to make it look good, but not much bigger than it is on paper.” Carmilla knew they hadn’t actually discussed how much it was going to cost yet, but assumed that’s what all the questions were for. Besides she could afford it, she’s been saving up for months, and even if it is more than she expects, she’ll just charge the rest and pay it off later. 

“Carm, I’m going to sit down.” Laura said suddenly, nodding at the couch across the room in front of the window by the entrance. 

“Cupcake?” 

The instant Laura let go of her hand, Carmilla’s gaze snapped to her, watching her with a concerned gaze as she took a step away, putting distance between them. She wanted her close. It was the only way she would know for sure, if this got to be too much for her. With Laura all the way on the other side of the room, she wouldn’t be able to tell what she was feeling and that bothered her. The last thing she wanted was for Laura to have a panic attack. (Which seems completely imbecilic when she thinks about it because she’s the reason her Cupcake is here in the first place). She would have her out of her in a heartbeat if she even thought she was close to feeling anything like that. Laura means much more to her than getting a damn tattoo. She’s already seen her nearly break down once today and she definitely doesn’t want to see it happen again, today, or ever for that matter. 

“I’m fine, Carm.” Laura gave her slight smile, “just feeling a little on edge.” 

Carmilla surveyed her more carefully, “Laura...” she was about ask her if she wanted to go home, again, but Laura didn’t give her the chance. 

“You go ahead and work out the details for your tattoo, with him,” she nodded in Lucas’s direction, “while I take a seat.” 

She nodded silently, observing her for a moment as she walked away, before turning back to regard Lucas. She fully intended to keep an eye on her, because she was going to make sure her Cupcake was okay before any money changed hands. 

It wasn’t the words that made Carmilla do as she was told, but the imploring look Laura gave her. She wasn’t trying to hide the fact that she was having some anxiety. No, Laura was laying it all out for her to see and asking for the chance to get herself through it. She wanted to fight and Carmilla wasn’t going to take that away from her. At least not if she didn’t have to, only because she understood, that the fear was getting to her, but she wasn’t actually having a panic attack. Laura was still control. And she wouldn’t step in unless that changed and she had no other choice. 

 

Laura made her way over to the couch and plopped down, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. The mechanical hum she could hear coming from the back was making her uneasy, well that, and hearing some of the details about Carm’s tattoo brought home exactly what was involved with making it happen. _Friggin needles. Why wasn’t there an easier way, like a laser or something, seriously, why does it have to involve the sharp and pointy? This is the twenty-first century for craps sake!_

Not that she had ever really forgotten that part, it was more like she pushed it to the back of her mind as a coping mechanism, and it just sort of came back and hit her all at once. Her heartbeat was spiking a little bit, the hairs on the back of her neck were tingling and stood on end, and there was a light dusting of perspiration beaded on her forehead, but she wasn’t feeling all panicky and out of sorts. Don’t get her wrong, she’s definitely on edge. But, she knew she just needed to calm herself down. Everything was fine. She was fine.!

Taking slow deep breaths, in through her nose and out through her mouth, actually helped a lot to combat the fear. It was a breathing exercise she learned in therapy as a kid, she wasn’t sure why it worked, but kind of always guessed that it was as much about regulating her breath to help bring her heart rate back down as it was a focal point. Giving her mind something else to focus on other than the thought of sharp pointy needles penetrating skin, injecting, infusing, drawing life without giving anything in return, that would ultimately trigger her anxiety. _‘Okay that so didn’t help Laura,’_ she thought to herself, _‘just focus on your breathing. Your fine.’_

Everything she has felt so far are indications that she was letting herself get too worked up. It feels pretty damn weird but, this is definitely not an attack. There was no darkness threatening to encroach on her reality, she wasn’t hyperventilating, just taking slow deep calming breaths, and her heart rate was kicked up a notch or two, but it wasn’t beating like cattle stampeding in her chest. No, this wasn’t a panic attack at all. That part she was sure of, this was nothing like an attack. She was much worse when Carm first told her after they left Diesel, (and even that wasn’t an attack), this was something different, something new actually. She didn’t know what it was. But she liked it. Anything was better than the all-consuming fear she usually felt when she was in a place where she knew needles were present. And all that mattered right now was that, she is still in control. So she just kept breathing, slowly in through her nose and out through her mouth again and again as the tinges of anxiety ebbed and her heartbeat gradually returned to normal. 

 

She took another look over her shoulder to check on Laura, for probably like the tenth time in the last few minutes since she went to sit down. Carmilla really hated the distance between them. She couldn’t tell how she was feeling, but she seemed okay, maybe. Honestly she wasn’t sure. Laura was just sitting there with her head in her hands, taking these long breaths. She’s still trembling a little every now and then, Carmilla could see it when she shuddered even from all the way over here, but other than that she wasn’t really moving at all. 

The truth was she really didn’t know what to expect. She’d heard about how people get when they have some kind of anxiety attack, she even watched a documentary on it once, after Laura told her about her fear of needles, but she’s never actually seen someone have one in person. But everything she’s watched and read about it in the last four years led her to believe that they’d be different than this with crying and screaming, falling on the floor in agony, hell, maybe even convulsions. The way Laura described it, well she’s never actually told her what happens, but she always made it sound really fucking horrible. Not like this. She doesn’t think Laura’s doing too bad, or maybe that’s just what she wants to believe, not for her own piece of mind but for her Cupcake‘s.

Maybe it’s selfish. Carmilla knows she is. She never should have brought her to a tattoo parlor in the first place. But after she opened her big fucking mouth in the car there was really no turning back, she’d spent the entire ride across town covertly trying to talk Laura out of it. She was grateful that she agreed to come with her, maybe even a little excited about it at first, but her guilty conscience superseded all of that. The problem was, once her Cupcake set her mind to something, there was really nothing that could stop her. From the moment Laura said yes, she wasn’t willing to back down, she’d flat out told her as much multiple times during the thirty minute drive. She was extremely vocal about it when Carmilla tried to renege and, said she didn’t want to get her tattoo done, at least not today. Laura wouldn’t let her, she had actually threatened her, okay maybe not physically, but she had sworn that she wouldn’t cook for her or cuddle her for the rest of the year. And yes, like she said, she’s selfish, because that she couldn’t live without. Well, the cuddling not the food, she could survive on ramen noodles and cheap take out if she had to, she’s done it before, but no cuddles, yeah, that’s her weakness, and her Cupcake knew it. 

She watched Laura, forgetting about everything else, taking in every movement she made no matter how subtle, trying to get a sense of how she was feeling. Carmilla just wanted to go over there, and ask her, but she knew that would just add to her stress, which was the last thing she wanted to do. 

“Is she alright,” Lucas asked snapping her out of her stupor. 

“I--I don’t know,” Carmilla said quietly, shooting a quick glance at him, but her attention was instantly drawn back to her Cupcake. “She has a fear of needles.”

“And, she’s in a tattoo parlor,” he said incredulously.

“She’s here for me.” 

She honestly didn’t know why she was telling him any of this, it wasn’t like her to get personal with a stranger or anyone for that matter, but at the moment, she didn’t really care about that. All that mattered was Laura. 

“Maybe you should go check on her,” Lucas suggested sympathetically.

Carmilla shook her head fiercely, “I can’t.” She couldn’t. Laura told her that she would know if things got bad for her. That was a promise. Carmilla had to trust her. Trust that she knew what she was doing. 

 

Lifting her head from her hands, Laura sat up in the couch letting her head fall back against the cool glass of the window, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. She felt somewhat better now. The fear was still very real and present, but her heart was back to its normal rhythm and the tremors had almost completely subsided. She continued to take deep slow breaths, as she closed her eyes. For the most part she was calm and it allowed her to focus on something other than her breathing. So she let herself remember, not about the fear, but the affect it has always had on her life. Of how this, thing has claimed her for so long that she doesn’t even remember a day without the fear settled in her bones.

She recalled the times when she was younger, and how bad they used to be every time she had to go to the doctor (and often times the dentist too), even if she wasn’t getting a shot, she would break down crying and screaming bloody murder, begging for her to come back, while she was withering on the floor her body racked by convulsions, surrounded by nothing but darkness even in the light of day, her eyes wide open but it didn’t matter all she could see was what she pictured in her mind, needles embedded in skin, or the vivid memories of sallow eyes, sunken skin, deep purple bruises that never went away, and puncture wounds that looked more like a junkies track marks. The panic attacks always left her feeling numb for days, they still do. 

There were other times back then when she would lash out kicking, punching, biting and she threw anything she could get her hands on, especially if she knew it would inflict damage, anything to keep her out of a doctors clutches, it never worked, but damn did she always try. They had to physically restrain her in order to stick a needle in her arm and she refused to talk to her dad for like a week afterward, she would be a real shit to him, because he made her go and then let them hurt her. Yeah, compared to the way things were when she was younger, this was nothing. 

No amount of therapy was ever able to help her get over this one, though Dr. Humbodlt had tried with everything he had, implementing every new innovative and sometimes experimental method to treat and hopefully cure her of her phobia. The only thing he had been able to really help her get over was the anger and aggression, but he had taught her how to stem the flow of her anxiety and keep herself from going over the edge, if she caught it in time, which usually only happened if she knew what she was getting herself into, and even then there were no guarantees that she could pull herself back before it was too late, but most of the time it works. 

But, the best thing her therapist ever did for her was help her understand what lies at the root of her anxiety. She didn’t have a normal childhood, it wasn’t always bad, but around the time she turned six, her mom got sick. Her parents had tried to keep it from her for as long as possible, but she knew the whole time, even back then she was smart for her age, and had a natural curiosity and a desire to dig deeper until she found the truth. She couldn’t read much, just a few words, but one night when they left the paper with her diagnosis lying on the table, not long after they found out, that’s exactly what she did and she didn’t understand a word of it, except one, ‘death’. So she knew, exactly what was happening. That night she had cried herself to sleep, as she did many nights in the years that followed. Though, her mom tried to be strong for her and keep things as normal as possible, after she was diagnosed with a rare form of degenerative blood cancer, she can’t remember the name of. She fought for years, even after she really started to get sick, her mom did everything in her power to keep her promise to her, ‘I’ll always be here for you angel’. And while other kids got to be young and wild and carefree, she had to sit by and watch her mom being poked and prodded, for test after endless test, that never produced any results, (at least not lifesaving ones), see the scars and bruises. Watch while she grew weaker and weaker by the day, slowly withering away before her eyes. And as a result she had come to associated needles with disease pain suffering and eventually death. 

Something about knowing helped, or at least it changed something for her as she got older, maybe it was simply that she learned how to manage her anger and aggression, and without lashing out violently there was nothing left in the way of coming to terms with the fact that her mom was gone, and there was nothing she could do to bring her back. Letting go was not easy, and she imagines it never is for anybody, but somehow it helped, maybe it is because even when she was in the throes of an attack somewhere deep down inside, she knew it had nothing to do with the needles and everything to do with the loss. All she knows it that understanding why she has this fear helps her fight it, more than she ever could as a child, she’s learned how to function in spite of it.

Doctors and dentist are still hard for her, but she can stomach regular visits as long as she prepared herself and remembered how to fight when she fell, when shots are involved it was something else altogether. The sight of needles always did one of three things, they either paralyzed her with fear, made her completely fall apart at the seams crumpled on the floor withering in agony or made her run for dear life.

But here she is in a tattoo parlor of all places, and she can feel the fear eating at the edges, but she’s not panicking, she’s not falling apart. In fact she actually feels rather calm at the moment. The mechanical hum of what she can only assume are tattoo machines in use aren’t even bothering her as much as they were before. There’s really no rhyme or reason to that, she knows what it means, can picture it in her mind, needles puncturing into skin repeatedly, and for some reason that thought isn’t making her mind swirl. She’s not paralyzed in fear or overcome by anxiety, and she has no desire to run. So what does that mean? 

She knows there’s an easy out, all she has to do is let Carm see her fear, say one word about the tinges of anxiety trying to chip away at her state of mind, and she would take her home right away and cuddle her until it passed. Yet she’s still sitting her refusing to accept the easy way out. It only begs one question, why? Why is she putting herself through all of this when she doesn’t have to? And the answer was simple. She didn’t want to run from the fear, but she didn’t want to embrace it either. Or maybe she did. 

She’s afraid, in fact she’s terrified, but she doesn’t want to be. Maybe she wanted to let it all go, and that was why she’s so calm. It’s been so long, with all of this built up inside of her, and maybe, just maybe she wants to set it free. Isn’t that why she pushed so hard to come here in the first place, when she knew Carm was trying to talk her out of it? Even if she didn’t exactly come right out and say it, Laura knew that’s what she was doing the entire way here. But, just like now, she had refused to change her mind. She wanted to do this. Now, if only she knew exactly what the ‘this’ was. Maybe she would understand what point she’s trying to prove to herself. Or why it is that her mind is clear enough to think about it in the first place, regardless of the fear and distress that she can feel pressing in on her, trying to break her. 

 

She could barely pay attention to Lucas, not that his questions and comments about her tattoo weren’t important, they were just starting to get into how long it would take to get it done and how much it would cost depending on this or that, she really didn’t know, most of it fell on deaf ears. The only thing on her mind was Laura, she had moved since the last time Carmilla had looked at her a few moments ago. She was sitting up now with her head leaned against the window and her eyes closed, which made it just as hard to tell what she was feeling as before. Without having her nearby or being able to look into those beautiful soulful honey brown eyes there was no way of knowing what was going on in her head. All Carmilla could see was the occasional fluttering beneath her eyelids, and wonder what she was thinking.

The tremors seemed to have stopped for the most part, and Carmilla figured that was a good thing, maybe it meant that she wasn’t letting the fear get the best of her, that she was winning the war raging inside her, beating it back into the abyss of nothingness where it belonged. Because, no one as sweet and kind and so incredibly giving as her Cupcake deserves to be plagued by something like this. Carmilla knows Laura’s spirit is strong enough to do just that, if anyone can, it would be her. 

That is something she truly believes, but she can admit that she’s never known that kind of fear, or the toll it takes on the human soul. Sure there are things she’s afraid of, a lot of them actually, but she’s never been faced with this kind of debilitating fear before and she knows that she can’t begin to imagine what this is doing to Laura. The one thing she is certain of, is that it takes an unfathomable amount of inner strength just to have the courage to try and fight it. And that is something her Cupcake has in spades. Even without the unbreakable bonds she places on a promise to drive her. 

This knowledge did little to quell Carmilla’s need to protect her. More than anything she just wants to take her Cupcake home and cuddle her until she forgets that this night ever happened. But she can’t because she agreed to give her this chance, and Laura doesn’t appear to be succumbing to her fear, as best as she can tell, which means what she wants doesn’t really matter. As much as where they are may be about her, she understands that, it’s just as much about Laura too. There was a reason she was willing to promise to take away one of the things they both love the most, cuddling. She just doesn’t know what it is. 

Carmilla heard Lucas clear his throat in a horribly disguised attempt to get her attention, but she couldn’t look away, because as much as she wants to get her tattoo, right now all she really wants is her Cupcake in her arms. She wishes they could just go back to this morning and never leave, well it was afternoon, but that’s not the point. She misses that feeling, the safety, warmth and security, but more than anything she misses Laura. Because although there in the same room with less than twenty feet separating them her Cupcake feels so far away right now.

 

Letting out one last deep calming breath, Laura opened her eyes, blinking against the brightness, and looked around taking it all in. Of course she had seen everything when she and Carm walked through the doors, but it felt like she was seeing it for the first time. Everything seemed completely the same, and yet, so completely different, it was more like she was taking a second look, but this time with the blinders off. Maybe it was this unusual state of calm that she’s in that makes it appear this way, or it could be that there is something in her that has shifted. It’s true, before she had been infused with curiosity, but she hadn’t actually comprehended much of anything and that undoubtedly made all the difference. Because what she sees now, is actually kind of amazing. 

There was nothing clinical about the tattoo parlor. Off white walls interspersed with blast of colorful looping stylized graffiti and some of the craziest street art she’s ever seen, that appeared like it could rise right off the cement walls and come to life in the blink of an eye. There were dioramas of various scenes filled with images of people from all walks of life, laughing, smiling and happy. Several landscapes but the most breathtaking one of all was the unbelievable depiction of Niagara Falls as the sun is setting. Renditions of the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, what she could only guess was the Empire State Building, (from what she has seen in magazines), and of course the hometown favorite a tribute to the CN Tower. And there were many others that she didn’t know. Of course, she can tell exactly why Carm chose this place to get her tattoo, it’s just so her, all artsy flare an amazingness. 

Admittedly the piercing station just outside the curtain at the back of the room gave her pause, but surprisingly it didn’t take away from the overall ambiance for her, she actually took it in for a moment eyeing all the different types of jewelry for various body parts with mild curiosity and perhaps a hint of trepidation, but she felt fine, well at least no less calm than before. Then her gaze continued on to the wall behind the L-shaped counter where Carm and Lucas were, the name of the tattoo parlor was scrawled in big letters in the same colorful graffiti style script as the rest of the writing on the walls. No, there was definitely nothing clinical about this place at all. It was too bright and vibrant, full of fun and life to be considered that. 

So maybe that is the reason being here didn’t push her over the edge, it does nothing to remind her of a doctor’s office, there’s no underlying scent of disinfectant or the peculiar smell that she associates with the sick. There’s nothing to bring back those painful memories, other than the needles she knows are present and for some reason, right now that doesn’t really bother her as much as it did when she walked in the building about fifteen minutes ago, or at least, not as much as it probably should. 

Her gaze landed on Carm at the same moment that she looked over her shoulder at her, their eyes locked and held. She arched an eyebrow in question her deep brown orbs searching and filled with concern. Offering a small smile in way of response, which she readily returned, Laura could see the wave of relief that washed over her, as the intent behind her gesture sunk in. A myriad of words unspoken and untold emotions were conveyed with that simple gaze. After a lapse of time she turned back to Lucas, the visible tension in her shoulders easing ever so slightly.

While she sat there rooted to the couch watching the two of them talking, well in between the glances Carm kept shooting her way, making it crystal clear that she didn’t like the distance between them, Laura let her mind wander. Pondering the question she posed to herself moments ago, replaying it in her head. Why? Why is she sitting in a tattoo parlor subjecting herself to what she fears the most when she doesn’t have to? Yes, the obvious answer rings loud and clear, she doesn’t want to give in to the fear. But, it has to be more than that doesn’t it? She’s already stared it in the face tonight and beat it, hasn’t she? Isn’t that enough? So, once again she has to wander, why? She may not have conquered it, but she’s pushed herself further than she ever thought she would. And she didn’t break. She didn’t succumb so hasn’t she already won this battle. So, damn it, why is she still doing this to herself?

Without warning it became abundantly clear. The words spun and formed in her head, almost faster than she could grasp their meaning, but they were there, echoing in her mind like the lyrics to her favorite Taylor Swift song or some ancient tribal chanting, though they had no actual musical qualities. 

_‘It’s been too long. Maybe it’s time. Maybe you can finally beat this, thing that has controlled you your whole life. Maybe it is about time you rise above the fear, even if you are quite literally petrified. Maybe tonight you can finally set yourself free.’_ Laura swallowed hard despite her incredibly parched throat, because yes, she’s actually thinking about, or maybe trying to talking herself into it. _‘Maybe I can live in the moment one more time.’_

Oh crap! Is she really contemplating getting a tattoo? She must be out of her friggin’ mind! That’s the definition of insanity. Yet it makes perfect sense. The only way to conquer fear is to face it. And for once she can do it on her own terms, if she has the guts to actually take the leap. She shuddered at the thought, expecting the anxiety to return full blown. But it didn’t. She felt the fear churning in the pit of her stomach, no doubt about it, but she wasn’t panicking. Surprisingly her mind felt rather clear, instead there is only the weird sense of calm, well that and she actually felt something in her heart give and release. Then it just continued to beat normal and steady in her chest. 

Laura’s eyes dropped to the tiled floor counting the palpitations just to be sure. She could feel Carm’s eyes on her again, checking for any signs of distress, and though she wanted to look up at her, just to show her that she was fine, she couldn’t meet her eye. Because the _thump thump thumping_ rhythm was all she could focus on as she waited for the fall, but it never came. The uniform beats remained the same, strong and sure, and eventually she accepted what her body was telling her all along, it wasn’t going to fail. In fact it was urging her on, perhaps even declaring that she is ready, because there it goes again, strong and steady. 

Without a cloud of darkness and fear usurping the clarity of her mind, the simple reality that she could fathom any of this in the first place suddenly made it all so very tangible. She is really thinking about getting a tattoo. Even with the testament of her solidarity holding firm it didn’t erase the doubt bubbling to the surface, it was still very much real, as was the underlying fear burning at the edges. 

_‘Can I actually do this? It’s not called an irrational fear for nothing, you know! So, what in the hell has gotten into me? Just because I pulled myself back from reaching the point of no return, when the anxiety takes over, doesn’t mean I am strong enough. Or even have the courage to go anywhere near a needle. Let alone have someone drill into me with one! How can I be sure that I won’t break down?’_ Doubt and insecurity churned around in her head like laundry on a spin cycle, but there was no anxiety to accompany them, and she still had no desire to break and run. So, all she could do was let them play out. 

_‘I mean, is it even a good idea to try? What if I lose it as soon as I sit in the chair, or hell, even before then, like the instant I see the damn needle in the first place, or worse at the first prick of the needle breaking the surface of my skin?’_ Laura rubbed her hands on her jeans again, not because her palms were sweaty, but because she needed something to do with her hands. _‘What actually makes me think that I can do this, seriously? Can I really get a friggin’ tattoo? Have I completely lost my friggin’ mind? Because this is crazy!’_ She could feel Carm’s gaze on her again, watching her intently, trying to discern what she was feeling. But, she honestly didn’t know that herself at this point.

 

But none of that mattered as she opened her mouth before she had time to think about it, the words tumbled out abrupt and uncensored.

“Carm,” Laura said, barely above a whisper. “I want a tattoo.” 

Once the words left her mouth, she had given them purchase, and she couldn’t take them back. And to be quite honest she wasn’t sure that she wanted to. There is a reason she’s here, a reason she’s calm despite the fear, maybe this was it all along. And unless the fear claims her first, she’s going to do it. She’s getting a tattoo. 

Carmilla stopped talking to Lucas in mid-sentence and whirled around, gapping open mouthed at Laura. “G-Give me a minute,” she said without looking back at him. She was already making her way over to Laura, before he had a chance to respond. All she could think was, she must not have heard her right. Laura did not just say...

“I want a tattoo.” She repeated as Carm stopped in front of her. Her voice wasn’t shaky per se. It was horse from the weight of her spur of the moment decision and what it really meant. 

Okay, She definitely heard Laura loud and clear this time, and okay, Laura did just say that, but what the hell. What kind of fucking paradox did she just end up in, Carmilla ruminated, because she had to be in some kind of alternate reality, or something. Right? Why is she talking about getting a tattoo? 

“What are you talking about, Laura,” Carmilla asked softly as she sat down next to her and took her hand, which surprisingly wasn’t trembling anymore. Actually she seemed completely at ease, or at least not edgy like she was before, she was even giving her a small smile, but it was different than the one from a little while ago, it was closer to her usual goofy one. “Tell me what’s going on, Cupcake.” She wasn’t going to state the obvious, this was a time to listen.

“I--I’ve been thinking about it this whole time, well other than when I needed to calm myself down, which really didn’t take that long, at least I don’t think it did.” Okay, she was rambling a little bit, but it was mostly nerves, she was still processing the reality of what she was going to do, and it made it awfully hard to tell Carm when she was still working it out herself. “If I’m honest with myself, I guess deep down I’ve probably been thinking about this since I agreed to come with you. I just didn’t realize it until now. I just...I don’t know, Carm. I want to do this.” She rubbed her thumb against the back of Carm’s hand talking comfort in her closeness, something about it made her more secure in her decision.

“Cupcake. You don’t have to do something you’re afraid of just because of me.” Carmilla said. 

And no, she wasn’t so egotistical that she thought it was all about her, but she didn’t really know what was going on in her Cupcake’s head at the moment and maybe she was a little bit in shock too. But more than anything she was just trying to understand Laura’s mindset. She didn’t seem to be having any serious anxiety, but what the hell did she know. 

“I know that, Carm.” She wasn’t going to lie, of course she is scared shitless, but it didn’t change anything. “But, I’m not doing it because of you.”

She can admit, that she doesn’t really know what the driving force is behind getting a tattoo or when it clicked and became a reality, but somewhere between imagining the possibility of it and the actuality of if she had the courage to go through with it, she had made up her mind, or at least something had made it up for her. Maybe it was her sheer stubbornness, or maybe it was that little give she felt in her heart driving her forward or maybe it was much simpler and she was just tired, of letting fear run her life, of giving in to it. Maybe she is just tired of being broken. 

“Then why are you?” It was a stupid question, she knew that, but Carmilla really needed to know the answer.

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore, Carm.” She smiled sadly, “I’m doing this for me.”

It’s ironic how much can happen in the mere span of five or ten minutes, it felt like so much longer. But in that time she’s gone from having to control her anxiety to embarking on a journey that she never thought she would take. Overcoming. Though it may not happen all at once or ever be complete, Laura knew this one act couldn’t fix everything that it wouldn’t completely take away the fear, but it was a big first step in facing it.

“You’re sure about this?” Carmilla asked softly taking her hand and squeezing it gently as she gazed intently into her eyes, searching for the things that Laura’s words couldn’t tell her alone.

“No. But, I’m as sure as I can be.” Laura’s gaze never faltered, she knew what Carm was doing, what she was looking for. “I’m doing it anyway.”

“Okay.” Carmilla said. There was definitely no certainty in Laura’s voice, it wavered as she spoke, but there was plenty of raw determination, and she knew there was no changing her mind, not that she would have tried. Once her Cupcake set her sights on something there was no stopping her, or rather, she was the only one who could stop herself. And, despite the slightly glazed look of fear in Laura’s eyes, there was something else deeper than that, that told her all she needed to know. 

“What would you even get, Cupcake?”

Laura wasn’t going to talk herself out of it, though Carmilla knew seeing the tattoo machine could very well change all of that in an instant. The only thing she could do is support her, and her decision, and be there no matter what happened. 

“I don’t know,” Laura shrugged sheepishly, “I didn’t think about that.”

“I can draw something for you,” Carmilla offered without hesitation, “you know, if you want me to.”

“Yeah, that would be really nice, Carm,” Laura gave her a soft smile, “but only if you want to. I know it’s gonna take time, and you still have to get you’re tattoo.” She is still way beyond frightened, but having Carm believe in her unconditionally helped a little.

“I want to.” Carmilla leaned in to give her a quick hug, brushing her lips lightly against her cheek as she pulled away. She wasn’t sure which one of them needed it more, but she wanted to make sure that Laura really was okay with all of this. And they both always felt better after a hug but the desire to be closer to her may have been there too.

“Give me a sec, okay.” She stood, reluctantly letting Laura’s hand slip from her grasp as she did, “just think about what you might want while I’m gone, and I’ll be right back, okay,” She said, getting a nod, before going to talk to Lucas about Laura getting a tattoo. 

He was really cool about it and agreed to do both their tattoos tonight, though he did seem a little uncertain about Laura’s, not that he didn’t want to do it, just, her fear of needles worried him. Carmilla was on her way back to Laura to let her know, when a thought occurred to her. The panther was going to take at least two or three hours to get inked on and she didn’t think her Cupcake could sit through all that without losing her nerve because she was sure there had to be a limit to what she could take even if she is being brave. Not that it mattered to her, if she did change her mind, but she didn’t want to be the reason that Laura gave in and surrendered to her fear, especially when she is trying so hard, and willing to take this kind of leap in an attempt to overcome it. So maybe she should get something smaller that won’t take as much time, there were plenty of options, hell it wouldn’t take long for her to draw up something else for herself too. She already had plenty of ideas floating around in her head anyway, so getting the panther didn’t have to happen today. Maybe she should just do something different for both of them. Maybe...

“Hey,” Laura said, as she stopped in front of her, and Carmilla didn’t have a chance to complete that thought.

“Hey,” Carmilla replied, taking a seat next to her again. “Did you think about what you want to get?”

“Yeah, but nothing special comes to mind,” Laura let out a sigh. “I don’t want to get something just for the sake of getting it. I want it to mean something--to be as important as this is for me.”

“I was kind of thinking,” Carmilla shrugged nervously when Laura looked expectantly at her, “I could draw something for both of us,” she said as she took Laura’s hand again, “I mean, something that we can get together.”

“What about the panther,” Laura asked in surprise. 

“That can wait until another time.” Carmilla replied nonchalantly.

“But, I thought that one held a special meaning for you.” 

“It does,” Carmilla shrugged again, scooting closer to her. “But, I’d rather draw a new one, and have my first tattoo be something I can share with you. That would mean so much more to me.” 

Carmilla’s dark gaze penetrated deep as she looked into her eyes, and something in them caught Laura by surprise, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. It was probably nothing, just her mind playing tricks on her because of the weight of getting a tattoo.

“You’re sure about this, Carm,” she asked, “I know the panther is really important to you.”

“I’m positive, Cutie,” She replied confidently, giving Laura’s hand a squeeze while smiling reassuringly at her. “You’re more important to me.”

“Okay,” Laura nodded, never breaking their gaze. “I think I would like that very much.”

“Okay.” Carmilla said, her eyes lighting up even more, although she was completely unaware of their reaction. 

At the back of Carmilla’s mind she knew this would only work if Lucas was okay with it, he’s spent a lot of time working with her on the panther tattoo after all. She just hoped he wouldn’t mind the change, or at least it wouldn’t be too hard to convince him, because she really wants to get a tattoo with Laura, and maybe somewhere deep inside that was what she’s wanted since she first thought about getting a tattoo, but never thought it was something that could actually happen. 

Besides, it’s not like all of his hard work would go to waste, or anything, she still planed on letting him do that one too. If the one she got today doesn’t cost that much, she’ll probably come back and get the panther done sometime in the next couple months, so really it was a good deal for him, because he would make even more money off of her. Hell, she would even be willing to make a down payment if it came to that, (and that wasn’t an easy thing for her to do, she understood the value of money, and how hard it is to come by better than most). Now she just had to convince him of that. Carmilla took a deep breath as she made her way over to talk to him again. 

 

“Hey, Lucas,” Carmilla gave him a sheepish look when she stopped in front of him. “So, uh, I kinda changed my mind--about getting the panther done.” She said almost apologetically. 

This was so unlike her. She knew that she was being uncharacteristically nice to him, but it was only because she needed him to make this happen, and figured being her usual sarcastic self wasn’t going to get her very far. But it wasn’t about her. She was doing this for her Cupcake. 

“Seriously,” He exclaimed. He wasn’t mad or anything, stuff like this happened all the time, it was a part of the business, but he really thought she was going to go through with it. Despite how much attention she was paying to her girlfriend when they were talking before. She had seemed like she was really feeling his ideas, and that’s the part that sucks. It would have been pretty damn awesome to ink that on her. “I would’ve have made it look so fuckin’ sick.”

“No,” Carmilla said quickly, “I don’t mean that I don’t want you to do it, just not today.”

“She couldn’t take it after all, huh,” Lucas asked raising his eyebrow in Laura’s direction.

“It’s not that,” She glanced over her shoulder at her Cupcake with a sweet smile, that she returned brightly, before meeting his eye again. “It’s just--I want to draw something for us.” 

“I see.”

“Besides, I don’t think she could take the wait, you know,” she explained sincerely, after his noncommittal reply. “But, I’ll come back really soon so you can do the panther. Honestly. I swear.”

“Relax,” he shrugged, “It’s no big deal.”

“Okay, cool.” She looked back over at Laura again as she spoke, “this might take a while though.”

“We’re not busy and It’s only a quarter after seven, you’ve still got plenty of time before the shop closes, but depending on the size, I’ll need at least an hour a piece to do each one.” Carmilla just nodded in response without looking at him. “You’re sure she’s going to go through with this,” he asked following her gaze.

“No, not really,” Carmilla admitted, “but she wants to try and that’s more than good enough for me.” She said with a shrug as she turned to head back to Laura. 

“Your girlfriend must be something special!”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Carmilla replied quickly, shooting a glance back at him, a hint of irritation in her tone, “but she is definitely special.” 

“Right,” Lucas grinned broadly, giving her a knowing look as she walked away. He’s been in this game long enough to know when someone was lying, and that girl is lying to herself if she actually believes that, he thought to himself, as he settled on the stool behind the counter to wait. 

 

She got lost in her thoughts while she made her way back to Laura, she couldn’t help wondering why he had looked at her that way, as if he knew something that she didn’t. Of course, she knows what all of Laura’s idiot friends think about them, but random strangers seemed to think the same damn thing and she didn’t get it. And yeah, okay, maybe she _did_ change her mind about getting her original tattoo today, and yeah, getting a tattoo with her Cupcake may be what she wanted all along, but that’s not why she’s did it. What Laura’s doing is so much more important, and Carmilla wants what this tattoo represents for Laura, to be meaningful and significant. But that’s all it is, it doesn’t mean anything, except, she cares about her best friend. There’s absolutely nothing going on between her and Laura.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Carmilla settled down on the couch next to Laura, resting her right hand on her leg. She began to trace the familiar pattern on the inside of her knee, as she asked, “how are you doing, Cupcake?”

“I’m a bit nervous, and scared,” Laura replied honestly.

“You know, you don’t have to do this, right?” Carmilla said. 

“I know,” She sighed.

“I’m not trying to talk you out of it, Laura, alright. I just want make sure that _you’re_ okay. I know how you feel, okay well actually, I don’t, but you know what I mean.” 

“Yeah, I know, Carm.” 

“Then talk to me, Cutie.” She gave her leg a gentle squeeze before continuing to draw shapes on it with her fingertips. “How are _you_ feeling?”

“I’m pretty friggin’ terrified.” Laura leaned into her resting her head on her shoulder, “but, I don’t feel all edgy and panicky, either. So, I guess mostly, I’m okay.”

“And you still want to get a tattoo, right?”

“Yeah,” She lifted her head, “I’m not backing out, Carm.”

“I’m just making sure.”

“Okay. Now you’re sure.” Laura said letting her head fall back against her, “So, the tattoo.”

“What do you want it to look like?” 

“I don’t know.” She peered up at her, before closing her eyes for a few moments to think about it, her tongue peeking out the corner of her mouth while she filtered through her thoughts, but nothing came to mind or at least nothing that wasn’t all flowery and cute, so essentially nothing Carm would like. “You decide, Carm. I don’t know anything about art and you do.” She finally said when she opened her eyes again. 

“Cupcake, you have to help me out here.” Carmilla replied.

Carm gave her a skeptical look, because of course, she knew way more about art than she was letting on, how could she not after living with her for so long. “Make it something that is us, Carm,” Laura glanced over at her, “you know what I mean, right?”

“Yeah, Cutie, I got you.” 

Carmilla gazed intently at Laura, because, damn. Even when she’s about to face her greatest fear, Laura still manages to be sweet and unbelievably amazing. This will be the easiest thing she’s ever drawn, all she has to do is think about her Cupcake and it will flow naturally, similar to the patterns she traces on her sometimes, just like she’s doing right now. The image of what she was going to draw began to form in her mind as she continued to trace the familiar design on her knee. She would start from there and build on that pattern. 

This is definitely more significant than getting the panther ever would have been. Getting tattooed with a true symbol of their friendship, that’s what her Cupcake wants and that’s exactly what she’s going to get. And even if Laura does change her mind at the last minute, it won’t matter, because it will still be profound to both of them. 

 

Carm finally looked away to pull her sketch pad out of her messenger bag, flipping it open to a blank page, which was impressive considering she was still etching patterns on the inside of Laura’s knee with her fingertips. After another few moments she took her hand away and grabbed a pencil out of one of the front pockets of the bag and began to doodle on the page, at least it looked like doodling to her, as she created a bunch of of curving lines that crisscrossed here and there or didn’t touch at all as they arched and spiked in places to form jagged points. Laura watched her sketch in awed silence, not that she’s never seen her drawings before or seen her draw for that matter, but something about this just felt--different somehow.

Plus watching Carm helped take her mind off what she has resolved herself to doing, not that she forgot by any means, it just made it easier to push aside the fear enough, not to get all worked up with doubt and uncertainty. Focusing all of her attention on the page as Carm’s hand moved across it, her thumb occasionally smearing the hard edges of a line, or brushing away the residue that the eraser left behind, it was mesmerizing as she tried to picture what it would look like when she was done.

It all seemed so random to her, but as Carm slowly began to add more detail, erasing some lines and extending the curves of others while some remained completely unchanged, Laura started to see the symmetry in the pattern coming together. For every arch, curve, or spike there was a matching one on its parallel side, like an image reflected in the water, balanced and even, perfectly flawed just like them. When Carm handed it to her to look at more closely after she was finished, the design blew her away. 

Intricate intersecting loops and swirls, dipped curled and swerved as they banded together to form a circle with curvy swirling tendrils jutting out from it here and there. Floating at the center of it was an elaborate three-dimensional temple resembling the ones born of the past handcrafted out of thousands of rough stones varying in size and hue, from light to dark to create texture, that somehow fit together perfectly. The only part left unshaded was the infinity sign that lie at the heart of it, like it was etched into the layers of stone. It was really amazing and beautiful. As Laura traced her finger along the curving band for some reason it reminded her of the patterns Carm is always drawing on her body. But that would be crazy (as what she was about to do) wouldn’t it? Those were so random, and this drawing was anything but random. It was beautiful. 

Carm slipped her hand into hers as they leaned their heads together talking quietly, deciding on the colors their tattoo would be, of course Carm originally wanted it to be all black, but she gave in quite easily when she insisted on adding some color. In the end they chose to go with two tones of blue for the swirling band, because it is Laura’s favorite color, (well next to yellow, but that would just look weird), and the temple is going to be mostly black, for obvious reasons, with the infinity sign being left unshaded just like in the drawing. And Lucas promised that he would make it look even more amazing by adding highlights and shadows in certain places. As an afterthought Laura had said that she wanted the space around the temple to be shaded to look like the sun was setting behind it and Carm simply smiled at her and nodded her consent, giving her a tender kiss on the cheek. She was honestly surprised that Carm hadn’t fought her much at all on the use of so much color. 

Another hundred-and-fifty bucks spent today, Laura thought to herself as she slipped her credit card back into her wallet, all she had to do was sign the receipt when they were done and it would be official. But she did so with a clear conscience, not worried about how long it would take to pay all of this off. Getting this tattoo was even more important to her than finding a dress for her cousin’s engagement party had been. She could never put a price on getting the tattoo. This was about healing her soul. 

 

As Lucas led them into the back behind the curtain, everything hit Laura at once, all over again. She was biting her lip so hard it was almost to the point of actually drawing blood, while tightly clamping down on Carm’s hand. She wasn’t in panic mode, but she was really, really frigging scared. In fact, her teeth might have been chattering a little bit, if she weren’t trying to gnaw off her lip at the moment. Her gripped tightened around Carm’s hand even more, causing her to regard her with more concern than before.

“Laura, you don’t have to do this.” She said softly. 

“N--no...I want to.” She stopped biting her lip long enough to say. “I just--I’m just really scared, Carm.”

“I know, baby.” They were so caught up in the moment that neither of them noticed her slip of the tongue. 

“I’m...I’m _fine_.” Laura said, though Carmilla wasn’t quite sure if she was trying to convince her, or herself. But she wasn’t about to question it out loud, she wasn’t going to be the one to break her Cupcakes will. 

Laura only released her grasp on Carm’s hand long enough for her to slip off her flannel because she was getting her tattoo on the inside of her right wrist. So she switched to holding, well more like squeezing, her other hand in a death grip. Carm flashed her a reassuring smile, lightly caressing the back of her hand with the pad of her thumb. And it _did_ help calm Laura down somewhat.

That is until Lucas produced the tattoo machine, from one of the drawers at his workstation. _It looked like something a five year old put together during playtime._ Hell, the damn thing was being held together by a frigging rubber band. Laura was ready to turn tail and run right then and there and the feeling only got worse when he opened the sterilized package with the needle. Because seriously, what the hell was that thing, it’s like twice the size of anything she’s ever seen at the doctor’s office and twice as thick too. Or she could, totally, be imagining that part, but still, holy hell! An involuntary shudder ran through her and her heartbeat kicked up several notches. 

Okay, maybe she is really, really starting to regret this decision. _‘What’s wrong with spending the rest of my life, irrationally afraid of needles? That’s okay, right. Right!’_ Yeah, she could just do that. The urge to run threatened to take over, but the sound of Carm’s voice cut through the rising anxiety and stopped her from doing just that. 

“Cupcake, look at me,” Carmilla murmured softly, giving her hand a gentle tug to draw her out of her headspace. Her confident smile was still firmly in place when Laura looked up at her with frightened eyes. 

“That’s it, Cutie.” Her tone was soothing and calm, and Laura felt herself relax, just a little bit, very little. “Everything’s fine. Just keep looking me in the eye, okay.”

Laura nodded, biting her lip even harder, but she didn’t look away, as Lucas finished putting the stencil on Carm’s arm and got the ink all laid out. Although the anxiety was there trying to push its way closer to the surface, she tried to focus on the fact that she wasn’t panicking, per se, well that and, _‘oh crap! What have I gotten myself into?’_ kept rolling around in her mind. 

Lucas rubbed a little Vaseline on Carm’s wrist from the big glob on the back of his glove, picked up his machine and stepped on the pedal on the floor that made it run. Then all she could seem to hear was the buzzing of the motor, but she continued to stare into Carm’s eyes none the less. Refusing to look down at the vibrating needle she knew was piercing her skin. At first Carm was fine, not showing any sign of pain or distress, so the first time she grimaced and uttered a pained curse, she nearly jumped out of her chair and ran for the door, because Carm’s the strongest person she knows and it’s hurting her. But the gentle reassuring pressure on her hand, pulled her back out of her headspace once again, and Laura could see that even through the obvious pain, Carm was still smiling brightly, trying to comfort her, so she fought back against the desire to flee, but doubt started to settle in almost outweighing the anxiety. She didn’t know if she could go through with this anymore, not if Carm was in so much pain. 

“I’m fine, Cupcake. I promise.” Carmilla uttered softly as she grimaced slightly when he hit a particularly sensitive spot again. 

There were several more flinches, curses and utterances of pain from Carm, but every time the look in her eyes was always calm and sure, always comforting, that combined with her soft reassuring comments, kept Laura from getting lost in her head for too long, keeping her grounded, and helping to hold the anxiety threatening to consume her at bay. And before she knew it, Carm’s tattoo was done and Lucas was applying another thin layer of Vaseline. He commented on how good it looked as he admired his work for a moment then went to go get a camera because apparently it’s customary for a tattoo artist to take a picture of the tattoos they did for their portfolios, or at least the unique ones, as he’d told them before he took off his gloves and disappeared behind the curtain. Laura finally let herself look down at Carm’s wrist to see her tattoo while he was gone, it was still bleeding a little in some places, but not too much. All in all it actually looked pretty damn awesome.

“It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Carmilla said as she stood from the chair drawing Laura up with her to wrap her in a one armed hug because she could tell her Cupcake needed it. 

“Don’t lie to me, Carm.” Laura mumbled as she pulled away to look at her.

“I swear. It doesn’t even hurt anymore, well, no worse than a scrapped knee or something like that.”

Laura gapped at her, as if to say, ‘seriously’, the unspoken question passing between them. 

Carmilla simply nodded, and said, “you know, I’d never lie to you,” before pulling her in for another hug. 

Snuggling deeper into the embrace, Laura inhaled the soothing scent, of wood smoke and jasmine, burrowing her head in the crook of Carm’s neck. And that’s how Lucas found them when he came back. It took her a moment to extricate herself from the comfort and safety of Carm’s arms, but she eventually pulled away so he could take a couple photos before bandaging her wrist with a clear plastic wrap. Then he went about cleaning his workstation, getting rid of the unused ink before he removed the needle from his tattoo machine and tossed it in the trash before sanitizing it. The whole process went quicker than Laura thought it would. She watched as he set out more little tubes to hold the ink for her tattoo. 

_‘My tattoo! Oh crap.’_ If she had said she was nervous, then she would be lying. Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe what she’s feeling, it’s more like, terrified, or petrified, yeah either of those ought to cover it, and yet they don’t feel like enough. Her hands were starting to tremble despite Carm’s best attempt to comfort her and alleviate some of her anxiety. Laura could feel the bile rising in her throat. It was acrid and made her stomach roil when she swallowed. _‘Can I really do this...let him stick a needle in me? Repeatedly!’_

“Hey, Laura, look at me.” Carmilla said quietly. She could feel the fear rising off of her in waves, but more than that she could see the almost wild look in her eyes as Lucas placed the sealed package with the needle on the table. 

“Carm, I--I, I’m scared.” She stammered as she looked away from the needle package and back up at her. 

Lucas was about to open the package but stopped to look at her for a moment, his brow furrowed, then he turned to Carm, and said, “I’ll give you two a few minutes. Let me know what you decide,” as he removed his gloves, set them on the table and got up leaving them in the room alone (since the other tattoo artist had finished with his last customer and left the shop a while ago). 

“Laura, it’s okay if you’ve changed your mind.” Carmilla said soothingly, taking both her hands, “what you have already done tonight is pretty fucking amazing, Cupcake.” 

She clamped her eyes closed, shutting everything out, including Carm, while taking several deep breaths. Desperately trying to reign herself in, she pushed back at the encroaching anxiety, trying to force its way in to consume her mind body and soul, with everything she had. She knew that she could back out right now and Carm wouldn’t be mad, wouldn’t blame her for not getting the tattoo she had originally wanted. Laura knew that even before she had said it a moment ago, but she didn’t want to run anymore. She can hear what the murmur resonating deep down inside is telling her, ‘enough is enough’.

_‘I can do this!’_

The words echoed in her mind. And yes, of course she’s terrified, actually that word doesn’t even begin to cover it, and she’s not sure there is one that could ever truly express how she feels. But she’s just so got damn tired. Tired of the fear, but more than that, she’s tired of being so fucking broken. 

Laura opened her eyes to look up at Carm, who still held her hands firmly, while watching her closely. “Tell him I’m ready.” Laura said with quiet determination. 

Carmilla opened her mouth to tell her she didn’t have to go through with it, again, but the resolve shining in Laura’s eyes beneath the fear, changed her mind. “Okay,” was all she said as she turned to leave the room pride shining brightly in her eyes. 

The only way to overcome her fear is to meet it head on. _‘I’m getting this damn tattoo!'_ It was weird, but it seemed like she could actually feel the room contracting and expanding around her with every breath. 

Getting a tattoo may have been a completely spontaneous decision, but that didn’t matter, so much as what it represented for her. Because at the moment the fear doesn’t hold as much weight as what she is fighting for. Herself. She is finally letting go of the past, of the pain, of losing her mom, or maybe she was embracing it and taking back the power. Laura honestly wasn’t sure which one it was. All she knows is the thought of it in itself was...freeing. Yes, that’s what she felt. Free. 

And Laura let that be all that mattered, and all she focused on, as Carm came back with Lucas in tow. Ignoring his uncertain gaze when he settled in his chair, put his gloves back on, before tearing into the package with the needle and adjusting his tattoo machine. She pulled her arm out of her shirt and tugged it up so it pooled around her neck exposing her back to him as she straddled the chair. Her tattoo was going on her left shoulder blade, because she wanted the choice of whether people could see it or not. She had actually debated getting it on her hip, but that thought went out the window, when she realized that she would practically have to strip, if or when she decided to show it off. At least this way all she had to do was wear a tank top. 

She closed her eyes tightly again and took a few breaths in preparation, but as soon as she heard the buzzing of the tattoo machine start up, Laura knew she couldn’t do it. That constant sound served as too much of a reminder, and the undeniable fear lying beneath the surface was ready to erupt. As brave as she was forcing herself to be, she just couldn’t bear to listen to the mechanical grinding. It was just too damn much for her. 

“No. Stop,” she cried out suddenly with the feeling of the needle mere millimeters from her skin. “I can’t...” She looked at Carm trying to convey what she was trying to say, because she couldn’t get the words out. Her mouth was too dry and cottony, and her tongue thick with emotions she was trying her hardest to suppress. 

The motor on the tattoo machine came to an abrupt halt as Lucas let out a frustrated sigh and set it back on the table with a slight thunk. He was about to peel off his gloves once again with a barely veiled muttered curse, but Carmilla stopped the words from coming out of his mouth, with a heated glare. He may have been doing them a favor, but nobody insults her Cupcake. Nobody gets to make her feel like crap. Especially not some jerkoff tattoo artist who doesn’t understand one fucking thing about how much she’s already overcome and the strength she has just to be sitting in that fucking chair. 

“I got you, Cupcake,” Carmilla said as she reached for Laura’s purse digging around until she found her phone and a pair of neatly wound up earphones and handed them to her. 

“Thanks,” Laura mumbled as she searched through her playlist until she found the one she was looking for. The strains of Taylor Swift could be heard coming from the headphones at full blast as she settled the earbuds in place.

Listening along to her ‘make me happy’ mix, this time she didn’t close her eyes, as Carm settled back into the chair in front of her and held her hands. Laura felt the needle penetrating her skin, and her entire body tensed up as she let out a frightened whimper, or maybe it was a scream, she really wasn’t sure she couldn’t hear anything over the music (and that was just the way she wanted it). Even if the panic had gotten to her there would have been no way to run, and nowhere to fall, not with her chest pressed against the back of the chair. She felt the gentle pressure as Carm squeezed her hands and whatever sound she had made died on her lips when she met her gaze, eyes dark as the night looked back at her with so much tenderness and affection, telling her ‘everything was okay. That she was fine.’ 

Carm’s mouth was moving, and Laura knew she was murmuring comforting things to her, even though Carm had to know she couldn’t hear a word of it, but that didn’t seem to matter nearly as much as doing everything she could to reassure her. Her shoulder stung with each pass of the tattoo machine over her skin, and her body remained unnaturally tense, but she didn’t feel the onset of an attack, just fear with each pass of the needle, and of course some pain. It actually didn’t hurt as much as she expected it to, especially after Lucas told her beforehand that it was one of the most sensitive and painful parts of the body to get a tattoo because it was so close to the bone, or something like that. Laura thought it would be excruciating, gut wrenching pain, and don’t get her wrong, it did hurt quite a lot. But she had anticipated it being much worse. No, it was nothing like she expected at all. It really didn’t feel that bad when he stopped drilling into her with the damn needle. 

Laura doesn’t know when she started crying. She didn’t feel the tears streaming down her face, or see any change in Carm when they started to fall. Hell, she wouldn’t even know that she was crying at all, if her vision hadn’t gotten so blurry. These tears weren’t because she was breaking down or having a panic attack, no it was not thing like that at all. She was crying because she was facing her fear in the most unthinkable way, and she wasn’t falling apart. She didn’t break.

Between the music, and Carm constantly squeezing her hands, or caressing them with her thumb, and talking to her endlessly without pause, it felt like her tattoo was finished in no time at all. She won’t pretend she didn’t whimper, or possibly scream, several more times, and maybe, just maybe let out a few very loud curses, but in the end Carm was right, it really wasn’t _that_ bad. 

As the two of them walked out of the tattoo parlor into the night, after getting detailed instructions on how to care for their tattoos until they healed completely, not just on the surface (which Lucas reminded them repeatedly could take anywhere from two weeks to a month maybe even longer). Laura found it hard to believe that they had been in the tattoo parlor for nearly four hours. With all of her emotional turmoil, it felt like much more time had passed than that to be honest. She won’t pretend that her fear wasn’t there lying just beneath the surface of calmness trying to drag her down either, because it was definitely there. But this time, it didn’t destroy her, and she’s still a little overwhelmed by that knowledge. 

“How are you,” Carm asked, naturally taking her hand as they walked down the street. 

“I am...” Laura cut herself off and thought about the whole experience.

She is grateful to Carm and Lucas for having patience with her. There is no doubt in her mind, that none of this would have been possible without either of them, but mostly Carm, doing this for her, no, doing this with her had made all the difference. Not only had she stood by her side, when most people would have told her she couldn’t (or that she was out of her mind), and gave her courage when her own faltered. Carm had given her something even more special than that, a symbol of life, love, forever, and their friendship. In essence she had help Laura get a piece of herself back, that she had forgotten ever existed. So, would she ever do something like this again? Probably not. But was she too afraid of falling apart or the fear to try, absolutely not. 

“I’m great actually.”

“I’m glad.” She brought Laura’s hand to her lips and kissed the back of it.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to her Camaro parked on the street at the end of the block. The night had cooled down considerably, and Laura shivered a little despite the lightweight fleece she was wearing, so she was thankful when Carm reached out and opened her door for her as they reached the car, and also maybe a little confused. That was something that she had never done before. Something she was adamant that she would never do for any of the girls slept with, but then again the two of them weren’t sleeping together, at least not in the figurative sense. So it didn’t matter, right. 

Releasing her grasp on Carm’s hand, she was about to climb in the car, when Carm stopped her by reaching for her hand again and gently pulling her back around to face her. 

“Thank you, Laura,” Carmilla said softly, “for coming with me,” she gave her hand a squeeze and kissed her softly on the cheek, “and for getting this tattoo with me. It means...a lot to me.” 

That didn’t begin to cover it, but she couldn’t really find the words to express how much what Laura shared with her tonight actually meant. It had far less to do with their tattoos, than the journey that they had taken together. 

“Me to, Carm. Tonight is something I’ll never forget for so many reasons.” Laura gazed into her eyes, and could have sworn they were reflecting the night sky because of the way they were twinkling back at her. All she knew was that she wasn’t cold anymore. 

“What do you say we swing by the drug store for the Aquaphor ointment and grab some take out on the way home?” Carmilla asked. The promise she made to herself earlier, completely forgotten, all she wanted was to spend time with her Cupcake, and nothing else mattered at the moment. “We can curl up and watch a movie.”

“Sounds good to me,” Laura replied. “But, I still have to study for a little bit tonight.”

“I’ll help you.”

“I doubt that.” She chuckled when Carm bit her lip to hide the slight smirk curling up the corner of her mouth as they got in the car. 

“So little faith,” Carmilla pouted, buckling her seatbelt, but she was still sporting that playful half-smile. 

“Oh, I have plenty of faith.” Laura replied, glancing over at her, “I know exactly what’s going to happen, if I let you have your way.”

“ _Maybe_ you do, _maybe_ you don’t, Cutie.” Carmilla drawled with a mischievous glint in her eye. 

“Sure, Carm, whatever you say.” Laura rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hold back a little giggle or the slight blush creeping up her cheeks. 

She settled back in her seat. Being cautious not to put too much pressure on her shoulder, it didn’t hurt that much, but it was tender. And she was a little afraid that if she moved around to much it would mess up the plastic covering it, that Lucas told them to leave on for two or three hours, because it helped start the heeling process, and also there might be some residual bleeding to worry about too. So, she figured it was better to be safe than sorry. After everything she went through to get her tattoo, she wanted to make sure that it healed properly. 

For some reason that made her think about something else, that she hadn’t considered before now and as usual her mouth acted without a filter. “Now all I have to do is keep this hidden from Laf for the rest of my life. Or they’ll want to probe me and run all those experiments they’ve been dreaming about since freshman year.” Laura said, knowing the response she would get from Carm as soon as the words came out. 

Carmilla burst out laughing as she started the car and gunned the engine, “you’re ridiculous, Cupcake,” she said shaking her head in amusement, completely unfazed by the sudden change in topic. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” Laura grinned. 

“You are truly amazing, Cutie.” Carmilla said with pride and wonderment.

It may not have always been fun for either of them, but today was a really great day for both of them. At least that’s how Laura felt about it, and she was positive Carm did too. That’s why they have the relationship that they do, in spite of all of their differences; it’s the comfort, safety, teasing and hell, even the annoyances that sustain their bond of friendship and every day it grows a little bit stronger. And the best part of it for her was that they were going to end the day exactly as it began. Together. Laura hadn’t really expected that, even if she had thought about it earlier. Maybe she wouldn’t force Carm to watch Frozen after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a regular update schedule, but I’ll try to post at least one chapter a week. 
> 
> I know nothing about anxiety attacks, or that kind of all-consuming fear. But I believe that even the greatest fears can be overcome, if there is something important enough to take the risk. I tried to handle the entire issue as sensitively as possible, within this chapter. I hope there is nothing in here that will offend anyone that suffers from anxiety. That is not my intention.


	6. Let Me Help You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of last chapter. 
> 
> Midterms have started...both girls might start to feel the pressure. And maybe, they’re feeling something else too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> There will be some point of view changes, hope they’re not too confusing. 
> 
> Any large portions of texts that are italicized in this chapter is a flashback.
> 
> I hope you like it guys.

**Chapter 6**

It was a little after eleven when they got home with the ointment and two large pizzas loaded with extra everything on them, except for anchovies, ‘cause yuck that’s just gross. This was about the only time that Carm could get her too willingly eat any vegetables, when they were smothered by the greasy goodness of pepperoni, sausage, ham, linguica, bacon and lots of cheese. The side order of mozzarella sticks and buffalo wings, were totally Carm’s idea, not that she was complaining as she bit into one and a string of warm gooey cheese stretched from her mouth to her hand before it broke off and settled against her chin. She slurped it into her mouth and grabbed a napkin to wipe her mouth ignoring Carm’s amused grin. Because she was so not one to talk as she practically inhaled her fifth slice of pizza in less than ten minutes, not that she was far behind, devouring the crust on her fourth piece like it was a bread stick, after she dipped it in the marinara that came with the cheese sticks. 

She watched Carm suck the meat off the bone another wing with fervor, her mouth turning up in a greasy grin when she caught her staring. But she couldn’t help it, Carm was so damn cute when she wasn’t trying to be all cool. It was nice when she so willingly let her dorky side show, even if she only did it in front of her, that just made it all the more special. Her gaze focused on Carm’s mouth when her tongue darted out and traced across her full lips. Laura knew she shouldn’t be paying attention to things like this, but she couldn’t help it. It was just so unbelievably--sexy. 

“What are you looking at, Cutie,” Carmilla asked with an amused smirk. 

“Nothing,” She said quickly, maybe a little too quickly, but she covered up for it with a sarcastic remark, or at least her version of sarcasm anyway. “It just amazes me what a messy eater you are.”

“You’re one to talk there, Cupcake. I saw you practically wrestling with that mozzarella stick a minute ago remember.” Carmilla grabbed one out of the container and mockingly brought her hand to her mouth pretending to take a bite. Her head tilted to the side with her tongue darting in and out of her mouth, like she was trying to eat a dangling string of cheese.

“Hey, that’s not funny.” 

“It was to me.” Carmilla said with a laugh as she took a real bite of the mozzarella stick, and stuck her tongue out at Laura when the melted cheese broke off in her mouth without incident. 

“Show off,” Laura muttered with a pout, tossing a hunk of bell pepper that had fell off on her plate at her, which only made her laugh even harder. 

“Thanks, Cutie,” Carmilla popped it in her mouth and chewing slowly, “you have no idea how hungry I am. That hit the spot.” She said popping the top on the last can of grape soda that she had snagged from the fridge, before they started eating, and took a sip. 

“Is that my last soda,” Laura asked pointedly. 

“I don’t know,” Carmilla replied with a noncommittal shrug. 

“It is, isn’t it,” Laura’s eyes narrowed at her when she took another sip. “Dang it, Carm, _I_ was saving that for after dinner. Now I don’t have anything to drink.”

“I’ll share it with you.” Carmilla handed her the can with a knowing smirk.

“You owe me a twelve pack of soda.” Laura said as she took the can from her.

“But, that’s not fair, Cupcake.” Carmilla whined, crossing her arms over her chest, the food momentarily forgotten. “I only drank that one and I’m splitting it with you.” 

“Correction, you only drank this one _tonight_ ,” Laura said, reaching for one of the wings, “but you’ve had more than half of them since I went shopping on Thursday.”

“Humph,” Carmilla muttered under her breath, because it wasn’t fair, even if Laura was right. It wasn’t her fault that she only ever buys one case of soda at a time when they go through them in less than a week. 

“Don’t pout at me, Carm,” Laura rolled her eyes when she saw her mouth twisted up in a frown, but it was mostly to hide the fact that she almost gave in, because Carm was so damn cute when she acted like a five year old. “Besides, it’s your turn to buy the groceries anyway.”

 _“Fine,”_ She replied, but she still wasn’t happy about it. Her brooding didn’t last long, as soon as she saw Laura was about to take the last mozzarella stick, she grabbed it first and put the whole thing in her mouth, chewing happily.

“You’re such a child,” Laura rolled her eyes again to mask her smile, when Carm gave her a gleeful grin in response. 

“The food’s getting cold,” Carmilla finally said after swallowing the mouth full of cheesy goodness. 

The two of them ate the rest of their meal in relative silence, not that there was residual tension between them or anything like that. It was just, despite having a hefty breakfast and tacos at their favorite Mexican restaurant before they went to Diesel, they were both famished and devoured the rest of the pizzas in record time. Laura guessed, the emotional buildup of getting their tattoos had affected both of their appetites. Because, she and Carm could eat quite a bit, there was no doubt about that, but they never usually ate that much. 

Once the food was gone and the trash had been thrown away, there was still another hour or so, before they could take the plastic bandages off their tattoos and clean them. And there was really no point in starting to watch a movie when they would just have to stop in the middle of it. Besides, studying should probably come first anyway, although Carm didn’t seem too enthused when she proposed that idea. She crossed her arms and pouted at her while she went to her room to grab her books, and her lips were still all twisted up when she returned a few minutes later. She was such a baby when she didn’t get her way, and it was absolutely adorable. But, cute or not she had to prepare for her test. 

“You’re really going to study right now, Cupcake.” Carmilla said with a huff when Laura spread her notes out on the coffee table and opened her book.

“Carm, I have my first midterm tomorrow afternoon, and I have to work a split shift on top of it. I won’t have enough time before that to get much reading done, and when I get off at one, I have to head straight to campus for my exam and if I’m lucky I’ll actually have the full hour to get there. Then I still have to take care of the design for the Sentinel, before I go back to work at seven.” Laura said slightly out of breath as she ended her rambling. 

“Fine.” 

“Where are you going,” Laura asked in surprise, when she pushed herself up off the couch.

“To get my book,” Carmilla replied, “I’m not just gonna sit around and twiddle my thumbs while you ignore me.”

“So, you’re actually going to start studying tonight?”

“Hell no,” She said over her shoulder as she head to her room. 

 

Laura was fully immersed in her book and the notes in front of her when Carmilla came back with a thick hardback book in her hand, because she refused to get a tablet or an e-reader. She hated how technology made everybody so fucking lazy, but mostly she liked the feel of a real book in her hands, something she could put a bookmark in, or dog-ear the page if she wanted to. She tried not to disturb Laura when she climbed in the couch and stretched out behind her, but she couldn’t help caressing the small of her back as she got herself situated. It was too hard being this close to her, and not touching her, besides she knew her Cupcake wouldn’t mind. They went through the same routine every time exams rolled around. It was like a game for them, well mostly it was a game to her, but her Cupcake always played along. Just, as long as she didn’t distract her too much. 

And usually she tried not to, but no matter how hard she tried tonight, she couldn’t keep her attention on her book. Her gaze kept travelling from the page up to Laura’s left shoulder. She couldn’t stop thinking about the tattoo that lies beneath her t-shirt. To be honest she still wasn’t quite sure that it was real. Everything that happened tonight still hadn’t completely sunk in. Now that all the euphoria has worn off, it kind of felt more like a dream, than reality. And she had to keep asking herself did it really happen. Of course, she knew the answer, but trying to wrap her mind around it was another thing altogether. 

Before it had been easy not to focus on, amidst the lighthearted banter, and consumption of more pizza than she cared to admit, but now the diversion was gone. And she just couldn’t stop thinking about it. She moved her hand to rest on Laura’s hip, instinctively tracing patterns with her fingertips, moving them around in small circles of loops and swirls, slowly making them bigger and bigger as her fingers glided over smooth denim. Her eyes strayed from the sentence she had been reading over and over again for the last five minutes, drifting up Laura’s back to rest on her shoulder. There was this--desire burning inside her that she couldn’t explain. Biting her lip, she mindlessly tugged on the hem of her t-shirt. 

“Carm,” She exclaimed, glancing back at her. 

“Can I see it,” Carmilla asked softly, meeting her gaze.

“See what,” Laura let out an unsteady breath when she saw the fiery emotions blazing in her eyes.

Carmilla’s gaze unconsciously drifted to her shoulder again, as she spoke, “your tattoo.” She met Laura’s gaze again, her pleading expression filled with softness and vulnerability. 

“Okay, but then you have to let me study.” Laura warned her quietly. Trying to shake the feeling, her intense gaze gave her.

Carmilla nodded eagerly, practically tossing her book aside as she sat up and started to roll up the back of her shirt. Taking her time, like she was unveiling a delicate piece of art, her hands trembling a little bit making her slow movements unsteady. When she finally saw Laura’s tattoo, her breath caught in her throat, and she had to swallow down the lump just so she could breathe again. It was beautiful, even with the plastic covering it. She could see every loop and swirl, and the stone temple in the center of it clearly. And she had to stop herself from reaching out to touch it. Her heart stuttering in her chest as she gazed at Laura’s tattoo like it was one of the most magnificent feats of nature’s creation.

The thing was, she may have acted all nonchalant when they got in the car earlier, like it wasn’t a big deal, but it really was. What Laura did tonight, was pretty fucking amazing. All she had done was support her along the way, but it was her Cupcakes strength and determination that made all the difference. And just knowing that she had been a part of it made her ache in a way she couldn’t comprehend. 

 

She was perched on the edge of the couch, leaning over the coffee table with a highlighter in one hand and a pen in the other to occasional jot down something she thought was particularly important. Ironically, Laura wasn’t even really worried about that test all that much, it was an easy class for her, Construction of Classic Conversationalist and Contemporary Rhetoric, like somebody needed to teach her how to talk. That was something she had mastered before she could even walk. She was only taking the class because it fulfilled a requirement for her major. Mostly she was just trying to brush up on some of the topics her professor lectured on at the beginning of the semester. Even if she was already acing that class and knew most of the material already, it always made her feel better to be prepared. 

But she could feel Carm’s dark brown eyes on her more often than her book, (on some ancient philosophical theory Laura knew nothing about), which she was reading strictly for pleasure because she always procrastinated on studying until the last minute, of course that usually made her even more broody and abrasive by the time her first midterm rolled around and Laura had given up on trying to get her to be more dedicated a long time ago, besides when it came down to it Carm was always there for her when she got really stressed. It wasn’t that Carm thought she knew it all, she just hated studying, or maybe it was that she had to study at all, because as she likes to put it, “I’m an artist. All I need to know how to do is paint and draw. Which I’m already very fucking good at, why the hell should I be forced to take a bunch of dumb ass tests?”

At least Carm was trying to behave at the moment, rather than doing everything in her power to distract her. Although she doubted that wouldn’t last very long, this time around. She’s been up to no good ever since she came back with her book. Laura reached for another cookie from the bag of defects, sitting on the edge of the table that she had brought home from work the day before, without taking her eyes off the book in front of her. She felt the slight tug at the hem of her shirt before Carm started to slid it up her thumbs incidentally caressing the small of her back in the process. Yep, she knew it wouldn’t last long.

“Carm,” She said firmly, glancing over her shoulder to stare at her in disbelief, despite the catch in her breath. 

Her book was lying abandoned across her chest. “I was just going to look at you’re tattoo,” Carm whined pouting her lips. She had thought she was being slick by keeping her hands movements light and slow.

“You’ve seen it seven times already.” 

This has been going on like every five minutes, since she came back with her book. It was actually kind of weird, usually Carm doesn’t mess with her this much, because she know she’ll have to wait even longer to cuddle, but for some reason, tonight it’s been pretty darn persistent.

“So?” Carm twisted her lips up even more, and batted her eyelashes at her, making herself look even more pathetic. “I wanna see it again.”

She was such a brat, trying to make her feel guilty, with her pouted lusciously full lips, and those long eyebrows, and that twinkle in her eyes. Damn. The way Carm looked at her sometimes, it was--she didn’t know what it was, but it was distracting, because right now she really wanted to give in to her whim. How could she be so darn adorable without even trying?

“Fine,” Laura said before she could stop herself. 

Carm shot up instantly, rubbing her hands together, with a gleeful smile.

“You’re such a brat.” She said out loud. But Carm simply responded by slipping her hands under the back of her shirt and slowly easing it up. 

There was something about Carm’s touch that instantly relaxed her, every time, (even when she didn’t actually know she was stressed). She felt the tension melt away as her hands glided over her back, drawing her shirt up with them, and a different --sensation slowly built up inside her to replace it. The air was punctuated with her small quiet sighs as Carm traced her finger along the edge of the thin strip of plastic before nuzzling between her shoulder blades. She felt the small smile playing on her lips when they pressed against her skin. 

“It’s gonna be beautiful when it heals, Laura. I mean, it’s amazing now, but I know it will look even better then.” Carmilla said softly. 

Her warm breath hit her fiery skin in short bursts as Carm stared at her tattoo for a few more moments. Then let her shirt fall into place as she stretched back out behind her, leaving her right hand beneath it to occasionally caress the small of her back. Laura watched her pick up her book from where it had fallen into the crevice of the couch and flip it open with her other hand. Carm started reading again, or so it seemed. Supporting her book at the top spine must make it easier for her to turn the page without using both hands. Because she knew Carm had no intention to stop touching her any time soon. 

Laura eyed her suspiciously, for a while, wondering how long she would be satisfied, before it happened again. She was almost done studying, there were just a couple more chapters left for her to skim through then they could clean their tattoos and watch a movie. With Carm seemingly occupied for the time being, she turned back to her reading. It shouldn’t take more than thirty minutes or so, if Carm didn’t distract her again that is. Of course, she knew the chance of that happening was slim to none. If she had to guess, she would say that Carm was still in awe that she had actually gotten it done in the first place, because she has been obsessed with it ever since they finished eating. 

She had just flipped the page to the last chapter in her text book when she felt Carm’s hand slipping higher up her back again. Letting out a sigh, well it was more like an airy breath, she offered up no resistance as Carm lifted her shirt once more. Instead she bit her bottom lip, closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the sensations her touch always created.

...

She bit back a whimper as she reached for a bowl on the counter. Her shoulder was actually kind of sore, even after sleeping on her stomach last night, which wasn’t an easy thing to do. It was still achy. Every time she moved her arm the skin stretching made it hurt even worse. It reminded her of one time she fell off her bike as a kid, and skidded across the pavement for several feet. Except this irritates her a whole lot more, that had just stung a little bit. And on top of that it was starting to itch like crazy too, and it was hard as hell not to scratch. A couple times she had started to out of habit, but then she remembered what Lucas said about scratching her tattoo before it was fully healed, (it might mess up the lines and make the ink bleed together, or make the color fade faster than it should), and she had retracted her hand with a quickness. After what she went through to get it, there was no way in hell she was going to do anything to mess it up.

Being at work helped with her self-restraint, because her shift was with Laf this morning and she definitely didn’t want them to know about her tattoo. She was dead serious when she told Carm that she planned to hide it from them as long as possible. Trying to pretend that the darn thing wasn’t bothering her wasn’t an easy feat, but so far she was managing. Or at least they haven’t said anything. She winced again as she started the mixer. Even the vibration of the motor affected her and other than adjusting the lever to raise the bowl, or change the speed, she didn’t have to touch it with her left hand. She turned it off to scrape around the edge of the bowl with a spatula and wiped it on the blades before starting it again. This was definitely going to be a major nuisance for her. 

To make matters worse, she didn’t know how she was going to manage to clean it by herself later in the day. But she has a wash rag and a hand towel all wrapped up tight and double sealed in a zip lock bag in her backpack along with the tube of ointment. This wasn’t an issue when she was getting ready for work, her shower had done the trick, but that wasn’t an option with the day she has ahead of her, there will be no time to stop at home for another one. But it has to be done, so she’ll figure something out. 

Carm had helped her clean her tattoo last night, so it wasn’t a problem then either. Laura smiled to herself as the memory came flooding back...

_She was standing in the bathroom, her hands grasping the hem of her shirt, making no effort to take it off, as she stared at herself in the mirror lost in thought. She knew she should be cleaning her tattoo, but the prospect of hoping in the shower wasn’t exactly appealing, that would just keep her up for the rest of the night which was the last thing she needed with how busy she’s going to be tomorrow. But there was no way she was going to be able to clean the darn thing properly without bathing._

_And Carm was in her room changing, not that she would ask for her help. She could, but she wouldn’t. This is too personal. There was no way she could take her shirt off in front of her. Of course, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Carm’s seen her in far less. And she’s been sneaking peaks at her tattoo all night. But that’s what makes it an issue. Well that, and all of these—feelings and sensations that have been bubbling beneath the surface all day were a part of it too. Because no matter how much she tries, she can’t seem to completely shake them. So, no, she couldn’t be that close to Carm, and half-naked at the same time. Or she might...no, she just couldn’t. There was no way. This is something she has to do for herself._

_“Why did I ever decide to get it on my back? What was I thinking? That’s right I wasn’t really thinking. Well, okay, that’s not really true. I just wasn’t all that focused on practicality at the time.” She said out loud._

_Letting out frustrated sigh, her grip instinctively tightened on the edge of her shirt. She was just about to take it off, resigned to get in the shower, when she heard Carm’s raspy voice come from behind her shaking her out of her stupor._

_“Let me help you, Cutie.”_

_She hadn’t even noticed her open it._

_“H--how, long have you been standing there?” She swallowed hard meeting her gaze in the mirror. Watching as Carm pushed herself away from the door and took a step closer._

_“Long enough,” was all she said in a tone that sounded surprisingly seductive._

_The fire burning in the dark brown eyes, staring back at her, made her breathless. And all she could do was nod silently. Any thought of not being half-naked in front of Carm was completely forgotten with the intensity of those espresso orbs boring into her. Her heart started beating faster and there was a fluttering in her stomach as Carm closed the distance between them. Her hands fell away from her shirt as Carm’s hands came to rest on her hips, staying there for a moment before she started to ease her shirt up. More on instinct than anything else, she lifted her arms as Carm gingerly pulled her shirt up over her head in one swift motion. And she had to bite her lip to stifle the moan that threatened to escape, when Carm’s fingertips brushed her ribcage._

_The shirt slipped from her hands and hit the floor, completely forgotten. As they just looked at each other in the mirror for what felt like several minutes, but was probably nothing more than mere moments. An airy breath slipped from her mouth when Carm’s lips brushed over her tattoo in a feather light kiss before she reached out to remove the piece of plastic covering it, with just as much care. Pressing closer, Carm reached around her for the unopened bar of soap on the counter, and she could hear the cadence of her uneven breathing as she tore into and tossed the paper aside to turn on the faucet and pick up her wash cloth._

_Her breathe was coming out, hot and heavy, in spurts and gasps as Carm dampened the rag with lukewarm water. Her gaze traveling down to watch the soapy lather gathering between her pale nimble fingers as she rubbed the soap in its folds. Carm’s hips bumped against hers with every shaky breath that they took. And the air around them almost seemed to crackle with something like electricity as their gazes met in the mirror once again. Neither of them could look away._

_Humming softly the sound resonating from deep in the back of her throat, “you can always look to me, Cutie,” She murmured in her ear._

_Her eyes teared up a little when Carm said that. Those words held so much meaning for her, for both of them really. It was how it all started. Putting into words exactly what their tattoos meant to them._

_Rather than step away as she held the rag in one hand above her tattoo and a soft hand towel in the other, resting against her beneath her shoulder, Carm simply leaned her upper body away, causing her hips to press even harder against her. She couldn’t hold back a gasp as she squeezed the rag and the cool suds glossed over her heated skin before being absorbed. Every time more soapy water slid down her back, strangled sounds came out of her mouth, as she tried to suppress her gasps._

_By the time she rinsed the rag, they were both breathing in spurts and shudders. Their eyes were locked on each other in the mirror, honey brown and espresso, as their chest rose and fell. And when Carm brought the rag up to her shoulder again, she didn’t try to hold in her gasps as the chilled water dripped down her shoulder. She felt the small thrust of Carm’s hips at the sounds she made._

_The slow momentum of their hips moving together, never stopping as she lightly dabbed at her tattoo to dry it. She drew her bottom lip into her mouth, biting down on it, as Carm pressed impossibly closer and picked up the tube of Aquaphor, without ever looking away. Mirroring her action, Carm bit her lip too as she unscrewed the cap and squeeze the ointment onto her fingertips. A loud moan echoed in the room, when Carm brought her hand up and gently began to rub it into her inflamed skin while her other hand slipped around her waist, and pale fingers ghosted across her abdomen. The sound was so foreign to her ears that she couldn’t imagine it coming from her mouth, but it must have._

_“You’re beautiful,” Carm murmured, kissing the valley between her shoulders, as her left hand fell away to lightly grasp her hip, holding her even more firmly against her. Never once breaking their gaze in the mirror._

_Her face lit up with the softest sweetest most affectionate smile that she had ever seen grace Carm’s features, their bodies swaying together in perfect sync._

_“Carm,” She said breathlessly, her name coming out as more of a moan._

_“Yeah, Cutie,” Carm replied, sounding just as affected as she was._

_“Th--thank you.”_

_“Any time, Cupcake,” Carm’s breathless whisper filled the room._

_For the longest time they just stood there staring at each other in the mirror, both of them knew that they should move apart but neither of them were willing to break the spell and put some distance between them. It was just the unsteady rhythm of their breathing and Carm’s hands caressing her stomach while their bodies pressed against each other, their breath hitching even more every time Carm’s clothed chest brushed against her bare back._

_When they finally broke apart some time later, the moment that they had shared was not lost on either of them. But no words were spoken. There was no awkwardness, just the look of mutual understanding and contentment. Carm cleaned her tattoo, while she left the bathroom carrying her shirt in her hand and padded to her room to change, into a pair of sweats and a tank top. She returned to the living room with her laptop in hand, and Carm joined her shortly after. They spent the rest of the time before she went to bed cuddling on the couch, watching a movie._

_It was Carm’s choice to watch, ‘Warm Bodies’, well kind of, it was the lesser evil out of the other options she gave her. She automatically nixed ‘Frozen’ and ‘The Vow’ before her laptop even had time to boot up. So, of course she went with the movie with zombies in it, as soon as she suggested it. Though she doubted it really mattered much to her what was playing on the screen. Carm was too busy cuddling her to pay attention to the movie anyway. She spent most of the next hour-and-a half staring at her tattoo and occasionally placing open mouthed kisses on the places where her skin was tender and red, that didn’t have any ointment, or on the back of her neck._

_Just like that morning, she was the little spoon, lying kind of on her right side and her stomach to look at the computer on the coffee table and keep her shoulder propped up. But she could still feel the light, slow constant pressure of Carm’s hips moving against her and found herself pressing back into her. Soon they were both breathing kind of heavy again, with their hearts thudding in their chest, both of them feeling the increase in rhythm as they snuggled closer._

A low audible moan escaped Laura’s mouth as her mind shifted gears, from the memory, back to her present reality. Her heart was racing in her chest, and she felt more than a little breathless. It took her a moment to realize how tightly her hands were gripping the edge of the counter at her workspace. She started to let go of it but changed her mind and just loosened her hold, because right now she wasn’t so sure her slightly wobbly legs would support her full weight. The sensations humming through her body wasn’t something she expected the mere thought of last night to bring back up. Yeah, sure, it had been--intense. But that’s how their friendship is. It shouldn’t affect her like this. What was happening to her?

Trying to ignore the reactions of her body, or at least regain control of it, she let out a shallow breath, and chanced a glance over her shoulder at Laf. Who had stopped what they were doing to regard her with piqued curiosity and obvious amusement. Heat suffused her cheeks, as she quickly turned away from them, knowing she was an embarrassing shade of red. She released her grip on the counter hoping her legs had stopped trembling enough to hold her up. Clearing her throat as she removed the bowl of dough from the mixers base and dumped it out on the flour lined countertop, she reached for a rolling pin (to occupy her herself) and tried to pretend she didn’t feel their eyes boring into the back of her head. 

“Where’d you go?” They asked after a beat. Trying to keep a straight face when Laura looked back at them, her cheeks still tinged with the faint glimmer of a blush. 

She opened her mouth to respond, but they cut her off before she could get a word out. 

“No wait, let me guess,” they paused for dramatic effect, and then said, “Carmilla land,” with a mocking grin. 

“Shut up.” She mumbled and went back to rolling out the cookie dough. 

“I’m right, aren’t I, Laur,” They stated smugly.

“No--no, you’re not.” Laura replied without looking at them.

She wasn’t about to tell them the truth. That would just make their teasing even worse. Besides, it would mean having to tell them about her tattoo. And that would only give them devious thoughts, and lead to them pester her, about the experiments they wanted to run on her, _‘for science’_ , which was so not going to happen. 

Last night may have changed things for her, but she still wasn’t comfortable with needles, and she probably never would be. They still scare her. Admittedly, it isn’t nearly as bad as before, because she knows she won’t break down at the sight of them, but she certainly wasn’t ready to be poked and prodded, or become one of Lafontaine’s guinea pigs either. 

“I was just having a daydream, that’s all.” She said as an afterthought, to cover up for the stuttering, as she turned around to face them.

“Yeah, sure,” they quipped, “based on your lusty moaning, I’d say it was more of a fantasy--about Carmilla.” 

“Whatever Laf,” Laura rolled her eyes at them. Hoping if she acted like nothing was up with her, maybe they would believe it and leave her alone, at least for the time being. 

“Uhm hmm!” Laf let out a sigh of disbelief. 

They were pleased that things had gone back to normal between them after the incident that happened last weekend. Not that Laura was weird with them, or anything, but they had kind of been walking on eggshells around her. Afraid that anything they said about her and Carmilla would set her off again. Going out and having some fun had really helped to settle their mind. And their teasing didn’t seem to bother her any more than it had before last Saturday. 

“When are you going to accept that nothing’s ever going to happen between me and Carm?” 

“Never,” they said with a shrug. “Because, I totally know I’m right.”

“We’re friends, and that’s all we will ever be.” Laura responded.

She’s not really sure if that statement was more for them, or herself. Because ever since yesterday morning, she’s been having these—thoughts about Carm that she can’t seem to get rid of. No matter how hard she tries to shake them, they’re always lying there right beneath the surface. That little episode a moment ago was more than enough proof of that.

To be honest, all last night had done was confuse things even more, magnifying everything tenfold. And for the life of her, she couldn’t understand exactly what the hell was wrong with her. Or why cleaning her tattoo and their cuddling afterword held so much weight in her head, (and maybe even her heart), when it shouldn’t mean anything at all. Seriously. She and Carm were just really emotional from the events of the day, and--things got a little out of hand, that’s all. At least that’s what she needed to believe in order to justify what was happening between them last night. Because as long as it was just a more extreme version of intimate cuddling, then it didn’t have to change anything between them. And she really _really_ didn’t want it to be more than that. 

Even if, somewhere deep down inside she knew that it already was. Laura certainly couldn’t admit it to herself, because that _would_ definitely change everything, there was no doubt about that. 

“Sure, whatever you say, L.” Laf uttered as they went back to measuring the ingredients for a batch of cinnamon rolls. “You keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you might actually believe it.” They said because they couldn’t resist getting in one last jab. 

Laura didn’t respond to that, because she knew it would just create more fodder for them to bother her. Well that, and she wasn’t a hundred percent sure that if she opened her mouth and said something, it wouldn’t come out as an unnaturally high pitched squeal and give her away. So she let them have the last word. Giving herself a good mental talking to instead, _‘you and Carm are so not a thing. So, whatever the hell--this is needs to stop right friggin’ now. Get it together Laura! For Craps sake, get your shit together.’_ She has more important things to worry about like, midterms, the Sentinel, and finishing the snickerdoodle cookie dough she was currently rolling out along with the three others she has to prep and get refrigerated for the mid-day shift before she got off in a couple hours. 

Wincing in pain as gave the dough a few more turns with the rolling pin. She folded it into a ball, and grabbed the box of shrink wrap. Trying to use her left hand as little as she could when she tore off a long strip, which really wasn’t easy. Neither was straighten it out when it got all tangled up and stuck together because of the way she tore it. She let out a small whine, as she struggled to get it to lay flat on the counter. 

“Hey, you okay over there, Laur,” Laf asked watching her curiously. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” She said over her shoulder with a forced smile. Biting the inside of her cheek to mask a quiet groan as she worked the cookie dough into a long roll on the lightly floured saran wrap and sealed it up.

“You look like you’re in pain,” They said popping up beside her a moment later.

She jumped in surprise and let out a little yelp. “Geez, Laf, don’t do that,” she exclaimed, the sudden movement making her grimace again at the throbbing in her shoulder. 

They raised a concerned eyebrow at her obvious cringe of pain, “did you hurt yourself, or something,” Laf asked looking her over for signs of injury, “because I have something to help you with that. I’ve been working on this serum that releases endorphins to stimulate the natural healing properties of the body. It also reduces the inflammation that commonly causes pain too. I happen to have some in my backpack.” 

“No, I’m good. I think I just slept wrong,” Laura replied, she really hated lying to them, especially when they were so worried about her, but it was for the best. And, seriously, whatever happened to offering an aspirin. “I’ll be fine, Laf, but thanks for the offer.”

“Okay,” they eyed her suspiciously, “let me know if you change your mind,” they said, before turning around and heading back to their workstation.

 

The rest of her shift went without incident, or rather, she managed to keep her discomfort under wraps and allay Laf’s concern by engaging them in the usual small talk, that permeated their shifts together. She almost managed to clock out exactly at one, but a small rush came in just as she was headed to the back, and she felt bad about leaving Laf by themself since her replacement hadn’t come in yet, so she stayed to help them get the line down, which meant she didn’t actually end up clocking out until a quarter after. It left her just enough time to get to campus for her midterm. Rushing into the class room right before the professor shut the door. She grabbed the only open seat at the front of the room and pulled out her pencil and scantron sheet, quickly bubbling in her name and student id number. 

Tapping her foot on the floor anxiously while she waited for the test he handed out to reach her. She let her mind wander and thought about the rest of her day. Having a split shift was a relief, well she would have preferred not to work at all today, but there was nothing she could do about it now, besides she couldn’t really afford to give up any of her hours with rent and bills to pay, (after taxes she really didn’t make that much), and she had to keep up with the union standards of at least twenty-four hours a week. But the main reason she was glad that she didn’t have to go back to work until seven-thirty was that it should give her a couple hours or so to work on the layout for the next issue of the Sentinel, that came out Wednesday morning, which was more than enough time to get it done. 

She just hoped she could didn’t run into any problems, because she’s closing the bakery tonight and won’t get off until at least eleven-thirty, midnight at the latest. And she still has to study for her, Intrinsic and Developmental Methods of Investigative Journalism, midterm tomorrow morning, which is going to be a hard one, so yeah, she really doesn’t want to have to come back to campus after work. This is going to be a long and stressful week for her, but midterms and finals are always like this. As soon as the test was in her hand she pushed all of that to the back of her mind. Her face lit up with a huge grin, as she looked over it. Mindlessly passing the rest of the stack to the person behind her, she settled in and began to bubble in her answer sheet. 

 

Well, her midterm went well, as expected. As soon as she had a copy of the exam in front of her, she realized how much time she had wasted studying the night before. Everything was multiple choice, and the answers were so obvious, even someone who missed every single lecture could have guessed them right. The correct answer was really the only logical choice, all the other options were so farfetched that only and idiot would have picked them. Needless to say, she was the first one to finish and was out of the class room well before the time the exam was half over. So she took a little extra time to grab a sandwich, chips and a soda in the student union, the slice of chocolate cream pie was a special treat and she was still at her desk in the Sentinel’s office by four o’clock, which was much earlier than she had expected to start working on the paper. That was the good news. 

The bad news was that she hadn’t managed to work out the design for the paper before she went back to work. Even with the extra hour, no matter how hard she tried, it hadn’t come together. So, yep, she was screwed. Because she was more than likely spending most of the night on campus, which meant there was going to be no sleep for her tonight more than likely. Well maybe she would get a few winks, but with all the problems she encountered earlier, that was pretty damn unlikely at this point. The layout for the Sentinel has to be ready to go to the printers first thing in the morning and she has to start from scratch when she goes back to campus tonight, because she literally had to scrap everything before she left the papers office for the other half her shift. 

She was only an hour in, and the bakery was unusually busy which left her little opportunity in between customers to study for tomorrows test, and she knows from the other classes she’s taken with Professor Crabtree that they’re designed for students to fail, if they don’t actually put in time to review everything. The answers for her exams are always comprehensive, so an essay question will relate to another one somewhere below it, and what she’s looking for is the ability to bridge the gap, without simply repeating what’s already been written, but to expand on it. Anything less than that is simply guaranteed failure, so yeah, it’s going to be hard is a nice way to put. What actually comes to mind is, it’s going to be a doozy. A few of her classmates formed a study group and invited her to join them, for one last cramming session right before the exam. 

Add that to her list of things to do, plus a full shift at the bakery and tomorrow was going to be another long day. Although she hates the taste of coffee, even with all the extra sugariness she has them add in, it’s about to become her best friend, well next to Carm, who’s she will probably barely get to see for the next few days, because she’s got a lot going on too. Laura took a sip from the iced mocha latté with a double shot of espresso and lots of extra chocolate syrup that she bought on the way to work. Before going to help yet another customer, leaving her text book abandoned on the counter, on the exact same page that it’s been on since she clocked in. 

Damn. Right about now, graduation can’t come soon enough. She couldn’t wait to be done with all of this, or maybe that was just the fact that she’s already tired talking and she knew it was only going to get worse. Because she has no misconceptions about ‘the real world’ being any easier, she’s not naïve. But at least then there would be no more midterms or finals, and hopefully a more regimented schedule. She crossed her fingers about that one. Not that she needs to get ahead of herself though, the best way to survive all these exams was to take it one day at a time, (and hope for the best), at least that’s what she’s going to try to do. 

... 

Today started off like any other day for Carmilla, or rather what was to come still hadn’t breached the surface of her apathetic mentality. Which would have been fine, if today weren’t the start of nothing but misery, her first classes started entirely too damn early for her taste. She wasn’t usually one to be trapped in a useless state of perpetual denial, but exams always tend to have an adverse effect on her. Sitting in a room where the walls were lined with easels, pallets, and other various art supplies, all she wanted to do was paint. But listening to the professor lecturing on two chapters of text he was including on Wednesday’s midterm, from a book he’d just instructed them to buy on Friday, brought it all home for her. This week is going to fuckin’ suck.

It’s not like any of this stuff was going to make her a better artist. A blank canvas or an empty page in her sketch book would do her more good. She was at least trying to pay attention to Professor Longbottom, (and yes, that’s his real name, not something she made up as an affront to him), as he droned on and on at the front of the room, but she was itching to draw something, anything. So she clenched her hands into fist on the table to curb the urge forcing herself to focus. 

Her gaze was drawn to her wrist when she unfurled her right hand to scribble down a few notes on the binder paper in front of her. Smiling to herself as she looked back at the professor, listening to his rant about the emergence of fractal art, she started to draw a swirling pattern on top of the table with her index finger without even realizing that she was doing it. At some point she must have zoned out, because before she knew it he was wrapping up his lecture to dismiss the class, and she had missed nearly the entire fucking thing. Now, that leaves her with even more studying to do. 

“Damn it.” She grumbled stuffing the sheet of paper with a handful of notes written on it into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder as she stood up and stomped out of the room. 

If it was just classes that she had to deal with, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But that wasn’t the case. As soon as her class was over she headed to the Nook grumbling to herself the entire way there. The book store was usually one of her favorite places to be, but not today. In between helping customers and putting a shit load of new inventory away she tried to study for her first midterm the next morning. Those five hours went incredibly fucking fast and she barely got any reading done, not that she had time to think about it, in the short drive over to the Lustig. It wasn’t an official meeting with her advisor or anything that was scheduled for tomorrow.

She just wanted to get a feel for the place, not that she hasn’t been there dozens of times before, but this was different, her work was going to be on display in an actual gallery. To be honest, it kind of made her nervous. Of course, she knows that she is a damn good artist and she definitely deserves this opportunity, but still, she’s nervous. To top it off she’s also been suffering a little artistic block lately, at least when it comes to her pieces for the showcase. Drawing for fun is easy, sketches doddles and random stuff that pops into her head aren’t hard to recreate, but she’s only finished half the pieces for the exhibit. She just can’t seem to figure out what she’s going to do for the other six. 

As she moved through the halls of the gallery, stopping in every room, in hopes that she would see something to spark her creativity or at the very least give her some sort of direction, but nothing really inspired her. Sure the urge to, sit down on the floor and pull out her sketch pad was there, but the images floating around in her mind weren’t right, she wanted her work for the showcase to be different than anything she’s ever done before. 

Carmilla walked around for a little while longer, taking a mental snapshot of a few paintings and a sculpture that caught her eye, before letting out a frustrated sigh and heading back to her car. If she stayed at the gallery any longer she would be late getting to the community center. She still needs to stop by the arts and craft store for supplies and get everything set up before the kids arrived. Usually she relied on the other two volunteers to help her out with that, but they both had midterms, so she was going to be flying solo today. So, those little brats better behave themselves. She actually kind enjoyed spending time with the little monsters. All of their shenanigans just got on her last fuckin’ nerve sometimes. 

Working with the kids turned out to be the best part of her day. They were actually surprisingly calm, or at least more so than usual. Of course there was all of the usual talking and laughter going on while they were drawing portraits of themselves from the pictures she had them bring in, but they were so into what they were doing, that their normal past time of trying to see how far they could push her before she yelled at them or started cursing was absent, at least for the most part. It ended up taking her mind off everything else for a while. On the way back to campus for her night class, she went through the drive through at her favorite burger joint because there was no way she was going to fix herself something when she got home. It was bad enough that she had to sit in another classroom for nearly two hours then go home and study. 

 

“Got damn it,” Carmilla uttered out of frustration. 

She was leaned over the kitchen table with three different books opened in front of her and a slew of crumpled sheets of paper that passed as her notes spread out haphazardly over the rest of the tiny surface. Of course this was probably mostly her fault for not breaking down and studying when her Cupcake did. But her first exam wasn’t until tomorrow, early ass in the morning at that, it wasn’t like she would have remembered anything she read anyway, right. 

Okay so she’ll admit it, last night she may have acted like she didn’t care, but she does, well not about the damn testing thing, that the administration can shove right up there asses. It’s a stupid system, that does nothing but judge people based on the kind of memory they have, because that’s all it is, no one actually retains any of this crap. As soon as the exam is over everything that they’ve spent hours, or even days memorizing is completely forgotten. But that aside, her grades are important enough to her, she sure as hell wasn’t going to owe thousands of dollars to some nameless faceless government entity and have absolutely nothing to fuckin’ show for it. 

Spreading out another balled up piece of notebook paper, she tried to make sense of what she’d written and how it related to the damn text in the books in any fucking way. The two theories on the classification and justification for renaissance art in modern society were so fucking contradictory that it was actually fucking ridiculous, besides who the hell cares. All that should matter is that it is great art and people like it. 

“Fuck,” she muttered, sitting back in her chair as she gathered her hair in a messy bun. 

She’s been at this for hours, and the words were starting to blur together on the pages. It didn’t help that she was tired as fuck from getting up before eleven, and running around all damn day, or that she was going to have to do the same thing tomorrow. In spite of all that, she needed a fuckin’ break. She glanced at the room temperature pot of coffee sitting on the counter with a resigned sigh as she got up to get herself another cup. 

Cringing as she sat back down with her mug and took a sip, which she almost spit back out. It was black unsweetened and strong, but she hated cold coffee, it’s absolutely fuckin’ disgusting, but she didn’t feel like waiting for a fresh pot to brew, and nuking it in the microwave, was just as appealing as drinking it cold. She’ll never understand how her Cupcake could drink that iced latté crap to combat the stress of exams. Waiting for the caffeine to take effect, she let her gaze travel around the room. Her thoughts centering on Laura as she focused on the clock blinking on the microwave, she hadn’t really been paying much attention to the actual time when she got up to get her coffee. But it was almost two o’clock in the morning and she still wasn’t home yet. She tried not to worry, but she couldn’t help it. 

Of course she knows that her Cupcake can take care of herself, and she would have called if something was wrong, but she never stays out this late during midterms, and she got off work hours ago. So where the hell was she? She should have been home a long time ago. 

Taking another sip from her mug, the putrid taste barely registered in her mind, as she began to drum her fingers on the table, well on the papers covering it. Laura has a midterm in the morning too, and if there was one thing she knew about her Cupcake, it was that she needed her rest especially with how stressful exams could be on top of everything else. Reaching for her iPhone Carmilla debated on whether to call her or send a quick text, as she swiped her finger across the screen, letting it hover over the call ‘my Cupcake’ icon on her home screen. After a moment she tapped it unable to resist the urge to talk to her. They haven’t seen each other since Laura went to bed last night. She’d already been gone when she got up at nine. And they were both so busy today that they hadn’t talked to each other once. She fuckin’ hated exams! She was hardly going to get to see her Cupcake at all. 

She lifted her coffee mug to her lips and took a huge gulp, letting it slide down her throat while she counted the rings, waiting impatiently to hear Laura’s voice. It wasn’t until after the fifth one that she finally picked up. 

“Hey, Carm,” she said, letting out a weary sigh.

“Hey,” Carmilla said softly, the sound of Laura’s voice instantly made her feel better, but she hated hearing how tired she was. “Cupcake, where are you?”

“On campus,” Laura replied dejectedly, “I couldn’t get the layout for the paper done before I went back to work.” 

“I’m sorry, Cupcake.” 

“That’s okay, it’s not your fault.” 

“I could have stayed with you after class, if you told me.” Carmilla propped her left elbow on the table and rested her cheek in her palm. Rather than set her phone down and put it on speaker, she balanced it in her other hand and pressed it against her ear, it made Laura seem closer to her that way. 

“I know, but I didn’t want to bother you.” Laura said with a yawn that had a little involuntary squeak at the end.

Smiling at just how adorable it sounded, she murmured, “you never bother me, Cupcake.” 

“But, you need to prepare for your midterm in the morning. And I would have felt bad if you stayed here just to keep me company.”

“I study better with you than without you, Cutie.” She said simply, as the corner of her mouth curled up in a playful smirk, “you know that. I’m a mess without my little ball of sunshine.”

Laura’s soft chuckle, left her feeling pleased with herself, and she could imagine how her flowing locks of light brown hair, slightly swung back and forth as she shook her head with amusement. Even when they were tired, they could make each other laugh, and take some of the stress away. It didn’t matter that it only lasted for a little while. What mattered was that they could always make each other smile. 

“Do you think you’ll be coming home soon,” Carmilla asked hopefully.

“I don’t know, Carm. The damn thing just isn’t coming together for me. I don’t know what the hell the problem is but, every time I think something will work, either I can’t get everything to fit or it looks like crap. At this rate I’m gonna be here most of the night.”

The wisps of frustration mixing in with the tiredness floating in Laura’s voice made her want to have her home with her even more. 

“Oh,” Carmilla said with a pout even though she knew her Cupcake couldn’t see it. 

“Don’t pout at me, Carm.” She shook her head, a little, in disbelief, at the knowing smile laced in Laura’s tone. “Trust me, this is not by choice. I’d much rather be lounging on the couch with you trying to distract me while we study. But, I can’t let the rest of the staff down. I have to get this done before seven, so it can go out to the printers.”

“I know that, Cupcake,” Carmilla let out a quiet sigh, “and I’m _not_ pouting.”

And she does know. Laura’s the junior editor of the paper and she may not exactly make the decisions about what goes into it, but what she does is important. Other than writing her weekly column or the occasional fluff piece to fill out an installment, she does the entire design for each edition, and it’s not just some two page piece of garbage like other universities put out, it’s fifteen pages, because like everything else at Silas, the Sentinel strives to be cutting edge. It does more than just cover what goes on around campus, they report on what goes on in the surrounding community too. And it’s her Cupcakes job to make sure the aesthetics of the design are visually pleasing, so people actually want to read it. A lot of Laura’s free time goes into working on the paper because she really loves it. 

“Yes _you_ are. I know you.” Laura replied with a chuckle. “Besides, I can hear it in your voice.”

Carmilla hummed in defeat, because there was no use in denying it.“Just try to come home and get some sleep tonight, Cupcake.”

“I will, Carm. I promise.” She replied.

A few moments of silence passed between them, not because there was nothing to say, words just weren’t necessary to express it. There was a lot they could communicate without the need to speak. That was one of best parts of their relationship, nothing was ever forced. 

“I miss you.” Carmilla said softly, breaking the silence. 

“I miss you to.” Laura said with the same sweet softness.

Carmilla’s smile lit up her face, as she hung up the phone, letting out an airy breath. She and Laura never ended phone calls with a simple goodbye. Their statement may seem simple, but they were loaded with so much more than the words implied. Contained in them was ‘I hope I see you soon’, ‘I hate being away from you all the time’, and so much more. Carmilla knew this week was going to be hard as hell for both of them, being apart for more than a few hours was never easy for them. The thought of not getting to spend much time with her Cupcake made her stomach do these weird little flip flops, and her heart was beating kind of funny too. The separation never made her feel like this before. It was just all kind of-- strange. But, her response to Laura has always been kind of like that, always new and unexpected, or at least that’s what it made her do. What happened last night was proof of that.

She had never expected for it to turn out like that, not even in her wildest dreams. The reality of Laura having a tattoo and that she got it with her, was something that she’s still trying to wrap her mind around, believe it or not. She had spent most of the night lifting Laura’s shirt to take glances at it. The first few times had been just to make sure it was real and not just a figment of her imagination. But after that, what she felt was something--else, that she couldn’t explain, to herself. 

_Every time she saw Laura’s tattoo ingrained in her skin, a permanent statement of more than just their friendship, her desire to see it again grew more and more. She wanted to touch it with her fingertips, but she hadn’t. So, she sought to commit it to memory instead, not just every line or curve, or even every perfectly placed stone on their temple, because as amazing as it looked, there was something else about it that drew her in. She found herself admiring how every movement, even something as simple as an intake of breath made the lithe muscles ripple beneath her skin, transforming it into something new._

_Revealing more of the design every single time, and she started to notice parts of it that she didn’t even remember drawing. Like the initials E.H., carved into the stones just below the center of the infinity symbol, or Laura’s favorite flower embedded in the tip of the temple. She didn’t know how Lucas saw all of that let alone fit it in. But the part that gave her the most pause and revelation was how, submerged within the swirling curves she could see the phrase, ‘look to me’ with ‘forever’ right beneath it, when she tilted her head just right. The first time she noticed it, there was an unusual flutter in her stomach._

_And each time she saw something new in her Cupcakes tattoo it left her completely in awe. Then she would stare at her own wrist once she settled back on the couch, searching for the same things in her own. Tilting and turning her arm in every way possible, until she could make them out. Smiling to herself when she finally made them out, enraptured, at how much of them she truly managed to capture and imbed in the design. Because she honestly didn’t remember adding any of it at the time, she had been so focused on getting everything to be perfect. She never noticed the added elements._

_The bathroom door was still closed when she came out of her room. There was no answer when she knocked, but she didn’t hear the sound of water running either, so she knocked again calling out to her Cupcake. But still there was no response. At first she just opened the door a crack to peak in and check on her, but there was something about seeing her standing there staring at herself in the mirror lost in thought with her hands gripping the front of her shirt ready to take it off without actually doing so, that got to her. And she found herself pushing the door open the rest of the way to lean against it, just to look at her. Wondering what she could be thinking about, that she could completely tune out her surroundings? Because, she didn’t even notice her standing there, watching her intently._

_Waiting patiently for her to come out of her trance, she smiled to herself. Catching a glimpse of Laura’s lips moving while she had a silent debate with herself, it only made her smile even more. This wasn’t the first time that she’s seen her like this. Her Cupcake has a tendency to get so wrapped in her head when something’s on her mind that she can’t seem to figure out. And she finds it absolutely adorable, maybe even more now than ever before. For the longest time she just watched the myriad of expressions playing across her face, while her Cupcake silently talked to herself._

_Her gaze flickering away, after a while, to look at her fully, slowly skimming down her back stopping at her shoulder imagining every line curve and swirl of her tattoo, she didn’t need to see it anymore she had the essence of it committed to memory, though sometimes when she did look at her tattoo she found something else that she hadn’t noticed before hidden in the design, which still amazed her. Letting out a quiet breath, her eyes travelling lower until they landed on her ass, and her tongue darted out to lick her lips, as the all too familiar heat rose in her abdomen and filtered out through the rest of her body._

_When her Cupcake started talking out loud, her gaze flew up to the mirror, thinking she’d been caught staring at her ass. Her mouth falling open to speak, before her gaze even landed on Laura’s face, but once it did she realized the words weren’t aimed at her, so she just watched her intently and listened._

_“Why did I ever decide to get it on my back? What was I thinking? That’s right I wasn’t really thinking. Well, okay, that’s not really true. I just wasn’t all that focused on practicality at the time.” Her rant ended with a flustered sigh._

_“Let me help you, Cutie.” She murmured a little breathily, when she stopped talking._

_“H--how, long have you been standing there?” The emotions beneath the surprised look on Laura’s face as their gazes met in the mirrors reflection made something in her stomach flutter as she took a step away from the door._

_“Long enough,” The throatiness of her voice was completely unexpected, but she slowly closed the distance between them anyway, when Laura gave her a slight nod, urging her closer._

_There was something so unbelievably--sensual, about offering to help her clean her tattoo. She felt it the moment she grasped her hips, while they looked into each other’s eyes in the mirror. The feeling grew stronger as she started to take off Laura’s shirt, her fingers trailing along her sides when she drew it up over her body and pulled it over her head. Transfixed by the toned contours of her back and the muscles rippling beneath her skin, that she had been staring at all night, she barely noticed the shirt slip from her hands. Laura was absolutely beautiful, and she wasn’t even looking at her tattoo. She’s seen her topless many times before, but this time something was--different. The sight affected her in a way that it has never done before, or at least she was strong enough to ignore it in the past. But tonight, all of her sensibility went right out the window._

_And her gaze lingered on the flaws that made her so perfect, for several moments, before meeting Laura’s gaze in the mirror again, while she reached around her to soap the rag. She couldn’t look away. As she found her body striving to be near her, and the need to touch her was damn near irresistible. She saw the hint of tears shining in her Cupcakes eyes when she whispered, “you can always look to me, Cutie,” in her ear. And the extra wetness pooling in Laura’s eyes intensified everything she was feeling even more, her heart beating faster, her breath more ragged. Because that simple phrase meant so much to her Cupcake, well to both of them. It was what had brought them together in the first place, yes those words were the epitome of how it began, the night when everything changed, and they went from being not quite rivals, to the best of friends._

_Instinctively pressing her body closer, when Laura gasped as she squeezed the warm soapy rag over her tattoo, her own breath caught in her throat. Her hips bumping lightly against Laura’s with every shaky breath that escaped her lips and caused her Cupcakes light brown tresses to sway a little bit, brushing against her arm in the process. The sound of Laura’s desperate attempts to hold her airy breaths in made her heart beat even faster, and the fluttering in the pit of her stomach all the more prominent. She could feel the heightened--tension surrounding them as their eyes locked in the mirror once more. Her tongue mimicking Laura’s as she traced it over her lips, when she rang more water from the soapy rag to trail over her inflamed skin. Her breath was hitching coming out in little spurts as she dropped her hand from where it rested above her shoulder and reached around her. She almost moaned when Laura’s ass rubbed more firmly against her._

_She only glanced away for a moment while she rinsed out the rag, catching a glimpse of her blown pupils, and something that resembled red hot—desire, shining brightly back at her. When her gaze met her Cupcakes a moment later, she saw the same blazing heat being reflecting in Laura’s honeyed gaze too. Her hand trembled as she lifted it to her shoulder again, and gave it a few squeezes to wash away the soapy residue. Hearing Laura’s soft gasps caused her hips to jerk involuntarily, thrusting against her. The tremor was even more noticeable as she tossed the damp towels aside and picked up the dry one to gingerly dab her moistened skin. Ironically, her Cupcake’s back wasn’t all that was a little wet, at the moment. But she tried her best not to think about that as she finished drying her shoulder._

_Her heart was hammering against her chest as she reached for the ointment and unscrewed the cap, acting on instinct alone, because no, she couldn't look away from Laura’s gaze. She couldn’t fight the fire burning inside, at knowing that she was finally going to get to touch her. Her hips were practically grinding against Laura’s now, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. The tension in the air between them was just too damn alluring to resist. She’s not sure which one of them moaned, as she brushed her fingers lightly over Laura’s tattoo while her other hand wrapped around her waist before moving to press against her stomach, drawing her even closer. Maybe it was both of them. All she knows is the moaning was loud and pronounced as it echoed in the room. While her fingertips caressed her inflamed skin, resonating, with each light pass across it. As her right hand slid across her abdomen, feeling lithe muscles jumping and twitching, quivering and contracting, beneath her palm, responding to her touch._

_When she was finished applying the ointment, she knew she should have stepped away. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Even if her mind had the capacity to urge her to, there was no way that she would move. She was rooted to the spot. Her hand falling to clasp Laura’s hip, pulling her harder against her, until there was no space left between them, as their bodies slightly swayed together._

_“You’re beautiful,” She whispered, pressing a kiss between her shoulder blades, never breaking Laura’s gaze in the mirror._

_“Carm,” Laura uttered in a breathless whisper._

_“Yeah, Cutie,” She said, her voice raspy and thick._

_“Th--thank you,” Laura said with a little stammer._

_“Any time, Cupcake.” The sensuality in her tone was--surprising. But in that moment it didn’t really matter. All she cared about was her Cupcake._

_They just stayed like that for a while, just gazing at one another in the mirror while their bodies moved harmoniously against each other, their breathing coming out heavy, almost strained. As she let her hand glide over Laura’s stomach, closer to her breast than it’s ever been. She knew that with one small flick of her wrist, she would be cupping firm flesh and teasing the hardening nipple peaking through her lacey black bra..._

Carmilla shook herself out of the memory, forcing herself to pull away, much as she had the night before when touching Laura more intimately had become almost too much for her to resist. Desire burning bright in her eyes, she shifted uncomfortably in her chair, pressing her legs tightly together as she took a huge gulp of her cold coffee, in an attempt to erase the image from her mind. She couldn’t think about the cuddling that came after or, the way they had grinded against each other on the couch, rather than watching the stupid movie, (that she couldn’t even remember the name of). She couldn’t think about how much she wanted to have sex with Laura, or how close she came to doing just that last night. No. Absolutely not. She couldn’t think about it all. 

She refused to admit it to herself. But deep down the irony didn’t escape her. She’s probably seen more of Laura than most of her ‘so called’ girlfriends. Her Cupcake tended to date a lot, at least up until the beginning of last spring, but she never slept with most of them. She knew for a fact, that Laura has only ever shared her body with a handful of girlfriends she was _really_ serious about, not to say that she is inexperienced, or anything like that. It’s just that, unlike herself, Laura values her body, and treats it like the temple it is. (At least when it comes to sex, nutrition is another thing all together). 

The funny thing was that, although she should have some regrets about letting things go that far, she had none. There was no cursing at herself for not going out and hooking up with some random girl to get it out of her system. She didn’t feel guilty at all. If she could go back in time, she wouldn’t change a thing. Last night was _different_ than anything she and Laura have ever shared, it was more emotional and intense, maybe even—sexual, but their emotions had been running high for hours, so it was nothing more than cuddling. They were fine. Nothing has changed. She shook herself again and polished of the last of the disgustingly cold coffee in her mug, hoping it would help to settle _whatever_ was stirring inside her.

Forcing all thoughts of last night from her mind she returned her attention to the open books on the table and her array of crinkled notes. She has studying to do. Her first two midterms are tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a regular update schedule, but I’ll try to post at least one chapter a week. 
> 
> If you have any questions, suggestions or comments about the fic, hit me up at fadedtobluesuniverse.tumblr.com. I just started it, and don’t know what the hell I’m doing but, I’ll do my best to answer anything you ask.


	7. Better Than Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midterms, cookies and comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> You are either going to love me or hate me for this one...I guess it depends on how much you like cookies.
> 
> I hope you like it guys.
> 
> Also I had a little help out on editing this chapter, she doesn’t want credit, but I believe in giving it when it’s do. So, here’s a little shout out to you.

**Chapter 7**

  
Hell on earth, that’s the best way to describe the week ahead of her. Students on edge doped up on caffeine to make up for a lack of sleep, some even choose to take No-Doz just to give themselves an extra energy boost, and there were others who did much worse. All in the name of higher education, yeah what a joke, well at least they got one thing right. Everybody was high on something. And it sure as hell wasn’t life. 

That’s where Carmilla found herself by late Tuesday morning, after staying up most of the night. She had just finished taking her first of six midterms, that some fuckin’ moron thought would be a good idea to have it at the butt crack of dawn, or her version of it anyway. It’s not like she spent a good six hours studying for that test alone. No, it’s not fuckin’ like that at all. Not to mention she is still juggling her twenty-five plus hours at the book store, on top of the art program. She is an artist, well okay, an ‘Art Design’ major, so what the fuck was up with all these got damn tests. Drawing, painting, hell, even taking photographs she could handle, but some jackass thought it would be ideal to make the requirements for her degree more “progressive” and combine art classes with lecture halls, just because it’s Silas and they gave the degree a fancy fuckin’ name. 

To top it off, in two of her classes she really does have a project due on the same day as the written exam, (that she has yet to finish), because, that’s absolutely fucking logical, it’s not like she needs to sleep, or get other shit done anyway. It’s no big deal if she fails in life just as long as she passes all of her major courses and graduates on time. Right! Fuck. Seriously, what the hell are these imbeciles trying to do to her? It was only Tuesday and she was ready to drop. 

Being an ‘Integral Art and Design’ major means the exact same damn thing as a Liberal Art’s major at every other university in the state, where people actually get to focus all of their attention on perfecting their craft. Sure, there may be some big ass project due around midterms but there were no damn written exams. She knows this for a fact, because she did her research before she accepted the offer to go to Silas U. So, why did she even come here in the first place? It wasn’t for the atmosphere or the prestige. No it was much simpler than that. They were the ones with the best scholarship package, it covered most of her tuition, and of course that meant less she would have to pay back in student loans. So it was a no-brainer for her at the time. She just hadn’t anticipated what she was getting herself into. If it weren’t for Laura, she would completely regret the decision, because her Cupcake is the best thing to come out of attending this university. 

Exhaustion, did nothing to temper her broody nature, it only made it worse. And of course, lack of time with her Cupcake made her more abrasive. Imagine how she would be if she hadn’t went out to blow off some steam over the weekend. Her Cupcake didn’t have it any better. In fact it was much worse for her. Laura didn’t even get in until nearly seven in the morning. 

Yeah. She knew her Cupcake didn’t make it home last night. Because after she went to bed, she kept tossing and turning restlessly, and got up to check her room every half hour. It wasn’t until she was about to get up and peak in her bedroom again at around a quarter till, that she heard her walk, well more like stumble through the front door. Then she could finally relax. And got in a couple hours of fitful sleep before she had to get up. Laura didn’t know about that and she wasn’t going to tell her that she had stayed up most of the night waiting for her to come home, either. (That would be weird. And way too _intimate and couple-y_ ).

She didn’t know where her Cupcake found the time to study, but somehow she did. At least that’s what the text that was waiting for her suggested, when she remembered to turn her phone back on nearly an hour after she left class. The message was short and simple. 

**My Cupcake 10:55am**  
**I think I nailed my midterm : )**

**Carmilla 11:25am**  
**That’s great Cupcake!!**

**Carmilla 11:27am**  
**When did you find time to study?**

She stared at her phone for several minutes, biting her lip anxiously, hoping for a reply. But one didn’t come. Not that it was a surprise. She knew her Cupcake had texted her when she was on her way to work. And she probably wouldn’t hear from her until she took her first break which was still a couple hours away. Carmilla missed her so damn much. Sure it has only been a day-and-a-half, but she felt like she was going thru withdrawals, (and it was worse than the craving when she stopped smoking cigarettes cold turkey). She was tempted to blow off everything to go visit her Cupcake at the bakery, and she would have, but she knew Laura wouldn’t be pleased with her if she did that. And it was for that reason alone, that she forced herself to focus on what she needed to do, but she wasn’t happy about it. Not one got damn bit. Her mood was even shittier than usual, and it had less to do with the lack of sleep, than the thought that she might have to go another whole day without seeing her Cupcake.

Grumbling to herself, she drug her feet kicking at the loose gravel as she trudged to her car in the parking garage on the other side of campus. A gentle breeze fluttered in the air, but it did nothing to temper her sullenness. Being up all night and tired as hell did not entice her to want to be around anyone, except her Cupcake. Laura’s presence always made her feel better. But, no she couldn’t go hang out with her at work for a little while, because she has a meeting with her advisor before she goes to the Nook, and she’s supposed to be at the Lustig by noon. Muttering a frustrated curse, she tossed her bag in the passenger seat and climbed in the ‘beast’. The rumble of the Camaro’s powerful engine was normally calming but, right now, it did nothing to soothe her.

She has less than twenty minutes to get to the gallery, and its halfway across town, even if she broke every traffic law, she was probably going to be late. Not that she cares about that sort of thing. But she didn’t want to hear Vordy’s complaining either, she wasn’t exactly in the frame of mind to deal with his shit. After all, she could barely hold her tongue on her best days, and this certainly wasn’t one of them. Carmilla let out a grunt of annoyance as she sped through a stop sign, fortunately it was late enough that the streets were mostly empty because everyone was either in school or at work. So she didn’t have to worry about breaking for anyone and she’s actually gotten quite good at outrunning the cops when the situation called for it, (although that wasn’t something she particularly liked to do, even if the way she drives does call attention to herself), ducking them takes time and that’s something she doesn’t have to spare.

 

She was almost giddy with excitement when her phone chimed, alerting her of a new text message. Taking her hand off the shifter to grab it out of the center console, she was smiling to herself before she even swiped her finger across the screen to unlock it. She didn’t need to see the notification to know who it was from, other than her brother, her Cupcake was the only one that ever really texted her. Slowing down to actually drive at the speed limit, she quickly glanced down to read the messages. 

**My Cupcake 11:46pm  
** **In between working on the paper I actually managed to get some studying done**  
**And I had a study group this morning that helped me out a lot**

**My Cupcake 11:47pm**  
**How did your midterm go?**

Keeping one eye on the road, Carmilla used her knee to steer so the car wouldn’t veer into the other lane while she shot off a quick reply. 

**Carmilla 11:49am**  
**Argh!!!!**  
**It fuckin’ sucked**

She wasn’t expecting to get a response from her right away, but her phone beeped almost instantly, and she eased her foot off the gas once again as she glanced down to read the message. 

**My Cupcake 11:52am**  
**So it went well then ; )**

She had to laugh at that, her Cupcake knew her too well. And she didn’t even think about it when she stopped for a red light to text her back. 

**Carmilla 11:53am**  
**Yeah, more or less**

She flipped the bird at the guy in the car behind her when the light changed and he started honking his horn, and she waited until it was about to turn yellow before she drove through the intersection and pulled over to the curb, to send her Cupcake another message. 

**Carmilla 11:55am**  
**I miss you Cutie :-(**  
**Will you be home tonight?**

She sat there on the side of the road, staring at her phone while she waited for her to reply. The last thing on her mind was that she was now late for the meeting at the gallery. She wasn’t going anywhere until she heard from her Cupcake. 

Texting with Laura made her feel a little bit better, but it just wasn’t the same as spending some quality time with her. That’s what she wanted more than anything, to just be with her Cupcake. Preferably cuddled up on the couch or in one of their beds, watching one of the sappy rom-coms that she loves so much, but honestly it doesn’t really matter what they do, just as long as she’s with her. 

**My Cupcake 12:04pm**  
**I should be**

**My Cupcake 12:05pm**  
**Have a good day Carm**

**Carmilla 12:06pm**  
**You too Cupcake**

**My Cupcake 12:06pm**  
**Oh, and be good!!**

**Carmilla 12:07pm**  
**I’ll try :-/**

 

Speeding into the parking lot behind the Lustig with her tires squealing, Carmilla pulled into the first available space and cut the engine. Hopping out of her car, she set the alarm and tucked her keys in her pocket as she pulled open the back door and walked inside. She was about fifteen minutes late, but she didn’t give a damn. Talking to her Cupcake was something she couldn’t pass up, it assuaged an undeniable-- _need_ that was more important to her than this meeting to prep for the showcase (and she has until the middle of next week for that). Besides she was here now. That should be all that fuckin’ matters, but she knew Vordy was going to find some way to get on her nerves today. He always does. 

“Hey, Vordy. I’m here,” she called out to the elderly man dressed to the nines, standing in the main room with two other students. She guessed the other two lackwits decided not to show, or they were even later than she was. 

“Carmilla,” he huffed in his thick European accent, when the three of them turned to look at her as she made her way over. “I’ve asked you not to call me that.”

“Yeah, whatever,” she shrugged, giving a slight grunt to Mel and Theo in way of greeting, not that she particularly liked either of them, but she did tell her Cupcake that she would try to behave. 

“Karnstein,” Mel and Theo uttered at the same time. 

There was an air of superiority in Mel’s expression as she looked her up and down with disdain before rolling her eyes and turning away. And it reminded her why she hated the Summer Society girls almost as much as she hated the Zetas. Speaking of which, if Theo didn’t stop staring at her chest, she was going to make him howl just like his _bro_ , (whatever his name was), that she kneed last week. The hard glare she leveled at him seemed to do the trick, and he quickly turned back to Vordy, who was ranting about something or other that she wasn’t really paying attention too. It had nothing to do with why they were actually here, and his incessant talking annoyed the hell out of her.

“Let’s get this show on the road.” Carmilla snapped, cutting off Vordenburg’s longwinded diatribe, “I’ve got things to do.” 

“Very well then,” he let out a disappointed sigh, leaning a little heavier on his cane, “walk with me,” he instructed them, mumbling something under his breath that she couldn't quite make out as she trailed behind them, but from the looks Mel and Theo shot at her, it was obviously about her attitude.

She wasn’t even sure if he actually liked her or not, well that’s not completely true, she just hates the way he has been riding her ass about the fuckin’ showcase ever since he gave her the information packet last month with all of the specifics for the week of the event, (but she’s been working on her pieces for the showcase since she found out she was going to be featured in it at the beginning of the semester). Not that she had much choice in the way of an advisor, his extensive knowledge and appreciation of all different types of art is what led her to choose him over the other two professors that were more genre oriented.

“The event is going to be bigger than ever this year. Unfortunately, we couldn’t secure the main hall, but we’ll have all five of the rooms that branch off of it, which is still pretty darned impressive.” Vordenburg addressed them, pointing with his cane, as they walked. “They’re being cleared and prepped as we speak. Well, as I speak,” he let out a little amused chortle at his own joke, “you should all be silent and pay attention.”

Carmilla wasn’t quite sure what she was hoping to get out of the showcase. She knew it was a popular in the surrounding communities and drew a large audience along with some interest from collectors in the area and it even got a write up in the Arts and Entertainment section of the Toronto Sun too. So she knew it could be good for her. But her art work has already been garnering interest amongst local art lovers for the last couple years, nothing major, but she was able to sale a painting or one of her drawings every now and then and put some extra cash in her pocket. It wasn’t much and usually went toward expenses, but still it _was_ something.

She honestly didn’t mind continuing to work at the Nook full time after she graduated, just to pay the bills, until she can make a name for herself, or find something more suited to her artistic ability. Hell, she’s even considered teaching as an alternative (she can admit it, those little snot nosed brats in her art program got under her skin and she liked teaching them most of the time). She’s a realist and she knows it won’t be easy to get her big break in the industry and become a successful independent artist, but it’s what she’s passionate about and wants to do with her life.

They spent the next hour moving through the gallery while he pointed out different areas of note and the specific areas for each of their exhibits. The showcase was exclusive to the top five graduating arts students from eight other local universities besides Silas. Even though it was a cooperative function funded by all the schools, their bodies of work wouldn’t be separated like that. All of the contributors would be interspersed together regardless of university or even the particular genre of art they focus on. In the showcase they would all be equals. The new format surprised Carmilla, she wasn’t expecting them to completely change the entire setup this year.

Gallery owners, magazine editors, corporate executives, and a plethora of art enthusiast would be in attendance from all over the state, hell there might even be some international interest too. Getting one of the spots in the senior showcase was already a big fuckin’ deal. But, this was going to be huge. It could really get her noticed beyond the local community, hell maybe even outside the country. Fuck! Now she was even more nervous than before.

“So, don’t think of this as just another show, because it’s not. _This_ is your professional debut.” He looked each of them in the eye to impress his point upon them. “Welcome to the real world ladies and gentleman,” he said with a flourish, tapping the tip of his cane on the marble floor, before dismissing them with a slight nod.

 _‘Well thanks for not adding any extra fuckin’ pressure,’_ Carmilla didn’t express the thought, but she damn sure wanted to as she shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out her keys. She was about to follow Mel and Theo out, but Vordy lightly clasped her on the shoulder to halt her exit.

“Carmilla, I wanted to talk to you for a moment in private.” He said quickly, when she glared at his hand then up at him.

“I have to get to work,” she replied offhandedly, fiddling with her car keys without looking at him. She really didn’t want to have this fuckin’ conversation with Vordenburg again. All of the new information she got today was bouncing around in her head, leaving her feeling anxious which only made her more irritable.

“You’ve been avoiding me for the last two weeks,” he said, letting his hand fall to his side, “surely you can spare a couple moments to chat with me about your direction for the exhibit.

“Spill it _Vordy_ ,” she grumbled, crossing her arms and meeting his gaze with a harsh glare, “what the hell do you want.”

“How are your pieces for the showcase coming along,” he asked rapping his cane on the floor.

“They’re going,” she said gruffly, which wasn’t a complete lie. She _did_ have half of them done already after all.

“That sounds--promising.” He said with hesitation marring his tone.

All he got in response was a heated glare and an eye roll, and based on her icy demeanor, he knew what he had to say wasn’t going to go over well. Carmilla never was an overly friendly young lady to begin with, and mentoring her has always been a trying task, but she’s never been quite so standoffish before either. In spite of it, this needed to be done, so he forged on.

“Maybe you ought to consider using some of your other works, instead of doing all new ones.” Vordenburg said, watching her guarded expression change from cool to heated in the blink of an eye, and he quickly added, “there is nothing wrong with supplementing some of your pieces with works that have been on display at other showings. Most of your peers will go that route just to make it easier.”

“I don’t have time for this crap,” Carmilla grated out through clenched teeth.

Yeah, she knew that’s what the other students were doing, so they only have to produce a handful of new pieces. She’s not a fuckin’ idiot. The simple truth was that she didn’t _want_ to do that. The idea of regurgitating work from previous events, just didn’t sit right with her. It wasn’t because she wanted to be different or standout from the crowd either. At least not in that sense. The push she felt to display all new works in the showcase was about the need she has to exceed her own expectations.

“Listen, Carmilla,” he said, crucifying her name with his almost unintelligible accent. “You are an amazing artist,” he tapped his cane again for emphasis, “now, I know you’re stressed with midterms, but you really need to button down and get it together. You’re running out of time.” He stated adamantly, like she didn’t already know that.

“Yeah, I got it, Vordy,” she snapped, intending for it to be the end of the conversation, but he just kept right on going as if she had never spoken, and it was pissing her off.

“...everything must be ready to go by next Wednesday afternoon at the latest,” he implored her, “in order for you to make the final arrangements for your wall and give the crew enough time to place them. If you’re not ready by then we’ll have no choice but to exclude you, and...”

“What do you think I’m a fuckin’ idiot or something?” Carmilla seethed, cutting him off, her voice rising several octaves in the process. “I can read the got damn time frame you gave me last month.”

She just needed a little inspiration to figure shit out. And being pressured by Vordenburg wasn’t fuckin’ helping with that. Come hell or high water she’d be ready. And every single one of her pieces would be new and breathtaking and utterly fuckin’ amazing.

“Carmilla, I...”

“Save it.” She held up her hand to stop whatever was about to come out his mouth next. “My shit will be ready on fuckin’ time that’s all you need to worry about.” She spat out before stalking out the building.

She was still fuming as she got in the car and roughly slammed the door, she almost wished she had just gone home and took a nap, instead of going to the damn meeting. When she looked at herself in the rearview mirror she didn’t like the image staring back at her, because the truth was, she was more nervous and scared than she was angry and she hated it. It made her feel weak, more than that, it brought back the memories of uncertainty she always had as a kid. She slammed her hand against the steering wheel and uttered a loud curse, before letting her head rest against it, while she took several deep breaths. After a few minutes she sat up in her seat, glanced at herself in the mirror once more, and reminded herself she wasn’t that kid anymore as a smirk fell in place. She put the key in the ignition and let the rumble of the engine sooth away any remaining insecurity.

As she turned the ‘beast’ out onto the street, she replayed her interaction with Vordenburg in her mind, and thought in retrospect, cussing at her advisor probably wasn’t the best thing to do. But what was done was done, she didn’t feel bad about it and she certainly wasn’t going to apologize for herself either. She was tired as hell and functioning off less than three hours sleep. That, combined with the added stress of the showcase, plus missing her Cupcake so damn much had built up until it just came erupting out. The undeniable truth, she doesn’t know how else to deal with her emotions, most of the time they’re too hard for her to express, so she lets them mount up until she can’t hold them in anymore.

But she didn’t have time to think about that, (and wouldn’t even if she did), work was calling and it was bad enough she has to deal with Leslie’s dumb ass for four hours, (though she’s seriously considering letting her Cupcake kick her ass, and only part of that is because she deserves it, not because it would be fun to watch). Then it’s back to campus for another midterm at six o’clock and if she’s lucky she’ll be home by nine at the latest, and spend the rest of the night right where she wants to be, with her Cupcake. Just the thought of it left her with a big goofy grin on her face. Maybe she would surprise her tonight and make them dinner. Laura loves when she cooks for her, although she doesn’t do it very often, maybe she should start.

... 

She couldn’t stop the relieved groan that escaped her as she dropped her bag and flopped down on the couch if she wanted to. Kicking off her tennis shoes as she sank deeper into the cushions, Laura eyed the bag of cookies that she brought home from work and licked her lips, but made no move to get them out of her backpack, lying at her feet. She really didn’t feel like moving, it wasn’t even so much the tiredness that kept her in place at the moment. It just felt so darn good to get off her feet and relax, that she didn’t feel like exerting any unnecessary energy, though the enticing aroma of freshly baked cookies might be enough to change her mind.

Honestly, she’s kind of surprised that she doesn’t feel more tired than she is. Then again that could be the vente iced latté she chugged on her last break in affect. Because she ought to be ready to pass out with the small amount of sleep that she’s gotten in the last two days. She didn’t even leave campus until around six-twenty this morning, and she barely got the layout for the Sentinel done on time, but somehow it started coming together for her around five. Maybe it was the chapter on the ‘deconstruction of out of the box thinking for chasing an impossible lead’ she was reading at the time that made everything click. Or it could have been delirium, either way she didn’t care.

Needless to say, she only managed to get a couple hours of sleep, if it could even be called that. She spent most of the time tossing and turning with failed designs for the paper and snippets from her Investigative Journalism in the New Age of Social Media reading swirling around in her mind every time she closed her eyes. Rested was the last thing she felt when her alarm went off at eight-thirty this morning. Carm was already gone by the time she rolled out of bed, but she was grateful for the pot of coffee she left for her, even if it did taste horrible, even after she added eight tablespoons of sugar and a whole lot of cream.

It was the thought that counted, and Carm had definitely been thinking about her a lot last night. She had called two more times, just to check on her, and see if she wanted her to bring her anything, which was really Carm’s way of asking if she wanted her to come and keep her company. Then there was the text she sent before she went to bed, threatening to come to the newspaper offices and drag her home, if she wasn’t here when she woke up this morning. At some point after she crawled in bed, she heard her stirring around the apartment, muttering curses about how it was too damn early for her to be up, but that was something she always did. But then before she left, Carm peeked in to check on her, which was pretty unexpected (and she had to pretend to be asleep so she wouldn’t worry). At least she doesn’t think she’s ever done it before today. But it left her with a smile on her face none the less.

Letting out a sigh, she eyed the cookies again, debating with herself if it was worth it to reach and get them. Her body screamed in protest, but her mind urged her on, because yeah, delicious cookies. And they were her favorite, ooey gooey triple chocolate chip, and some of them were still kind of warm from the oven too. She brought home nearly two dozen because she was dragging so much for most of the day that she kept on screwing them up, on accident of course. She was just about to take a bite when Carm walked in.

“Hey, Cupcake,” she murmured, dropping her keys in the bowl, before coming over and plopping down on the couch next to her, well more like on top of her, because she was sitting so close she might as well have been in her lap.

“Hey,” Laura replied, with a laugh when she put her legs up on her lap.

“I’m glad you’re home tonight.” Carmilla said resting her head against Laura’s shoulder and draping an arm around her waist.

“Me to,” Laura said, kissing her on the forehead while she lightly stroked her back, smiling when Carm let out a content sigh.

“I missed you,” they both said at the same time, gazing intently into each other’s eyes with small smiles.

“Prove it, Cutie,” Carmilla murmured after a while, glancing at the cookie, she was still holding in her hand, before meeting her eye again, “let me have a bite of your cookie.”

“You like taking my things don’t you,” Laura said, offering it too her.

“I do,” Carmilla replied, glancing at the cookie, she held out to her, but making no move to get it. She had something else in mind. “But if you’re referring to the soda, you’ll just have to hold out until the weekend, because there’s no way in hell I’m going shopping before then.”

“Like I didn’t know that already,” Laura chuckled softy, “and yet, I’m still letting you have some of my cookie,” she said, gazing at her curiously, because she knew Carm was up to something, she had that mischievous look in her eyes that she got when she wanted something from her, and she had a feeling she knew what game she wanted to play. “But you don’t seem to want to take it.”

“I’m too tired to lift my hand to my mouth.” She said, biting her lip.

 _‘Yep, and there it was,’_ Laura thought, putting her own devious plan in motion.

“You got more sleep than I did last night, Carm.” 

She had to fight to keep herself from smiling, because she already knew she was going to give Carm exactly what she wanted. She always did. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t make her work for it a little bit first. She was always super adorable when she had to beg, and maybe she liked being able to bring that out in her.

“I know, but I’m not a morning person and you are.” Carmilla whined, moving her hand slightly to rest on Laura’s hip, tracing patterns with her fingertips.

She wasn’t going to tell her Cupcake how wrong she was. That would mean having to tell her why, and she wasn’t about to admit to staying up all night, because she couldn’t sleep without her in the apartment. Besides, she knew what her Cupcake was up to. She got a kick out of making her beg and she was more than inclined to play along. In the end she always got what she wanted anyway. And maybe doing these kinds of things to make Laura feel good, made her feel good too.

“Will you feed it to me, Cutie?” She purred, pouting her lips and, batting her eyelashes at her, “pretty please.”

“Fine,” Laura murmured quietly.

Damn. Yeah, that was all it took, those full lips puckered up at her and the flutter of her long lashes, and Carm could get her to do pretty much anything she wanted. But she at least tried to play it off like she hadn’t just turned her into mush. Rolling her eyes, she lifted the cookie to her mouth, watching with rapped attention as she took a bite, licking a smear of chocolate from her lips. And she bit her own to keep from liking it in kind, before quickly popping the rest of her cookie in her mouth and letting out a little moan. She just wasn’t sure if it was the rich chocolate melting on her tongue, or how incredibly sexy Carm looked when she fed her that caused the sound.

She tried to push that thought from her mind, which didn’t really work out all that well for her when she glanced up and saw Carm staring at her, with the same fire in her eyes, she’d seen Sunday night. And she swallowed hard, willing the memories not to take over like they did the day before. The last thing she wanted was to have another flashback wreaking havoc on her body and her mind. Making her feel things she shouldn’t be feeling and see things that weren’t there. That couldn’t happen in front of Carm, there’s no way she would be able to hide it from her. And it really shouldn’t be a thing to begin with.

 

There was something so incredibly--hypnotizing about the way Laura’s mouth moved when she was chewing, and she couldn’t help but stare. “I know you have more than one,” Carmilla said her gaze traveling up from Laura’s mouth to meet her eyes, after she swallowed. “Share another one with me,” she breathed, her fingers stilled on her hip, instinctively tightening to grip it lightly.

She licked her lips in anticipation, when Laura simply nodded and reached into her backpack to pull out the bread bag chucked full of cookies. Her gaze followed her hand as her Cupcake brought another one to her lips. Gazing into her honey brown eyes, as she slowly took a bite, she saw the flash of something in Laura’s eyes when her tongue darted out to lick a crumb from the corner of her mouth, and it sent a chill down her spine. Laura feeding her has never been so _tantalizing_. She knew she shouldn’t be feeling this way, but she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She intently watched her Cupcake put the rest of the cookie in her mouth and suck a little bit of melted chocolate from her index finger, and she felt something akin to-- _envious_ when Laura pulled it out of her mouth with a slight popping sound. Carmilla bit her lip to keep from moaning. And she reminded herself this was _just_ a game.

Her eyes were glued to Laura’s hand when she reached for another cookie and lifted it to her lips without any coaxing. And this time she made a show of biting it. Enjoying the way Laura looked at her mouth, when she slowly trailed her tongue over her lips as she parted them and leaned in a little to sink her teeth into the moist rich chocolatey morsel that practically melted in her mouth as she chewed it slowly. The corner of her mouth curled up, when she capture Laura’s hand before she could pull it away to pop the other half the cookie in her mouth and she gazed deeply into her eyes as she wrapped her lips around her finger, stroking her tongue against it as she sucked a little bit of chocolate off her index finger. Letting her teeth scrape lightly against it as she slowly releasing it from between her lips when the last of the flavor was gone. She honestly doesn’t know what possessed her to do that, but it just felt right in the moment, and she always does something to tease her Cupcake when they’re playing one of their games.

Her Cupcake let out a involuntary shudder as she put the rest of the cookie in her mouth with trembling fingers, while her gaze remained locked on hers, and she let out a shudder of her own, but tried to play it off as best she could, as she snuggled into her and let Laura’s closeness wash away some of the weariness from the day.

 

“You’re such a brat,” Laura said, aware of just how breathless she sounded, as her arm instinctively tightened around her to draw Carm closer as she cuddled into her. She continued to stroke her back while she chewed on her half of the cookie. Then reached for another one and let her take a bite before putting the rest of it in her mouth.

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla murmured, “but, I love your cookies, Cutie.” She knew there was more than a little sexual undertone laced in those words, but right now wrapped in Laura’s arms she didn’t really care all that much.

“Remind me why it is I am feeding you again,” Laura asked, sharing another cookie with her.

She didn’t quite know what to make of what just happened. Or the effect it was having on her. But, damn, was she so friggin’ turned on, and she really shouldn’t be. Carm always does something sexual to get her frustrated when their playing one of her games. This wasn’t any different. Well, okay, so Carm’s never sucked on her finger before when she’s feeding her, but still, there was no reason for her body to react to it so profoundly. It was just a part of the game. 

“Because you love me,” Carmilla replied, with a smirk.

“I do,” Laura exclaimed with mock surprise, trying to contain a smile.

“Yeah, Cupcake,” she murmured matter-of-factly, “you do.”

“I don’t know, Carm, you can be such a pain in the...” Before she could finish the rest of her comment, Carm wrapped her arms around her and tackled her to the couch, (while still managing to be cautious of her shoulder). Not that she put up much of a fight, partly because the coffee was wearing off and she was starting to feel a little bit tired, but it was mostly because she didn’t really want to.

“You were saying,” Carmilla asked, pinning Laura’s arms down on the cushion above her head, as she threw a leg over her waist and quickly moved to straddle her before she could pull one of her crafty Krav Maga moves and take control. It felt way too easy, as she gripped both of her Cupcakes wrists firmly, but gently, in her left hand. Laura never just let her win when they wrestled, she always put up some kind of resistance, even when she was tired. But she was on top and she was going to take advantage of it. Pressing her right hand against Laura’s stomach, she wriggled her fingers a little bit, to tickle her lightly.

“Carm, stop,” Laura sputtered with a laugh, as she wiggled around. But she made no effort to buck her off or flip her over, even though she easily could have, if she wanted to.

“Nope,” she said, adding a little more pressure. Carmilla had no intention of stopping until she gave her the response she wanted. But her Cupcake was determined to hold out for as long as she could, which was fine by her, as she went about tickling her relentlessly. Smirking down at her when she gasped as she purposely moved her fingers along the highly sensitive spot on her ribs.

Letting out breathless laughs, Laura continued to squirm around beneath her for a few minutes before she relented. “Okay,” she gasped, pulling free from Carm’s grasp and quickly grabbing a hold of her hand and stop it from moving.

“I love you, Carm, you know that.” She said, her voice was still tinged with laughter but that didn’t mean she meant it any less.

“I love you too, Cupcake,” She said softly, gazing down into Laura’s shimmering eyes.

“I know,” Laura replied with the same softness, as she rested her hands on Carm’s thighs. Letting them slide up to grasp her hips, when she shifted slightly beneath her to get more comfortable, anchoring Carm to her. They’ve said those words hundreds of times, but it’s never elicited the kind of heaviness that it did in this moment. Their quiet breaths were the only sound in the room as they gazed into each other’s eyes, the air around them crackling with tension.

Carmilla rested her hands on her shoulders to help steady herself when she moved beneath her again, and a small gasp escaped her mouth, but her gaze remained unblinking. She wasn’t really thinking when she leaned down to place a light kiss on Laura’s jaw. Her actions were purely driven by the intensity of the moment. She nuzzled her face into her neck, her lips brushing lightly against her throbbing pulse, and she felt incredibly pleased when she felt her shudder beneath her touch.

But she had to pull back to contain the moan that threatened to escape when Laura’s hands moved from her hips to trail up and down her back. The way Laura was looking at her reminded her so much of the shimmer she saw in her eyes the other night as they gazed at each other in the mirror. And her heart started beating a little faster. The desire to lean in and kiss her--to claim her was so damn intoxicating, as Laura drew her lip into her mouth and gently bit down on it. 

 

Carmilla cleared her throat. “I’m going to go make us something to eat,” she murmured, as she climbed off of her.

“You’re cooking,” Laura exclaimed, as she sat up, smoothing down her shirt that had ridden up when she was wiggling around.

“Yeah,” she replied, with a nonchalant shrug, “don’t act so surprised.”

“ _Twice_ in less than a month,” Laura said, with a grin, “that’s a record. I might have to call Guinness and see if there’s an opening for that.”

“Keep talking and I might change my mind,” Carmilla stated wryly.

“You wouldn’t,” Laura pouted.

“Try me, Cutie,” Carmilla said, a smirk creeping up on her face when her Cupcake let out a little whine.

“Go,” Laura pointed behind her at the kitchen, “you’re fixing me dinner,” she said firmly, sticking her tongue out at Carm, when she arched her eyebrows smirking wider at her demand.

“You better put that away before I find a better use for it.” Carmilla said with a wink, laughing at the blush creeping up on her face as she quickly turned to enter the kitchen, to hide her own flaming cheeks.

She leaned against the wall, just inside the doorway, letting her head fall back against it as she ran her hand over her face and uttered a quiet, “fuck.” The idea of Laura going down on her did a whole hell of a lot more than make her horny. She’s never been so incredibly fuckin’ turned on in her life. Yes, she’s thought about having sex with her numerous times, she can admit that, but it never made her react so strongly, or ignited a fire inside that threatened to burn her alive, if she didn’t act on it. But that can’t happen. She would never allow herself to cross that line. Having sex with Laura wasn’t an option. And she really needed to stop letting herself get all fuckin’ worked up like this.

And she sure as hell wasn’t going to think about how close she came to kissing Laura a few moments ago, or anything else that happened for that matter, (like when it stopped being a game, or more than that, if it ever was one). The best thing she could do for both of them was pretend it never happened, or at least not make it out to be more than it was. They were just happy to see each other, nothing more. It didn’t have to mean that something’s changed. There was no way it meant she was falling...no, she wasn’t even going to think about it. That’s not her style. Everything was fine. She and Laura were _fine_.

Carmilla let out the breath she wasn’t even aware she was holding and pushed herself away from the wall with determination. It was settled in her mind, and she wasn’t going to spend any more of her time thinking about it, she has better things to do. Plus, her Cupcake was waiting on her to fix them dinner. She opened the fridge with a little more strength than was necessary, and surveyed the contents, eventually settling on making pasta. Partly because it was quick and easy, but mostly because she knows how much her Cupcake loves her homemade sauces.

Grabbing a few tomatoes, green onions, sweet peppers and the uncooked sausage from Friday night, she closed the fridge with her foot, and set everything on the counter by the stove. Stopping to put on a pot of water for the noodles, before scrounging around in the cabinet for the linguini she saw the other day and a can of black olives and tomato sauce. She grabbed a pan from the drawer under the stove, and set it on the stove with a little oil to let it heat up while she washed of the tomatoes, peppers and a couple stalks of green onion, and set them aside to dry.

Swirling the oil around in the pan to coat it evenly, she set it back on the burner, and added the sausage to let them cook for a while before she cut them up, usually she would have done that part first, but this way saved time. Besides it was getting late, and she didn’t want her Cupcake to pass out on her before she ate. Carmilla glanced over at her and smiled to herself, she was still sitting on the sofa, right where she left her, with one of those distant thoughtful looks on her face. Turning her attention back to what she was doing, she made quick work of chopping everything up, tossing everything but the olives into one big bowl. Sprinkling them with a little salt and pepper and Italian spice, then used her hands to mix them up, (mother had taught her that was the way to do it, she always used to say, “you aren’t really cooking if you aren’t getting your hands dirty”).

By the time she was finished mixing and rinsed her hands, the sausage were cooked enough to be sliced up. Once again she took a little shortcut, using the spatula to do it, rather than taking them out and cutting them up with a knife, but she still managed to make almost perfect slices. After adding a little Italian spice, she tossed them in the skillet with expert precision, and let them cook while she put the noodles in the boiling water with nothing more than a quick glance at the microwave, she didn’t bother with a timer. It came to her as an afterthought, but she grabbed the loaf of French bread Laura bought the other day, and cut off a hunk, halved it and grabbed the garlic butter out of the fridge. Smearing it on heavily then set it aside on a cookie sheet while the oven heated up.

She tossed the sausage again to be sure they were done, then added the mixture from the bowl and stirred it together thoroughly before she covered it and turned it down to let it simmer. With another glance at the time on the microwave, she didn’t even bother checking the linguini before she poured it into the colander to drain. The last thing she had to do was put the bread in the oven for about fifteen minutes and everything would be ready.

 

With a sigh she rested her head against the back of the couch. The caffeine crash was really getting to her, at least with a sugar rush she just got tired when she crashed, but with coffee she always ended up with a little bit of a headache too. Though some of it could be attributed to thinking too much, this time around, because that’s all she’s been doing ever since Carm left the room (with that little sexual innuendo). Well, to be honest, she wasn’t really thinking so much as replaying the evening in her mind, well part of it anyway.

It wasn’t what happened after they said ‘I love you’ that occupied her thoughts. That was something she could easily justify to herself and explain away. She and Carm were always a little more intimate when they didn’t see each other for a while, and after two days apart things just got a little _intense_ emotionally. That’s all. It was to be expected. Besides _nothing_ happened, that was out of the ordinary. Hell, usually there was a lot more kissing and touching involved, on both their parts. There was no need to focus on it, or make it into a thing, when it wasn’t, (and there was certainly no need to talk to Carm about it, that would be completely ridiculous). She refused to acknowledge that something about it felt different. Or that it was happening a lot lately. That would mean admitting something in their relationship was changing. And she couldn’t do that.

No, what was really fluttering around in her head at the moment was what happened before that. She didn’t know what it was about it, but every once in a while Carm likes when she feeds her, and she really didn’t mind it. It was nice when she let her pamper her a little bit, and she knows she never had very much of it growing up. So, when she realized what she wanted, she thought she knew exactly what game Carm was playing. But, damn, was she wrong. Because it’s never been like this before tonight, usually she made her beg a little bit, that part was the same, but it’s the one thing that Carm’s never made overly sexual. It was always just cuddling and maybe a kiss on the neck or a few light touches, but never anything close to sucking on her finger (which still has her a little turned on by the way). And that’s what she couldn’t really wrap her mind around. What happened tonight to make it so different?

Letting out another sigh, she was resigned to the fact that she wasn’t going to figure it out tonight. Hell, maybe she never would understand. How Carm always managed to get her so easily frustrated, with her games, she didn’t know. Not that she’s surprised. She’s being doing it very friggin’ well for the last four years. And, thanks to her, she will probably never look at eating a cookie the same way again.

 

The delicious aroma coming from the kitchen drew Laura out of her mussing, and left her practically salivating. She was up on her feet in an instant. All other thoughts were replaced by the rumbling in her tummy, as she realized how hungry she actually was. The last time she ate was like seven hours ago and it was nothing more than a handful of cookies, since she had to take a shorter lunch to cover for a coworker that called in. Not that she minded, but she usually tried to eat _something_ of substance, especially when she was already running low on energy to begin with. So, yeah, hungry didn’t quite cover it and she practically flew into the kitchen. Carm was standing at the stove stirring something in a skillet when she walked in. She wasn’t normally very stealthy, but clearly she surprised her, because she started a little bit when she wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned in to peer over shoulder. 

“Pasta,” she squealed in excitement, when she saw the pan of sauce with the noodles all mixed in just the way she liked it. “Oh my gosh, you made pasta, Carm,” she exclaimed, squeezing her a little tighter.

“Yeah, Cutie,” Carmilla chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

“But, how did you do it so quickly,” Laura asked, practically bouncing on the ball of her feet, “it usually takes like an hour for you to make the sauce.”

“I’ve got skills,” she replied, shooting a smirk at her, “besides, I can be quick when I want to be.”

“Don’t get cocky.” Laura nudged her with her hip.

“So, I guess saying I know you’re going to like it is out of the question then, huh.”

“No. That’s not the same thing,” she murmured in her ear, before placing a soft kiss on her neck, “that’s just how well you know me.

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla purred quietly, leaning into her.

“Is it ready yet,” Laura asked licking her lips, as she sniffed the air, her stomach growling loudly.

“In a few minutes, Cutie” Carmilla replied with a small smile, “I’m just waiting for the garlic bread to come out.”

“You made garlic bread too,” Laura hugged her a little tighter, “you’re amazing, Carm.”

“I know,” Carmilla replied smugly, her Cupcakes soft chuckle sent a thrill down her back.

“Thank you for cooking and being so sweet to me.”

“Yeah, that’s me... _sweet_ ,” Carmilla said sarcastically, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she bit down on her lip to keep from moaning because she knew exactly what was coming. 

“Hey, don’t do that, Carm,” Laura chided, pulling back to give her a light smack on the butt, “don’t hide behind that façade with me.” 

“Your welcome, Cutie,” she said with a laugh, which earned her another smack on the ass, before her Cupcake wrapped her arms around her waist again and snuggled into her back.

She absolutely fuckin’ loves it when her Cupcake does that. She’s so fuckin’ cute and sexy, and downright hot when she is being all aggressive. Carmilla can still feel her ass tingling, from the slight sting, where she smacked her. Normally she’s not into kink, but with Laura it’s another new and unexpected thing, how it gets her a little excited. And it took all of her willpower not to grind her ass against her. She knows that she made herself a promise that she wouldn’t let herself get all worked up like this, but it’s really fuckin’ hard to keep when so many of the things that have always been a part of their relationship are starting to have this effect on her.

“Grab some plates, Cupcake,” she said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. As much as she wants her close, right now she needs to put a little space between them before she does something stupid like turn around and take her right here on the kitchen table.

“Okay,” Laura replied, letting out the breath she had been holding, as released her and stepped away.

She could still feel the sensation from where she hit her on the butt, and she flexed her fingers trying to make it go away, but all it did was intensify the affect. It was bad enough after the first time she popped her on the rear, but it felt so damn good, she couldn’t resist the urge to do it again. And she hated that something so natural made her feel like this when she certainly didn’t want it to. _‘Yeah, not being so close to Carm right now is probably the best thing,’_ she thought to herself. She just needs to calm down, that’s all it was. She was still tightly wound from the whole sucking her finger thing, and okay, everything that happened after that didn’t help much either.

 

The smell of garlic enhanced the fragrant smells already filling the room, as she took the cookie sheet out of the oven and set it on a pot holder on the counter. Ushering her excited Cupcake away to grab them something to drink, while she dipped up their plates and garnished the pasta with a dash of parmesan cheese she found in the fridge when she put the garlic butter away. Carmilla carried their plates into the living room while her Cupcake followed behind her with two tall glasses of orange juice, (ironically, the only time they really ate at the kitchen table was on the weekend). She set their plates on the coffee table and two of them got comfortable on the couch. There was space between them, but it wasn’t much, as they naturally gravitated toward each other. 

“Mmm, this so good, Carm,” Laura said after she took the first bite, smiling at her sweetly.

“Thanks, Cupcake,” Carmilla murmured, with a small pleased smile.

Their hunger got the better of them, and they ate in utter silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable or strained. No, it was peaceful and relaxing, and to be quite honest she liked it that way. The last thing that she wanted was to feel uncomfortable or awkward around her Cupcake, and there was no way in hell she was going to let her overactive sex drive screw up what they have. She glanced over at Laura and smiled to herself content to just watch her for a moment, as she brought her fork to her mouth, and moaned in delight. And it didn’t feel weird at all when she rested her hand on her thigh and began tracing the familiar small patterns on the inside of her knee, her Cupcake just glanced over at her and grinned. Then they went right back to eating, with occasional sidelong glances at each other, sharing soft smiles when they got caught gazing.

“I really like it when you cook for me,” Laura said softly, sipping on her orange juice before settling back against the couch. 

“Maybe I’ll do it more often,” Carmilla replied, setting her fork on her empty plate, and sinking back into the cushions herself. She just smiled when Laura automatically scooted closer and snuggled into her side resting her head on her shoulder, now that they were finished eating. The game they played earlier was _nice_ \--well it was more than that. But this is what she’s been crazing all damn day. 

“I hope so,” Laura murmured, “it makes me feel special.”

“Come’re, Cutie,” Carmilla said, shifting slightly so she could wrap her left arm around her shoulders. “You are special to me, Laura,” she whispered kissing her forehead, a grin spreading across her face when she hummed in response.

She couldn’t even begin to put into words, how good it felt having her Cupcake in her arms. It just felt so damn right. In these moments it was easy to let go of all the pretenses she showed the rest of the world and just be herself. When she was holding Laura it was like she could finally breathe again. And maybe that was the best way to describe it. Letting out a sigh of contentment, Carmilla enjoyed the soft flutter of her Cupcake’s breath against her neck and the way that even sitting up she was practically lying on top of her, curling into her side with an arm draped around her waist and her hand fisted tightly in the right side of her shirt. She was normally the cuddlier one out of the two of them, not that her Cupcake didn’t like to cuddle, but tonight it was just different. Laura was practically clinging to her, leaning against her more than the cushion beneath her.

“How’s your tattoo, Cupcake” Carmilla asked, after sitting quietly for a little bit, while she caressed her arm.

“It’s okay, but my shoulder hurts a little when I move.”

“I know it does,” Carmilla murmured softly, trailing her fingers down her arm “mines a little sore too.”

“At least you don’t have lint from your shirt getting stuck to it.” Laura replied, nuzzling her neck.

“Have you been cleaning it like you’re supposed to,” Carmilla asked, a tremor racing down her spine at the memories that brought up. The extra-long silence made her wonder if her Cupcake was thinking about it too.

“Yeah,” Laura said quietly, with a slight catch in her voice, “but it’s not easy to reach, and it gets really itchy sometimes.”

“You haven’t been scratching have you,” she asked, peering down at her.

“Mmm mmm,” Laura mumbled shaking her head, “I’ve come close, but then I remember what he said or how much I went through to get it, and that stops me.”

“Can I see it,” Carmilla said with a little more enthusiasm than she intended.

“I don’t wanna move right now, Carm,” Laura whined, snuggling deeper into her arms, “I like it right here.”

“I just wanna take a quick peek,” Carmilla said, patting her lap, “then we can cuddle all you want.”

“I still have to go study for my midterms tomorrow,” she murmured, her mouth curling up into a smile, “and if I lie down in your lap, I’m probably gonna end up falling asleep.”

“Come on, Cupcake, stop being difficult,” Carmilla said kissing her forehead, “or are you trying to see if you can make me beg so more.”

“Fine,” Laura sighed, to mask her chuckle, as she shifted in her arms so she could stretch out. It was never really a question of whether or not she was going to give Carm what she wanted, just a matter of when. “But if I fail my ‘Tactical Analysis of Inconspicuous Interviewing Techniques’ midterm in the morning, I’m blaming it on you, ‘cause my grade will take a serious hit and I’ll have to work extra hard to pass that class with at least a B average.”

“I won’t let you fall asleep. I promise.” Carmilla replied, smiling when she rested her head in her lap with a small sigh of contentment. “Besides, I need to work on my exhibit for the showcase anyway.”

Laura exhaled softly as she slowly slid her shirt up and began to lightly caress her skin, giving her a little backrub in the process, and her smile brightened when she felt the quivering muscles beneath her fingertips. “How was your meeting with Professor Vordenburg today,” she murmured letting her eyes flutter shut.

 _“Well,”_ Carmilla stalled, telling her Cupcake what happened was not something she was looking forward to, but she wasn’t going to hide it from her either. “I might have cussed at him.”

Laura’s head shot up from her lap as she shifted onto her side to look up at her, tugging her shirt from her hands as she moved. “Why would you do that?”

“I was tired, and he pissed me off,” She replied, sheepishly, “but it wasn’t my fault, he was getting on my case about the fuckin’ deadline, because I maybe sort of implied that I was a little behind finishing my pieces for the showcase...”

The expression on Laura’s face made her fall silent, the rest of her excuse dying on her lips, or at least the part she was willing to admit to. She hated when her Cupcake looked at her like that. It wasn’t anger, or even disappointment, so much as knowing that she wasn’t mean or rude, or anything like that at all, not really, (unless she was scared for one reason or another). At least not with her. Yeah sure, she’s broody and sarcastic by nature, but that’s not the same thing by any means.

But in her defense, when she’s with Laura, she wasn’t afraid to be herself, (even if she’s usually more reserved when they’re in public her Cupcake was the only one that mattered), and she knew that she would never judge her. But when Laura wasn’t around, she didn’t know how to be around other people, and it wasn’t that she couldn’t express herself, at least not exactly in that sense, because it’s something she does very well, it was that she was afraid to let them see anything beyond what was on the surface. Simply put she didn’t want anyone to know _who_ she really was. And she does everything she can to push them away, because it’s easier for people to fear her or hate her than it is to let them see her.

Trust. Is something that she values but, it’s never been something that she has been able or willing to give, at least not in a long time, except with Laura. She trusts her completely. With her Cupcake it was different from the very beginning, even when they were at each other throats she saw through her facades and called her out on it endlessly, that was what scared her the most about her when they first became roommates. That someone so unlike her, from a completely different world, with no real life experience, (at least that’s what she thought at the time), could break through all her walls and _see_ the real her, made her so fuckin’ angry. But, in the past four years Laura’s seen the best and worst parts of her and she loves her just the same.

The softness in Laura’s eyes, as she sat up the rest of the way and straddled her lap, was one of complete understanding, devotion, and unconditional love. “I know you’re nervous and a little scared, babe,” she said softly, brushing the hair out of her eyes, “but he was just trying to help you.”

“I know,” Carmilla said with a huff, “I just...I’m sorry, Cupcake,” she said, giving up on making excuses for herself. And she melted into her Cupcake when she wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tightly. _‘She called me babe,’_ echoed in the back of her mind and she wondered if Laura even knew that she had done it. More than that she wanted to know what it meant, but she didn’t ask. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to make things awkward if it was an unintentional slip. And if it wasn’t, she didn’t know what she would do, because it would change _everything_ , and she definitely wasn’t ready for that possibility either.

“You don’t have to be afraid to be yourself, Carm,” Laura murmured pulling back to lock eyes with her, “I love you for _who_ you are inside, and other people will to. If they don’t then fuck em ‘cause they’re not worth your time.”

“Thanks, Laura,” Carmilla said softly, biting her lip as she reached for her and coaxed her to lie back down, a small smile quirked up the corner of her mouth when her Cupcake did so with no resistance, she brought her arm up to rest against the side her leg so it wouldn’t dangle over the edge of the couch as her head nestled in her lap.

Carmilla started to roll up her shirt again, her heart hammering in her chest, and her breathe came out ragged and heavy. She’s not sure what part of what her Cupcake said made her heart feel incredibly light and free, even as it pounded rapidly, but she’s never felt more loved than she did in that moment. And when she touched Laura’s back, she wanted to show her just how much she appreciated it, with every caress. More than that, she wanted her to know how much she meant to her, because she loves her too. Letting her hands glide over every inch of exposed skin, with all the tenderness in the world, she did just that, filling the blank canvass with a pattern only they knew. 

“But don’t assume that people will take advantage of the softer side of you, just because showing it has allowed people in your life to hurt you in the past.” Laura rasped, with a shaky exhalation of breath because Carm was touching her, and it felt absolutely amazing, as she traced every dip curve and swirl that she knew all too well.

“I--I’ll try,” Carmilla whispered the words as a promise, her eyes glued to her tattoo. It was already scabbing over a little bit. But that only made it more beautiful, as her gaze traced every loop arc and swerve, her hands did the same all over the rest of her Cupcakes back.

Even when she started to seek the hidden images she knew, and search out ones she had yet to discover, her hands moved endlessly, tracing the pattern that was essentially them over and over. Swirling her fingers in the indentation between her shoulders elicited a sharp intake of breath from her Cupcake that left the air around them, alive and crackling with energy. And she bit her lip when teasing them along her spine, had a much different effect, evoking a quiet moan. That filled her ears with a sound so pleasurable she knew she needed to hear it again and again. Each one was a little louder and longer than the time before, and soon her breathe was coming out in erratic bursts, and Carmilla could feel the hand pressed against her hip clenching and flexing. Her own uneven breathing fell in sync with the cadence of Laura’s. 

“You’re gonna make me-- _fall asleep_ if you keep that up,” Laura gasped, on the tail end of another moan, a little while later.

“Yeah,” Carmilla murmured breathless, reluctantly smoothing down her shirt, “we can’t let _that_ happen, can we,” she said quietly as she sat up. 

For a moment they just looked into each other’s eyes silently. Then leaned in and kissed each other on the cheek, before Laura got up and gathered her things, without a word spoken between them. The decision was mutual. Their gazes had said everything for them. They weren’t going to talk about what happened tonight, or the other night for that matter. Not because they were too tired, or had things to do, but because they reached an agreement. This was purely a new element of their emotional connection, nothing more. (Because admitting to anything else would make it real. That something was changing in their relationship. And neither of them wants that). 

“Good night, Carm,” Laura said quietly.

“Good night, Cutie,” Carmilla replied just as quietly, watching after her as she walked away until the door to her room shut softly behind her. Before she got up grabbed her bag and went to her own room.

 

It was well after three in the morning when Laura emerged from her room to grab the package of cookies out of the kitchen cabinet, because she had polished off the ones she brought home with her over an hour ago. She hadn’t intended on staying up all night, but then again she didn’t realize exactly how many of the questions on her study guide she didn’t remember the answer to for her test in the morning. So, yeah either way she was screwed. If she went to bed she would more than likely fail, and if she didn’t she was going to be tired as hell.

She let out a sigh and put on the kettle to heat some water for a cup of cocoa, adding a spoon of instant coffee to her Tardis mug along with several heaping scoops of gourmet hot chocolate mix, from the canister she always kept them stocked with, sometimes she did it when she was _really_ tired and needed to stay awake, and the instant wasn’t as hard on her body as the fresh ground. Then she stashed the jar of coffee at the back of the cabinet under the half-counter where she got it from, since Carm absolutely hated the ‘fake shit’ and would always toss it in the trash if she found out it was in their apartment.

When the kettle went off she filled her mug to the brim, grabbed the cookies and was headed back to her room, when she noticed that Carm’s door was open and decided to peak in on her. And she couldn’t help but smile and shake her head in amusement at the sight of her, lying diagonally across the bed snoring softly with her head propped in her left hand, her sketchpad lying open in front of her. The charcoal pencil she was still holding firmly in her grasp poised on the page, there were also at least a half dozen drawings scattered out around her on the bed, that would be ruined if she moved so much as an inch in either direction.

She would never understand it, but Carm could literally fall asleep at the drop of a dime, it didn’t matter where she was or what positon she was in, when she was tired she went out like a light. But she looked so darn adorable right now, if she had her phone she would have taken picture and made it her new screen saver. She briefly thought about going and getting it, but she didn’t, though it reminded her she’s been meaning to change it from the two of them at pride last June (which she had to drag her to), to one of the hundreds of pictures she has of them.

Crossing the room to her bed, she set her mug down on the nightstand and carefully gathered up the sketches into a neat pile, taking a moment to look at each one, before she tucked them into her sketch book and closed it, then set it on the table beside her mug. They were really pretty amazing, even though none of them were finished, but she really hoped Carm could use some of this for the showcase. For a few moments she just watched her sleep, before she straightened out the covers and pulled them up around her shoulders. Carm stirred, opening her eyes slightly as she was tucking her in.

“Cupcake,” she mumbled still half asleep, “come to bed.”

“Go back to sleep,” Laura whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

“Kay,” letting out a content little sigh, she closed her eyes again and snuggled deeper into the covers already drifting back into dreamland.

She stood there and watched her for a while longer, taking in how beautiful she was when she was sleeping, well she’s always beautiful, but this is the only time when she’s truly peaceful. And none of the things that haunt her can get in. Not that she truly knows what that is, don’t get her wrong she knows a lot about Carm’s past generally speaking, but she’s never gone into much detail about the parts she doesn’t want to think about. 

“I love you,” she said softly, before picking up her mug and heading out the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She didn’t know why, but saying those words to her sleeping form, made her feel _funny_ , kind of like she did when she had accidentally slipped up all called her ‘babe’ when she was comforting her earlier. All she knew was that her heart was beating a little faster, (and maybe she really wanted to forget about studying and go back and crawl into bed with her).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a regular update schedule, but I’ll try to post at least one chapter a week. 
> 
> If you have any questions, suggestions or comments about the fic, hit me up at fadedtobluesuniverse.tumblr.com. I just started it, and don’t know what the hell I’m doing but, I’ll do my best to answer anything you ask.


	8. Somethings In The Air, (But I Can’t Put A Name To It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midterms.
> 
> Whether Laura and Carmilla see it or not, something is definitely changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs. 
> 
> I know I said in the past that I would never split a chapter...but I have. This is just part 1.
> 
> I hope you like it guys.
> 
> Also I had a little help out on editing this chapter, she doesn’t want credit, but I believe in giving it when it’s do. So, here’s a little shout out to you.

**Chapter 8**  


Dawn was breaking and the first rays of sunlight were already starting to filter in through the window when she laid her head on the desk next to her textbook, only intending to rest he eyes for a moment, because the words on the page were starting to blur together. Quickly jerking herself upright when she felt herself beginning to doze off, Laura tried to shake it off. She couldn’t let herself fall asleep; she still has several more chapters to get through to find the rest of the answers for the questions on her study guide. It was only one page but there were about fifteen bullet points on each side and she was less than halfway through the back. She shook herself again, and took a long swig of the caffeinated cocoa in her Tardis mug, then started to skim the text for the answer to the next set of questions. 

Overall she was doing well in the class, but the midterm accounted for a third of her grade, (and the final made up another third), if she gets anything lower than a B, it would be really difficult to pass the class without affecting her 3.8 GPA, and she’s really banking on it to help open some doors for her, when she gets really serious about her job hunt next semester. Of course, she knows grades don’t mean everything, in some respects they probably meant next to nothing, but as a journalist she’s learned to use every advantage she can, and since going for her master’s degree is financially out of the question for now, her ability to balance a full course load and a part time job, combined with her work on the Sentinel, for the last four years, are all she has to bank on when she graduates in the spring. 

The job market’s already tough all around, but more so in her field, with a lot of the mainstream print newspapers either going out of business or transitioning over to the new online format, the need for bare bones journalist are getting scarce, and she’s going to make use of every possible selling point she can give herself. The interest she’s already had in the resumes she’s been submitting are encouraging, and keeps her optimistic that she has a shot. She just needs to keep doing what she’s been doing to draw them in. So, what’s a little lost sleep when it comes to getting the chance to live her dream? 

...

Carmilla woke up with a start. The incessant buzzing of her alarm clock, drawing her out of a deep sleep, and she wasn’t fuckin’ happy about it at all. With a muttered curse, she cracked her eyes open and was blinded by the light streaming in through the curtains. Blinking against the brightness as her hand shot out toward the nightstand and slammed down on the clock, instinctively feeling for the off button to stop the annoying noise from assaulting her ears before it got on her nerves enough to grab one of her boots off the floor and beating it into nonexistence. The last thing she wanted to do was waist her hard earned money replacing the damn thing _again_ this semester. 

Grumbling as she threw back the covers and sat up, stretching her arms behind her back while she rotated her neck to work out the kinks. A loud groan escaping her mouth as the tension in her back and shoulders eased a little bit. Normally she would ask her Cupcake to give her a back rub, when she woke up feeling this stiff, but she was more than likely still fast asleep, since she didn’t have to be up for another half an hour. So, she would just have to settle for not getting one this morning, which sucks, because Laura gives the best massages. Her hands are _just_ \--she didn’t even want to think about it, if she couldn’t have one. 

She was the farthest thing from being fully awake as she slung her legs over the side of the bed, although when her feet hit the floor, the shock of the cold wood definitely pushed her toward it, but she wouldn’t be one-hundred percent until after she has her first cup of coffee. Nine o’clock in the morning was too damn early to get up. It wasn’t until she was about to push herself up off the bed that she thought about the drawings she fell asleep working on. There was a hint of trepidation in her eyes, as she surveyed the bed, expecting to see them crumpled up and completely ruined from where she moved around in the night, but they were nowhere in sight. 

She was on the verge of freaking out, thinking that drawing them had been nothing more than a dream, but then she remembered waking up while her Cupcake was tucking her in and she let out a sigh of relief, (now that was a pleasant way to wake up, with her cute cuddly Cupcake leaning over her, it doesn’t get any better than that, except for if she had climbed in bed with her). Laura wouldn’t have let anything happen to them. No, she would have moved them before she covered her up so they wouldn’t get messed up. That was one of the things she loves most about her, she encourages and appreciates her passion for art and takes pride in everything she creates, especially her hand drawn color pencil paintings. 

Taking a look around, she broke out into a huge grin when she saw her drawings neatly stacked in her sketch book on the far side of the nightstand with her charcoal pencil lying on top of it. Seeing them there in pristine condition left a warm and fuzzy feeling fluttering around in her stomach. It kind of reminded her of the way she felt Sunday night. But this was better. With the grin still plastered on her face she left her room, feeling this innate desire to peek in on her Cupcake when she came to her door, and maybe even crawling into bed with her for a little cuddling before she partook of her morning brew. But decided, as much as she wanted to, it was more important to let her get her rest. 

Ignoring how much her body revolted against that decision, she headed to the kitchen to put on the coffee pot. Uttering a curse when she walked into the room and saw that the dishes washer was running, and the light flashing on it indicated that it was drying. She let out another curse, because the damn thing takes nearly two hours to run a full cycle, which meant that Laura’s been up just as long, when she should really be in bed making up for lost sleep. And she knew it was her fault that she wasn’t. 

Laura probably got up early just to clean the kitchen, assuming that she had no intention of doing it herself. That’s their normal routine, after all, and her Cupcake absolutely hates leaving it a mess. The worst thing about it was that she intended on doing the dishes to surprise her, but fell asleep before she got the chance. Shaking her head at herself, Carmilla let out a disappointed sigh, and walked right back out of the kitchen, headed for her Cupcakes room. All thoughts of the caffeine she desperately needed were set aside. 

“I would have done the dishes, you know,” she said as she opened Laura’s door without bothering to knock, (they never did unless one of them has a girl over), “I’m trying to turn over a new lea...” 

Her voice faltered at the sight of her Cupcake, hunched over her desk with numerous sheets of notebook paper spread out across the surface and spilling over onto the floor, while she poured over the text book in front of her. Laura’s hair was sticking all over her head in a knotted mess, and it was obvious that she hadn’t even heard a word she said when she scribbled something down without acknowledging her presence. With nothing more than the limiting view of her profile, she could still see how drawn and tired she looked and the disappointment she felt a moment ago was replaced with uneasiness. 

“Cupcake, did you stay up all night,” she asked with concern, crossing the room to stand behind her. But she was afraid she already knew the answer.

“I had to,” Laura said, glancing up at her as an involuntary yawn escaped. “I hardly knew any of the answers on my study guide for my test this morning.”

“Why didn’t you set your alarm and at least lie down for a few hours,” Carmilla asked softly, lightly smoothing her hands over her shoulders and down her back. 

Laura let her eyes flutter shut with a sigh, “I didn’t want to tank my midterm,” she murmured enjoying the feeling having Carm’s hands on her always left her with. 

_‘This wouldn’t have happened if she had come to bed when I asked her to,’_ Carmilla huffed to herself, as she lightly trailed her hands over her back, letting her nails scrape against the thin cotton of her tank top with each ministration. 

“You’re spreading yourself too thin, Laura,” she stated firmly, but continued to move her hands in the same comforting rhythm to relieve the built up tension. 

Usually she only did this to help her relax when she couldn’t fall asleep around her mom’s birthday, or the anniversary of her death, but right now she seemed just as distraught. Sure it was for a completely different reason, but the effect it had on her was the same. It might be selfish, but as much as she hates seeing her like this, knowing that she can do that for her with something as simple as a back rub, always makes her feel good about herself.

“But, you know how important my grades are to me,” Laura replied, before turning back to her book and starting to scan the page again, jotting down another answer on a fresh sheet of binder, while she let her gentle caresses soothe her. 

“Yeah, I do,” Carmilla leaned down to wrap her arms loosely around her neck, “but wearing yourself out is not the way to do it,” Carmilla murmured in her ear.

She felt a shudder run through her and knew she had her Cupcake’s undivided attention. Kissing the shell of her ear, she stood up and reached around her to close the book, and left her palm resting on top of it, to make it clear how serious she was. 

“I’m not finished studying,” Laura said with a whine.

“Oh, _yes_ , you are.” 

“But, I still have the rest of the chapter to get through,” Laura protested half-heartedly.

“Cupcake, you’re done,” Carmilla said with finality, kissing the top of head. She let out a quiet sigh of relief when Laura simply nodded in response. It was never this easy to get her to surrender, so she would take it as a small victory, because admittedly, sometimes a little change wasn’t so bad. “I’ll go put on a pot of coffee and see what I can scrounge up for breakfast, okay.” 

It was too late for her get some sleep, and she hated that, because her Cupcake performs at her best when she’s bright and fresh, like a little ball of sunshine, but all she could do was ply her with food and coffee to build up her energy. Of course she knows, all the caffeine does a number on her, but she didn’t know what else to give her that would help get her Cupcake through the day. She’s been awake for the better part of the last two days, and that bothered her, but it worried her even more. But she would be there to catch her when she crashed. Carmilla dropped another lingering kiss on top of her head, before she turned to head back to the kitchen. 

“Hey, Carm,” Laura called out to stop her from leaving, as she swiveled around in her chair. 

“Yeah, Cutie,” she said softly, closing the distance once more, a smile spreading across her face when her Cupcake just wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her head against her chest, nuzzling her nose into the space between her breast. 

She didn’t need to hear the words, she understood perfectly. Her hug was both a ‘thank you’ and an ‘I love you’, but it was so much more than that too. In her weakest moments, she was the only one Laura turned to, because she needed to feel their emotional connection, and all the intimacy that comes with it, just as much as she did. That was the thing that no one else seems to get, but at their core, there was only one simple truth. They found strength in each other, when they couldn’t find it in themselves. And that was all that really mattered to either of them. 

Carmilla gently ran he fingers through her hair working out some of the kinks. “Why don’t you go take a nice hot shower and I’ll have something to nourish you when you come out,” she said, pulling back slightly to meet her eyes.

“Okay,” Laura mumbled, releasing her with a reluctant sigh. 

She smiled and ran her fingers through her hair one last time, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, before stepping back to let her stand up. Her gaze followed her intently as she crossed the room to her closet. There was no real reason for her to be standing there staring, except at the moment her legs weren’t working and she didn’t know what it was, but there was more than concern keeping her from moving. Any other time she would probably be checking out her ass, but that wasn’t what she was doing. No, there was nothing lascivious in her gaze at all, she was quite simply enraptured by all of her and she couldn’t turn away. The irony of it was, she didn’t know why, but for the first time, she didn’t feel like it was something that she had to suppress. 

She didn’t try to hide the slight blush she felt coloring her cheeks when Laura turned around and caught her staring. Instead she held her gaze, unwavering, a smirk tugging at the corner her mouth when her Cupcake turned away with a blush of her own. Clearing her throat quietly, she grabbed her robe off the hook on the door and faced her again, biting her lip before flashing a grin. Their gazes held while she draped the silky material over her arm, and padded towards the door. As Laura passed her on the way to the bathroom, her shoulder lightly brushed her arm and the warm fuzzy feeling that she had before she left out of her room blossomed in her stomach again, (like a flower as it slowly opens up to fill the world with beauty). 

For several moments, she just watched after her before she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. Letting out a shallow breath, she ran her fingers through her hair and made her way to the kitchen to see what she could whip up. A quick glance at the microwave when she entered the room told her she didn’t have time to do much. She has to leave soon, otherwise she’ll be late for her midterm since university parking was limited and she needs enough time to find a spot and make the hike from the parking garage to the Art building on the other side of campus.

The only saving grace was that she had the presence of mind to bathe before she started working on her drawings last night, other than getting dressed, brushing her teeth and applying her makeup, she was good to go. So she could devote most of her time to making sure her Cupcake was taken care of, because she wants her to have a good meal to start the day. As she rummaged through the cabinets, she wasn’t thinking about what was causing this hum in the pit of her stomach. She just knew that she really liked the sensation, and didn’t want it to go away. 

...

Stepping out of the shower, Laura wrapped her hair in a towel to wring out most of the water, while she toweled herself off. Normally she would dry it, but she didn’t feel like dealing with it today, so she just brushed through it and decided let it dry naturally, thankful that it would come out with a little wave and look like she spent more time on it than she had. It was a part of having good genes, at least that’s what her mom used to say, when she proclaimed that she got it from her side of the family. As she made her way back to her room, she smiled at the memory, barely feeling the cold floor beneath her feet. Thinking about happy times with her mom always tended to dull out everything else for a while, and right now she was grateful for it.

She was still tired as hell, there was no getting around that, but after showering, she actually did feel somewhat refreshed, or at least some of the weariness had been washed away with the water spiraling down the drain. Although that doesn’t mean she didn’t look at her bed longingly while she got dressed. To keep from giving in to the desire to bury herself beneath the covers and sink into the cushy comfort of her mattress, she avoided the bed altogether, opting to sit in her desk chair as she laced up her most comfortable pair of converse. Things always get crazy for her during midterms and finals, but it’s never been like this, or maybe she’s just never pushed herself this hard. Either way, the lack of sleep was really doing a number on her, and she didn’t even want to think about all the coffee she was going to have to consume just to make it through the day. 

Breakfast was ready when she emerged from her room and walked into the kitchen, just like Carm promised it would be. She was a little surprised when she set their plates down on the kitchen table, but knew it was her way of making sure that she didn’t get too comfortable on the couch and start to fall asleep. Incredibly grateful didn’t begin to describe what she felt for Carm as she took her seat at the table without a word, while she went back to the counter to get their coffee cups. Having her in her life to look out for her simply because she wanted to, meant more to her than anything. In so many ways, Carm is exactly the kind of girl she has always imagined herself falling in love with. She can even see them spending the rest of their lives together, there was just nothing romantic about it.

“I hope this is okay, Cupcake,” Carmilla said setting her Tardis mug down in front of her. 

“It’s perfect.” Laura smiled up at her, when she saw the contents of her cup. It was filled to the brim with cocoa and there were eight marshmallows floating on top, just the way she liked it, but she could tell by the hint of coffee she smelled wafting off of it, that Carm had mixed some in for her.

“I couldn’t figure out where you put the jar of instant that you’re hiding from me,” Carmilla said, with an apologetic smile. “So I had to use the real thing.”

“W--what makes you think I have some,” Laura asked with a little stammer of surprise.

“Because, I know you, Cutie,” Carmilla replied with a smirk, “you always keep some of that crap stashed around here somewhere.” 

She just shook her head, and chuckled. Of course, Carm knew about her secret reserve, she didn’t know why she had ever thought otherwise. “It’s under the half-counter, just so you know,” she said, motioning at the cabinet across from the table, with a sheepish grin, “I’m sure you’ll end up making me more of these before the week is over.”

 _“Mmm hmm,”_ Carmilla nodded, her expressive dark brown eyes shining with a mixture of amusement, satisfaction at being proven right, and something else that she couldn’t describe. The corner of her mouth twitched with the hint of a smirk, as she kissed her on top of her head, before sitting down and scooting her chair over to be closer to her. 

Laura regarded her wearily while she blew on her cocoa and took a small sip, Carm had gotten the mixture just right, so it tasted really good, but the fresh ground coffee made it stronger than she was accustomed to, which was probably a good thing for how tired she was today, but she didn’t think she could stomach it for the rest of the week too. 

“You’re not gonna throw it away are you,” she asked hesitantly, because she didn’t want to give her any ideas, if she wasn’t thinking about it already. 

“Don’t worry, Cupcake, I won’t toss it in the trash where it belongs, until after midterms are over,” Carmilla replied, flashing her playful smile.

“You _better_ mean that, or you’ll be going to the store before this weekend,” Laura warned her rather snappishly. 

“Relax, Cutie,” Carmilla said, leaning in to give her quick peck on the cheek, “you know I would never do that to you, when you’re all stressed out.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Laura said guiltily, “I’m sorry, Carm, I didn’t mean that, the lack of sleep is just getting to me.”

“It’s no big deal,” she replied, resting her hand on her thigh as she sipped from her mug, shooting a glance at her when she set it back on the table, a small smile replacing her customary smirk as she picked up her fork and started eating.

Even though, she waved off her unthinking comment without so much as a blink, Laura still felt really bad about it. She may not have had a choice about Monday, but last night was her decision, and she shouldn’t have taken it out on Carm. That’s what bothered her the most. She hated feeling like a jerk, because Carm’s really good at taking care of her when she’s being too stubborn to do it for herself, she always checks up on her and goes out of her way to make sure she has the energy to get through the day, and thinking about it was making her feel even worse. 

“Stop beating yourself up about it, Laura, and eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” Carmilla said giving her thigh a gentle squeeze as she turned to look at her. 

Letting out a sigh, she dug into her own food. Carm didn’t do anything fancy, just some toast with strawberry preserves, scrambled eggs and pre-cooked sausages, but it still tasted really amazing. And she was surprise by how hungry she was, since she’d been eating nonstop most of the night, finishing off an entire package of cookies on top of the dozen or so she had left from work when she went to her room. Or maybe, her body was just craving the energy and nutrients it got from actual food.

The next sip of cocoa didn’t hit her as hard as the first one had, and she was glad of that, and the fact that she could already feel the caffeine starting to kick in. Taking the edge off the headache she’s been battling since before they had dinner last night and before she knew it her grumpiness was all but forgotten. She was about half-way through the heaping pile of eggs on her plate and the first slice of toast, when Carm started moving her fingers in small circles on the inside of her thigh in a feather light caress, and she couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t the pattern she was used to, so much as a small back and forth movement, but it felt just as good, maybe even a little bit better. 

She tilted her head slightly, in question, when she glanced up and caught Carm staring at her mouth, while she was chewing. Shaking her head with a quiet chuckle, when she quickly looked down at her plate without saying a word, picked up a piece of sausage and put it in her mouth, chewing vigorously. She went back to eating too, without giving it much thought. But when she looked up a few moments later Carm was watching her again, and she couldn’t stop the grin that spread across her face, when she wordlessly glanced away, just as quickly as before with a smile small smile playing on her lips. 

That’s how they spent the rest of breakfast. Stealing glances at each other. Every time she caught her staring or got caught gazing herself, Carm would instinctively give her leg a light squeeze, before continuing to caress her through her khaki’s, her hand occasionally inching higher on her thigh, (but never close enough to her core to do more than leave her slightly aroused). She didn’t know what it was about those little stolen glances that made Carm so darn adorable. But it was definitely having an effect on her that she wasn’t used to, and she didn’t know what to think about it. Or if she ought to think anything about it at all, for that matter. It’s not like they were flirting with each other or anything.

Biting her lip, she couldn’t help eyeing Carm when she went to the sink to rinse their plates. The black top she was wearing with a little bit of lace around the collar and dipping down between her breasts was just sheer enough to hint at the curves that lie beneath without being revealing, and those skin tight leather pants hugged her hips, outlining her butt and toned thighs with every move she made. (But if she was being honest with herself, she would admit that just the sight of her made her heart beat a little faster and left butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, no matter what she was wearing). 

_‘She’s so beautiful, and just plain amazing,’_ Laura mused, sipping on her coffee laced cocoa, and licking the froth from her lips as she set her mug down on the table. 

Of course, Carm had to turn around at that exact moment and catch her staring at her backside, and she didn’t try to hide her amused smirk either, as a blush stained Laura’s cheeks rising from the back of her neck to the tips of her ears. Carm held her gaze, waltzing over with that teasing grin firmly in place, and she turned to look at her as she walked around behind her chair and draped her arms over her shoulders to caress her arms lightly, smoothing her hands over her biceps, down to her wrist and back up again. 

“I’ve gotta get going, Cutie,” she bent down and murmured in her ear. Placing a light kiss on her jaw, before trailing soft opened mouth kisses down her neck, sucking gently at the sweet spot beneath her ear for a moment, causing her to whimper softly at the loss of contact, when she pulled away to gaze into her eyes. 

“You did that on purpose,” Laura said with a chuckle, swatting at her arm. 

In spite of breakfast, Carm’s breath still smelt like toothpaste, all minty and fresh, and hot against her cheek. She never understood how she could, do that right before she ate, without it ruining the taste, but she had come in the bathroom to brush her teeth while she was showering. Not that she minded they did it all the time when one of them was bathing while the other needed to get ready to leave. It was just a part of being roommates and best friends. 

“What did I do,” Carmilla said, shrugging innocently, even as her mouth pulled up into a devious smirk. 

“You’re trying to bribe me and make sure I won’t stay on campus late working on the paper.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Cupcake,” Carmilla replied with a smirk, pressing another light kiss to her neck before she stood up. 

“Mmm hmm,” Laura murmured, lifting her hand to her neck, on instinct more than anything else, “sure you don’t.” 

“Glad you agree with me, Cutie,” Carmilla said, backing out of the room with a Cheshire grin. Her gaze lingering on her neck for a split second longer before she turned away and went to her room.

Rolling her eyes at her retreating back, she picked up her mug and polished of the last of her cocoa, smacking her lips as she got up and carried it to the sink. She briefly contemplated doing the dishes, but decided against it. Although she wasn’t nearly as fatigued as she had been half an hour ago she didn’t really feel like wasting any energy on household chores when she was going to be running around most of the day. She was on her way to the bathroom to finished getting ready, when Carm came out of her room with her messenger bag slung over her shoulder and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

“Cupcake,” she whispered, resting her chin on her shoulder and burrowing her face into her hair, hugging her even tighter.

“I know, Carm,” she said just as softly. “I’ll be okay.”

Letting out a sigh, Carm pulled back to lock eyes with her, but kept her arms wound tight around her waist. “Call or text me when you get out of class, okay.” 

“I will,” Laura assured her.

“You can call me before that too, if you need anything,” Carmilla said, smiling softly when she simply nodded in response. 

“You’re going to be late,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss her, her lips unintentionally landing near her mouth rather than her cheek, but Carm didn’t seem phased by it. She just kept smiling and held her gaze a few moments longer, giving her another gentle squeeze before reluctantly letting go.

With an airy sigh, she just stood there watching her as she crossed the room and grabbed her keys, a grin lighting up her face when Carm turned back to look at her, biting her lip as she opened the door. Once again their gazes lingered on each other, neither of them wanting to look away. 

“I’ll see you later, Cutie.” Carmilla finally murmured.

“Bye, Carm,” Laura said softly, worrying her bottom lip, as she stepped out into the corridor, and the door closing behind her broke their gaze. 

Laura wasn’t sure how long she stood there staring after her, or why she was doing it in the first place. All she knew was that it was hard for her to move from that spot, and it had nothing to do with being tired. As she slowly turned and covered the short distance to the bathroom, she pondered the entire morning in her mind, and she had to admit that something about it felt different, even if everything about their interactions were the same as they’ve always been. She just didn’t know what it was that made her feel that way. Because she and Carm were just friends, who care very deeply about each other, nothing about that has changed. 

And yet, she felt the presence of something new and exciting building inside her, all the same. But as much as she tried, she couldn’t put a name to it. Reaching into the medicine cabinet to get her toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste, she smeared some on and barely looked at herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth. She was too wrapped up in her thoughts to focus on such a mundane task that she could do with her eyes closed. It wasn’t until she was about to apply a light touch of blush that she really looked at herself. Her hand automatically went to her neck when she caught a glimpse of the hickey Carm had left there. She hadn’t thought anything of it when Carm placed that linger kiss on her neck, but she should have known she was up to something. 

In her defense, usually the only time Carm left a mark on her skin was when she ended up sucking hard for moments on end, often licking and kissing different spots on her neck repeatedly, because she was _really_ emotional and needed to release all of that built up energy. Plus she knows, Carm likes making her moan when she gets like that while she’s topping her, she has this need to be in complete control, even as she loses herself and lets it all go. But, the point is, she was always well aware of what she was doing, (and welcomed it every single time). To be honest she’s left her share of hickeys on her too, for much the same reason. So, this was something new for her, because Carm’s never left a bruise like this before. Not with something as simple as a feather light kiss. 

Shaking her head, she couldn’t do anything but chuckle at how sneaky her antics had been. And she had to hand it to her. Carm’s definitely good with her mouth and tongue. “I’m so going to get her back for this later,” Laura murmured, with a devious smile as she quickly dusted on a little blush. 

As an afterthought she took an extra couple moments to try and hide the bags under her eyes and touch up her strawberry lip gloss. With one last look at herself in the mirror, she walked out of the bathroom feeling satisfied with her appearance. On a typical morning, she would do more, but it seemed kind of pointless when everyone was focused on tests, besides she had no one to impress. The only person who would probably notice her was Carm, and she looks at her the same way regardless of whether she wears makeup or not. And in her book that meant she was fine. 

...

Her thoughts were centered on her Cupcake as she dodged in and out lanes, maneuvering the ‘beast’ through commute traffic with practiced ease. She couldn’t help worrying, she knew it was going to be a long day for her, and she honestly wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through. Laura’s done some crazy things around exams before but it never involved staying up for two days straight. Hell, she usually barely lasts more than twenty-four hours and the last time she did that not only did she end up being a wreck the next day. She also came down with a terrible cold too boot, and it wasn’t just sneezing and coughing and a headache either. No, she’d been racked with body aches and a hundred degree fever. 

Once she got her into bed and crawled in next to her, she spent the night holding her while she trembled, despite her temperatures. She had shivered in her arms, from a chill. Burying her face in her chest through fits of coughing while she moaned dejectedly. But all she could do was give her cold medicine and cuddle her, petting her hair while she whispered soothingly in her ear, (offering up her body as a distraction, because Laura always gets a lot more handsy when she’s sick). Every time she started to dose off, a cough or a tremor would snap her back into reality with a pitiful groan, and it took hours to coax her into fitful sleep again. Amplifying the fact that, she felt completely inadequate, because before she met her, she never had to worry about taking care of anyone but herself.

She stayed up all night checking on her constantly, stroking her hair every time she let out a little whine, or started to shiver against her, her body feeling fire, at the same time. When she woke up, she had smiled through her suffering, hugging her tightly to her chest and whispering “I’ll be okay,” while she stroked her face, until the worry lines went away. And it still amazes her that in the end Laura had been the one taking care of her. The worst part of it was that none of the over the counter medicines lasted long enough or really took care of all her symptoms, she still ended up feeling like crap, and almost missed her last two finals because of it. 

Switching lanes yet again, she had to remind herself that her Cupcake’s not sick. No, she’s fine, Laura’s fine. The thing is she really hates to see her suffer in any way. She always has. But for some reason, today she felt more invested than ever before, and she had no idea why. Something just felt different, but she couldn’t put a name to it. That’s just the way it was, from the moment she walked into her room and saw her. There was a pang in her stomach, her heart started racing, and all she wanted to do was take care of her and erase the tiredness to make her feel better. 

Something she knows she’s not very adept at, but her Cupcake always seems to take what she has to give with open arms. She’s never once asked for, or expected more. And yet, this morning she found herself trying harder than she ever has before, stretching her limits to all new heights, just to see Laura smile. It wasn’t in her actions that she felt the difference most, because those didn’t change, but the way she felt when she was doing it wasn’t the same. 

Still there’s a part of her that knows, as much as it was honorable and heartfelt, she was being so selfish too. Making her Cupcake smile was as much about her, as it was about herself, because every time she does it lights up her world and makes it seem that much better and brighter, and it always makes her feel confident in herself and a little safer in her own skin. And yeah, somewhere deep down inside there’s something in her that always wants to be the one that can make her light shine so bright, it could turn night into daylight. It’s like a drug. She just can’t get enough. But, it’s always been this way, and at the same time, it all feels so new to her that it blows her mind. 

She doesn’t know what’s shifted, or when it happened, but what she felt was something new and wonderful and so fuckin’ amazing that she couldn’t take her eyes off her Cupcake for more than a moment at a time. And when she caressed her thigh, it felt like fire was scorching her fingers through the khaki fabric, only it didn’t burn, it just made them tingle. While the fluttering in her stomach, intensified. Just thinking about it now made the sensation return, magnified a thousand times. And she purred unconsciously, in response. Her mouth curling up into a huge grin when she thought about the hickey she had left on her neck. The worst part of the morning was leaving her. In fact it was one the hardest thing she’s ever done, when all she wanted was to have her wrapped in her arms. 

To be perfectly honest, it all scared the hell out of her. She felt so many unfamiliar things, that it made her want to run and hide, or shrink inside herself and lock her mind up tight. Just to shut out everything she feels inside. But it’s Laura. The person who has always seen through the darkness to her inner light, and she couldn’t do that to her. There was no way she could turn away from her soulmate. Besides, there’s bound to be new levels of emotions and intimacy with a connection like theirs. It didn’t mean anything else was changing. She and Laura were fine. 

 

She made it to campus in record time, luck must be on her side today, or it could be that she ran every single stop sign and red light on the way while pushing eighty the entire time. Either way she made it. Entering the class room with a clatter, ignoring everyone that turned to look at her as trudged over to her favorite seat in the back of the room, by the window. She had staked her claim at the beginning of the semester, and no one was brave enough to sit there, so it was always reserved for her. Dropping her bag on top of the table and sitting down, she put her feet up with a thunk, glowering at the douche at the table next to hers when he eyed her with a sullen grimace. 

So what if she was a few minutes late. Taking care of her Cupcake, and making sure she was as ready as could be for her day meant more to her than punctuality. Besides, the professor hasn’t even passed out the damn examine yet anyway. He was too busy going off on one of his tangents. So, there was no reason for the guy to get his shorts in a bunch, it’s not her fault he wanted to get some last minute studying in while Longbottom droned on and on, flapping the stack of test papers around in his hand, rather than pass them out so she could get this over with. 

While she waited, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it, to check again for messages, letting out a huff when she saw that there were none. It wasn’t surprising, she knew her Cupcake wouldn’t call until after class, but she was worried nonetheless, and she really missed her. She tinkered around with it for a minute, opening and closing her messages, just in case she texted last minute and needed her. Still, there was nothing and it really got to her, she couldn’t help it. There was this urge inside of her that wasn’t going away until it was sated, and that settled it. She really needed to talk to her, or she would just think about her the entire time, instead of focusing on her test. 

**Carmilla 10:10am**  
**Hey Cupcake, how are you doing??**

She quickly typed out a message as Longbottom finally started handing out exam. Staring at the screen, waiting anxiously for a response, she drummed her fingers on the table rapidly. Ignoring the spaz next to her when he let out and exasperated little cough. It felt like forever before her phone finally chimed. 

**My Cupcake 10:12am**  
**I’m okay. Thanks for asking.**  
**I should be on campus in a few.**

**Carmilla 10:12am**  
**Okay.**  
**Call me as soon as you get out of class.**

She barely paid attention when a paper was shoved in front of her. Of course, she knew what it was. She just didn’t care all that much. Texting her Cupcake was her priority. It made her feel better to know that so far, she was managing, and the fluttering in her stomach might have started up again too. 

**My Cupcake 10:13am**  
**I will.**  
**Now, Stop worrying and focus on your midterm.**

Carmilla rolled her eyes and let out a quiet breath. She has no idea that it’s easier for her to say, than it was for her to do. When it comes to Laura’s wellbeing, worrying was just a part of her nature. And she wouldn’t change a thing about it, even if she actually had the ability to. 

**My Cupcake 10:13am**  
**And don’t you huff at me either.**

The corner of her mouth turned up in the slightest smile. It’s ironic, but sometimes she thinks her Cupcake knows her better than she knows herself. Since Laura always has her pegged just right, but she accepted that four years ago. 

**Carmilla 10:14am**  
**Fine!!!**

Is all she replied, biting back the little whine that threatened to come out as she sent off the message. It’s part of the effect her Cupcake has on her, and oddly enough, she doesn’t even have to be anywhere near her to elicit a response, it just sort of happens on its own every now and then. Although she’ll admit that it’s been happening a lot more often lately. 

**My Cupcake 10:15am**  
**Talk to you soon.**

Switching her phone to vibrate, she set it on the edge of the table wanting to keep it handy. Then took her feet down and leaned forward to scan over the test in front of her, as she reached into her bag to grab a pen. Her gaze flickered to her wrist for a moment, unable to temper the blush that spread across her face at the memories it brought up. She had to force herself to focus before she started writing. Fortunately, her four hour shift at the Nook last night was very productive. Well, not work wise, the bookstore was virtually dead in that respect, leaving her plenty of time to review the two chapters on fractal art that she missed the lecture on the other day when she zoned out. Even Leslie pretty much left her alone to focus on preparing for her own exams. 

 

When she walked out of class she turned up the volume on her phone right away, and sat down on a bench on the outskirts of the quad beneath the shady dense canopy of maple trees, and waited for her Cupcake to call. Pulling out her textbook on the ‘Significance of The Artistic Process in the Monetization of Social Media’ to try and make sense of it. Most of her studying had been devoted to that, but the problem was she just didn’t get this shit. Nothing about an artist ability to market themselves in the blooming network of online social forums grabbed her attention. 

Being the introvert that she is, she avoids all the dumb ass websites that have anything to do with connecting with other people, which makes it hard as hell for her to understand the concept. Every time she tried to buckle down and work through it, she had the hardest time staying focused. She made a couple attempts to study for this midterm, at work and once again when she went to her room last night. But her mind always started wondering by the time she got a few pages into the chapter, and to make it worse, she has no notes to go off of for that class. 

Not that she skipped the lectures, because she went to every single one of them. She just ended up doodling in one of her sketch books, rather than pay attention, which is definitely something she regrets right now. Since she has less than two hours before the exam, and there’s no way in hell she’s going to be able to memorize enough to pass it in that short amount of time. Cursing under her breath, she skimmed over the next page, but she could already feel her resolve to get through as much of the material as she could, starting to slip away. She tried to keep herself centered, in spite of how much she hates the damn subject. 

She really did. But, just like last night when she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about sketching out all of the images bouncing around in her mind. She felt her focus waning. Only this time she didn’t pull out her sketchpad and start drawing, instead she visualized every one of the pieces she created before she fell asleep. For some reason that she is eternally grateful for, something really sparked her creativity, and suddenly feeling inspired after such a spell of artistic blockage so close to the biggest moment of her life, she was compelled to get them down on paper before they slipped away forever. 

At least she felt better about the showing at the Lustig now. The six paintings for the showcase have been done for nearly a month, but those were easy for her to do. It was the other six that caused her nerves to block out her artistic ability. She wants them to be a lot more personal than anything she’s ever done before. And that’s the source of all her frustration, since she always manages to keep anything truly revealing out of all her drawings and paintings. It’s much easier, and safer, to express the angst and sarcasm, that she lets everyone see on a daily basis, than it is to display something that will illuminate what she feels and who she is deep down inside. 

But last night she was on fire, completing outlines for three of the six color pencil paintings she wants to include in her exhibit for the showcase. At first they started off as nothing more than rough sketches, but she couldn’t put her charcoal pencil down, and she drew for hours, redoing them over and over again, until they mirrored the images in her mind’s eye. There were even a couple she could use to fulfill the two assignments due with her midterms, and she turned one of them in to Professor Longbottom at the end of class, to her it was nothing more than a rough sketch, but he lamented over how her abstract drawing showed her understanding of the core principals of the course material perfectly. 

Hell, she even did a couple sketches of her Cupcake too, which is really surprising, not that she doesn’t do portraits, _that’s_ how she makes a lot of her extra cash, but she needs the person to be sitting in front of her, or at the very least a solid photograph to go off of. But with Laura, she didn’t need either of those things. She’d drawn her from memory alone. Capturing every nuance of her features, from her crooked smile, to the rise of her breast and toned abdomen, right down to the mole beneath her belly button and the one on her hip. Those sketches were privat--personal, and she tucked them away in her nightstand drawer as soon as she finished with them, for _safekeeping_. So yeah, she was more than likely going to fail, but what she gained was definitely worth it. 

Of course she meant the pieces for the showcase, not the ones of her Cupcake. Those were just, um--Carmilla jumped a little when her phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. Her hand trembled slightly as she swiped her finger across her the screen and answered it.

“H--Hey, Cutie,” Carmilla said with a stammer, flushing a little, flustered at the direction her thoughts were headed. 

She was just relieved her Cupcake couldn’t see her, as she composed herself. Laura’s natural curiosity would have led her to ask why she was blushing, and that was a question she didn’t have an answer to, at least, not one that she could readily share with her, anyway. And the idea of lying about it bothered her, leaving an awful taste in her mouth and a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach, where the fluttering had just been. 

“Hey, I just got out of class,” Laura said, stifling a yawn, “and I’m checking in like I said I would.”

“Well, at least I know you _can_ listen,” Carmilla drawled sarcastically, biting her lip to stifle her laughter. 

“Don’t get used to it,” Laura shot back at her in response.

“Too late, I already am,” Carmilla replied, with a little laugh, unable to curb it any longer when she heard her Cupcake let out an amused chuckle. She could just picture her light brown hair whipping gently about her face as she shook her head at her.

“You’re impossible,” Laura murmured, giggling softly. 

Even over the phone the sound of it had the ability to leave a huge grin on her face and she didn’t care who saw it, or what it might do to her reputation for that matter. She was all caught up in bantering with her Cupcake and she was the only one in the world who mattered. 

“I know, but you like it.” Carmilla stated smugly. 

“Only because you’re so adorable,” Laura said with a teasing lilt, and she could hear her mirth resonating through the phone.

“I am _not_ ,” Carmilla huffed, “when are you going to stop calling me that.”

“When you admit it’s true,” Laura said without hesitation.

“That’s never going to happen, Cupcake,” she rolled her eyes, even though she couldn’t see her. 

“Never say never, Carm. One of these days, I’m going to get it out of you.” 

The confidence Laura exuded in her response sparked something in her. She sounded so damn sure of herself, and she has no problem confessing that she _definitely_ likes it when her Cupcake gets all arrogant with her. It makes their games that much more interesting, and she _really_ likes to play with her. 

“You haven’t even come close in the past four years,” Carmilla replied haughtily, “what makes you think that’ll ever change.”

“I’m persistent,” Laura declared simply, letting out another chuckle, “you ought to now that by now.”

Oh, did she ever. She knew that very well. It was part of her Cupcakes allur--charm, but she wasn’t going to just tell her that, when she could have some fun with her instead. 

“Mmm hmm, you can keep trying to chip away at me all you want, Cutie,” Carmilla mocked her playfully, “and I wish you luck, but there’s no way you’ll ever get me to admit to anything of the sort.”

“We’ll see about _that_ , wont we,” Laura stated adamantly. 

There was an air of determination in her voice that sent a thrill down her spine, and she had to swallow hard, from the sheer force of it, just to catch her breath. But damn, it felt--good. The response she was having to Laura was stronger than it’s ever been, but she wasn’t thinking about that, or the fact that she wasn’t panicking like she would have a few weeks ago, or even a few days ago for that matter. With the hum in her stomach, working like it was on overdrive, the last thing on her mind was that she should be weary of this. She knew that her Cupcake wasn’t going to give up until she got exactly what she wanted, which didn’t bother her one bit.

Carmilla’s tongue darted out, trailing over her lips, the taste of her wild cherry lip gloss lingering on the tip of her tongue, “I guess so,” she drawled, her challenge emanating in her voice. 

“You’re trying to lure me into one of your games, aren’t you?”

 _“Maybe,”_ Carmilla’s mouth twitched, with the hint of a smirk, “maybe not, you’ll just have to wait and find out.”

“There’s no maybe to it,” Laura said, letting out a little yawn, “I know you, Carm.”

“What can I say, I like playing with you.”

“Don’t I know it!”

“Aww, come on, Cutie,” she prodded, “you know you like it too.” 

“I never said I didn’t,” Laura replied with a soft chuckle, and knowing that she was the cause of it made her smile a little brighter.

She was pleased that for the most part her Cupcake sounded pretty upbeat, despite the tiredness she could hear in her voice, she still has the capacity to joke around with her. In the back of her mind, she wondered if it _was_ just joking. Hell, she might have even considered it flirting, but their conversation was no different than it’s always been. So, it was easy to push that thought aside and enjoy it. Her hidden desires and the drawings she did last night didn’t change anything, (wanting to sleep with Laura is definitely not something new to her, and neither is knowing that she has to resist the temptation, no matter how much harder it gets to do that with each passing day). She and Laura were just friends. 

“What are you doing right now,” Laura asked, cutting into her reverie, “I have about an hour before I have to be at work. Are you up for grabbing a bite with me before I head out?”

“I wish I could,” Carmilla said with a huff, “but unfortunately I have to try and study for my damn midterm.” 

Not that failing this class would hurt her overall GPA that much, and it sure as hell wouldn’t prevent her from graduating, since it wasn’t a course requirement, but still. As much as she hates the entire fuckin’ subject she was going to at least try and do enough to pass. 

“The one on how social media can be a platform to promote yourself as an artist and create a viable income.”

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla muttered dejectedly, “that’s the one.”

“Have you forgotten about the blog I had freshman year before I got on the Sentinel staff, which you loathed and criticized me for, by the way.” 

“I didn’t forget, Cupcake,” she replied with a smirk, because she knew where this was headed, and she loves when her Cupcake goes off on one of her tangents, especially when she’s tired, because her voice gets all high-pitched and squeaky by the end. “And, I didn’t criticize you, per se...”

“Yes you did,” Laura interjected, “if you weren’t playing some kind of prank on me while I was I was recording, you would sit on your bed pouting, and sulking loudly about how stupid they were, or tell me that I was wasting my time, because you hated me spending time talking to people I didn’t know, instead of with you.”

“Now, don’t go over exaggerating things,” Carmilla said humorously, “I merely _suggested_ that your tenacity as a journalist would be put to better use working on a real newspaper, and I was right.”

“Ugh,” Laura muttered in frustration, “that’s not even the point I was trying to make, Carm.”

“Then what is the point, Creampuff,” Carmilla asked, unable to hide how much pleasure she got out of annoying her.

“I know it’s not quite the same thing but, I’m pretty good at that sort of stuff, so...” 

“Wait, are you offering what I think you’re offering,” Carmilla asked hopefully, since she could use a hand with this, but more than that, she really did want to see her.

“Yep,” Laura replied, “maybe I can break it down for you, or at least explain it better than your textbook. You know without all of the convoluted terms.” 

“I accept,” Carmilla said quickly, hoping up from the bench and stuffing her book back into her messenger bag.

“I’ll meet you in the student union.”

“Okay, see you soon,” Carmilla replied before they hung up.

She practically jogged all the way to the student center, which really wasn’t that far to begin with and it would have only taken her a few more minutes to walk, but she couldn’t help but rush. There was just this drive to move faster than she had to, and it has nothing to do with preparing for her exam, she simply wanted to be with her Cupcake. Sure she was hesitant before, but that was only because she was actually trying to be a semi-decent student, (though it hadn’t really been working out all that well for her to begin with), and when she was around Laura, she has a hard time staying focused, unless she made her. But, she knew this way her Cupcake would see to it that she actually studied.

Not even the group of girls that burst out of a classroom and nearly clocked her with the door was enough to slow her down, in fact it barely even registered on her radar, and they got off without so much as a curse or a glare. She was breathless and panting by the time she reached the building, but that didn’t prevent her from taking the stairs down to the cafeteria two at a time. Stopping at the bottom to scan the large dining room, she wasn’t all that surprised that she beat her Cupcake, since her class was on the other side of campus. So she just stood there catching her breath while she waited for her. 

It was only a few minutes later that she spotted her at the top of the stairs. Smiling up at her when their gazes met, her Cupcake grinned back at her, eliciting a response that she wasn’t quite used to. The thrumming of her heart matched the fluttering in her stomach creating a cadence like a musical melody within her body. That felt so pleasant she wanted to hum along with it, but she couldn’t, because of the catch in her breath when she reached the landing and stood in front of her. All she could do was wrap her arms around her and embrace her tightly, inhaling the familiar fragrances of vanilla and lavender, as she nuzzled just behind her ear, enjoying the heady combination of her perfume and shampoo as they invaded her senses.

For several moments, they just held each other, standing in the middle of the landing while people maneuvered around them. There was a twinkle in her Cupcakes eyes when they finally pulled apart, but she could still see the tiredness written all over her face. She had tried to hide the dark shadows under her eyes with makeup but they still peaked through, not that it mattered to her, she still looks as beautiful as ever. But it made her wish they could forget everything so she could take her home and put her to bed. 

“How about you grab us a table while I get the food,” Carmilla said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Okay,” Laura said with a slight nod. 

She started to turn away but Carmilla caught her gently by the hand to draw her back. “You have to tell me what you want, Cupcake.”

“Whatever you get me is just fine, Carm,” she replied, giving her hand a squeeze before hers slipped away. 

Worrying her lip, Carmilla watched after her while she weaved through tables, swaying slightly every now and then, as she made her way to a secluded corner at the back of the room. Once her Cupcake was finally sitting down, she turned away with a shallow breath that held more than the weight of her concern, because there was something (heavy and light at the same time) that settled in her chest and made her heart beat a little faster, that she didn’t understand. 

“Here you go, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, setting her plate and an iced mocha Frappuccino in front of her.

“Thanks,” Laura murmured, grabbing the coffee and cracking the lid to take a huge swig. 

“How are you,” Carmilla asked after she put her bag in an empty chair and joined her at the table, nudging her chair closer. 

“I’m okay,” she said resting her head in her hands with a yawn. 

“You don’t have to help me study, if you’re not up for it.”

“No, I want to,” Laura replied lifting her head and taking a bite of her cheeseburger, “get out your book and let me take a look at it.” 

She eyed her uncertainly, but did as she was told, none the less. “We’re only focusing on the first four chapters for this test,” Carmilla said, pushing the book across the table to her.

Laura simply nodded, munching on her fries while she went through the table of contents outlining the main points of the text, “do you have your notes,” she asked, glancing up at her. 

“No,” Carmilla said sheepishly, “I didn’t take any.”

“Of course not,” she shook her head, smiling slightly as she returned her attention to the book and began skimming through the first chapter, running her index finger back and forth across the page, her lips twitching slightly while she read to herself. 

“Okay, this shouldn’t be too hard,” Laura said when she looked at her again a few moments later, “it’s all pretty cut and dry.” 

“That’s easy for you to say, Cupcake, you like this sort of thing.”

“Why are you even taking this class, since you hate the whole idea of social media so much?”

“ _Vordenburg_ , conned me into signing up for it last spring,” Carmilla practically spat out. “He claimed that it would look good on my transcripts, and help me get a better job, that would allow me to rely on my artistic ability to earn a living, while getting a wider range of public exposure at the same time. But he sure the fuck forgot to mention that the class involved me learning to sale my soul on the damn internet.”

She still wasn’t sure why the hell she had listened to him in the first place. To be honest she wondered what he even knew about the subject anyway. He’s so stuck in the past this kind of technology probably goes right over his head. Granted he has never steered her wrong in the past, but come on, let’s be real, the man doesn’t even own a cellphone from this century. Hell, the damn thing can’t even receive a multimedia message, and to think, she used to make fun of Laura’s flip phone. 

“It’s a stupid fuckin’ class.” She grumbled in disgust. 

“Okay, I get it,” Laura said biting back a laugh, “as long as you listen with an open-minded, I can explain it to you.” 

“Do I have a choice,” Carmilla scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest, while she glared at her for her horribly disguised amusement. 

“No, not really,” Laura replied with a grin, taking another bite of her burger as she positioned the book on the table between them.

 _“Fine,”_ Carmilla huffed a sigh, her anger at the situation quickly deflating, when her Cupcake patted her thigh soothingly.

Leaning closer to her, Laura started to go over the key elements of the first chapter, pointing out certain sections in the book that had tidbits of important information, and for a while she actually managed to listen to what she was saying, but then she got distracted. Carmilla couldn’t stop herself from looking at her mouth, but that wasn’t the only thing that caused her to lose focus. The subtle hint of vanilla and lavender that wafted in the air between them, and the way Laura’s nose scrunched up when she was thinking about the best way to explain something was definitely a part of it too. 

“Carm, are you even paying attention,” Laura said when she glanced up from the book and caught her staring. 

“Uhm mmm,” Carmilla murmured reassuringly, without taking her eyes off her to look at the passage she was pointing out. 

“No you’re not,” she chided, turning to face her fully. 

This was exactly the same thing she had done at breakfast, except right now she didn’t look away. She was just gazing at her intently, with this look in her eyes that she didn’t know how to place, and she certainly didn’t know what to make of it. But for some reason it reminded her of the glimmer she thought she saw in Carm’s eyes, after she reminded her about the showcase at lunch last Wednesday.

“It’s not my fault you’re more interesting to me,” Carmilla said with a shrug and a sheepish grin, “this stuff is boring.”

That earned her a smack on the arm, which she didn’t mind one single bit. Plus it made her Cupcake smile, though she tried to disguise it by biting her lip. 

“Would you stop staring at me and pay attention. I only have a little bit of time to go over this with you.”

“A kiss will help keep me from getting so distracted,” she said, trailing her fingers along her arm to take her hand, smirking at her when she shuddered beneath her touch. 

“You and your games,” Laura let out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. But she couldn’t hide the smile playing on her lips as they both leaned in for a kiss.

She only intended to kiss her cheek, but Carm turned her head slightly at the last moment, and their lips landed precariously close to each other’s mouths instead. Just like this morning when she gave her a ‘good bye’ kiss, except this time Carm’s the one who initiated it. 

“Is that better,” Laura asked, sounding slightly breathless, when they moved apart locking eyes with each other.

“Mmm hmm, much better, Cutie,” Carmilla murmured, a little short of breath herself. 

They just sat their gazing at each other for a few moments, neither of them knowing what to say, or if they should say anything at all. It certainly wasn’t the most intimate kiss they’ve ever shared, but the effect it had on both of them was pretty obvious. Their faces flushing slightly, clasped hands gripping tightly, while their thumbs stroked the back of each other’s hands lightly. In the end words weren’t really necessary. Everything was expressed quietly with the flickering of their eyes, mirroring the same emotions, and soft meaningful smiles. Just like last night, the decision was mutual. Both of them are liking this new level of intimacy in their ever evolving friendship quite bit. So they were just going to roll with it. 

“Well--um,” Carmilla cleared throat, “Now are you gonna explain this stuff to me or not,” she said with a smirk, as she glanced down at her book, biting her lip to keep from laughing when her Cupcake smacked her on the arm again, before she started breaking it down for her. 

She actually managed to pay attention from then on out, for the most part anyway, but her gaze kept involuntarily drifting from the pages on occasion, except this time it was to the hickey on Laura’s neck. A grin tugged at her mouth when she thought about the tender kiss that had left the mark. It wasn’t exactly intentional. She had just been feeling so much at the time, that she’d done it unconsciously. 

Though her Cupcake doesn’t know that, and probably thought it was no different than the past, when she would purposely leave hickey’s behind from time to time because she wanted to, and admittedly it always amused her when one of Laura’s friends would mention them. Her explanations were so priceless, but mostly she just got a kick out of seeing her blush, not that she wouldn’t this time too. It’s still different somehow. Knowing that she can do that to her because her Cupcake allows her to, right now--it fills her with a source of pride that she’s never felt before. 

Laura rolled her eyes when she glanced up to check the time on her phone and saw her smirking at her, while she admired her work. “I’m going to pay you back for this, you know that don’t you,” she said instinctively lifting her hand to her neck. 

“It wasn’t intentional,” Carmilla said honestly, hold up her hands, though it probably wasn’t all that convincing, considering she was sporting a huge shit-eating grin. But she just couldn’t help smiling about it. 

“That would be a first,” Laura replied, pursing her lips and biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, as she lowered her hand back to the table.

“I’m full of surprise, I thought you knew,” Carmilla murmured, reaching out to take her hand again.

“Oh, I do,” Laura replied with a grin, sipping on the remnants of her iced coffee, “I’ve got a few up my sleeve too.”

“Do tell, Cutie,” Carmilla arched her eyebrow curiously, wondering exactly what was going on in that head of hers. 

Because her Cupcake may come off as being all sweet and innocent, but only one of those things actually applies to her, and _innocence_ , certainly wasn’t it. That was something she learned as a bystander in all of her previous relationships. It was a part of why they work so well as friends, Laura’s mind reached the gutter just as much as hers did. She was just the more vocal one about it. 

“I would, but I don’t want to spoil all my fun, plus leaving you guessing is part of my payback for the hickey.” 

“That’s cruel and unusual punishment,” Carmilla pouted, easing her hand from her grasp, to trail her index finger across her palm, and toy with her fingers, tracing each one before interlocking them again. “Besides, it looks good on you,” she murmured flashing her a smug grin. 

“See,” Laura motioned at her with her free hand, “ _that’s_ why I’m going to make you wait. But...” She bit her lip and slowly let her gaze trail over her body, before meeting her eyes with a sly grin. 

“What are you trying to do, torture me,” Carmilla said, licking her lips in anticipation.

“Maybe I am,” Laura replied wickedly, “but you deserve it.” 

“You know, if I really wanted to I could get it out of you.” She leaned in to whisper sultrily in her ear, making her shudder, “but I like it when you play with me, Cupcake.”

“I know you do, and you’ll like what’s going through my head even more,” she stated boldly, “well, at least most of it anyway.” 

“Fuck,” Carmilla murmured, running her hand through her hair, “you’re trying to kill me, aren’t you.”

She couldn’t even begin to contemplate what her Cupcake has in store for her, and she wasn’t sure if that was what was causing her heart to race, or if it was seeing this side of Laura that she never shows when they’re in public. 

Laura let out a little chuckle, and shook her head, “No, I _definitely_ want you to make it until the weekend...I plan on enjoying every minute of this, almost as much as what I’m going to do to you.” 

“What’s gotten into you, Cutie,” Carmilla asked, staring at her with an awe filled smirk on her face, “‘cause now your just being plain mean, and purposely trying to get me all flustered, which isn’t like you.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she shrugged casually, though Carm was completely right, this definitely wasn’t like her at all, but for some reason she didn’t feel like censoring herself or playing is safe, at the moment. 

“Okay, this weekend then,” Carmilla murmured, squeezing her hand, as they gazed at each other, “but the good better outweigh the bad, Creampuff...or I will take great pleasure in torturing you the same way you’re torturing me.”

“Oh, it will.” she said with certainty, “otherwise I wouldn’t even be thinking it.”

Laura gasped softly, when she started tracing their pattern on her hand with her thumb. Every nerve in her body was on end just from that simple caress. And if she was being honest with herself, she would admit that her senses have been heightened ever since this morning. In the back of her mind, she wondered whether this was a good idea, but the way Carm was looking at her with fire and excitement in her eyes made up her mind for her, and she ignored all her doubts. It was just a game, after all. There was nothing real, or sexual about it. 

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Carmilla smirked, enjoying the way she responded to her, just like she had last night.

“Have I ever been wrong before,” said somewhat airily. 

“No, you haven’t,” Carmilla admitted readily, “but there is a first time for everything.”

“Yeah, like you helping me come up with a way to explain to my friends why I have _another_ hickey, when I’m not dating. Because I don’t really feel like dealing with their insinuations about us again, and I’m running out of believable reasons to keep them from hassling me...” 

“Breathe, Cupcake, before you start turning blue,” Carmilla cut into her rambling, with an amused grin. 

Laura simply nodded and gulped big mouthfuls of air, nudging her under the table with her foot, for the smirk she wasn’t even trying very hard to hide. 

“I’m serious, Carm,” she said when she caught her breath, “the whole vacuum cleaner thing isn’t going to work on anyone--well, maybe Natalie will buy that again, but...”

“I’m pretty damn sure _that_ didn’t work on her last time either,” Carmilla interjected with a sarcastic drawl, “didn’t you see the look on her face when that came out of your mouth,” she asked, laughing when she shot a ‘you’re so not helping’ glance her way. 

“Yeah, well you didn’t exactly help me sell it, with the way you were smirking at me and whispering how much I liked it in my ear.”

“Seriously, Cupcake,” Carmilla arched an eyebrow at her, “only a complete idiot would have bought that story.”

“Ha,” Laura exclaimed, excitedly.

“What,” Carmilla asked in confusion.

“I knew my friends had grown on you.”

“I said no such thing,” Carmilla muttered, staring at her in disbelief, because she would never understand how she could go from asking for her help, to jumping to a conclusion like that, (even it held some measure of truth). “And I personally don’t see why you hang out with those dimwits anyway.”

“You may not have used those words,” Laura giggled, “but you just paid one of them a complement. And that’s more than enough proof for me.” 

“You’re delirious.” 

“Yeah, we can just go with that, it would explain a lot of things wouldn’t it.” Laura replied, playfully mocking her, “but, I’m totally right, and you know it.”

“Whatever,” Carmilla huffed, to hide her grin.

Rolling her eyes, Laura glanced at her phone again, “I have like another ten minutes, before I have to leave, so let’s get back to it,” she motioned at the book, that had went completely ignored for the last five minutes while they went back and forth. 

Carmilla nodded reluctantly and tried to focus, even though she would much rather just be with her Cupcake without any hindrances. She shot a glance over at her a few moments later, the corner of her mouth turning up when she caught Laura stealing a glance at her too, and she flashed her a grin with a twinkle in her honeyed eyes. Looking away at the same time, both of them flushing slightly, their cheeks were still tinged with a hint pink when their gazes met again, moments later. The soft pressure of Laura’s hand gently squeezing hers left her a little breathless and she knew it was having the same effect on her too, when an airy gasp escaped her and she exhaled sharply. Taking a deep breath as she turned to point out an important passage of text and simplify its meaning.

“I should get going, Carm,” Laura said with a sigh, after checking her phone again, “do you think you’ll be okay with this?”

“I’m certainly better off than I was before,” Carmilla replied, but the concern on her face made her want to reassure her more. “We got halfway through the third chapter, and I still have a little time before my test to deal with the rest.” 

“Okay, I guess. I mean I know this stuff is hard for you, and I want you to do well, even if you don’t care about it that much. I would feel really bad if you didn’t pass, because I couldn’t do more to help you...” 

“I’ll be fine, Cupcake,” she said, when she paused to take a breath. 

“I know you’re probably just saying that to make me feel better,” Laura replied, squeezing her hand, “but thanks anyway.”

“No problem,” Carmilla said, reluctantly releasing her hand so she could gather the remnants of her lunch and throw it in the garbage can nearby.

She watched her traverse the distance, stumbling a little on her way back to the table, and it wasn’t out of clumsiness either. The tiredness was getting to her, but the signs weren’t obvious. Other than the dark splotches under her eyes, nothing was being physically manifested, but she still knew that’s what it was, and she hated that there was nothing she could do about it. 

Sure her Cupcake might have seemed okay over lunch, but that had more to do with the concentration it took to explain the inner workings of the various online social forums to her, combined with their normal banter, serving as a diversion to keep her mind off it, and the iced Frappuccino probably helped perk her up a little bit too. But right now Carmilla, could see how spent she truly was, and it made her ache to take her home, even more.

“Hey, Cupcake,” Carmilla took her hand running her thumb along the back of it, “why don’t you just call in to work, and go home and get some sleep.”

“You know, I can’t afford to take the time off,” Laura said with a sigh, “my checking account already took a big hit the other day with rent, and we still have other bills that are due before I get paid again. If I don’t go in things will be really tight for me at the beginning of next month.” 

“It’s only four hours, Laura. You can make that up next week. They are always trying to get you take on extra shifts anyway.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to leave them in a lurch, they’re depending on me. And I could get written up for not calling sooner. Besides, with the way I feel I would more than likely end up sleeping through my alarm and miss my midterm this evening.” Laura said softly trying to get her to understand why she wasn’t even considering it. “As long as I keep busy, I’ll be able to make it through the day.”

“ _Fine!_ I know it’s your decision,” Carmilla mumbled disapprovingly, “but I don’t agree with it.” 

Laura smiled at her affectionately, moving to stand between her slightly parted legs, “I’ll see you later, okay,” she said softly, brushing her hair away from her face, so that she could look into her eyes, unobstructed. 

“Kay,” Carmilla murmured, shuddering slightly, when she bent down to kiss the tip of her nose. Before she stepped away and picked up her purse and backpack, and gave a little waive as she turned to leave. She only let her get as far as the bottom of the stairs before she shoved her book in her bag and hopped up to follow her. Slinging it over her shoulder, she quickly grabbed her trash and tossed it as she dashed after her Cupcake, darting around anyone who got in her way. 

“Cupcake, wait a minute,” Carmilla called out to her as she reached the top of the steps.

Glancing back at her, Laura watched in surprise while she sprinted up the stairs like a track star, which she wasn’t. Carm didn’t even like to exercise by choice, because she said she got enough of that in the bedroom.

“What are you doing,” Laura exclaimed, when she reached her breathing heavily.

“I--I’ll w--walk you to your car.” Carmilla panted, practically doubling over from the atypical physical exertion. 

“No, you don’t have to do that.” Laura said, ignoring the butterflies wreaking havoc on her stomach, “You should just stay here and finish studying.”

“But, I don’t want to. I _want_ to walk with you,” Carmilla pouted, batting her eyes at her. 

She just held out her hand, chuckling softly, when Carm clasped it tightly and smiled happily at her. “What am I going to do with you,” Laura said, as they exited the student union.

Carmilla simply shrugged, and gave her hand a squeeze, smirking as she interlaced their fingers.

They walked in silence for a while, heading toward the parking garage at the foot of campus, (by their old dorm), shooting little smiles at each other along the way. Their conversation wasn’t about anything in particular, mostly just bantering back and forth about little things. Well, to be more precise, Carmilla kept trying to weasel information out of her, about what she was planning for the weekend, in between making snarky comments about people or things that they saw to distract her. By rendering her with laughter, because yes, she finds her sarcasm humorous when it’s not meant to be hurtful and shrouded with disdain. Surprisingly, they didn’t run into anybody that they knew and reached the parking garage rather quickly.

“How did your midterm go,” Carmilla asked, tugging on her hand to draw her into her arms, while they waited for the elevator to take them up to the right level. “I meant to ask you earlier when we were on the phone, but it completely slipped my mind when you said you would help me.” 

“It was _hard_ ,” Laura said with a sigh, leading them onto the elevator when the doors opened. She waited until Carm leaned up against the wall, before standing between her slightly parted legs as she automatically snuggled back into her arms and let her forehead rest against her shoulder.

Neither of them paid much attention, when the elevator stopped on the next floor and a cute girl with shoulder length brown hair, (or at least it would have been if it wasn’t streaked with traces of honey blonde highlights), got on and smiled brightly the moment she laid eyes on them. 

“But all in all the studying paid off, or at least I think it did, ‘cause I was able to answer most of the questions without too much trouble, except for the ones on the last chapter, that you wouldn’t let me finish going over.”

“Don’t even try to guilt trip me, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, wrapping her arms loosely around her waist. 

“I’m not,” Laura murmured trailing her hands along her sides, letting out a little whine when she started to do the same on the small of her back. 

“Yes, you are, but it’s not going to work.” Carmilla replied, pull back to look her in the eyes, grinning when her Cupcake pouted up at her. “You can pout all you want to, Cutie, but we both know that you needed to give that overachieving brain of yours a break. So, why don’t you go ahead and admit it, and let’s get it over with.”

“Okay, fine,” she mumbled with a huff of defeat, “you’re right, Carm. Now are you satisfied?”

“Extremely,” Carmilla replied, her tone mocking and sarcastic as she smirked at her, but she quickly relented when Laura’s hands became more persistent and her fingers started digging in to tickle her. “No seriously,” she sputtered on a laugh, “you know I’m not.” 

“I hate seeing you like that, Cupcake.” She leaned away to meet her gaze again, all traces of laughter disappearing.

“Yeah, I know,” Laura murmured, tightening her arms around her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry about me.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Carmilla said softly, kissing her on the forehead, “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I’m just glad I have you to be there for me.”

“I hope so, Cutie,” She drew her in impossibly closer, so that they were pressed against each other from hip to chest. “‘Cause, I like taking care of you. And that will never change.”

It was a total invasion of privacy but, the brunette couldn’t help herself, unabashedly watching them interacting. However, they were just as oblivious to her as they had been when she got in the elevator, at least until she cleared her throat to get their attention. 

“I just have to say, the two of you make such a cute couple,” she said with a friendly smile, when they turned her way, “how long have you been together?”

“What,” Laura said, but it was more of an exclamation than a question, “we’re not together,” she said just as quickly. 

“Is that right?” She arched an eyebrow at her curiously, before turning her gaze to Carmilla, eyeing her up and down appreciatively. “That’s such a shame.” She drawled, digging around in her bag and producing a pen and a scrap of paper and scribbling something on it.

To say she was irritated would have been an understatement, what was it with people always interrupting her time with her Cupcake. Sure she was hot enough, and met all of her physical requirements, and maybe at another time in another place she might have been interested, but right now she was the furthest thing from it. 

“You should call me some time,” the girl said as the elevator doors opened with a ding.

“Come on, Cupcake, this is where we get off,” Carmilla said gruffly, ignoring the paper the girl handed her, as she took Laura’s hand and led her off the elevator without giving her a second glance. 

Laura caught a glimpse of the dumfounded expression on her face, when she glanced over her shoulders as the doors closed behind them. To be perfectly honest, she had to wonder herself. Normally Carm would have taken her number without hesitation, and she would have given her a flirtatious wink to go along with it. But she hadn’t done either of those things and that’s what was completely baffling to her. It was one thing to be worried about her and want to walk to her to her car, but it was something else altogether to pass up on a chance to get herself laid, without batting an eye.

“Where’d you park?”

“Over there,” she motioned in the general direction of her car, eyeing her as they started across the lot. There wasn’t a single trace of the harshness in her tone, she was smiling again like it never happened, and all of the tension she had felt radiating off her right before they stepped off the elevator seems to have dissipated, just like that. 

“What was that about,” she asked, trying to be casual about it, but she couldn’t deny her curiosity any longer. 

“What do you mean,” Carmilla said, glancing over at her.

“Well, you just completely ignored that girl, and she was hot as hell, but you didn’t even take her number,” Laura blurted out, immediately regretting it when she suddenly stopped in mid-stride and turned to face her with an unreadable expression. 

“That’s because I’m with an even hotter girl,” Carmilla said with a smirk, giving her hand a squeeze as they started walking again. 

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere,” Laura said, rolling her eyes, in spite of the tremor that ran through her, “I’m still not letting you in on our plans for the weekend.”

Carmilla simply shrugged, and said, “That thought never even crossed my mind.”

“Yeah,” Laura asked, biting back a smile when she nodded.

“I wasn’t trying to run game on you, Cutie,” Carmilla murmured, slipping her hand out of hers and wrapping her arm around her shoulder to draw her closer.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Laura said nonchalantly, but her cheeks felt like they were on fire from how hard she was blushing. 

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla hum after glancing her way, an arrogant smirk lighting up her face as she looked away. “Tell me something I don’t know already.”

“You’re so full of yourself.” Laura shook her head, and pulled out her key as they stopped at her car, pressing the button on the fab to unlock the doors. 

_“What,”_ Carmilla exclaimed, quirking an eyebrow at her, when she reluctantly relinquished her hold, so she could slip her backpack off her shoulders. “There’s nothing wrong with a girl admitting it, when she _knows_ she’s hot.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Laura replied, as she rounded the car and put her bag in the back seat, shooting a glance at her as she closed the door. “I mean look at you...” 

Before another word could come out of her mouth, Carmilla was standing right in front of her, crowding her and pressing her back against the car with her body. _“Don’t do that,”_ she said vehemently, but her voice was so surprisingly soft and sweet at the same time, “don’t ever sell yourself short, Laura.”

“I--I, just...” she stammered, overwhelmed by so many emotions she’s never felt before that it left her at a loss for words. “You’re beautiful, Carm,” she said the first thing that came into her head. 

Their faces were so close together that they were sharing the same air with every breath, and for the briefest of moments Carmilla hesitated, just staring into her eyes with her mouth slightly gapping open. 

“So are you, Cupcake,” Carmilla said softly, taking a deep breath as she leaned in and kissed her, her lips brushing lightly against hers in the tenderest caress, that Laura returned with just as much affection and tenderness, before she pulled back to look her in the eyes again.

It was just a peck, but it left them both struggling to catch their breath, as they gazed at each other. Except this time, there were no thoughts exchanged in the look that passed between them, it was just honeyed eyes meeting espresso. Everything had already been decided in their little exchange over lunch. This new intimacy was fine with them. It would only deepen the bonds of their friendship. They’ve been kissing each other for so long as it is, so what difference does it make, if it’s a peck on the lips. 

“Thanks,” Laura murmured as they grinned at each other. 

The sparkle in her dark brown eyes reminded her of a star lit night, and there was no doubt in her mind that hers were lit up just as bright, (and maybe her heart was beating a little faster too, but she always has a strong response when Carm says sweet things like that).

“I really do have to go now.” Laura let out a reluctant sigh, “I wish I didn’t but, I’m probably gonna be a few minutes late as it is.”

“I know,” Carmilla replied, with a hint of sadness, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tight. She felt her Cupcake snuggle into her warm embrace, before she stepped back to let her get in the car, (mostly because if she didn’t do it in that moment, she might not let go of her at all). 

Carmilla moved to stand behind the car parked next to hers as she waited for her to back out of her space, giving her a little wave. A grin tugging at the corner of her mouth when she returned it with all of her usual sunshine and zest as she watched her drive away, blaring top forties pop music from the radio, and she couldn’t help but think that maybe she didn’t mind midterms so much after all. In fact, she was fairly certain, with her Cupcake on her mind, there was no way she could fail her test, because she wouldn’t be able to forget a word of the text that she had explained to her. Even if she still didn’t really understand the point of it, every single word was floating around in her mind, ready to surface at her beck and call, and surprisingly enough it actually kind of made sense. 

As she trudged back up campus to her favorite secluded alcove in the quad, to get in a little more studying, she was just glad she got to spend a little time with her Cupcake, and the best part was knowing she would see her later tonight. She was going to make sure of that, because there was no way in hell she was letting her stay on campus again, she was going to come home and get some sleep, even if she has to make her. 

... 

to be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have a regular update schedule, but don’t be afraid to ask when another chapter is coming. 
> 
> If you have any questions, suggestions or comments about the fic, hit me up at fadedtobluesuniverse.tumblr.com. I’ll do my best to answer anything you ask.


	9. Somethings In The Air, (But I Can’t Put A Name To It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midterms.
> 
> Whether Laura and Carmilla see it or not, something is definitely changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions Creampuffs.
> 
> This is part 2. 
> 
> Probably not what you're hoping for from me. But this was the plan before the epis aired this week. And yes, I'm working on Laura's promise of payback. Don't worry I'd never leave you hanging. 
> 
> I hope you like it guys.

**Chapter 9**  


She tried not to gag on the coffee as she sipped it, but damn it tasted awful, and she would never understand how Carm could drink it like this, with no cream or sugar. _‘Someone really needs to invent caffeinated cocoa,’_ Laura thought as she forced herself to take another sip. Smacking her lips to try and get the putrid taste out of her mouth as the hot liquid settled in her stomach like a brick. Not even the triple chocolate chip cookie that she chased it with did much good the aftertaste of coffee still coated her tongue. But, she didn’t have much choice but to drink it, because she knew her usual ultra-sweet Frappuccino wouldn’t be enough to keep her from falling asleep on her feet. 

The first hour of her shift wasn’t so bad, the bakery was fairly busy, and she didn’t have time to think about how tired she was. Although she may have screwed up a few orders, for the most part she was fine. But once the lunchtime rush ebbed, (and customers were few and far between) it hit her pretty damn hard, and it was a chore to keep herself awake. Which might not have been so bad, if a special order for two dozen of each kind of cookie, two batches of brownies, and a half-sheet carrot cake hadn’t just come in for one of the stores corporate clients, that needed to be filled A.S.A.P. Normally this was something she could handle without a problem in the two-and-a-half hours she had left, but today, well, it certainly didn’t help that she was working by herself. 

Not having anyone to keep her company, was the hardest part of it and the idea of talking to herself, wasn’t too appealing either, mostly because she was sure she would sound like a complete looney tune if anyone came in while she was having a rounded back and forth conversation with herself. She still remembers the flack she got from Laf the first, and only time that had happened, after they helped her get the job freshman year and she’d come into work fuming about her new roommate. Since they hadn’t met Carm yet they had no idea why she was so upset and took great pleasure in making fun of her, and she promised herself then that she would never let it happen again.

This was something she couldn’t afford to screw up, so she chugged more of the harsh coffee, that made her eyes shoot wide open and set about prepping the cake batter for the oven. Once she got that out of the way everything else would be fairly easy and more like her normal routine, (which she actually could do in her sleep). Any other time she would use the standing mixer for a cake, but she chose to do it by hand just to keep herself moving. Even though it did take twice as long, it was worth it, between that and the caffeine rush she actually managed to stay alert. 

She started to hum softly, to a sweet and tender melody that wasn’t from any song that she’d ever heard before. It was just this unforgettable tune playing in her head, with a harmony that felt like a lover’s caress. Quite simply it should have surprised her that she was humming at all, since she never does it in public but, her mind was too preoccupied with how much she enjoyed lunch with Carm, and she might have replayed the kiss a few dozen times, or so. Not in a crushing on her kind of way, or anything. It just felt so nice and sweet, that she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Or the unconscious action of tracing her lips with her fingertips whenever she did, but that was only because they still prickled with sensation, and she didn’t know what to make of it. 

As she went to the sink to wash her hands for the umpteenth time, she was actually surprised they weren’t pruning, not that she could have controlled herself either way. In spite of all the interruptions it caused, everything just sort of fell in line like clockwork, and she knew that the melody playing on repeat in tandem with her thoughts helped her get through the rest of her shift without royally messing up the order. At five-thirty on the dot, she handed over the baton to Sammie, as soon as he walked in to relieve her. Now she just has to get through another midterm, which thankfully was more activity based, and hash out the layout for Friday’s edition of the Sentinel. Then she can go home and finish the term paper that’s due tomorrow and hopefully crash for a good eight hours, or more tonight, if she was lucky. (She was just going to keep her fingers crossed on that one).

...

The room in the community center had a stale smell to it when she walked in like it always does since it’s mostly only used for the art program twice a week, otherwise it stays closed up unless there’s something going on. Shrugging at the other volunteer when he covered his mouth and nose with his hand, Carmilla started setting up while he went about opening all the windows. Usually she was the first one to arrive and aired out the place before anyone else got there, so it was his first experience with this. Maybe she should have warned him before they walked in, but she wasn’t really the coddling type, besides he was a grown ass man, he could handle a little mustiness.

Or maybe not, because he went back outside, and waited a good ten minutes before reentering the building, and that was probably only because a few parents started showing up to help them get everything ready, while their rambunctious rug rats goofed around in the little field out back. Normally, she kept to herself and focused on all of the prep until all the kids arrived, so it shocked everyone including herself, when she actually joined in the conversation. But she was in a surprisingly decent mood, considering her midterm was a bitch. That’ being said, she’s sure she passed, even if it was just barely, that was good enough for her. 

Not that it was why she was feeling so uncharacteristically chipper. No, that was something that could only be attributed to her Cupcake. Even though it’s been hours since she’s seen her, she could still smell a hint of vanilla and lavender when she breathed deeply, and it soothed her in a way nothing else ever has. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. There were so many other things about this afternoon that wreaked havoc on her senses, like the way her lips still tingled from the little kiss they shared, or how when she licked her lips, she could swear that she tasted the remnants of Laura’s strawberry lip gloss on the tip of her tongue. Her stomach fluttered just thinking about it, and she really couldn’t wait to see her so she could kiss her again. In a completely platonic and totally nonromantic sort of way that is, because it was just a light peck on the lips between friends, and nothing more. 

Her tongue darted out of her mouth, and the taste of strawberry on her tongue, made her bite her lip, intensifying the tingling sensation even more. If she was alone she probably would have let out the little moan lodged in the back of her throat. She turned away from the others to hide her flushed face behind the curtain of her hair, concentrating on getting the paint brushes out of the supply cabinet, while she pulled herself together. 

“Hey, Carmilla,” the other volunteer called out to her nervously, when she rushed into the room, slightly out of breath.

She glanced up at her expecting to see her arms chuck full with cans of paint. “ _Why_ , are you empty handed, Desiree?”

“...um,” she nervously twiddled her thumbs refusing to look her in the eye. “So, when I went to the art supply store, they um...”

“Don’t tell me they didn’t have our order ready,” Carmilla huffed, her pleasant mood slowly fading.

“No, they did,” Desiree said, clearing her throat anxiously, because she wasn’t really looking forward to telling her the rest. The last thing she wanted to deal with for the next two-and-a-half hours was Carmilla in a shitty mood. It wasn’t very pleasant, even when it wasn’t directly aimed her way, which it probably would be today.

“Then what’s the problem,” Carmilla asked, with a scrutinizing gaze. 

“It’s just the guy behind the counter was new, and the manager wasn’t there, so he wouldn’t let me use the account.”

“Why the hell not,” it took all of Carmilla’s energy to keep from raising her voice. 

“My name’s not officially on the account.”

“It’s a Silas U charity fund, for fu--crying out loud.” 

She barely managed to keep a curse from slipping out of her mouth, and it had nothing to do with trying to censor herself in front of the parents in the room, they knew exactly how she was, and they didn’t have a problem with it, because at the end of the day she was actually trying to do something positive for their kids. And she usually managed to keep the cursing limited, no matter how much the little monster tried to get it out of her. 

“Yeah, but you’re the only one of us, who has the access to make deposits and withdrawals.”

“You’re school ID and volunteer badge should have been enough,” Carmilla grumbled, setting the paint brushes down on the table that served as a desk for the three of them.

“I told him that, but he didn’t believe me,” Desiree replied apologetically.

“Alright fine,” she bit out through clenched teeth, to avoid taking her frustration out on her. Even if she wasn’t willing to say it out loud, she knew it wasn’t Desiree’s fault that the guy was an idiot.

Taking a quick glance around the room, she saw the other volunteer, bumbling around trying to get the easels ready to go, with his big beefy hands and muscular bulk. He was doing more harm than good, just like any other day, knocking down two stands for every one that he put up. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, as she turned back to Desiree, “just help, Stephen, finish getting everything ready, and keep the kids corralled if they get here before I get back.”

“Sure thing,” she nodded, giving her the slightest grin and thumbs up sign, watching her as she stalked out the door.

“Where’s she going,” Stephen asked, as he came to stand beside her, “and how come you don’t have the paint, the kids will be here in like twenty minutes.”

“There’s a new guy working at the art supply, and he wouldn’t let me charge it, so Carmilla’s going to take care of it.”

“I feel for that dude,” he replied, shaking his head sympathetically.

“I don’t know,” Desiree said, as she ushered him back over to finish setting up, “there’s something different about her today.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Did you hear her curse,” she asked, nodding pointedly when he shook his head, “she didn’t even raise her voice, and I’m pretty damn sure she wanted to.”

“You’re right...come to think of it. She was even being all social and stuff for a while, before you got here.”

“Exactly,” Desiree said, nodding her head, “somethings up with her, ‘cause she’s never been this mellow in the two years I’ve known her.”

 

Carmilla was halfway to her car when her phone chimed, and she pulled it out of her pocket. Not really knowing what to expect, except that the text was either from her brother or her Cupcake. She swiped her finger across the screen to unlock it, a smile lighting up her face as soon as she opened the message.

**My Cupcake 5:32pm**  
**You didn’t ask me to,**  
**but I wanted to let you know,**  
**I’m off work and on my way back to campus.**  
**I’m fine for the most part, don’t worry.**  
**Thinking about you helped get me through my shift.**

There was something about her Cupcake checking in with her just because she wanted to that melted her irritation away, but it was the last line that really did her in. Her mouth curled up at the corner, not _just_ because Laura was thinking about her too, but because even when they were apart, she could still be there for her in some way.

The art supply store was only a few miles away and it took her less than five minutes to get there, granted she caught mostly green lights on the way, because for the first time in years she actually abided the lights. Hell she didn’t even blow through any stop signs and drove the speed limit for once, but she was too caught up with thoughts of her Cupcake to even realize she was doing it. She walked right up to the counter when she got inside, sizing up the guy slouched across it on the other side. 

“What can I get you,” he asked, picking his nails with a look of boredom. 

“The paint for the Silas U art program.” 

“I can’t do that, if you’re not on the account,” he replied, rolling his eyes arrogantly, “Don’t you people talk to each other, ‘cause I told the other chic that already.”

“You just turned away one of my volunteers, when she had all the right credentials to get our supplies.” She said as she whipped out her wallet to show him her volunteer badge and student ID, waiting impatiently while he typed it into the computer.

“Her name wasn’t on the account, besides it’s not my fault you sent over a lackey to do your job,” he said indifferently handing them back to her.

“Listen, you overgrown Neanderthal,” Carmilla snapped bitingly, “I’ve got twenty-five eager middle school kids about to rush in the door of the community center in the next ten minutes, and instead of being there _doing_ my job, I’m here dealing with your incompetence.”

It actually surprised her how calm she was, because on any other day, she would have been yelling so loud by now that his ears would have been ringing, but she just didn’t feel like doing it. To be honest, she was still a little distracted by the text from her Cupcake, to put much effort into making this guy fear her in that way. 

“Just get my paint, so I can get out of here.”

“I’m getting it,” he lazily pushed himself away from the counter, making no effort to be hasty about it. 

“I don’t have time for games, so hurry up before I lose my temper.”

“Like you could be any more unpleasant than you already are,” he snorted.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Carmilla replied nonchalantly, “rather than just informing your boss that he needs to retrain you on the requirements for handling accounts like ours, I’ll be sure to let him know what a douche you are.” She smiled smugly at him, “right before I threaten to take the Charity Fund away from him.”

“Y--you can’t do that,” he stammered, whirling on his heels to look at her. 

“I _can_ , and I will,” Carmilla stated simply, meeting his eye with an unwavering gaze that exuded nothing but confidence.

“Silas is one of our biggest clients,” all traces of his arrogance were replaced with the hint of trepidation in his eyes. “I’ll lose my job for sure.” 

“That’s _not_ my problem.”

“Let’s just calm down,” he help up his hands pleadingly, “I need this job.” 

“Funny, how you didn’t act like it, until you knew I could take it away from you with a snap of my fingers,” Carmilla said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m just having a bad day,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground sullenly, “my girlfriend dumped me...”

“I _wonder_ why,” she uttered without a lick of sympathy. 

He flinched at the harshness of her words, “I’m not usually like this,” he mumbled, his shoulders slumping sorrowfully. “Can you give me another chance, ‘cause I won’t be able to afford my rent if I...”

“Just go get what I came for so I can get back to the center,” she cut in waiving a dismissive hand at him. She really didn’t have time for his sob story and there was no reason for her to care anyway. 

With a nod he scurried into the back, returning a few moments later with the cart of paint, and there was a ream of quality paper and a couple cases of paint brushes stacked on top that she hadn’t ordered. “They’re on me,” he said in response, when she arched a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Is this your way of trying to bribe me into not pulling our account,” Carmilla asked pointedly, as she signed the receipt.

“I know it’s kind of lame, but it’s the best I got,” he said sheepishly, “is it working.”

Carmilla met his eye with a glare that could melt ice, a smirk forming on her lips when he cowered beneath the intensity of her gaze. For reasons she couldn’t begin to fathom she took pity on him, and decided right then and there not to hang his ass out to dry, like she normally would have. Maybe she was getting soft, (or it could have been the thought in the back of her mind that, her Cupcake would be proud of her if she extended an olive branch), but she didn’t see the harm in giving him a onetime pass to prove himself.

“Don’t let this happen again, and we don’t have a problem,” she replied sharply, heading to the door with the cart in tow. 

By the time she made it back the parents that came to help were gone, and all the kids were divided up into their little cliques and sitting around the room, with the exception of one select group that were milling around trying to see what kind of mischief they could get into. Looks of relief washed over Stephen’s and Desiree’s faces the instant she walked through the door. Both of them rushed her at once, relieving her of the supplies loaded in her arms, so she could take over. 

Surprisingly enough, she was actually good with the kids and handled them better than either of them put together. That was probably because she can relate to them and where they came from, and treated them like the young adults that they pretended to be, at least, for the most part. 

“Heya, Ms. C,” came the simultaneous chorus of voices, as she headed up to the front of the room. 

“What’s up, you little monsters,” Carmilla replied snippily, pointedly eyeing the small group in front of her when their heads snapped around like they’d just been caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. 

She was only partly joking about them being monsters, even though it may seem harsh, the simple truth was that they could be loud and obnoxious little shits when they wanted to be, and some of them were worse than others. Of course, they didn’t take insult to her jibe. Then again they never did. These twerps understood it was just who she was, and they didn’t mind as long as they got to draw and paint.

“Take a seat.” She waived a hand at the easels lined up in rows of five in the center of the room. Most of them scrambled to do as asked, but one from the group in front her broke away as they walked past. 

“Does it matter where we sit?” The freckle face boy with short curly blonde hair, asked with a mischievous grin.

“Has it ever mattered before, Adam,” Carmilla replied, with an eye roll. She would never let on that he was one of her favorite little trouble makers.

“No,” he shrugged, smirking up at her, “but, _old people_ are always changing things for no reason.”

“Just as long as your butt’s in a chair, I don’t care.” 

_‘The little brat did not just call me old,’_ she mused, seriously starting to rethink the whole favorite thing. Not that she has a problem with her age, twenty-two is not old, it was nothing more than a drop in the pond in the grand scheme of things. 

“You’re gonna miss me next year,” she said quirking an eyebrow at him for added emphasis.

“No I won’t,” he replied, as he walked away, “you wouldn’t leave us hanging like that, Ms. C.”

“Don’t bet on it, twerp.” She retorted mockingly, but he just shot her another smug grin and rolled his eyes as he took a seat amongst his friends in the back of the room and started chatting away.

Carmilla just glared when his twin sister came up right after him with the same damn question about where to sit, but she wasn’t bold enough to call her old too. Without a word she motioned at the empty chair next to her brother, with a bored flick of the wrist, since they always sat together anyway. 

“What are we gonna do today,” another kid asked.

“Isn’t it kind of obvious,” She replied, pointing at the easel in front of him. 

It took another ten minutes for everyone to sit down and zip their lips, but she was pretty damn sure that was just because they wanted to test her patience and see how far they could push her before she raised her voice at them, which wasn’t happening today. She was far too focused on replaying the message her Cupcake sent in her head, to let them piss her off and bring down her mood again. It was hard enough keeping her expression neutral, when all she wanted to do was smile. 

While Stephen and Desiree broke down the paint into smaller containers so they could share them, she explained the lesson for the day, which was to paint something that moved them in some way. The idea for it was to help them learn about different elements of self-expression, because of her own struggle with it, at least up until last night. She wanted to help them avoid falling into the same trap she had, not just with art, but in life as well. 

After answering the chorus of ‘what does that mean’ over a dozen times they finally settled in to paint, and the room was actually quiet for the first time since she got back with the supplies. Taking a moment to pull out her phone just to be sure her Cupcake hadn’t sent her another message, she began to walk around the room to see if any of them needed help getting started, while Stephen and Desiree more or less stood on the sidelines and let her do all the work. Not that it bothered her. She was used to it, and to be honest, she actually preferred it this way. 

“So...how’d it go,” Desiree pulled her aside and asked quietly, once they were engrossed in their canvases.

“What are you talking about?” Carmilla said curtly, glancing at the hand on her wrist and back up at her with an arched eyebrow.

She quickly released her grip, letting her hand fall to her side, offering an apologetic smile for the momentary lapse of judgement, because she learned a long time ago not to put her hands on her without consent. The shit storm she was expecting didn’t come though, and she released the breath she was holding. 

“Are we looking for a new art supply,” Desiree said, after waiting a moment longer, just to be sure she wasn’t going to get cursed out. 

“Why would we be,” Carmilla replied, with a hint of sarcasm.

“I just meant the guy...”

“...was having a bad day,” she said abruptly, cutting her off, “that’s no reason to make more work for me.” She shrugged, indicating that was the end of the conversation and went back to what she was doing.

Desiree exchanged a quizzical look with Stephen, who’d been standing close enough to hear them, as she walked away. It didn’t need to be said again, but this was definitely a new experience for both of them.

As she made her way around the room, she could tell some of these kids would turn out to be damn good artists if they stuck with it, (they’ve improved so much since she first started working with them), and there were others that had their work cut out for them at best. But she stopped to admire every one of their canvases, complementing them on the effort they were putting into it, just like she always did no matter what kind of mood she was in. That was the whole point of the program.

“Hey, check it out, Miss C.” Adam said, tugging on her sleeve, as she made another pass behind him. 

She leaned down, peering over his shoulder to get a closer look, “that’s pretty damn good kid,” she said, ruffling his hair when she stood up. 

“Thanks,” he smiled proudly, as he went back to painting. 

He was one of the ones that really had a natural gift. The rendition of his own super hero, that was a cross between iron man and a couple other comic book characters that she didn’t recognize by name, (since she doesn’t watch those kind of crappy movies), rivaled some of the work she used to do when she entered her first year at Silas.

Although she told anybody who asked, except for her Cupcake, that she volunteered her time, because it would look good on her resume and give her hands on experience as both a teacher and a project coordinator, it was the furthest thing from the truth. The opportunity to help out underprivileged kids, and make a difference in their lives, was something she really enjoyed doing. Even before she knew what she was getting herself into, she had jumped at the chance to be a part of the program when the position opened up two years ago simply because it was a great personal experience for her, and a chance to give back. 

She knows firsthand what it’s like to come from nothing, and rise above it, (but she didn’t do it on her own). So, if she can help even just one of these little snot nosed brats stay off the streets then she was all in. A thug’s life is a rough way to live, and the streets aren’t kind by any means. They’ll suck the life out of anything that stands in their shadows for longer than an instant. Every day, people get used up and spit out, like garbage. This she knew all too well, she has been there, and if it weren’t for her mother, she never would have made it out. 

“Let’s wrap it up,” Carmilla called out, at seven-thirty, when their two hours were almost up.

The synonymous chime of, “aww, come on, Miss C, just a little longer,” served as a reminder of just how much they enjoyed their time in the after school program. That filled her with a sense of pride, and a warm feeling inside that only her Cupcake ever evoked. 

“Not today, I have things to do,” She said, over the hum of voices. “Leave your canvases where they are to dry, you can take them home on Monday.” 

Stephen and Desiree began gathering up the unused paint that could be salvaged, while she put the paint brushes in water to soak for a little while, so they could be used again, and tossed out the used pallets. The room slowly thinned out until there were just a few kids left, while they went about their usual cleanup rituals. 

“Hey, Miss C,” Adam called out from behind her, tossing his smock at her with a smirk, when she turned around. The damn thing was practically dripping with wet paint and she barely managed to catch it in time, so it didn’t get all over her clothes; however her hands were covered in a multitude of pink, red, yellow, green and blue.

“You little sh...” She barely managed to cut herself off before the curse slipped out of her mouth. But, his snickering got on her last damn nerve. So, she did the only thing she could and tossed it back at him making sure it hit him square in the face. “You know where this goes.” She said smugly, fighting back her laughter at the shock and disbelief on his paint covered face as the laughter died on his lips.

“That’s fucked up,” he muttered. 

“Payback’s a sweet thing,” Carmilla replied with a smirk. “Take your sister and get out of here twerp, and I’ll see you next week.”

“Whatever,” he grumbled stalking away, tossing his smock in the hamper by the door as he grabbed his sister by the arm and drug her outside behind him, not even bothering to stop and wipe off his face first. 

“Why do you let him get away with stuff like that,” Desiree asked curiously, walking up to her while she washed her hands at the sink. “They all agreed to follow the rules when they signed up.”

“It’s not a big deal, and certainly nothing to kick him out of the program for.” Carmilla said in response, shrugging unapologetically at the wide-eyed look of disbelief she gave her. “He’s just a good kid with a rebellious streak. Besides, he’s a damn good artist, and I’d rather him be here than running the streets.”

Carmilla didn’t bother trying to mask her conviction. She’s worked with her long enough to know where she stands on the matter, even if she doesn’t have a clue as to why she’s so adamant about it. And there was really nothing she could do about it anyway, once her mind was made up, the only thing left was to go over her head and talk to Vordenburg, which wouldn’t do anything more than piss her off, since he pretty much stayed out of it and let her run the program as she saw fit. Desiree gapped at her a moment longer, then turned away without another word. Drying her hands on a paper towel, she went back to helping them with the rest of the cleanup.

“Let’s get this over with. I’ve gotta get to work,” Carmilla said, not that she was looking forward to it. 

Working for a few hours tonight wasn’t that bad, but closing the Nook with Leslie was going to make it impossible for her to enjoy. With the exception of last night, the girl’s been riding her ass every chance she got, ever since she told her where she stood a week and a half ago, and if she didn’t let off soon she was going to end up going off on her. Or better yet, she could just unleash her tiny ball of rage on her and enjoy it while her Cupcake took her down several notches. Just the thought of it made her smile, Laura was as sweet as the junk food she eats, but when she lost her temper the best thing to do was get out of the way and look for cover. 

...

There was no way this was happening again, she should be home right now finishing up her paper and getting ready to crawl into bed, not stuck behind her desk in the Sentinel office, but no. That would be too damn easy wouldn’t it? It wasn’t the layout she was having problems with this time, every article fit perfectly in the design she mapped out the first time around, so it should have been a breeze, but it wasn’t. Every time she went to upload it to the server, the damn program crashed, wiping everything out; which wouldn’t be quite so bad, if the original file that she saved before she even attempted to access the internet, didn’t always come back corrupted when she tried to go back into it. 

Drumming her fingers on the desk impatiently, while she waited for the system to boot back up, she tried to hold on to her optimism that this would be the last time she has to do this. Clicking on the saved file, she watched while the loading bar scrolled back and forth across the little window in the middle of her computer screen, crossing her fingers just for luck. Nearly five minutes later, it came back with a bold red triangle; with ‘file corrupt’ blinking beneath it just to mock her. 

“Shit!” Laura slammed her hand on the desk in frustration. 

No, she didn’t usually curse, but she was tired and struggling to keep her eyes open, and her vision kept getting blurry, partly from staring at the damn screen so long, but mostly because she was just that exhausted. Laura rested her head on the desk, and closed her eyes, just long enough to give them a little break. She was seriously starting to think that she had jinxed herself earlier, (with the whole fingers crossed thing). There weren’t many times she has regretted taking on so much responsibility with the paper, but this was definitely turning out to be one of them. 

Huffing out a sigh of annoyance, she made relatively quick work of recreating the design, occasionally swiping a balled up fist across her weary eyes to clear away the blurriness. After saving the document again, she logged back onto the university’s Ethernet system, closing her eyes and saying a silent prayer to whatever deity or divine entity people usually prayed to. With a few strokes of her fingers across the keyboard, the file should have been sent, so she just sat and waited hopeful that this time it would go through without a hitch. This was the third time she has tried to get it sent out to the printer, and--of course, it failed again. The program on the screen flashed and flickered, and then the screen went black and came back with an error message in bold capital letters, screaming at her angrily, right before the program shut down once more and she was left staring at the plain blue screen of the desktop with the Microsoft logo. 

“Why won’t you just work for me dammit?” Laura screamed at top of her lungs, just to vent her frustration, and it’s not like there was anyone around to hear her anyway, it was nearly eleven at night after all. 

Glancing at the clock on the wall opposite her desk, she shook her head and corrected herself, it was actually half an hour later than she thought it was, and by the looks of things, she wasn’t going home anytime soon. Not that it would have meant she was going to be able to go to sleep, since she still has the term paper to finish that needs to be turned in with her midterm tomorrow. But that didn’t matter so much because all she really wanted was to be with Carm anyway. She quite literally hasn’t been able to get her off her mind all day. 

And she definitely wasn’t complaining in the least, thinking about her is the only thing that’s keeping her going. Well that, and the pot of coffee she brewed a couple hours ago when she realized this wasn’t going to be a quick process like she thought it would be, after she got out of her exam at eight. Even with her current level of irritation she couldn’t help but smile, as she traced her finger across her lips and let the memory of their kiss energize her in a way that nothing else seemed to, not even all the caffeine she’s forced herself to consume today. There was just something about it that affected her at the core of her being and she wondered if she would have better understood it if her mind weren’t so muddled from lack of sleep. 

With the idea of feeling those soft lips on hers again, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand. The sooner she gets this resolved, the sooner she would be able to snuggle into Carm’s warm embrace, with a sweet ‘hello’ kiss. It was rare that she asks for help, and she hates to rely on other people to do her job for her, but she was this close to calling the editor or her advisor and leaving it in their hands to deal with the damn thing, and just accept the fact that she can’t always handle everything on her own, no matter how independent she believes herself to be. Everyone needs someone sometimes, and right now all she needed, or really wanted was to spend the rest of the evening with Carm. Even if she was typing up her term paper at the time, while she tried to distract her from it with caresses and kisses on the back of her neck and shoulders. 

Although she really thought about calling one of them to take over for her, and even reached for her phone and scrolled through her contacts for their numbers, she knew she was too damn stubborn to give up on herself that easily. No matter what she wanted, she was going to at least try to figure this out herself one last time before dragging them out of bed in the middle of the night. 

...

The apartment was dark when she walked inside a little before midnight, which came as no surprise, since Laura’s Camry wasn’t in the carport when she arrived, much to her dismay. Flicking on the light with a frustrated huff, she barely took the time to drop her keys in the bowl and toss her bag on the floor by the door, before pulling out her phone. Laura couldn’t spend another night on campus, well she _could_ , but she wasn’t about to let that happen. That was a promise she made to herself when she drove off after lunch. 

“Call my cupcake,” she said after swiping her finger across the screen to unlock it. Flopping down on the sofa and kicking her bag onto the floor as she laid back, closing her eyes while she waited for her to pick up. 

Laura was burning the wick at both ends and if she kept this up she’d be completely burnt out by the time her last midterm rolled around on Friday. And okay, maybe that was only two days away, but that wasn’t the point. Besides that, she wasn’t having it. She was coming home tonight even if she had to go down to that damn campus and drag her butt back to the apartment. 

“Cupcake, I’m not letting you stay on campus again tonight, if you’re not home soon, I’m coming to get you.” She stated simply when it went into voicemail. 

Hanging up the phone with a huff, she opened her eyes but otherwise stayed where she was, staring at the screen expectantly. But after several long minutes of lying there, she was even more frustrated than before, and knew if she just sat around waiting for her to return her call it would only frustrate her even more. Especially with the voice nagging at the back of her mind, urging her to go down there right now and get her. As much as she wanted to listen to it, because she wanted her home with her, she decided to give her Cupcake a little more time, before she went traipsing down to the Sentinel office. 

So she went to her room to get the large sketch pad that she had been working in last night to occupy her mind. Leaving those drawings behind, she simply grabbed a fresh charcoal pencil and her sharpener then headed back out into the living room. Of course, she should have been studying for her midterm on Friday, but she had an idea in her head for another pieces for the showcase that she just had to get down on paper right away. But this time it wasn’t because she was afraid she might forget it if she didn’t. No, this one has such a significant meaning and held a special place in her heart, there was no way this image could ever be erased from her memory. 

Her hand just seemed to fly across the page once she started drawing, and other than the occasional glance up at the clock she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Working with nothing more than her charcoal pencil and the memory of one of the happiest moments in her life, she sketched the outline of cliffs with talk peaks and summits, capturing every arch and curve of the insurmountable vistas and the endless rivulets of water crashing over the edge and falling into a seemingly bottom less pit, shooting up tall clouds of mist that almost equaled the height of the cliffs. Once she had the line work perfect, she worked on etching out the soft lines of fluffy furling clouds as a back drop with the CN Tower reaching up into the sky on the right hand side at the forefront of the drawing. 

She was just finishing up the outline, so that all she has left to do is add color, when Laura walked through the door, looking like she was about ready to drop. Quickly closing her sketch book and setting it on the coffee table, she was at her side in an instant. Taking her bag from her, she dropped it on the floor by the door and slipped her arm around her waist leading her over to the couch, and forcing her to sit down despite her protest. Carmilla wrapped her arms around her and held her tight, not letting her get up when she tried to. 

“You need to sleep, Laura,” She said softly, tightening her arms around her. 

There was always a point during midterms and finals when she had to put her foot down and make her relax, and seeing her tonight, she’d finally reached her breaking point. 

“Carm, I can’t. I have to--my term paper is due tomorrow, and I haven’t finished it yet and I still have to study.” She mumbled her eyes already lidded and half shut. 

“I know, Cupcake, but you have to rest.” Carmilla brushed her hair out her face, “ _you’re_ health is more important than any stupid ass paper or test.”

“I can’t fail, Carm, that’s not who I am.” Laura said forcing her eyes open as she tried to stand up again, but she didn’t have the energy to fight her firm, but gentle grasp. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to, when being wrapped in her arms is what she’s been longing for all night, and most of the day to. 

“I won’t let you fail. I promise.” Carmilla said, drawing her down with her as she stretched out on the couch. “Just close your eyes for a little while, Cutie. I’ll wake you up in a few hours, okay.”

Laura simply nodded, giving her a quick peck on the lips before snuggling into her and draping her arm around her waist. Her hand clutching in her shirt like it always does when she falls asleep on top of her. 

Petting her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other, she felt her breathing even out almost instantly, and she was relieved that she hadn’t put up more resistance. She was never forceful with Laura by any means, but sometimes giving her no other choice was the only way to do what was best for her. Knowing how to break through the walls of stubbornness was just another part of taking care of her, that she loved so much. 

The sound of her snoring softly was like music to her ears, and for several moments, she just watched her sleep and enjoyed the weight of her head cradled against her chest. Brushing her lips against her forehead affectionately before taking a look up at the clock, she reached for her phone on the coffee table, being careful not to disturb her Cupcake. Setting the alarm for four-thirty and propping it on the arm of the couch to be sure there was no way she would miss it, just in case she fell asleep. But she wasn’t really planning on it. 

Not that she wasn’t tired as hell, because she was, but she made a promise to her Cupcake, and there was nothing more important to her than keeping it, even if it meant she got no sleep. Besides, she was going to keep Laura company later, so she wouldn’t dose off while she was working on her paper and she couldn’t do that if she was all groggy and being grumpy like she always is when she first wakes up. To be honest, sometimes the things she was willing to do for this girl amazes her, since she’s never been like this with anyone before, not even with the girl she dated for two years in high school, (that she had been totally committed to), which was something she didn’t want to think about, right now, or ever again, except to acknowledge that this was in no way the same. She’s completely devoted to her Cupcake, and she doesn’t know what it was she felt back then, but it doesn’t even come close to this. 

There was nothing she wouldn’t do for Laura, because her commitment to their friendship has absolutely no limits. She smiled down at her Cupcake when she stirred in her arms, whimpering softly, before snuggling back in, and fisting her shirt even tighter. With a sigh of contentment, Carmilla tightened her arms around her and starred up at the ceiling, letting her mind wander back to the drawing she’d been working on when she got home. The pallet of colors she was going to use to shade it in swirled around in her head and she could already picture how vibrant it was going to be by the time she was through with it. And she couldn’t help but grin. She was sure Laura was going to love it. 

 

“Hey, Cutie,” Carmilla said, shaking Laura gently, when the alarm went off.

“Mmmm,” Laura mumbled drowsily, burrowing her face into the crook of her neck.

“Time to get up,” she said, running her fingers through her hair. 

“M’kay,” Laura murmured, slowly opening her eyes, and pressing her lips to the throbbing pulse at the juncture of her shoulder, as they adjusted to the brightness, but otherwise she made no effort to get off of her. She wasn’t ready to move just yet, simple because this was one of her favorite spots and it made her think of the things she was going to do to her. 

“You’re too damn cute for your own good,” Carmilla laughed, because she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Shut up,” Laura said still somewhat groggily, grinning against her neck, “you like this just as much as I do.”

“Yeah,” Carmilla admitted willingly, “but I’m not the one with a paper to write.” 

“Alright, fine,” Laura mumbled, propping herself up on her hands, and for a moment she just gazed down into her eyes, before dropping a light kiss on her smirking lips, “you just had to go and ruin the moment, didn’t you.”

She was about climb off of her but Carm bit her lip and drew her back for another kiss, so she leaned in stopping with less than a millimeter between their lips, to murmur, “I have a paper to write, remember.” Then she pulled away to push herself up the rest of the way, and swing her legs around to stand up. 

“You suck,” Carmilla muttered sitting up with a huff.

“I think you’ll survive,” Laura replied, rolling her eyes.

“Humph,” Carmilla crossed her arms over her chest, pouting up at her pathetically. 

Okay, so maybe she was being a little sarcastic, but it was still cruel of her Cupcake to mess with her like that. She wanted another kiss, and she was going to get one damn it, even if it meant she had to beg for it. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Laura said letting out a yawn, as she stretched her hands above her head. 

“What look...I don’t have a look,” Carmilla purposely pouted her lips even more, and starred up at her.

“Oh, come here already,” Laura said, giving in to her whim, without a second thought about it.

She couldn’t help chuckling when she jumped up quicker than she’s ever seen her move, and was surprised it didn’t give her whiplash. There wasn’t a trace of a pout on her face, as she sauntered over and wrapped her arms around her, before leaning in and brushing their lips together in a tender caress.

“You’re such a big baby,” Laura murmured somewhat breathlessly, resting her forehead against hers when they pulled apart. 

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla murmured with a pleased smirk playing on her lips, “that’s because it always works, and I’m willing to do just about anything to get what I want.” She kissed her again before her Cupcake could get a word out. 

They were both breathing heavily when they broke apart, sharing soft smiles, with neither of them questioning why a simple peck affected them so much. Laura opened and closed her mouth and the tinge of a blush stained her cheeks when no sound came out. 

“Wow, Cupcake, I can’t believe how much you’re procrastinating,” she exclaimed with a teasing smirk, after a few moments spent gazing deeply into each other’s eyes. 

“But, I--I’m not, you...”

“Go get your laptop, you have work to do,” Carmilla cut into her stammering, biting her lip to keep from laughing. 

Distracting her was always so easy, but it never made it any less fun, or satisfying. Simply knowing that she could get her Cupcake, who would literally talk a mile a minute if she let her, to become loss for words, was rewarding in and of itself. 

“Brat,” Laura murmured with a grin, smacking her on the ass on the way past, as she headed to her room.

“Yeah, that’s me and don’t you forget it,” Carmilla laughed heartily, calling out, “I love you to, Cutie,” as she disappeared. 

An idea came to her and she smiled to herself, heading into the kitchen to put on the tea pot, before she went to her room to put her sketch book away and get the drawings from last night along with her huge assortment of Faber-Castell’s, blending stumps and a set of erasers for all the added affects and fine tuning. Since she was going to be up for the rest of the night with her Cupcake anyway, she might as well do some color pencil painting for her exhibit in the showcase to pass the time. Although she really wanted to work on the one from earlier there was no way she could do that with Laura around. She wanted it to be a surprise. And her Cupcake can be so damn nosey sometimes. Even while she’s busy typing up her paper, it wouldn’t stop her from trying to get a glimpse of what she was working on. 

Carefully placing everything in her messenger bag after she dumped the contents out on the bed, she headed back into the living room and it didn’t really surprise her all that much that her Cupcake hadn’t come back out yet, which was just as well. It gave her more time to get everything together, and she just hoped that she wouldn’t be opposed to what she had in mind. She made it to the kitchen just as the kettle was about to start whistling, and quickly took it off the burner before getting out two travel mugs from the cabinet by the stove. It took a few moments of rummaging under the half-counter to find the jar of instant coffee, because of course her Cupcake, the little sneak, hid it so damn well. 

She dipped a perfectly rounded tablespoon into one of the mugs and a heaping pile in the other. Normally she wouldn’t touch this stuff, but it just didn’t make sense to spend time brewing a single serving of fresh ground for herself. So, just this once, she was going to suck it up for her Cupcake, because there was no one else in the world that she would consume this crap for. Grabbing the cocoa from the cabinet by the fridge, she added several heaping scoops to Laura’s cup, and put it back. With a slight shake of her head and a tiny grin, she put the jar of instant on the shelf right beside it, and went to pour the water from the steaming kettle in their mugs. 

She had just finished stirring them up, and was screwing on the lids when Laura walked in the room with her laptop and her backpack full of books and set them on the table, before coming over to press a light kiss to the side of her neck. 

“What’cha doing,” Laura asked pressing up against her back to peek over her shoulder. 

“What does it look like,” she said with a sarcastic drawl, smirking at her when she nudged her with her hip and rolled her eyes. “Oh please, like you couldn’t smell the coffee when you walked in the room.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, you know what I meant,” she nudged her again, as she snaked her arms around her waist, and murmured in her ear, “why do you have our travel mugs out.”

“Let’s go for a drive,” Carmilla said, pressing into her with a shudder. 

“It’s almost five o’clock in the morning, Carm.”

“So,” she shrugged before turning in her arms to face her, “if we stay here, were going to get all comfortable and cuddly and probably end up falling asleep, before you get done with your paper.”

Laura pierced her lips pensively, glancing around the room while she thought about it. Carm had a good point, three hours wasn’t much in the way of sleep after going so long without. Although she actually felt much better, there’s no doubt the stress of it all would hit her again eventually, and leave her feeling just as worn out as before. And she knew they might start off in the brightly lit kitchen sitting at the table, but eventually they would gravitate back into the living room to be closer to each other, that has always been their pattern. Plus, the only reason Carm was still up was to keep her company, so she didn’t fall back to sleep, and she could see the tiredness etched on her features, even though she was doing her best to hide it.

“Where would we go,” she finally asked, focusing in on her again, and she didn’t miss the slight flush on her face, when she caught her staring at her mouth, (for what felt like the zillionth time today). With a grin, she leaned in and kissed her softly, because she couldn’t resist. 

“I know the perfect place,” Carmilla replied with a catch, when their mouths parted. Licking her lips and tasting strawberries, she smirked at her, and added, “It’s well lit and there’s bound to be other people around so you won’t have to worry about me distracting you _too_ much.”

Easing out of her arms and exhaling a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding, she handed the cups to her and went to the table to put her laptop in her bag. Making sure that it was secure and protected in the slot that was made for it, before she zipped it up and slipped it on her shoulders then picked up her own bag to drape across her body. 

“You’re really gonna play up this whole ‘air of mystery’ thing, aren’t you?”

Laura was still standing at the counter where she left her, holding the mugs and worrying her bottom lip, as she watched her in awe. And okay, yeah, maybe she was still having some feels from that last kiss, but that was nothing to worry about. It was completely innocent. There was nothing wrong with her enjoying, sharing a quick kiss with her best friend.

“Don’t you trust me, Cupcake,” Carmilla said smugly, when she turned to face her.

“Completely,” Laura replied without hesitation, crossing the room with more bounce in her step than there should be at this time of morning. “Don’t pretend like you don’t already know that, Carm,” she said matter-of-factly.

Carmilla shook her head at her little ball of sunshine as she took her mug from her, and held out her hand. Still feeling a little giddy, Laura grasped it tightly, unable to bite back a giggle as their eyes met. Sharing a look filled with adoration and tenderness, before walking into the living room. Bumping shoulders with every step simply because, neither of them wanted there to be any space between them, but then again they never did, right now the craving was just more intense.

Since she never took off her coat and Carmilla had already put hers on they headed for the door. There was never really a question as to which of them was driving, so Laura just smiled and chuckled softly when she grabbed her keys, shooting a smirk her way as she opened the door. Motioning her out in front of her, Carmilla let go of her just long enough to lock up behind them, before reaching out for her again. She took her hand automatically, weaving their fingers together as they made their way toward the stairs at the end of the corridor. 

There was a chill in the air, but neither of them seemed notice it seeping through their coats, if it weren’t for the puffs of froth their breaths created, they might not have even remembered that it was almost winter at all. Carmilla gave her hand a squeeze, glancing over at her as she gently tugged her closer. For a moment their gazes met again, and Laura’s smile brightened at the hint of a grin that she saw playing on her features when they both turned to look in front of them, as she began smoothing her thumb along the back of her hand. Eliciting sighs of contentment from them both. Like pieces of a puzzle they fit perfectly, falling in sync in every way, from the length of their gate to the rhythm of their breathing. 

When they reached her car, Laura thought she would let go of her hand, but instead she guided her around to the passenger side, opening the door for her for the second time in less than a week. But even then she didn’t let her get in until she kissed her cheek, and left her blushing more than a little bit as she settled in her seat. Closing the door for her with a flourish, she rounded the car putting their bags in the trunk and climbing in next to her, flashing a grin as she slipped the key in the ignition. 

“Alright, Cupcake, we’ll be on our way in a few, just gotta give ‘the beast’ a little time to get her juices going.”

The engine turned over with a rumble, and Carmilla couldn’t resist the urge to take her hand and thread their fingers together again, while she let it warm up. It always amazed her how perfectly it fit hers, and how right it felt when she was holding it. But maybe that was just because, before she met her, she never put so much thought or weight into something so small. 

“You ready,” she asked, glancing over at her when the engine started to purr.

Laura nodded, “ready as can be, considering I have no idea where you’re taking me.” A grin spread across her face, when she rolled her eyes at her light-hearted mocking. 

“What would be the fun in that,” Carmilla drawled wryly, reluctantly releasing her hand to shift into gear. 

Backing out of her parking spot, she drove slower than she ever has through the parking lot, but she couldn’t resist gunning the engine before turning onto the street. Mostly because she loves the sound of it, but there was a part of her that did it, just to scare her Cupcake a little bit. It wasn’t that she enjoyed her reaction, so much as the result of it.

“Carm,” Laura squealed anxiously, shifting in her seat and pressing closer despite the center console separating them, “don’t you dare drive crazy like you normally do, when I’m in the car with you.”

“You need to live a little, Cutie.” Carmilla glanced over at her with a smirk, revving the engine again so that the car shook and shimmied, causing her to squeal even louder this time, as she reached out and grabbed her thigh, clutching so tightly that she could feel the bite of her nails through her leather pants. 

“We’re young, why not break the rules and have some fun.”

Out of peripheral, she saw Laura clamp her eyes shut, when she took her foot off the break and ‘the beast’ lurched forward into the street, picking up speed at a rapid pace. But, despite all her show boating, she never went above the speed limit, at least not by much. She wasn’t even going fast enough to be pulled over, though it took a while for her to realize it and relax her grip, but she didn’t take her hand away, and that was exactly what she was going for in the first place. All because she loves the feel of her hand resting on her thigh, while she was driving, but she felt weird about asking her to do it, so she usually did something to provoke it instead. 

Letting out an exasperated huff, she glared over at Carm, as she eased to a stop for a stale yellow light, even though there wasn’t a car in site, which was rather surprising, but her heart was beating too hard to focus on that. “I can’t believe you did that just to mess with me,” Laura muttered, lightly smacking her leg.

“It’s not my fault you fall for it every single time,” Carmilla arched an amused eyebrow at her. 

“You can be such a jerk sometimes,” Laura said, resting her hand back where it was, to smooth over the soft leather that felt so good beneath her fingers. 

“But, that’s part of why you love me so much,” Carmilla replied, the corner of her mouth turning up in a smug little smirk, pleased that she had gotten what she wanted without her Cupcake figuring it out. 

Shaking her head at her arrogance, Laura let a grin shine through, and leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek, “consider yourself lucky that you’re right about that.” 

“I do it every day, Cupcake,” Carmilla murmured, tilting her head to brush their lips together.

“Yeah,” Laura said softly, “me to, Carm--every day.” Brushing their lips together one more time, she settled back in her seat, mindlessly caressing her thigh, as she began to hum that familiar tune from earlier. Somehow it seemed to fit the mood perfectly, like it was made just for them.

She turned to stare out the window when the light changed, and even though there was plenty to see in the pre-dawn light kissing the horizon, she wasn’t paying any attention to the grandeur of the historic buildings that flew by, or even the beauty of the star littered sky. The only thing on her mind was the flexing muscles beneath her fingertips responding to her every caress, and the reaction she was having to it. As every twitch seared into her skin, despite the leather barrier, she felt it shoot up her arm wreaking havoc on her hearts rhythm along with other parts of her body that were being equally stimulated.


	10. You Kiss Me And It Cracks Me Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They were just pecks, more or less..."
> 
> Or were they?
> 
> We start to see how kissing is effecting Laura and Carmilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions. 
> 
> I apologize for the long wait for this chapter, writer's block and life really got in the way. I'll try to be better and update once a month from here on out. 
> 
> Credit to my beta...your awesome. Thank You so much!!
> 
> Due to the enormity of this chapter some things got pushed back but, I hope you enjoy it anyways.

**CHAPTER 10**

The Nook wasn’t too busy when she walked in, but even so, Carmilla knew she had a long day ahead of her, and despite how drained she was, she wasn’t the least bit mad about working a split or the midterm she had in between shifts. Spending the night with her Cupcake was definitely more than worth it, and she would willingly give up sleep any day of the week, just to have a repeat. The start of a smile touched her features when she imagined how good it would be, without the burden of school to get in the way, and she had to tamp it down as she passed Leslie at the register on her way to clock in. 

“Hoe,” Leslie muttered under her breath with an eye roll.

Other than sneering, Carmilla gave her no regard as she went about her way. There was a new shipment of books to deal with, and she didn’t have time for her crap. Besides, she didn’t want to let the dimwit bring down her mood or stain the memory of last night with her saltiness. 

Once she reached the office that doubled as a breakroom, at least for her, she took a moment to jot off a message to her Cupcake, because she simply couldn’t help herself. 

**Carmilla 8:59am**  
**Hey Cutie,**  
**Have a great day.**  
**And I’ll see you when I get home.**  
**< 3 C**

Biting her lip, she slipped her phone back in her pocket, not even caring that she wouldn’t get a response. She just wanted Laura to know that she was thinking about her, and nothing else. 

Letting out a breathy sigh, she punched in at exactly nine on the dot, and stowed her bag on the floor behind the desk, before glancing over the invoice that the Perry’s left for her with a short note attached instructing her to do her best to get the stock put away before she went to class. The tiniest of smiles flickered across her face as she glanced at the boxes stacked outside the door, and she rolled her eyes at the sense of pride she always felt because of the trust they placed in her, to give her this kind of responsibility.

Sure it might seem like a simple thing to do, but it took more thought and mental acuity than simply shoving books on a shelf. She had to make sure that everything was accounted for and in the condition they were claimed to be, to ensure that they weren’t being overcharged, and in addition to that she needed to make sure customer orders weren’t put out with the regular inventory. That alone would take up most of her morning and it had to be done before she could start stocking them. 

Not that she was worried about getting through all of it. As long as the store didn’t get busy, she could focus on this and let Leslie run the front to keeping some distance between them. Although it was tedious and time consuming, she enjoyed the monotony, plus this was how she usually came up on books to read, since she had to skim through each one of them. It was like reading the little blurb on the back, only better because it allowed her to get a feel for titles from authors she wasn’t familiar with. 

She was about halfway through the first box, when Leslie stormed up to her, “Carmilla, you may be _‘in charge’_ ,” she screeched using those annoying air quotes, “but that doesn’t mean you can sit on your lazy ass and ignore customers while I do all the work.” 

“I’m doing my job, now go do yours,” Carmilla waived her off without bothering to look up from the book in her hands.

She felt her gaze burrowing into her, but refused to let it break her concentration. Flipping the page with a flourish, a triumphant smirk curled at the corner of her mouth when Leslie huffed like a bull, before stalking away grumbling, “useless tramp”. 

In the hour it took to get through another box, the girl had come bounding up to her four more times using the same lame ass excuse to yell, berate her, and call her lazy. And even though she refused to take the bait, and simply said, “Go help the customers,” each time, with barely more than a glance in her direction. She wasn’t going to lie. Leslie’s petty insults were getting on her last damn nerve. So, when she saw her shadow looming over her again within a matter of minutes after their last interaction, Carmilla clenched her teeth and met her with a steady gaze. “Can I help you,” she said evenly. 

“That would require you to actually do what you’re paid for,” Leslie sneered, “but since it doesn’t involve meaningless sex, you’re about as useful as the lint in my pocket.” 

“This act of yours is getting old,” Carmilla said tersely, “and if that’s the best you’ve got, you might as well save it.” 

She returned her attention to the box in front of her without another word, ignoring her heated stare, while she stood there a moment longer, before storming off uttering, “worthless bitch,” under her breath, so that it was only loud enough for her to hear. 

Relaxing her jaw, Carmilla let out a breath accented with a long sigh of frustration that was met with a snicker from Leslie’s retreating form. She probably thought that she was really affecting her, because normally she would have some snappy retort to toss back at her, but not today. In spite of how annoying she was, Carmilla just didn’t have it in her to be angry. 

The reason for that was simple. She had no desire to waste energy on her when she could devote her thoughts to her favorite pastime of thinking about her Cupcake. She couldn’t help wondering how her day was going and if her midterm went well. Although the nap she forced her to take last night reenergized her, and she finished her paper in record time, Laura was yawning off and on by the time they got back home. She had tried to convince her to stretch out on the couch, but she stubbornly refused and insisted on making breakfast for her instead, while she got ready. Then she walked her down to her car, lacing their fingers together along the way. 

Before she could get a word out, Laura reached up and brushed her hair out of her face with a hand that was so soft and warm, it left her skin tingling in its wake. Kissing her softly, she’d murmured a promise that she would come home after work and go right to bed against her lips, before she pulled away and let her slip behind the wheel. Laura was shining brighter than the sun, while she stood there in the middle of the parking lot, waiving at her as she drove away. 

The funny thing about it was that she’s kissed _a lot_ of girls and forgot about it as soon as it was over. But, that kiss was still fresh on her mind, like it happened just moments ago. Maybe it was because the taste of her still lingered on her lips. Or maybe she was just imagining it, but either way, it served as a reminder of not just that kiss, but of all the ones that came before it as well. 

_“Carmilla,”_ Leslie bellowed cutting into her thoughts, her shrill voice grating on her eardrums more than the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. 

“What is it now,” she bit out, glaring up at her as she rounded the doorway.

“Do you think you can manage to get your head out of your ass and actually help me out,” she snapped. 

“Unless _you_ want to be the one held responsible for putting away nine dozen books, while I run the register,” Carmilla motioned at the three bursting carts that she had just finished sorting them onto for emphasis, “you’re more than capable of handling a few customers on your own...or am I mistaken at your basic level of competence.” 

“Like it’s that hard to stick some books on a shelf,” Leslie rolled her eyes, “apparently even an idiot can do that,” she spat out pointedly, staring down her nose at her. 

“Well, in that case, have at it then. It should be right up your alley.” Matching her scowl with a heated glare of her own, Carmilla pushed one of the carts in her direction with a little more force than was necessary, “Best be quick about it, I leave in less than an hour and the Perry’s want it done before they come in to relieve me.”

“Whatever,” Leslie grumbled, turning on her heel and stomping off, but not before purposely knocking half the books off the top of the cart that she had pushed her way. 

“Got dammit,” Carmilla growled in a dangerously low voice.

She was half tempted to follow after her and wring her neck, or better yet put her steel toe boot up her ass. But her temper simmered down, as both those images played in her mind. Only it wasn’t her that she saw putting Leslie in her place, it was Laura making her feel a world of pain. And it actually made her laugh, because she knew how easily she could do just that. The mere thought of her Cupcake flexing her muscle around, was enough to wash away most of her annoyance. She might look like she would break easily, but after years of Krav Maga and yoga she has the sculptured physique of a goddess. It doesn’t even matter that she doesn’t believe in mythology, because that was the only way to describe Laura’s lithe sinewy body. Even still, it didn’t do her justice.

Expelling a breath, she traced her tongue along her bottom lip, and tasted their last kiss on it. She didn’t even try to fight the little moan that escaped her, as she bent down and quickly sorted the books back onto the cart with her mind feeling kind of hazy. She pushed them out onto the floor near the shelving units where they went, but almost wasn’t aware of what she was doing, as everything seemed to be happening like a daydream. 

Falling into a nice rhythm, she stocked the books while images of her Cupcake, smiling and laughing, played in her mind similar to watching scenes from a home movie. Leslie passed by muttering insults, but it barely registered through the haze, and she might not have noticed at all when she made another sweep, if it weren’t for the wisps of a breeze she left behind. But that wasn’t the cause of the tremor that ran down her spine. No, that was brought about by Laura’s melodic laughter echoing in her head, along with the breathlessly whispered words, _‘I love you, Carm, you know that,’_ that she tickled out of her the other night. 

The time just seemed to fly by and before Carmilla knew it, she was down to the last cart with only a row to go. It only took a matter of minutes to knock out the rest of it. She was placing the last book on the shelf when Thomas Perry came through the door and drew her out of her stupor. 

“Oh, good, Carmilla, you’re still here,” he called out jovially, barely taking a moment to nod in Leslie’s direction on his way over to her. “I was afraid I might have missed you.”

“No such luck, at least for me,” she said, shaking off the last of the fuzziness. 

Stiffening when he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and gave her one of his customary half-hugs, she clenched her fists at her sides and resisted the urge to shake him off immediately. She hated the extra attention he shows her sometimes, and of course he knew it too. But he was determined to break through all the broodiness and apathy, and get her to return his fatherly affection. 

“When will you stop doing that,” she muttered, scowling up at him when he let her go. 

He clucked his tongue while stroking his graying beard, and gazed at her thoughtfully, “how about when you stop pretending like you hate that I care about you like my own daughter,” he said, breaking out into a huge grin. 

“It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens,” Carmilla huffed with an eye roll. 

“You can say that all you want, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to show you that it’s okay to let people, other than Laura, love you and be a part of your life.” He regarded her for a moment longer, with a knowing gaze in his piercing blue eyes, before clearing his throat and shifting his attention to the empty cart next to her, and asking, “How’d it go?”

“All accounted for and in purchased condition,” Carmilla replied, inadvertently letting a hint of pride slip into her voice. “I just finished stocking the last one when you came in and the invoice is on your desk, but I didn’t have enough time to call customers and let them know their books came in.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you got through all this so quickly,” he said, giving her a pat on the back, “I honestly don’t know what we’d do without you.” 

“That _is_ what you pay me for,” she deadpanned, but couldn’t resist shooting a smirk at Leslie when she let out a little scoff of disbelief at his praise. 

Carmilla barely managed to dodge another hug on the way out of the store, by practically sprinting for the door, with the sound of his amused laughter floating after her. Slowing to her normal unrushed gait once she got outside, she took her time crossing the parking lot, rolling her eyes at herself for how much energy she exerted just to get away from him. But she couldn’t stand all that affection. It absolutely drove her crazy, and made her want to gag at the sentimentality. 

Climbing in her car and turning over the engine, she gave it a little gas to hear it rumble, taking pleasure in the way it vibrated beneath her before she put it in gear. Letting the tires squeal on the pavement when she took a small opening and burst out into the street, pressing down on the accelerator to build up speed. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have to be on campus for nearly an hour, or that it would only take her about twenty-five minutes to get there, if she went the legal speed. There was a thrill in pushing ‘the beast’ to her limit that gave her a sense of freedom nothing else did. 

She cracked the window to enjoy the aromatic freshness of the season and feel the chilly autumn air blowing through her hair. But when she breathed deeply, she caught the faintest hint of Laura’s perfume still lingering in the car instead, and smiled to herself. Taking another deep breath, Carmilla filled her nostrils and her senses with the sweet lavender fragrance and let it infuse her mind, while her thoughts drifted to the night before once more, and the memory of driving through deserted city streets with her Cupcake at her side as dawn broke, enveloped her in its folds.

 _After Laura settled back in her seat, she was so still and quiet. If it weren’t for the rhythmic caress of her fingers on her thigh, she would have thought she had fallen asleep. Wondering what she was thinking about was driving her absolutely crazy, until curiosity finally got the better of her and she glanced over, only to see her staring out the window with an almost whimsical expression on her face. But, then she turned and looked at her with a sparkle in those honeyed eyes and a smile so radiant it lit up the entire car._

_And all she could think was, ‘damn is she beautiful’._

_“Hey,” Laura said softly, giving her thigh a squeeze._

_She couldn’t stop her gaze from flickering down to Laura’s mouth. Watching as her tongue darted out to moisten her full lips, she almost moaned at the desire building up inside her. She wanted nothing more than to brush their lips together again and again until they were both breathless. Had she not been driving she would have given in to the need to taste her on her own tongue. After another moment of staring at her mouth longingly, her gaze trailed back up to meet hers and she didn’t miss the faintest sign of a blush tinging her cheeks that made it obvious she wasn’t the only one thinking about kissing._

_“Hey,” she murmured, grinning timidly as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth._

_As she turned her attention back to the road a new sensation was stirring, branching out from where Laura rhythmically stroked her thigh to spread throughout her entire body making her feel all warm and tingly inside. Somehow it relaxed her more than she’d ever been, and left her kind of breathless at the same time. She didn’t know what it was about her touch that was affecting her so much, but the one thing that was certain is, she’s never experienced anything close to this before with anybody else. And the realization didn’t bother her. Since, she could tell by the sound of Laura’s slightly erratic breathing, she was feeling it too._

_The energy between them penetrated deep to a part of her, she’d forgotten even existed, but now, here it was waking up with every stroke of her fingers. The funny thing about it was, they’ve had far more intimate and physical exchanges on numerous occasions, but none of them ever made feel quite this way. Laura’s caress was almost too much and not nearly enough, as her heartbeat sped up to match the tendrils of sensation coursing through her body. After all the things she’s done, and girl’s she’s been with, in this moment, she was experiencing a different kind of fulfillment that she never knew she was craving until now. And it felt so damn good. She never wanted it to stop._

_There were so many things changing between her and Laura, and just a mere week ago that would have scared the hell out of her. Maybe it still does. But for reasons she didn’t quite understand, the last thing she wanted was to run away and hide. For once in her life, she wasn’t going to be negative and expect the worst, not when she couldn’t shake the feeling that all of it would only make their bond stronger in the long run._

 _They’d been on the road for some time, when she felt Laura’s hand slip between her legs, fingers dancing along her thigh, slowly inching higher. She was already a little turned on by her caresses and this ramped her up even more, the closer they got to her heated core. Biting back a gasp, she glanced over at her again, expecting to see that teasingly devious smile full of promise spread across her face that she knew so well. But that wasn’t what she saw at all._

_Instead, there was a look in her eyes that was a little bit of shyness, and something else, that she’d never seen before. Holding her gaze, Laura bit down gently on her lip, as she let her fingers glide a little higher, until they were so close to the apex of her thighs and the fire raging in her. That she had to feel the heat radiating through the skin tight leather. But it didn’t stop her from tracing the juncture of her hip with her fingertips. Ever so slowly, Laura brushed them back and forth in a caress that wasn’t at all unwelcome, because she could have stopped her if she wanted to._

_Swallowing a moan, she fought to maintain her composure but, when Laura’s knuckles grazed the seam of her pants, applying pressure to her overly sensitive clit, a trimmer ran through her with so much force, her foot instinctively pressed on the accelerator, until it was damn near on the floor. Her eyes shot back to the road, as Laura withdrew her hand with a quickness, resting it at a safe distance mid-way her thigh. Feeling her face flushing along with the rest of her body, she stared at the deserted street, gripping the steering wheel tightly in her sweaty palms to maintain control of the car while she calmed herself down. Taking several deep breaths and exerting every ounce of self-control that she had, she finally eased up off the gas._

_“Holy fuck, Cupcake,” she murmured breathlessly, “what the hell was that?”_

_She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror when she quickly glanced over at her. Sure enough, there was still the hint of a blush staining her cheeks, but it didn’t hold a candle to Laura’s crimson infused skin. She was practically glowing red all the way from the little bit of her chest exposed by the v of her button up to where her hair met her forehead._

_“I--I didn’t expect you to react that way,” Laura said barely above a whisper, “you always have so much control when I’m touching you, and it normally takes more than a little teasing to get you all worked up.”_

 _“Not when fingers are brushing against my clit,” she said, finally feeling confident enough to loosen her grip on the steering wheel._

_Somewhere in the back of her mind, she acknowledged how true Laura’s words were, but otherwise didn’t read much into it. She simply accepted it for what it was. A normal part of being so connected to someone for the first time, and she was sure there were other intricacies to their friendship that would develop with the changes in their relationship._

_“That was an accident,” Laura mumbled defensively._

_“Okay, new rule...your hands aren’t to go anywhere near my pussy when I’m driving.” She kept her eyes focused on the road, but still caught a glimpse of the renewed flush rising on her cheeks out of the corner of her eye._

_“You don’t have to worry about that, I’m not trying to cause an accident.” Laura started to pull her hand away, but she stopped her by pressing it back against her leg and lacing their fingers together._

_“That doesn’t mean I want you to stop touching me altogether, Cutie.”_

_“Are you sure,” Laura said uncertainly._

_“Absolutely,” she replied without hesitation, “we just have to save the fun stuff for when we’re back at home.”_

_Sure, she might have gotten more than she bargained for, but she had no complaints. Enjoying the feeling of her fingers interwoven with Laura’s, she trailed her thumb along her pinky reassuringly, before returning her hand to rest on the shifter. The corners of her mouth turned up with satisfaction, when she left her hand right where it was._

_“I have to ask, though--should I take this to mean my ‘punishment’ has already started,” she said after a few beats had passed._

_“No,” Laura shook her head profusely, “I just...I don’t know what I was trying to do, but it wasn’t about that.”_

_“Well, then I have to hand it to you, Cupcake, ‘cause you sure as hell got me more than a little heated with whatever game you were playing,” she shot a smirk her way, “and I’m really rather impressed.”_

_Laura started to reply, but then she simply closed her mouth without a word, and flashed a grin full of promise, instead. Her honey brown eyes flickered with a look that was far from innocent, while she held her gaze a moment longer, before turning to look out her window as her hand started to move against her thigh again. And she shuddered in response, sucking in a sharp breath, when she slowly slid it down to her knee and back up again in one continuous motion._

_The fire in Laura’s eyes when she looked away spoke louder than words, and she knew her teasing had just made whatever she was planning a whole lot worse, or rather a hell of lot more interesting so to speak. Without a doubt, her Cupcake was going to make her pay for the sarcastic insinuation more than the hickey itself, because she was clearly taking it as a personal challenge to make her squirm, as it was intended. And she was going to enjoy every minute of the pleasurable torture she was going to inflict on her. Merely imagining all the things she might do based on their past experiences left her throat feeling parched and her heart thudding in her chest. She didn’t miss the sly grin Laura gave her when she shuddered beneath the continuous ministrations of her hand as every idea played out in her mind._

_‘I don’t want to wait another two days,’ she mused, worrying her lip, as she watched her out of the corner of her eye, ‘Dammit! I want my punishment today, because the anticipation is surely going to kill me.’_

_“It’s not going to happen, Carm,” Laura said, and for a moment, she thought that she’d voiced her thoughts out loud, but then she followed up with, “so you can stop looking at me like that and wipe it from your mind, because I’m not going to cave like I did earlier when you wanted a kiss.”_

_“How do you do that,” she mumbled with a bemused frown._

_“That’s simple,” Laura said, smiling over at her, “just like you can tell when there’s something going on with me, most of the time, I can do the same with you.” Licking her lips, she glanced down at where her hand rested on her leg, watching as her fingers swirled on her knee, before meeting her eye again, “we’re connected, Carm, and I know you better than I know myself.”_

_“Damn, Cupcake! When you put it like that I feel foolish for even asking.”_

_“Why?” Laura said in confusion._

_“Because, I should have been able to figure that out for myself,” she murmured sheepishly, wishing she could kick herself, because, yeah she should have known._

_“Don’t beat yourself up about that, I know you feel it too, even if you don’t always understand it,” Laura said reassuringly, “plus there’s more to it than that for me, and this is something you probably don’t want to hear, but it helps that you’re easy to read, and absolutely horrible at hiding how you feel.”_

_“That’s not true,” she huffed, furrowing her brow in offense, “I’m not easy to read, I have shutting people out down to a science, and nobody sees anything unless I want them to.”_

_Laura shook her head, chuckling softly at her broodiness, while she patted her thigh soothingly. “Maybe so, but I’m not just anybody to you, am I?”_

_“No, you’re...special,” she bit her lip, taking her eyes off the road to look at her, “you mean everything to me, Laura.”_

_“And that makes all the difference, don’t you think,” Laura said softly, as the hint of a blush touched her cheeks._

_Okay, maybe she should have figured all this out on her own, but when it came to Laura sometimes nothing and everything made sense. And she wouldn’t change a thing. As long as the depth of their affection, was out there between both of them, that’s all that really mattered in the end._

_“Yeah, I guess you’re right, Cutie,” she replied breaking out in a grin._

_She turned on the radio, making sure to turn the volume down real low first, and it was a good thing that she did because the song playing from ‘Rise Against’, would have probably blown out Laura’s eardrums. Deftly scanning through the stations until she found one that her Cupcake might like, that wouldn’t annoy the hell out of her. She settled on something that sounded classical, but with a more upbeat tempo, and a brief glance over at Laura told her, she’d made the right choice._

_Sending out a silent thanks to Maman for introducing her to the genre as a teenager, she covered Laura’s hand with her own and gave it a gentle squeeze before returning it to the shifter. Bobbing her head to the rhythm, she couldn’t help watching her Cupcake out of the corner of her eye. Smiling when she downed most of her cocoa in one gulp, before licking the froth from her upper lip, and maybe it made her want to kiss her more than she had before, but she was content to just be with her._

_For a while they drove in comfortable silence, with the addition of the occasional glance at each other and the exchange of smiles with just a little underlying hint of shyness that neither of them were used to, but neither of them minded either. More than once, she took her hand off the shifter to interweave their fingers for a few moments, because she couldn’t help it. There was this need inside to touch her that she couldn’t fight, and Laura didn’t seem to mind, she’d just let out a giggle and squeezed her hand right back, almost as if she needed the contact just as much._

_They were just a few miles from their destination when she stopped for another light and Laura took her by surprise, leaning in and tangling her right hand in her hair, as she planted a kiss on her lips that rivaled all the others that came before it._

_“What was that for,” she murmured in an airy voice, when she broke the contact._

_“I’ve been thinking about it for the last fifteen minutes,” Laura replied with a satisfied sigh, brushing their lips together one more time, before repositioning herself in her seat, so that she could rest her head against her shoulder._

_“You’re killing me, Cutie,” she murmured, because it was all she could think to say._

_And maybe it was just the right thing, or maybe the words didn’t matter so much as the intent behind them, because Laura simply snuggled closer in spite of the center console between them, and she didn’t seem to care how awkwardly she was sitting just to be near her. So, she simply dropped a light kiss on top of her head and enjoyed the feel of her warm breath on her neck, while she waited for the light to change._

Carmilla let the memories slowly fade away with a reluctant sigh, as she glanced at the clock on her dash, swiping her finger across her phone screen to stop the alarm when it went off a moment later. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to her ‘Art and Existentialism of Escapism’ midterm. Not that she wasn’t prepared, she just thought it was ridiculous that the professor didn’t make it a take home exam. It wasn’t like it involved any real thought or studying to analyze how artist use muses and other forms of distraction as a means to spark their creativity and implement it in the works they produce. All she has to do is come up with examples and explain them in context with the different methods of inspiration. 

The only good thing about it was that this marked the midway point of her day, and the sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could head back to work, finish up her split and get home to her Cupcake. All she could really think about was that she was missing her like something crazy, and if their obligations weren’t getting in the way, she’d be with her at this very moment. Instead of her spending the last half-hour in the campus garage alone with her seat reclined because she didn’t want anything to interrupt her thoughts about last night. 

As much as she wanted to stay right where she was and reminisce, she knew she couldn’t. She was going to at least try to be responsible, because she knew it would make her Cupcake proud, and that mattered to her more than she was willing to admit out loud. Sitting up to adjust the seat, she let out a low breathy moan at the unexpected twinge between her legs as a wash of pleasure ran through her. Expelling a breath, she forced herself to push through, because there was nothing she could do about it now, which was probably for the best. 

She might be willing to do a lot of things when it came to sex, but masturbating where anyone could see wasn’t one of them. However, if she didn’t have some place to be, she might very well have done just that, considering how horny she currently was. And in the back of her mind she couldn’t help wondering why thinking about last night affected her just as much as it had in real time, but she didn’t have an answer for that. At least, not one that was obvious. Since her usual go to for this kind of thing didn’t really appeal to her at the moment, because she would much rather go home to Laura after work, than be out in the club looking to hookup. 

“Fuck,” she groaned when another spiral of pleasure shot through her as she swung her legs around and got out of the car. 

It was so damn strong that, it almost brought her to knees with the need for relief. Leaning against the door, just to stay on her feet, she took several shallow breaths and squeezed her thighs together until the wave of arousal passed. When she finally pushed herself away from the door, she was relieved that her legs only wobbled slightly, but otherwise supported her. With another breathlessly uttered curse, she grabbed her bag out of the seat and slung it over her shoulder, taking note of how her hands trembled, because yeah, there was no denying it. She was still horny as hell.

After fumbling with the strap on her bag for a moment in attempt to center herself, she started on the trek across campus. Trying to ignore the slight dampness of her panties and how they clung to her in the most sensual way. Not that it worked, when they brushed against her sensitive flesh with every step, and the skin tight jeans she had on didn’t help matters either. So, of course, by the time she got to class and took her seat, she was even more sexually frustrated than before. 

Crossing her legs to relieve the pressure, she almost moaned when all that did was make it worse, and instantly uncrossed them. Her body was begging for release, and she didn’t know whether she could deny it much longer. Nothing like this has ever happened to her. Sure she often got aroused by thoughts and fantasies, that was only natural! But, none of them got her this wound up before. Shifting restlessly in her chair, she scanned the room in search of something to focus on besides the throbbing between her legs. Nothing caught her eye though, and she couldn’t disregard the next wave of arousal that rolled through her. 

“Holy shit,” Carmilla moaned louder than she intended. 

Ignoring the stares she got from the people sitting near her, she rested her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands, focusing all her attention on just breathing. It helped more than anything else she had tried, but it didn’t completely alleviate the tension. She was considering making a trip to the bathroom to take care of the situation, but the professor chose that moment to pass out the exam. Causing an internal debate to brew inside of her as to what she ought to do. 

It wasn’t that she couldn’t leave the room during the exam. This is college and she could do anything that she fuckin’ wanted to, (even if it was getting herself off in a public bathroom, because reminiscing about hangout with her best friend got her all turned on like a sex fiend). But, there were just somethings that were more important than what she was going through. And it had nothing to do with whether she passed or failed. ‘I can do this!’ Mind made up, she took a deep breath and squeezed her legs together, determined to suffer through and get it over with. 

... 

Plopping down at a table in the breakroom behind the kitchen of the bakery, Laura took a sip from the mocha Frap she bought before taking her fifteen, and followed it up with a bite of a chocolate chip cookie, unable to stop a quiet moan from escaping. Funny enough she wasn’t even really that tired despite only getting those few hours of sleep. But, maybe that was because she’s been bubbling with excitement ever since the ‘goodbye’ kiss she planted on Carm before she drove away this morning. She was so full of energy that she spent the better part of the next two hours dancing around the living room without any music at all, and barely made it to her midterm on time, because she couldn’t get the euphoria of the night off her mind. 

“Yeah, that’s probably why I’m not really feeling it yet,” she said to herself in the otherwise empty room, “and I know Carm’s going to be all cocky about it when I tell her later.” She thought about it for a moment, “or I could just text her now.” 

She licked a bit of melted chocolate off her fingers with a satisfied hum, and hopped up to get her purse out of her locker. Taking another sip from her cup as she settled back in her chair and got out her phone, she simply gazed at the picture of them on the screen for a moment, before she unlocked it. Nearly spitting out the coffee in her mouth with a delighted squeal when she opened her messages and saw the text from Carm. It was the simplest thing, and yet she found it so incredibly sweet. Drawing her lip between her teeth with a grin, she read it for a second time, before typing a reply. 

Her grin spread from ear to ear when she added a couple emojis before she sent it, simply because she couldn’t resist implying what she wanted to do later. Based on Carm’s little snub last night, she knew she would appreciate the way she was teasing her. But more than that, they were both going to enjoy it when she made good on it too. Feeling rather pleased with herself, she set her phone on the table so she wouldn’t miss it if Carm texted her back, which was far from likely since she should be in class and she only had another ten minutes of her break left. But on the off chance she did, she wasn’t going to miss out on talking to her, even if it was only for a moment.

As she picked up her cookie again and bit into it, a warmth settled in her stomach at the memory it represented. She’d never thought of them as more than a guilty pleasure, but now there was a certain sensuality to eating them that she never felt before. Staring into space whimsically, she took her time savoring each bite as it melted on her tongue, occasionally eliciting a throaty moan of appreciation. All too soon she was popping the last morsel in her mouth and sucking the chocolatey residue from her fingers. Reliving the memory of Carm doing the exact same thing to her the other night, a tremor ran down her spine and a blush crept up her neck, setting her entire face on fire with the heat of it. 

“Holy crap,” she murmured slightly breathlessly, “I’ll never be able to eat another cookie without thinking about what she did to me.” 

But, to be honest, she wasn’t even mad that Carm had managed to turn her favorite food into some kind of aphrodisiac. Okay, well not exactly that, but it was definitely having an effect on her none the less. She couldn’t seem to stop smiling, even with the flush lighting up her features like a Christmas tree. Not that it came as much of a surprise. Carm’s little games have always left a lasting impact that never seemed to go away. It used to frustrate the hell out of her in the beginning, until she realized that she had much the same influence on her too. And come Saturday, she was going to make her feel the same way every time she buries her head in a book. 

Shaking her head with a chuckle, she polished off the rest of her mocha Frap then got up to throw her trash away and returned to the table. “I’ll see you soon,” she said, trailing her fingers across her phone screen to see the picture of them one more time, before she put it away and went back out to the floor. 

Double checking the task list pinned up to the cork board just inside the entrance to the kitchen, while she tied her apron around her waist, she couldn’t stop the involuntary giggle that slipped out. She didn’t know why, but she was feeling incredibly giddy again. Maybe it was a residual effect of her memories that still had a hold of her, or maybe it was something else altogether. 

“What’s so funny,” Natalie asked, from her work station a few feet away.

“I’m just happy,” she replied biting back another laugh and simply shrugging, when she regarded her with a questioning look as she went to wash her hands.

At least she wasn’t as bad as she’d been earlier in class, because dancing around the apartment had done nothing to quell her exuberance and she couldn’t control herself, often bursting out in fits of laughter for no reason at all. Fortunately for her, this morning’s midterm wasn’t a written exam, so much as testing their ability to turn the content of their research papers into the format for a headline news broadcast. So everyone was talking and moving around the room anyway. 

But, her professor actually did come over to check on her mid-way through the assignment because of her incessant bouts of giggling. Embarrassing her beyond belief at the extra attention he drew her way, because everyone was already giving her strange looks as it was, but even then she couldn’t contain it no matter how hard she tried. A stream of giggles just bubbled right out of her, but she played it off by saying she was up late working on the Sentinel and this was just her way of coping with being exhausted, so he pretty much left her alone after that. 

And while it wasn’t necessarily a lie, it wasn’t the truth either. Her overly happy mood had nothing to do with lack of sleep, and everything to do with spending time with Carm last night, or this morning. She hadn’t decided which one made more sense to her, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it either way. It was the most fun she’s had out in a while now, and that was saying something, considering she spent it typing up a term paper. Not to mention the little rendez-vous she had in the club over the weekend. _That_ should have been something to talk about. But it wasn’t. It was barely even a blip on the radar, and being with Carm topped it by leaps and bounds. 

“I can’t wait until tomorrow night, I’ma let loose and party all weekend, because my midterms totally kicked my ass and I deserve to relax,” Natalie said with her back to her. “You’re gonna let your hair down and come out with us, right?” She turned to look at her over her shoulder after several moments of silence, “Laur, did you hear me?” She spoke a little louder, but still didn’t get a response. 

Whipping butter and powdered sugar together for a vanilla butter cream frosting, the only thing on Laura’s mind was how much she enjoyed the new dynamic that she had with Carm. Because, kissing her was nice, well honestly, it was better than that, and actually kind of amazing. She had the softest lips she’s ever kissed, and every kiss was so tender and sweet, she couldn’t get enough of them. And if she ever had to choose between giving up hot chocolate and all of her favorite food for a month, or kissing her, there wouldn’t even be a choice. Carm would win hands down. 

There was an irony to it that she couldn’t comprehend, because it was better with her than anyone else she’s ever locked lips with. And they were just pecks, more or less, there was no tongue involved. Heck, they didn’t even open their mouths, but there was just something about kissing her that was positively addictive. It was honestly kind of crazy, now that she thought about it. But, who was she to question this, when it would only make their bond that much stronger. After all, what was the worst that could happen? There were no romantic feelings between her and Carm, so it wasn’t like this would blur the lines of their friendship, or anything. They were just connected on a deeper level than most because of their intense emotional and physical relationship. And now kissing was just another part of it. 

With a shake of the head, she wondered why there was even a need to tell herself that, when the idea of her and Carm being something more, was completely laughable. She needs all the strings and attachment that comes with the stability of a commitment, and Carm doesn’t do relationships. Truthfully, she wasn’t even sure if she’d ever been in one before, not that she’d ever thought about it, or anything. Or that it even mattered. But, maybe if things were different they could have made a go of it--Laura chuckled, and shook her head at herself again. It was ridiculous to even be entertaining the idea, because it wasn’t like she has a thing for Carm. 

_‘No, it wasn’t like that all, not one single bit,’_ she repeated the thought in her head. 

“Earth to Laura,” Natalie called out, but still to no avail. She was lost in her own little world, which wasn’t really a problem, because she was steady working. But she’s been acting odd as hell ever since she started, and the difference in her demeanor made it so obvious that something was up with her. If she had to guess, she’d be willing to bet it was about a girl, but as far as she knew Laura hasn’t met anybody new. Well, except for the girl she made out with at the club, and she swore she threw her number away when they worked together on Tuesday. So, maybe it was something else altogether that had her practically floating around on cloud nine. Either way, she was curious as hell as to who or what had her all caught up in her head, and she was gonna get to the bottom of it. 

“I’ve fantasized about having a wild orgy since freshman year. Maybe I’ll do it this weekend. And I know it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, so you should totally join me and get back into the swing of things.” Natalie said the most outlandish thing she could think of to get Laura’s attention.

 _“What,”_ Laura screeched. Snapped out of her daze by the nature of her statement, she whirled around to face her. “I—um...no offense,” she stammered in complete shock, “but that’s not my kind of thing.” 

“It’s not mine either,” Natalie said with an amused look, “and I don’t know if I should be more worried that that’s what it took to get you out of your headspace, or by the fact that you actually thought I was being serious.” 

“Well, you can’t just say something like that out of the blue, and expect me not to believe you,” Laura scoffed. 

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while, actually,” Natalie said, as she walked by to put the cheesecake she’d made in the fridge to set, “and I wouldn’t have had to resort to such drastic measures, if you weren’t completely ignoring me.” 

“Sorry,” Laura grinned sheepishly, “I guess I just got a little distracted by my thoughts.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement,” Natalie said, leaning against the counter next to her, “would you care to share?”

“Oh, um...it-it was just some internal rambling, you probably wouldn’t find it all that interesting,” she said, with a shrug. 

As much as she hated lying to her, she really didn’t feel like she had much choice in the matter. There was no way she could tell her about what happened last night, or how often Carm’s been on her mind lately, when she already knew Natalie would just blow it all out of proportion and turn it into something that it wasn’t. 

“Come on, Laur,” Natalie nudged her playfully with her shoulder, “there has to be something worth mentioning, otherwise you wouldn’t have been so caught up, that you couldn’t even hear me talking to you.” 

“Not really,” Laura said nonchalantly, trying to pretend that she wasn’t as affected by her thoughts as she was. “It honestly isn’t worth mentioning.” But try as she might to play it cool, she couldn’t quite meet her eye.

“I’m not even going to pretend that I buy that, because you’ve been acting strange as hell ever since you got here,” Natalie eyed her curiously. But there was something about the way she averted her gaze that made her seem so closed off, and trying to pry information out of her when she didn’t want to share never went well. So, she decide to try a different approach, hoping that she’d open up on her own, or at the very least let a little tidbit slip that would feed her curiosity. “But, I’ll let you off the hook, for now.”

“Is this some kind of trick or something,” Laura said eyeing her wearily, because she never gave up this easy, and she wasn’t sure she should believe it.

“Not at all,” Natalie replied earnestly. “Let’s just call it an exercise in self-improvement,” with that she flashed a grin and patted her arm reassuringly. 

“Okay!” Laura expelled a relieved breath as she watched her head back to her workstation without digging any further. 

She’s never been embarrassed of her relationship with Carm, or any of the things that they do together. But, she’ll never admit to anyone exactly what that was either, because it went so much deeper than anything her friends could fathom, and she already got enough flack for the intimacies that they knew about as it was. She could only imagine how much worse it would be, if they ever found out about the games she and Carm liked to play. 

But, she honestly didn’t understand what the big deal was, or why they had a tendency to try and couple them up, when it was all just for fun. Because, really what was so different about it? She simply enjoyed having a deep personal connection to someone outside her family for a change. Maybe they were just jealous of their closeness or something. At least that was the only thing that made sense to her, because everything she shares with Carm was perfectly normal. 

“Just so you know, I get it,” Natalie glanced back at her as she began rolling out pastry dough for apple turnovers, “...you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you, and that’s fine. But, I’m here if you change your mind and decide you want to talk about it.” 

“Thanks,” Laura nodded appreciatively, “but I think I’ll pass, so how about we change the subject instead?”

The worst part of the whole darn thing was that sometimes she really could use someone to talk to, who would simply listen to what was on her mind, without passing judgement. Her friends should be the ones she could rely on, but unfortunately they already have their minds made up about her and Carm. Hell, even Perry thought there was something going on, and she was usually the most rational one out of all of them. And it really sucks that she had to hide who she truly was and keep everything bottled up all the time. But, that’s just the way things were and there was nothing she could do about it. Letting out a sigh, she whipped more milk into the mixing bowl until the frosting was smooth and creamy. 

At the sound, Natalie shot an appraising look her way, “I knew _it_ was about a girl,” she said excitedly, clasping her hands together and sending a wispy cloud of flour into the air. 

“Anyways,” Laura rolled her eyes, but otherwise she didn’t dignify it with a response, “what were you talking about before,” she said determined to move on.

“Oh yeah, right--it might have slipped my mind, in the face of all your evasiveness over who this girl is your crushing on,” Natalie replied with a teasing lilt, because as supportive as she was trying to be she still couldn’t resist the urge to mess with her just a little bit. 

_“Natalie,”_ she exclaimed in dismay, as she lined the counter with a layer of butcher paper, “why is it that whenever I don’t want to talk about what’s on my mind, you automatically assume a girl’s involved, especially when I haven’t dated or shown an interest in anyone for the better part of a year. I mean, is it really that much of a conundrum that I don’t need a relationship to define me?”

“I think the better question is, why are you getting so defensive, if it’s not a thing,” she quipped wiggling her eyebrows at her suggestively.

“Oh, for the love of Hogwarts I give up,” Laura uttered with a flustered huff.

Strangely enough, she wasn’t even really mad at her, and she didn’t know why she was getting so frustrated in the first place, when there was no truth to her assertion. She was just thinking about her and Carm and how nice yesterday had been, and yeah, okay...maybe her thoughts had taken a turn in a direction she hadn’t expected, but that was just because of the nature of their relationship. And there was nothing to be defensive about! 

Maybe it was just because, she’d hoped to avoid all of this, that’s why she spent an extra ten minutes in the car applying foundation to her neck to disguise her hickey before she entered the building. And though it didn’t hide it completely, the bruise was so faint it was barely noticeable. She’s been working with Natalie for the better part of the last couple hours, and she had yet to mention it, so of course, as these things tend to go, it was her uncontrollable daydreaming that did her in. 

“I’m just messing around, Laur--relax,” Natalie said, while trying to keep a straight face. 

“With friends like you and Laf, who needs enemies,” Laura mumbled, going to get the cake off the cooling rack while the sound of Natalie’s laughter floated in the air. 

_‘Interesting! Very-very interest,’_ Natalie thought to herself in the midst of her laughter. Obviously she was on the right track. Her unusual behavior was definitely about a girl. But, _who_ it was, was the real question. Of course, she had a theory on that, but...naw. Laura was too oblivious of her feelings for Carmilla for it to affect her this much.

“Whenever you’re done cackling let me know, because I refuse to hold a one-sided conversation with myself,” Laura said with another eye roll.

“Okay, okay,” Natalie held up her hands in surrender, as the giggling subsided, “I think I’ve got it all out of my system.” 

“I hope your right, because I won’t be able to concentrate, if you’re still needling me about figments of your imagination when I start airbrushing,” Laura said pointedly, as she returned to her counter. “It’s bad enough that I have to do a custom cake design, on next to no sleep as it is.” 

She set out various bottles of food coloring gel and a couple icing bags along with an assortment of embellishment tips for piping the border and scrollwork, and any other details she decided to add. Then she checked the compressor and paint gun to make sure they were working properly by squeezing the trigger and blowing out several puffs of air. Once she was satisfied, she donned another pair of gloves, replacing the old ones, and started spreading on the filling with practiced ease.

“You pulled another all-nighter,” Natalie exclaimed, gaping at her incredulously. 

“Well...not exactly,” Laura replied, glad for the change in topic, even as she debated on how to explain without giving any real details away. 

Not that she was necessarily trying to keep the kissing thing a secret, because she honestly didn’t care who knew about her and Carm sharing a quick peck on the lips, and their little late night adventure made one thing clear. Neither of them wanted to try and hide it. But her friends would find out about that soon enough. It was the other stuff she didn’t want to get into. 

“There was a problem with the Sentinel’s design program, and it crashed every time I tried to upload to the printer’s website, but I was too stubborn to ask for help right away.” She finally said, taking a deep breath and continuing on without pause, “It wasn’t ‘til a little passed midnight that I finally broke down and called my advisor and fortunately he was able to talk me through the fix to the registry. Needless to say, I didn’t get home ‘til after one in the morning, and I was so tired from staying up to study the night before that I could barely stay on my feet, and I still had a term paper to write for class today.”

“How are you not bumbling around in full on zombie mode like you were the other day, or cranky as hell, and tossing back copious amounts of coffee?” 

Laura glanced up at her in mid stroke with the spatula, “Carm made me take a nap for a few hours, despite my protest, and then she stayed up with me while I finished my paper, but yeah, I’ve still been awake since four-thirty in the morning, so...” 

“Damn girl,” Natalie shook her head sympathetically, “and I thought my business management midterms were really putting me through the ringer.”

“It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, because Carm was there taking care of me,” Laura felt a grin tugging at her mouth as she went back to applying the frosting, and she didn’t even try to stop it from forming. Because, she didn’t have a single regret about anything that happened with Carm, and those sleepless nights were the catalyst for all of it. “I mean, she’s cooked more in the last couple days than she has all semester, and made my cocoa perfectly every time, with an added boost of coffee in it to keep me going. Carm’s been nothing but attentive and it helped ease the weariness, plus it was nice being spoiled for a change...” 

She cut herself off by clearing her throat, afraid that if she kept going, she might let something slip that she wouldn’t be able to downplay. “Besides, I’m gonna crash as soon as I get home. And I don’t plan on getting out of bed for anything except work in the morning and my last midterm, so I should be bundled up beneath the covers again by lunchtime.”

“So I take it getting you to go out on the town with us tomorrow night is out of the question,” Natalie said on her way to the oven with the tray of turnovers. 

“That’s pretty much a guarantee,” Laura said, giving the diagram the customer left another look to make sure she had the layout down, while she waited for the frosting to crust and loose its tackiness. 

“Sometimes this whole being an adult thing really sucks,” Natalie muttered. 

“I’m sure you guys will _manage_ to have just as a good a time without me there,” Laura said, flashing a knowing grin.

“That’s so not the point,” Natalie sighed, “we want to hang out this weekend, since we haven’t really done it much lately, because you’ve been in a weird hermit mode for months. And practically the only time we see you is when we get together between classes, or on the days you work with me and Laf.” 

“Taking a break from partying hardly makes me a hermit,” Laura replied with a laugh, “and as I recall, I’ve invited you guys over to the apartment plenty of times. Plus I went out with you last weekend, in case you forgot.”

“Once again, seriously _not_ the point,” Natalie exclaimed dramatically, “Are you at least coming with us to the party on Saturday, or were you planning to sit at home alone, while everyone else goes out and enjoys themselves?” 

“Ha ha, very funny,” Laura stuck her tongue out at her, “but yes, I’m going. Laf wasn’t about to let me say no, when they ambushed me on the way to my car before I left campus. They even threatened to have Perry give me a talking to, if I didn’t agree right then and there.” 

Little did they know that it really wasn’t necessary. She’d already decided to go after it got brought up in a group text before her class yesterday morning. Although admittedly, her playful banter with Carm over lunch is actually what made up her mind for her, for more reasons than one. But, still--the coercion wasn’t necessary. 

“Did they really,” Natalie bit back a smile, as she turned to check the timer on the oven. “I wonder where they came up with that idea.” 

Laura caught a glimpse of her doing a victorious little fist pump, and couldn’t resist trying to bring her down a notch or two. “But, for the record, even if I wasn’t gonna go, I _definitely_ wouldn’t have been home all alone,” she said, taking a pause for dramatic effect, when she saw her eyebrows rise out of curiosity. “I’d have Carm to keep me company, and I wouldn’t have felt left out, because she has no problem entertaining me.” 

“Yeah right, like she would actually stay home the weekend after midterms,” Natalie’s eyebrows arched even higher as she regarded her skeptically, choosing to ignore her loaded statement, because she wasn’t touching that one with a ten-foot pole. “You and I both know she’ll be out in the club doing her thing, just like she always does. Hell, to be honest, I’ll be surprised if you even see her for breakfast on Saturday, let alone when the sun goes down.” 

“Nope, you couldn’t be more wrong,” Laura stated, radiating self-assurance, “I’ll see plenty of her and so will you, because she’s coming with us.” She couldn’t help grinning smugly, when her mouth gapped open at the news. 

“You’re kidding,” Natalie exclaimed in utter disbelief, “Carmilla hasn’t been to a frat party since freshman year!”

“I know! It’s going to be so much fun.” If she weren’t about to do the cake, she would have rubbed her hands together eagerly at the very thought of dancing with Carm, because it’s been such a long time, and she’s missed the way they moved together on the dancefloor.

“But, I thought she hated the ‘Greek Letter Club’, as she likes to call them, more than being subjected to main stream media!”

“She does,” Laura replied, smiling at the look of bewilderment she saw on her face out of the corner of her eye, as she turned on the air compressor and put several drops of black food coloring in the airbrushes receptor, being careful not to over fill it so it wouldn’t spill out and ruin the cake.

Gripping the airbrush a little tighter she took a deep breath to center herself. Letting the aromas of the bakery accompanied with the traces of wood smoke and jasmine clinging to her clothes soothe the effect the memory of dancing with Carm was having on her, as she pressed the trigger on the airbrush with just the right amount of pressure. Spraying around the edges, with a slight change in the distance of her hand and a simple shift in the angle of her wrist, she alternated the color between light and dark, leaving certain places barely touched so the original color of the buttercream still showed through. 

Normally she did the more intricate detailing with the icing bag, because she certainly was no artist and it was easier to do, but she was feeling inspired to try something different. The tip of Laura’s tongue poked out the corner of her mouth in concentration as she moved her hand in close to make bold lines with just a bit of thickness, spiraling around the entire thing from the edge to a point near the center. Then she went back and made several evenly spaced arching curves between each and every one to form an interweaving webbing pattern with them. 

“So how’d you talk her into it?” Natalie asked after a long pause. 

“Oh. Well...” Laura shrugged nonchalantly. Taking a moment to rinse the color well on the airbrush with a squeeze bottle of hot water until the spray ran clear, “she doesn’t know about it yet, but she’ll be there. You can mark my word for it.” 

She switched to blue and used it to overlay the black, creating shadows that added richness and depth to the tone. Coloring in all but a spacious oval at the center that she was going to go back and hit with a deep eye catching red before she did the line work for the webbing in the unshaded parts and outlined the caricature to give it distinction and cover up any gaps she’d left.

“Good luck with that one,” Natalie said with an air of skepticism in her tone, because she just wasn’t buying it, no matter how strong Laura’s conviction was. There was no way she could spring this on Carmilla at the last minute and expect her to actually do it, especially when she hasn’t had much success trying that in the past. 

“I won’t need it,” Laura murmured to herself. Knowing she had something better working in her favor to ensure she got what she wanted, she set the airbrush aside to get a bowl from the shelf below the counter to divide the remaining frosting. Dipping out just enough for the scroll work, she added several drops of royal blue coloring gel to the rest, until she got the right hue. After choosing an embellishment tip that would make the border look like a fluffy picture frame, she filled the icing bag and carefully went about piping it, because this was going to be the best Spiderman cake she’s ever made. 

A smile played across her face and she bit her lip, dragging it between her teeth, as she thought about the car ride with Carm and her entire body started to tingle at the memory of what she’d done. She still wasn’t sure why she’d run her hand up her thigh like that. Well, okay—yeah...maybe she _did_ want to tease her a little. But to be honest, she hadn’t been thinking about much at all in that moment, other than the way her heart was thundering in her chest. Then Carm turned and met eyes. And any sense of rationality she might have had left, went right out the window. Because she just couldn’t resist the desire to touch her, or the muscles twitching beneath her fingertips as her hand slid higher. 

She never expected to get that kind of response with something as simple as a caress. And yeah, okay. Her hand may have strayed a little _purely on accident_ , but still, it was a feat in and of itself, because Carm usually didn’t get worked up that quickly unless she was really emotional, but last night she felt the heat radiating off her before her fingers even reached the juncture of her thighs. And she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she got a little turned on by it. Or that she wanted nothing more than to do it again.

Not that it was the only thing that made the night special, by any means, because _everything_ that happened afterwards was a big part of that too. But, it was what had her brimming with certainty that Carm would go to the party with her. Because, it _was_ merely a prelude of what was to come. And it she could have that effect on her when she wasn’t even trying—imagine what she could do when she actually was. 

...

“There goes two hours of my life that I’ll never get back,” Carmilla muttered under her breath as she left the classroom. 

But, at least it had been good for something. Answering those stupid essay questions took her mind of the events of the night and her subsequent arousal long enough to calm her overactive libido. So, in the end she guessed it was a small price to pay, because she wouldn’t have had time to do much about it before going back to the Nook anyway. As it was, she barely had enough time to stop in the student center to grab a burrito to eat on the way. 

Okay, well...maybe that _was_ kind of an exaggeration of the truth, but in her mind it still made perfect sense. Because, what was the point in hanging around campus by herself, a moment longer than she had to? When there was the slightest possibility she could finagle it so she got off work a little earlier, if she made it back there quick enough. That would at least give her a chance to spend quality time with her Cupcake. And yes, she knew it was all dependent on whether she woke up from her nap or not, but any amount of time with Laura was more than worth the flack she might get for what she was about to do. Even if it didn’t quite pan out like she wanted it too, just being in the same place with only the thin walls between them would be more than enough. 

Fortunately the line in the cantina wasn’t that bad and she placed her order almost as soon as she walked up, but waiting at the pickup counter for her food tried the limits of her patience. She shifted from one foot to the other, glaring at the worker’ s with pure malice, because she wanted to get on the road before traffic built up, and their lack of urgency was holding her up. And maybe she was a little anxious at the moment too. But that was only because she hadn’t spoken to her Cupcake since she left this morning, and she felt the prickles of anticipation tingling beneath her skin, knowing it wouldn’t be much longer until she was with her again.

“How long does it take to make a damn burrito,” she muttered, pulling out her phone to check the time, only that wasn’t what she focused on when she glanced at the screen. 

Expelling an airy breath, a smile tugged at her mouth when she saw that there was a message waiting for her. And she bit her lip eagerly, as she opened it. The slightest blush rose on her cheeks when she read the words on the screen, and her heart stuttered in her chest, before returning to a more normal rhythm. 

**My Cupcake 1:57pm**  
**Thanks Carm,**  
**Everything’s going good with me,**  
**and I hope you’re having a good day too.**  
**You can tell me all about it later, eventually.**  
**See you tonight. :-* ;-)**

Tucking her phone back in her pocket with trembling fingers, she grabbed the tray with her food off the counter, and made a dash for the exit, not stopping until she reached her car. She drove like a bat out of hell, with a goofy grin plastered on her face, that she couldn’t seem to erase, and this time, it had nothing to do with the rumble of the engine, or the freedom and thrill she got from pushing ‘the beast’ fast as she could safely go on the crowded city streets.

She made it back to the Nook in record time. Barely taking more than a few bites of her burrito in the ten minute drive, which would have been less if she hadn’t hit traffic. Normally she would have sat in the parking lot and polished it off, but she didn’t want to waste the extra few minutes that would take. Besides, with the flutters that erupted in her stomach when she read Laura’s text, she wasn’t even that hungry to begin with. She simply rolled it up in the wrapper to have for later, so she wouldn’t have to stop on the way home. 

Grabbing her bag off the seat beside her as she climbed out of the car, she strolled inside with purpose. Surprising Perry and her mother when she entered the office to drop her bag and interrupted the conversation they were having. She was about to back out the room, but Edith motioned for her to stay before she could even take so much as a step away. And she had to refrain from cursing under her breath as she stood rooted in place. She was expecting Thomas to be there, not her. This changed everything, and she didn’t even want to think about what she was probably about to get roped into. 

“Sweetheart, I’ll stop by the café on my way out,” Edith said to Perry, who gave a silent nod and turned to leave the room. 

“It’s nice to see you, Carmilla,” Perry said politely, when she passed by on her way out the door. 

“Um--yeah, you to Perry,” she replied in turn, mustering up a half-hearted smile that barely twitched at her mouth, before her gaze reverted back to her mother’s. 

“Well,” Edith said, glancing up at the clock and back at her with raised eyebrows, “this is certainly a first.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Carmilla scoffed, as she set her bag on the floor by the desk, “I haven’t been late in over a month.” 

“That may be so, but usually you barely make it by the skin of your teeth, and yet today you’re here more than a half hour early. And as much as I’d like to believe that you’re finally embracing responsibility, I have a feeling that’s not the case at all,” she said, eyeing her suspiciously. “So now, tell me dear, what do I owe your promptness to?”

“Okay fine, I was up all night...studying and I’m tired as hell, so I was kind of planning on starting now and leaving at seven-thirty,” Carmilla conceded gruffly. 

“I can’t just let you change your schedule whenever you feel like it, Carmilla,” she stated firmly, “it wouldn’t look good to the rest of the staff if we played favorites, but more importantly we’re running a business here, and we dole out shifts accordingly.” 

“Oh, come on, cut me some slack for once,” she huffed, “I’ve never done it before, and I won’t make a habit of it.” 

Sitting back in her chair, Edith crossed her arms and regarded her over the rim of her glasses with an unreadable expression, and despite herself, Carmilla squirmed beneath her gaze. Not that she was afraid of her or anything, but Perry had gotten her personality from somewhere, and it definitely wasn’t her father’s side of the gene pool that made her so damn neurotic. If Edith didn’t give her the go ahead, she’d be stuck here and might miss out on seeing her Cupcake, along with the kisses her message had promised her. 

Carmilla scuffed her boot on the tile floor, mumbling, “Besides, we’re not _that_ busy, and I’m not even the one closing tonight. So, it’s not like thirty minutes will make much of a difference.” 

“Alright,” Edith finally said after several long moments of silence, “I’ll make a deal with you.”

“And what exactly would that be,” Carmilla asked hesitantly, despite the flutter of excitement in her stomach that made her want to jump for joy.

“As long as things don’t pick up, you can leave early, but if they do you’ll have to stay and work your schedule shift.” She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table, steepling her hands. “But... in the real world everything comes with a price, so you’re going to have to do something for me in return.” 

Carmilla eyed her and waited for the other part of her ultimatum, and she knew it had to be something she probably didn’t want to do, since she didn’t just come right out and say it. But, at this point she’d agree to just about anything, as long as it meant she got to be with her Cupcake tonight. 

“I want to see you show more initiative and step up for the manager position we’re going to open up soon...”

 _‘Oh fuck! Anything but that,’_ Carmilla mused dejectedly, her face contorting in displeasure the moment the words left Edith’s mouth. As much as quality time with Laura meant to her, she had to draw the line at this, because she couldn’t handle shouldering that kind of commitment to anything or anyone. But, even if she had been willing to try, there was the whole situation with Leslie that she was trying to keep under wraps. Besides, she was already the unofficial supervisor, wasn’t that enough! What more did they want from her! And why did they need a store manager anyway? 

“...but seeing as I’ve never gotten a positive response from you before, I’ll settle for you helping us with a new design for the store’s monthly mailers and business cards, because Thomas and I have hit a wall coming up with one.” 

“I _guess_ I can handle that,” Carmilla deadpanned, not wanting to give off the slightest hint that she was actually kind of intrigued by the idea, as a wave of relief washed over her.

“So I take we have a deal,” Edith said arching an eyebrow at her. 

“As long as I get to leave at seven-thirty, we do,” she replied with the same hint of defiance in her tone she would have used on her mother when she regarded her with a sense of confidence, knowing she had her right where she wanted her. 

“That’s good to hear, dear,” Edith nodded her approval, “now, go punch in before I change my mind about this arrangement.” She waved a dismissive hand, and Carmilla didn’t hesitate. Hightailing it out of the room with a relieved breath. Missing the pleased smile she shot after her, and the quietly uttered, “Thomas is never going to believe how easy that was,” that accompanied it.

Grabbing her time card off the hanging rack outside the office, she ran it through the time clock and headed up to the front, taking a cursory count of the customers as she went. Just like she told Edith, they weren’t that busy. Not that there weren’t plenty of people roaming up and down the aisles with their arms full of books at the moment, but they seemed to be doing fine on their own. And there was no reason to think that would change, as it got later. Carmilla almost couldn’t believe how well everything was coming together, considering how her day had started. It was looking pretty damn good right now. 

She spotted Nick behind the register, and made her way over, “what would you rather do, stock the shelves or ring up customers,” she said as she joined him at the counter. 

“Oh, hey, Carmilla,” he said, closing the copy of Sports Illustrated he was flipping through. “I didn’t expect you to be here for a while.”

“Yet, here I am,” she stated wryly.

“No really...I thought you were just a figment of my imagination, being that it’s barely three-thirty,” he retorted with a sardonic grin. 

“You’re _actually_ getting better at this,” she said with an eye roll. 

But she had to give him credit for trying because he was the only one outside of the Perry’s that wasn’t outright afraid of her. (She didn’t include Leslie in this, since the only reason she smarted off the way she did was because she had something to hold over her head, otherwise she’d run away with her tail between her legs like she did before they had sex). 

“In case it isn’t clear to you by now, I’m starting early, so-- what’s it gonna be?”

“I’d rather work in the stacks with the customers.”

“Fine by me,” Carmilla traded places with him, and plopped down on the high-back stool behind the register, expecting him to walk away, but he simply stood there eyeing her up and down curiously. “Do I have to give you instructions,” she said, leveling a pointed glare at him.

“Nope,” he shrugged, “but one of these days I’m gonna convince you to tell me how you work it the way you do.” 

“We’ve gone over this before,” she replied with a smirk, “I’m not going to school you on how to score with girls, if you haven’t got it figured out by now there’s nothing I can do for you.” 

“I meant with the Perry’s,” he sputtered defensively. 

But, she merely rolled her eyes at him again, as if to say ‘obviously,’ and flipped open the magazine he’d abandoned indicating she was done talking to him. 

“Okay, I get it. I’ll leave you alone,” he said with a defeated sigh, and rolled the go back cart out onto the floor. 

Now that he was gone, she put the copy of Sports Illustrated on the rack where it went, and settled back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest to watch the people passing back and forth in front of her. The only time she moved was when she had to ring someone up. Her mind was only half in it though, because she couldn’t stop thinking about the feel of Laura’s soft full lips, and the length of her body pressing against her while they cuddled beneath the covers. 

Although, she did pretend to be busier than she was when she spotted Edith making her way to the café before she left for the evening. But as soon as she disappeared inside, she put the order ledger away and went back to staring into space. As luck would have it, she had just finished helping someone else, and wasn’t sitting around daydreaming, when she popped back in a few minutes later to tell her she only had to worry about supervising Nick until she left, because Perry was staying to work on some new recipes, instead of coming back later to oversee the close. 

Once she left the store for good, Carmilla took her place on the stool again, and almost felt a tinge of guilt that she wasn’t working like she usually would, but she couldn’t help it. It was hard to focus on much of anything when all she really wanted was to be snuggled up with her Cupcake and steel as many kisses as she could before they fell asleep. Picking up a book one of the customers changed their mind about, she cracked it open and buried her head in it, but it wasn’t because she was trying to read, or even interested in it for that matter. 

The thought of kissing Laura had the corners of her mouth twitching involuntarily, and she didn’t want anyone to notice the smile playing on her lips. She had a reputation to protect after all, and she didn’t do these kinds of things. But, it was like she was no longer in control of her body, because no matter how she tried to wipe the expression from her face, it just wouldn’t go away. The strange thing was she wasn’t sure she really wanted it to, because it was her Cupcake that brought the smile to her face.

The next hour or so passed in much the same way, but not even the process of checking out chatty customers could take her mind off Laura for more than a few moments at a time. And as soon as they walked away, she hid behind the pages of the book once again. Worrying her bottom lip, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was the only one of them being affected like this, or if Laura had been thinking about her all day too. The text she sent made her believe that she had, but she wouldn’t know for sure, until she had her in her arms. But, she still couldn’t stop herself from smiling none the less. 

She was so deep in her thoughts, that she didn’t even notice someone approach her, until she saw a container of weird green goo being set on the counter out of the corner of her eye.

“Well, well, well!” Lafontaine said, sporting a crooked grin, when she looked up and met their gaze over the edge of the book. “Who woulda thought...you actually _do_ remember how to smile when the tiny ball of energy isn’t around.” 

“Whatever, Ginger nerd,” Carmilla muttered, forcing a scowl. “Why are you bothering me?”

“I was on my way to meet, Perr, when I saw you sitting here and thought I’d stop and say ‘hi’,” they replied with a shrug. 

“Mission accomplished, now go way,” Carmilla snapped gruffly. But, they did the exact opposite, and simply rested their elbows on the counter and continued to watch her with a combination of amusement and intrigue. 

“Ah, come on,” they said smugly, as their mouth twisted into a teasing smirk, “tell Doctor Laf what has the queen of broodiness so happy that she can’t wipe the smile off her face, and scowl at me properly?” 

Crossing her arms over her chest without uttering a word, Carmilla glared back at them with an unwavering gaze for several moments, until she realized the stuff in the jar was starting to bubble and foam. “What the hell is that,” she motioned at it with a slight nod of her head.

“Oh this,” Lafontaine broke out in a maniacal grin. “It’s just a little something I’ve been working on to stabilize different types of combustible material and more effectively eliminate bio pathogens in containment and testing facilities when there’s a threat of contamination,” they said, as they picked it up and gave it a good shake, causing it to foam up even more. 

“Get that shit away from me, you fucking nutcase,” she growled through clenched teeth, as she got up and set the book aside before taking a giant step back for good measure, (because they had a habit of blowing stuff up purely on accident, and their eyebrows were still growing back from the last time they messed with something flammable). 

“Don’t worry! It’s perfectly stable as long as it’s not exposed to air particles in an uncontrolled environment,” They stated matter-of-factly, tossing it gently back and forth in their hands, and then scrambling to catch it when it slipped between their fingers.

Taking another couple steps away, she watched them like a panther, prepared to scramble and duck beneath the other end of the counter if they actually dropped it. But after several bumbling attempts, they finally managed to regain a hold of the jar right before it hit the floor. 

“Phew, that was close,” they said with a grin. “I’d hate to lose more body hair again.” 

“Lola, you better get out here,” she shouted, not taking her eyes off of them. 

“What is it, Carmilla,” Perry replied with a huff, from inside the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Come get your _person_ , and their crazy concoction the hell away from me, before I toss them out on their ass,” Carmilla said in a clipped tone.

In under a minute flat, she scurried out wiping her flour covered hands on her apron with a stern scowl that made their grin falter. “ _Lafontaine_ , how many times have I told you not to bring your experiments inside,” she chided, when she stopped in front of them, like a drill sergeant about to ream a private.

“But, Perr, it’s really vital that I monitor it closely,” they protested with a pout. But ended up, sighing in submission, when she simply pierced her eyes at them, and pointed to the door firmly. “Alright, alright,” they mumbled as their shoulders slumped. “I’ll go put it in the car.” 

Not surprisingly, Perry walked them out with a detailed lecture along the way, on the risk they posed to public safety and the image of her parents business, if anything were to happen. And by the time the door closed behind them, Lafontaine was looking like a wounded puppy, and apologizing profusely. Which must be their get out of jail free card, because that was all it took to lighten Perry’s mood enough to have her kiss them on the forehead affectionately before they sauntered off with that crooked grin in place. 

“Well, that was a rush,” Carmilla grumbled, waiving off Nick when he popped up at the end of one of the isles mouthing ‘what hell just happened’. 

Maybe she should feel a sense of relief now that it was over, but these encounters with Lafontaine happened fairly regularly, at least once every few months to be exact. And she’d gotten so used to them, that as soon as the threat was neutralized, so to speak, she always went back to what she was doing without giving it another thought. She simply slumped back on the stool, book in hand, and went back to what had her heart playing a little staccato rhythm in her chest to beginning with. 

....

Bouncing on the balls of feet, Laura hurriedly punched in her code when the clock struck five and practically skip-ran all the way to the breakroom to get her things. She should have felt anything but the hum of excitement vibrating through her entire body for obvious reasons, but in spite of being beat, she couldn’t help herself. And yeah, of course, she could have simply chalked it up to the effects of caffeine and the sugar rush from the snack she had earlier, but that wasn’t the reason for it. 

She barely opened her locker all the way before she was pulling out her phone to see if Carm had text her back. Not that she expected it or anything. But she was hopeful, because it was incredibly hard going so long without hearing her voice, and simply getting another message would at least give her a small reprieve. Since there was still more than two hours before her shift was over, and even then it would take at least a good fifteen minutes for her to get home with the way she drove, provided she didn’t stop off for something to eat, which she probably would. Given that there was no way Carm wanted her to cook for them, and all their favorite places to order from took forever to deliver at that time of night.

Nibbling on her lip with her heart thundering in her chest mirroring her eagerness, she unlocked it and swiped her finger across the screen to check her notifications. But, other than a missed call from her dad there was nothing else, and Laura couldn’t help letting out a sigh as she put her phone away. It wasn’t even that she was disappointed--well maybe she was a little bit, but only because she wondered if Carm was missing her too, since she’s been on her mind ever since she drove away. 

And yeah, okay, it was only a few more hours give or take, but she really didn’t want to wait that long to see her. The thing was, she couldn’t just pop by the bookstore like any other day, and keep her company either. Because she’d promised to go home and take a nap when she left the bakery. But at the time, she hadn’t been thinking about how long it would be. Or the simple fact that she’d rather be with her and wind up falling asleep on one of the comfy couches at the Nook until Carm got off work, than go home to an empty apartment. 

She gave her word though, and she wouldn’t break it, so there was nothing left to do now, except wait somewhat patiently and enjoy the unbelievable high from this morning that still had her within its grasp. Slipping on her coat and shouldering her purse, she went to meet Natalie by the exit, (even though she got off a little before her, she had some shopping to do, and said she’d stick around), so they could walk out together. 

“How can you possibly still be so upbeat,” Natalie said, gathering her grocery bags from the shopping cart, when she came bouncing up to her. 

“Why wouldn’t I be,” Laura replied enthusiastically, as she pushed the cart back into the alcove where it went for her since her hands were full. 

She used the handle bar to do a quick little side jump and clicked her heels together, once it was connected to the others, before sprinting back to Natalie and skidding to a halt in front of her with a grin. “I mean we’re off work already and it’s not even totally dark out yet. Plus, I’m completely obligation free after tomorrow, because I managed to get the entire weekend off without even asking for it, which never happens.” She rubbed her hands together gleefully, already imagining all the alone time she was going to have with Carm because of it. “So what’s not to be excited about?”

“Okay, okay, just stop,” Natalie exclaimed, making the knock it off motion with a handful of groceries. 

“What? I’m not doing anything,” she chirped, titling her head in confusion. 

“I was only here half an hour longer than you and I’m practically dead on my feet, and I actually got a full night’s sleep” Natalie said, regarding her with a bemused expression, “but somehow _you’re_ running around like my nephew when he’s on a sugar high, and it’s just too much for me right now! Watching you is making me feel even more worn out.”

Laura merely chuckled in acknowledgement, as they headed out the door. Because--yeah, she _was_ a lot more hyper than she ought to be after such a stressful week. There was no point in denying it, and all she could think was, so what! With the utter amazingness of everything that’s happened between her and Carm, she’s happier than she’s ever been. And that wasn’t something she could suppress, nor did she want to. It just felt natural to be so light and free, even if she was over flowing with an abundance of pent up energy. 

Resulting in her chattering endlessly as they crossed the parking lot, simply because she couldn’t hold it in, even though she knew Natalie would have preferred to walk in silence. Not even her groaning, “Oh brother, what did I do to deserve this,” was enough to get her to stop. And to be honest, Laura wasn’t even sure what she was going on about, the words flowing out of her mouth were merely a bunch of randomness to salve the thoughts of kissing Carm running through her mind—because she was almost craving the feel of her soft lips right now. 

“Do you want a lift to your car,” Natalie cut in to her rambling, as she popped the trunk on her bright red Altima, and put the groceries inside. 

“...uh, no-no that’s okay,” Laura stammered distractedly. “I’m not parked that far away.”

“Oh my god, you’re totally zoning out again, aren’t you!” Natalie exclaimed, peering over at her.” 

Laura shook her head profusely, even as she felt a tinge of heat stain her cheeks in the cool breeze. “No, I’m not. I’ve been talking to you the whole time,” she said, but she could tell by the expression on her face, that the lie fell short, no matter how true it was. 

“And I’m willing to bet you don’t remember a word of it,” she said with unconcealed amusement, as she closed the trunk and came around to stand in front of her. “But, it would have been slightly more believable, if you weren’t the same shade as my car.” 

“That’s a bit dramatic,” Laura mumbled. Groaning inwardly, because yeah--of course! The way she was blushing had given her away. And she blamed it all on Carm and those incredibly kissable lips of hers, for causing her body to react like this, and make it nearly impossible to deflect Natalie’s attention.

 _“Right...”_ Natalie had a retort on the tip of her tongue, but it died on her lips when she noticed the hickey marring her neck for the first time, with them standing directly beneath one of the lights illuminating the parking lot.

Gears were turning in her head as she processed the new information, because it wasn’t something she could simply put off on Laura’s make out session with the girl in the club. She didn’t have a mark on her that night, or she would have seen it irregardless of how buzzed she was, that’s for sure. And that wasn’t something Laura would’ve felt the need to try and hide with makeup either, considering everyone was there. But, based on the amount of concealer she had on it that kept her from seeing it sooner, especially during the time they were sharing a workstation while making up the dough for cinnamon rolls when she started. It left a lot to question. 

Her remarks about her having a crush were just for a laugh because Laura had made it entirely too easy. But, now it was becoming clear how right she really was, given that she had yet another love bite. _That_ combined with the fading ones she’d been sporting last week and her unintentionally suggestive comment about Carmilla ‘entertaining’ her from earlier, only one thing made sense. At least, she took this as a definitive confirmation they were doing a hell of a lot more than just cuddling when they were alone. 

Now, of course, she normally wouldn’t have hesitated to bring it up, but considering how evasive Laura’s been, and the way she freaked out on Laf for even mentioning the possibility of something between them, she wasn’t going to make the same mistake. 

“...Anyway,” she said, giving her a quick hug, “I’ll see you Saturday for sure, right.”

“Yes!” Laura rolled her eyes, because this was like the ninth time she’d asked. “We’ll be there with bells on, or at least I will, as far as the bells go. Carm will more than likely be in her usual state of broodiness.” 

She was a little surprised that Natalie was passing up the perfect opportunity to tease her, since she’d been going at it pretty darn hard all afternoon, but she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“You better not flake at the last minute like you always do,” Natalie said, as she opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat, “because if you don’t show up on your own, I’m leaving the party and coming to get you, no exceptions.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Laura mumbled to herself, smiling innocently when she cut her eyes at her. “I make no guarantees we’ll be there as early as you. It’s probably going to take a while for us to get ready because Carm’s _distracting_ when we’re not going out together, and I’m sure she’ll be even worse when it comes to attending a frat party.”

 _‘Well, maybe she did have the pull to influence Carmilla’s decision after all, but only time will tell,’_ Natalie mused as she trailed her to her car and waited for her to get in before she drove away. The real question was, what the hell kind of games were they playing with each other? And how could they keep denying that there was something more between them, when they were clearly making out pretty regularly, or something damn near it. More importantly why was it so hard for them to admit to their feelings, when it was obvious to everyone that they’re attracted to each other? Because it just didn’t make any damn sense.

The last rays of daylight gave way to night as Laura merged onto the highway, and despite the commute traffic she ran into, it was fairly smooth sailing until she hit the strip. On that two mile stretch of road, lined with shops in every variety imaginable, it was nearly impossible not to catch almost every red light no matter the time of day. But this was the quickest route to get home, because avoiding it meant navigating through the mazes of residential neighborhoods bordering the area. 

Not that she ever really minded the constant stop and go that made her ten mile drive take a little longer, but today she was especially grateful for it, because it was eating up some of the time she had to wait for Carm. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat and hummed along, even though the radio wasn’t on. She didn’t need it for this particular song. As she’d come to realize that she made the tune up herself, and it was ingrained in her memory, just like the feel of Carm’s mouth ghosting over hers in the most tantalizing of ways. 

Sighing longingly, she trailed her tongue over her lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss Carm properly. She had a feeling that she would take her lip gently between her teeth and bite down on it with just enough intensity to make her moan, (since she liked to bite her on the collarbone sometimes when they were cuddling), but that was never going to happen, because kissing for real wasn’t part of the deal for their fake relationship at Sarah’s party. But, there was nothing wrong with imagining how good it would feel. 

Laura’s thoughts were interrupted by her grumbling stomach, as she drove past an Italian restaurant emitting the most delicious aromas in the air that she could make out clearly despite her windows being rolled up. “Crap, I can’t believe I forgot to get something for dinner before I left the store,” she mumbled, when her stomach let out another growl that couldn’t be ignored. 

Resigned to fast food, instead of a nice home style meal from the grocery’s deli that she was planning on, she turned into the driveway of the little burger joint Carm had taken her to on many an occasion, when they wanted something late at night. At least the food was good and they made killer milkshakes too, so it wasn’t all that bad. And she could go ahead and call her dad back, while she was in line at the drive thru, rather than doing it when she got home, like she had intended. 

“Hi daddy,” she said, beating him to the punch when he finally picked up. 

“Hiya, pumpkin, it’s so good to hear your voice,” he exclaimed with breathless excitement, and she could only guess that he’d dropped whatever he was doing and made a mad dash for the phone when it rang. 

“You say that like I haven’t talked to you in a while,” she teased. 

“Well, it _has_ been an entire week, you know,” he said with mock sternness, as she heard the rustling of him settling back in his favorite worn out leather chair. “I was starting to wonder if you even think about your old man at all, anymore.” 

“Oh, stop it, dad,” she chuckled. “Things have been kind of crazy this week, you know that.” 

“Yeah, yeah,yeah! I vaguely remember what it was like to be young a billion years ago, but it wouldn’t have hurt to send me a text in your spare time, kiddo.” 

This time she outright laughed, enjoying the way he made fun of himself so easily, just like when she was growing up. “You’re not _that_ old. And I would have messaged you if I had any spare time to speak of, but midterms and the Sentinel kicked my butt when I wasn’t at work, so...”

“I guess, I’ll let you off the hook this time, but only because I get to see you next weekend.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Laura said with an eye roll, as she moved up in line. It would be her turn to order soon, but she didn’t bother looking at the menu, because she already knew what she wanted. 

“Although I’m a little hurt, that it takes your cousin getting engaged for you to come for a visit before the holidays,” he said, semi-jokingly. And damn, was he laying the guilt trip on thick tonight, which was more than enough of an indicator that he was up to something. “Which brings me to the reason I called you earlier,” he finished in a way that made her kind of nervous. 

“What would that be?” 

“You’re girlfriend,” he said, trying to curb his excitement, but she heard it loud and clear. “There won’t be anything to prevent her from joining us, will there? Because we’re all on pins and needles! I mean, this is the first time you’re actually bringing someone ‘special’ home with you, and we can’t wait to meet her.”

“No, she’ll be with me guaranteed,” Laura shook her head with a grin, even though the conversation made her kind of anxious because it was based on one big lie after another. “I’m giving you my permission to tell everyone, because Carm wouldn’t miss it for the world, and I know you’re going to do it anyway.” 

“Carm, huh,” he murmured, letting her name roll off his tongue thoughtfully. “As in your best friend that you’ve been living with for years, and talk about every chance you get, like she’s the best thing to come along since you discovered chocolate chip cookies. Is that her?”

“Mmm, well...um, yeah,” she squeaked in an unnaturally high voice, as a blush rose on her cheeks at the way he described her. “But, it’s not like we’ve been... _you know_ , this whole time. Things just kind of changed gradually...” she cleared her throat, utterly mortified that she’d just eluded she and Carm were having sex. Not that it wasn’t already implied, since they were supposedly ‘in a relationship’, but still, that’s not the kind of conversation she wanted to have with her dad, ever. 

“No need to explain.” He chuckled knowingly. “I’m aware of how these things go, kiddo, there’s a lot I never told you about me and your mom...” 

“Okay, dad, seriously,” she exclaimed, ignoring the butterflies that erupted in her stomach at the mere idea of _‘sleeping’_ with her.

A barreling burst of laughter filled her ear, and she could just imagine him rocking back and forth and slapping his knee at her discomfort with the topic, (but even when she was ten and her body started to change, she refused to talk to him about this kind of stuff, and relied on her aunt to teach her everything she needed to know about the birds and the bees). 

“I was just going to mention that, we started out as really good friends too,” he said when he regained himself.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Laura mumbled under her breath, because he always liked to reminisce about how he used to romance her mom with chocolates, flowers, and sugar sweet love notes, whenever her love life, or lack of one came up. 

“I heard you,” he said with a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, well-you were supposed to,” Laura replied with another eye roll, even as she smiled.

“I just hope Carmilla’s prepared to be thoroughly scrutinized by me,” he said, taking up a serious tone. “And more than likely, your uncle will want to get in on it too.”

“Wait...What?” Laura exclaimed with a high-pitched squeal, because she wasn’t really expecting that. 

“I have to make sure she’s good enough for you, pumpkin,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I know she means a lot to you and everything, just by the way you talk about her. But, it takes more than friendship to make a relationship work, and I just want to see the measure of her love for myself, nothing serious.” 

_‘Holy crap!’_ She already felt really bad for deceiving him about having a girlfriend as it was, but this was just too much. _‘H-o-l-y C-r-a-p!’_

Laura was about to reply, when a static voice came over the intercom, “Can I take your order, please.”

“Dad, we need to talk about this! Hold on just a second while I order my food,” she said quietly into the receiver on her headset, before speaking up so the attendant could hear her. “I’ll have the double bacon burger, with extra pickles and no mustard, a small side of natural fries, and a jumbo chocolate shake with extra extra syrup whipped cream and two cherries.” She rushed through it and barely paid any attention when they repeated it back to her with her total before telling her to drive up to the next window. 

“Okay, I’m back now, so let’s discuss this.” 

“I’m not sure what you mean,” he said, choking back a laugh, “besides, it’s pretty obvious that you’re driving, and you know how I feel about that, so I’m going to let you go.” 

“D-a-d,” she exclaimed, because he was trying to rush her off the phone now, without giving her a chance to change his mind, and she wasn’t going to let him get away with it. “I’m sitting in line at the drive thru, not on the road. Don’t you dare hang up with me.” 

“It’s still the same thing,” he stated adamantly. “You’re behind the wheel and I don’t want you talking on your phone, because it’s just not safe.” 

“But...”

“I know you’re an excellent driver, with a perfect record, because I taught you myself,” he interjected before she could say anything else, “but there are a lot of people out there who aren’t.” 

“Fine,” Laura huffed in defeat, because there was no way she could argue with his logic. “At least promise you’ll be nice to, Carm, first.” 

“Of course,” he said with a mischievous laugh, “you have nothing to worry about. Talk to you later, kiddo.” 

“Bye, dad,” she murmured just before the line disconnected. 

Laura paid for her food and got back on the highway, wrapping her fingers on the steering wheel. But, this time it wasn’t because of the melody she’d gotten so used to, so much as the nerves coursing through her entire body. She spent the rest of the short ride home and the time it took her to devour her food replaying the conversation with her dad in head, and by the time she changed her clothes and climbed in bed, she thought it just might burst from an overload.

The most worrisome part was knowing that she was going to have to tell Carm about it, so she truly knew what she was getting herself into, and just hope she didn’t change her mind and back out on her. Not that she would blame her if she did. It was a lot to ask of someone, even her best friend, and just the simple fact that she’d agreed to do it in the first place, made her love her even more. Strictly platonically of course, because yeah. There would never be anything else between them. 

“Ugh! Why do I keep on reminding myself of that?” 

It happened more times today than she could even count. Her mind just took off in that direction of its own accord, and she couldn’t begin to fathom why. Because, she didn’t have any illusions about Carm or what they meant to each other. 

_‘But, damn!’_ Yeah. That covered it. When she knew the truth, but her brain didn’t always play by the rules, or function in the realm of reality for that matter. It’s just...well, it’s never been this bad before, and she’d been having some rather weird thoughts about Carm for a while now. But, ever since the sparks of intimacy she felt between them when she helped clean her tattoo, it had increased tenfold, maybe even more, and it was so friggin’ confusing. 

Laura groaned as her head hit the pillow. But, the moment she looked up at the ceiling a smile spread across her face, and she was transfixed by the glowing constellations above her, that Carm created with stick on stars in every color of the rainbow, so she could still see them when she slept with her. For some reason just the sight of them seemed to wash away all her worries. Letting her eyes drift closed, she didn’t even flinch when the sway of their bodies moving in perfect sync in the bathroom mirror played behind her eyelids, while she relived the feel of her fingertips etching their pattern over every inch of her back. 

But that was just the beginning. 

Her mind retraced every moment of the week they’d shared together, but ultimately settled on last night as she began to hum softly. Of all the places she thought they might end up, where they did certainly wasn’t one of them. Smiling brighter, she let their song flow out of her and echo around the room harmonious and free because of everything that happened once Carm turned off the car. 

_She wasn’t all that thrilled when, Carm parked outside a deserted building in one of the slightly seeder parts of town. Half the street lights on the block were either busted or burnt out, and if it weren’t for the first rays of sun brightening the sky, she wouldn’t have even been able to decipher that much about where they were. Not that knowing settled her nerves any, because other than a few homeless people sleeping in the doorways of darkened businesses the street was empty, and much too quiet for her taste. But she trusted Carm absolutely, so she didn’t say a word when she got out of the car, and quickly followed her to the trunk, with her spidey senses tingling like crazy, because these were the type of situations her dad always taught her to avoid._

_“Relax, Cupcake,” Carm said, when she closed the trunk, after shouldering their bags, and saw the look on her face._

_“I’m fine...and perfectly calm,” she uttered rather unconvincingly._

_“Nothing’s going to happen to us,” Carm murmured, kissing her softly to reassure her, before taking her hand and leading her down the street._

_They walked for half a block, before stopping in front of a building that looked like it was locked up tight for the night. But, when she pulled on the handle, the door opened with ease, engulfing them in the bright light spilling from inside as well as the hum of conversation and people moving about. Once they made their way up a short flight of stairs and she got a look around at the tables arranged methodically about the expansive room, she realized where they were._

_“It’s an internet café!” Turning back to Carm in awe, she could only smile when she found that she was watching her with a smug grin._

_“Feel better now, Cutie,” she said, squeezing her hand, as she led the way to a table._

_“Yeah, I am,” she murmured glancing around again._

_It pretty much reminded her of the campus library with desktop computers at most of the workstations, although there were several standalone hubs capable of connecting up a personal laptop too. “You know I never doubted you though, right,” she said, when Carm set down their bags, and pulled out a chair, motioning for her to sit._

_“Mmm hmm, sure you didn’t,” she replied sardonically, as she took a seat next to her and scooched her chair closer so that they were practically shoulder to shoulder._

_“No, I mean it, Carm,” she implored with a furrowed brow, “I’ll always place my faith in you, no matter what the circumstance.”_

_“I know that, Cupcake, I was just messing around.” She leaned in to kiss her softly, letting her lips linger for several moments before pulling back to look her in the eye. “But, I also know how your dad raised you, and even if you hadn’t made it so blatantly obvious, I could feel the nervousness radiating off your body.”_

_“I wasn’t that bad.”_

_“Oh, yes you were, Cupcake,” she said with a teasing lilt._

_“Shut up,” she pouted. But, that only earned her one of Carm’s trademark smirks in response, and since she found them absolutely adorable she let it slide with nothing more than an eye roll as she grabbed her bag and took out her computer. “How’d you find this place, anyway,” she asked, while she waited for it to boot up._

_“I know it’s not exactly my kind of thing. But, I was too drunk to drive one night after... an encounter,” Carm cleared her throat and glanced away timidly before continuing, “and I was walking it off, when a group of people came out, so I decided to see what it was all about. I ended up camping out at one of tables and taking a nap for a couple hours with no one bothering me.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “So, I come here sometimes, when I don’t think I can make it home safely.”_

_“Carm!” She gaped at her in disbelief. “Why don’t you ever call me? I would come and get you.”_

_“And leave ‘the beast’ in this part of town overnight...I don’t think so.” Carm slid a soothing hand down her arm to cover hers. “It’s fine, Cupcake. You don’t have to worry about me all the time.”_

_“Yes, I do!” she murmured adamantly, “I can’t help it. Because you mean so much to me, and I just don’t know any other way to be.” She bit her lip with baited breath, waiting for a response, but Carm just stared at her wordlessly for so long, she started to wonder if she’d said too much or it came out wrong. Because she was just trying to express how much she cared about her, and that described everything going on in her head so perfectly._

_Carm finally broke the silence with a raspy breath, “Yeah, I know, Cutie...me to,” she murmured, holding her gaze intently as she stroked the back of her hand._

_The uncharacteristically soft glimmer in her dark brown eyes conveyed everything she couldn’t put into words as their mouths met in the tenderest of ways. They broke apart smiling, with flushed cheeks and shallow breaths. In what was the shortest kiss that they had shared, and somehow it felt far more meaningful to her than all the rest, and left her heart pounding in chest._

_For a few moments they just looked at each other and tried to catch their breath. But, then Carm trailed her tongue across her lips, and quirked an eyebrow at her with a quick glance at her mouth. Making it obvious she wanted to kiss her again. So, she did. And this time when their mouths brushed together it sent tingles of sensation shooting through her entire body, that was like nothing she’d ever felt before._

_She didn’t know if Carm felt the same sensation in the split second it lasted, or anything at all for that matter. But, she’s the one who pulled away first, and let out a soft moan as her eyes fluttered open. Making it impossible to decide what was more incredible, the way every inch of her seemed to come alive in response to the kiss, or hearing that sound leave her lips._

_“How’d I ever let you turn me into such a sentimental fool,” Carm scoffed, looking away as she turned a shade of red that she’d never seen on her before._

_She couldn’t help but smile at her obvious embarrassment, but only because the tiny smirk tugging at Carm’s mouth gave her away. Even if she wouldn’t say it out loud, it was clear that she was enjoying every moment of it. And that was more than enough for her._

_“It’s part of my charm,” she said with a laugh that bordered on giddiness, “and you know it’s why you love me so much.”_

_She simply shrugged when Carm met her eye again with arched brows and an amused smirk in place, even though her cheeks still held a hint of a blush. And yeah! There was something incredibly—satisfying about turning those words back on her, or maybe it was the way her heart was still racing from the kiss. All she knew for sure was that she felt better than she had in a long time, and it had everything to do with the amazing girl sitting next to her that she was lucky enough to have as a best friend, because even when Carm wouldn’t let the rest of the world in, she never hid from her. And that was pretty darn wonderful._

_“You think you’re so damn cute, don’t you!”_

_“Yep,” she replied with certainty, “now just admit how adorable you are because it’s only fair that you own up to it too.”_

_She couldn’t help chuckling when Carm rolled her eyes even as a grin played on her face. And the gentle pressure of her hand as it tightened around hers almost made her forget why they were there in the first place._

_“Come on, let’s get to work,” Carm murmured, bring her hand to her lips and kissing it before letting go._

_She wasn’t the only one flushed as they shared one last smile, before doing just that. At least she attempted to, anyway. But, it took all her energy to try and focus on reading over the rough draft of her paper and the notes she’d made for her quotes, because it was hard not to admire Carm when she spread out her art supplies and started the process of coloring in one of the pictures she’d drawn last night._

_From the way the locks of hair she kept tucking behind her ears slipped free and fell across her face when she leaned over to retrace the pencil markings and make them permanent, to the slight flex of muscle in her forearm when she erased the ones she didn’t need and brushed away the debris with quick swipes of her hands, and the sureness she exuded when she picked up a color pencil and began shading. Everything about it was so incredibly beautiful._

_“Ahem...” Carm cleared her throat with a knowing smirk, when she glanced up and caught her staring._

_“...um, yeah--right! Term paper,” she said, turning to her computer feeling the slight heat of a blush rising on her cheeks._

_It wasn’t long before her gaze drifted back over, because she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off her for more than a few moments. And it quickly turned into another one of their games. Every time she peered over to check out the progress of the painting, she’d kiss her on the cheek or simply lean into her, until Carm glanced up with an arched brow and an amused smirk, and ushered her to get back to typing with a quick peck on the lips for encouragement._

_But, she wasn’t the only one who had a habit of being distracting, that’s for sure. Because, Carm turned right around and rubbed the back of her neck, or rested her hand on her thigh to trace their pattern on the inside of her knee, and she didn’t stop until she started to squirm. Then she’d take her hand away with a smugly pleased smirk and go back to coloring._

_Sometimes it was the accidental brush of their arms or legs that got them going again, but for the most part their caresses were completely intentional, because they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Not that they were really trying. But, ironically they were being slightly more subdued than usual, since they were in public._

Laura’s eyes drifted open with a content smile when the memory slowly fused with the others in her mind, as she hummed the rest of their song and ended with a little yawn. Just like the rest of the day, she still felt—lighter, almost like she could sprout wings and fly if she wanted to. And it was the nicest thing in the world. She never would’ve guessed that getting up at the crack of dawn to write a term paper would turn out to be so friggin’ amazing, let alone end up being one of the best nights of her life.

Another yawn escaped as she glanced at the clock on her bedside table to see how much longer it was before Carm got home. “Two more hours,” she murmured. But, as the adage goes ‘waiting makes the heart grow fonder’, or in her and Carm’s case, it’ll make kissing so much better than it already was, and she could definitely handle that. With a smile, her heavy lidded eyes fluttered shut once again, and she drifted off into a fitful sleep. 

...

The night had dragged by at something slower than a snail’s pace, but to occupy herself and combat the restlessness, Carmilla did some more on the drawing she’d started before Laura got home last night. For the most part she just focused on adding in the small details and perfecting the line work, because she didn’t want to start shading with the limited supply of color pencils she’d had on hand. It didn’t matter that, technically she had all the colors she needed with her to do that part too. They weren’t her Faber’s. And that just wasn’t good enough. 

She was going to make this the best painting she’s ever done, and wouldn’t settle for less on any aspect. It simply meant way too much to her, and the intensity of the color and saturation from the Faber’s would make it look real to life, like everything was floating off the paper, and that’s what she was going for. So yeah--there’d be no compromises, big or small. With each stroke of her pencil and every line she added, the restlessness faded, and all concept of the time slipped away. Until there was nothing but the design for the drawing at the forefront of her mind, along with thoughts of her Cupcake that were there already, and...well, the entire week for that matter, because it had been pretty damn amazing. 

Needless to say the session was very productive. She’d managed to ink most of the outline by the time Perry came to relieve her and give Nick his closing instructions, and it almost made being there when she wasn’t really needed worth it. But, she was more than ready to leave the Nook behind and head home to surprise her Cupcake. Sighing whimsically, she smiled at the thought of what was waiting for her and couldn’t help repeating Laura’s message silently in her head for what felt like the dozenth time. 

Reaching for the burrito nestled in her lap, she took a huge bite as she cruised along with solid green lights as far as she could see. It was when she was chewing slowly, that she recalled the entirety of the text, and not just the kissing part she’d been focusing on ever since she saw it. Laura said specifically that she wanted to hear about her day, and it was inevitable that she _would_ ask while they were cuddling, which wouldn’t have been a problem any other time. But when she thought about whether to mention how turned on she’d gotten earlier, her throat went dry at the very idea of having that conversation. 

Swallowing hard to get down the food in her mouth, she wiped her sweaty palm on her pants before returning it to the steer wheel as different scenarios play out in her head. She didn’t really want to keep it a secret from her, but she didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about it either. Not that she was delusional enough to think Laura thought about her in that way. She wasn’t even her type to begin with, so the idea of it was ludicrous. But, she _was_ still kind of afraid that it might make her Cupcake think she was developing feelings for her. And that could make things so fuckin’ awkward, when there was nothing true about it. 

And yeah...okay fine, she got more than a little turned on by her last night, and simply thinking about it had the exact same affect. But, she could admit that her body reacts to Laura in ways it’s never responded to another girl. _That_ was nothing to be ashamed of! Her Cupcake’s beautiful inside and out. So who wouldn’t get aroused by her, especially when she was intentionally trying to provoke that response in the first place? Besides, it wasn’t even really a thing, and could easily be dismissed as just another part of the connection they share, _so_ it shouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference that it’s never been quite that intense before. And it certainly didn’t mean she had a thing for Laura, or something crazy like that. 

Of course, that rationalization did nothing to ease her mind. She was still feeling all out of sorts, and the only conclusion that made sense was the added benefit of being able to kiss Laura whenever she wanted to was throwing her off her game. So maybe, it would be better if she kept the whole damn thing to herself to avoid any unnecessary confusion. Because it would be a non-issue once she went out to the club this weekend and got it all out of her system.

She spent the rest of the trip trying to push it from her mind, because none of that did anything to stem the desire to cuddle with her Cupcake. If anything, it made the need to be shrouded in her warmth even stronger than it already was. The moment she turned into the complex’s parking lot, she spotted Laura’s Camry, and a tremor ran down her spine as she pulled in next to it and cut the engine. Taking a calming breath, Carmilla stepped out into the cool night and took a moment to glance up at the stars twinkling above the light dusting of clouds. But, she wasn’t idle for long, because as much as they gave her a sense of comfort, it simply didn’t compare to the feel of being wrapped in her Cupcakes arms. 

Barely feeling the chill with the way her body was humming all over, she traversed the lot and rushed up the stairs and down the long hallway to their apartment. Other than a sliver of light coming through the gap in the curtains, it was completely immersed in darkness when she entered and clicked the deadbolt into place behind her, not that she’d expected anything else. Without bothering to turn on the light, she dropped her keys in the dish with a little resonating clang, and headed for Laura’s door, easily avoiding bumping into the furniture as she traversed the living room. 

But as she got closer, she could tell it was just as dark in there, and there wasn’t an inkling of light coming from under the door. With her hand hovering over the knob, she debated with herself over whether or not to go in, because she really just wanted to crawl in bed with Laura and hold her close so damn much that her heart was actually fluttering in her chest. But, she also knew it wasn’t right to wake her when she was finally getting some much needed rest. 

Heaving a sigh, Carmilla let her hand fall back to her side, but even still she stood there rooted to the spot for a few moments longer. It was hard as hell to turn and go to her own room, but she did. Leaving it lit by nothing but light from the moon, she dropped her bag by the nightstand and kicked off her shoes before flopping down on the bed and stretching out on her back. Not caring that she was still fully dressed as she pulled the covers up around her shoulders. It was much earlier than she normally went to bed but she was tired from staying up all night and being gone all day. 

Sleep should have come easily. But it didn’t. She doesn’t know how long she tossed and turned, craving the feel of Laura to lull her to sleep, before she ended up just lying there staring out the window at the stars, hoping she’d find the solace in them she always did, while trying to will it to happen. But, after a little longer she just couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Damn it!” she mumbled, tossing off the covers, and hopping out of bed with a quickness. She’s been missing her Cupcake like crazy all damn day and there was just no way she was going to be able to fall asleep without her. It didn’t really matter how tired she was. She needed her Cupcake, and there were no ‘if, ands or buts’ about it.

Taking a moment to strip down and change into something more comfortable, before she made her way back to Laura’s room to see if she could crawl into the bed without disturbing her. Or if nothing else, she would just settle for sleeping on the floor. She felt guilty and foolish for being so damn needy, but what was she supposed to do, when she’s been waiting for this all day. Shutting the door behind her with a soft click and tiptoeing over to the bed as quietly as possible. When she saw her it left her kind of breathless. The way her hair was splayed across her yellow pillow with tendrils framing her face, she just looked so... 

“Cupcake,” she rasped before she could think to stop herself. And she wasn’t really sure whether she’d said her name to see if she would stir, or because she was so beautiful in the dim light seeping in through the window and illuminating the room with the moons glow. But, her heart was beating a little faster either way. 

“It took you long enough,” Laura murmured groggily, as her eyes slowly fluttered open. She met her gaze with a sleepy smile and held up the covers for her, chuckling softly when she quickly scampered into bed and wrapped herself around her. “Hey,” she said softly, brushing their mouths together once she was settled. 

“Hey, Cutie,” Carmilla said with a satisfied hum, closing her eyes for a moment to breathe in the scent that was so distinctly her, as she tightened her arms around her and drew her even closer. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“That’s okay. I’ve been drifting in and out for a little bit anyway,” Laura said, letting out a little yawn, before leaning in for a quick kiss. 

Carmilla drew her back in for another when she started to pull away, shifting to tangle their legs together, as she slipped a hand beneath the hem of her shirt to scrape her nails across her stomach. Almost instantly she began to squirm, but it wasn’t from her touch, at least not entirely. The foot brushing against the inside of her calf was ice cold and her hand wasn’t much better. 

“Carm, you’re freezing,” she mumbled, shuddering against her. 

“That’s why I’m here, so you can warm me up,” Carmilla replied with a smirk, as she nuzzled her neck and trailed her foot along her calf again. 

“Jerk,” Laura exclaimed giving her a playful shove, but she simply dropped another light kiss on her lips to quiet her and continued to run her foot back and forth along her leg like she always did. 

“It’s not my fault that you’re always warmer than me,” she said against her lips, loving how easy it was to stem her protest with a kiss. But, even before it was a thing, she would simply brush her lips over the sensitive spot behind her ear to make her forget all about it. 

“You’re such a brat!”

“Mmm hmm, love you too, Cupcake,” Carmilla drawled. 

Laura sensed more than felt her self-assured grin when she rested her head on her shoulder again, and it drove her kind of crazy. Because yeah...Okay, fine. So, maybe she _really_ likes the feel of their contrasting body temperatures a lot more than she lets on, and she knew Carm was well aware of that. But, she didn’t have to be so darn smug about it all the time. 

“You can stop smiling now,” she mumbled giving her butt a soft smack.

“Nope,” Carmilla’s grinned broadened. “And I like when you do that, so it didn’t really help your case.” 

Rolling her eyes, Laura couldn’t help but smile, as she brushed her lips against her cheek and murmured, “be quiet.” 

For a while they laid in comfortable silence, but she didn’t forget what she had to do. Even if the conversation with her dad was a deal breaker, not telling Carm wasn’t an option. She figured now was as good a time as any, because there was no point in putting it off. Sure, it was a little nerve wracking but she didn’t want Carm to feel like she was obligated to her, or that it was another part of her punishment she couldn’t get out of, (enticing her to go to the party was the most she was willing to draw her out of her comfort zone), and it was really important to her that Carm made the decision free and clear.

“What’s on your mind, Cupcake,” Carmilla said after several moments of feeling her stirring and twitching against her. 

“So, um...I talked to my dad earlier on the way home, and uh--there’s kind of something I need to tell you about next weekend because, well--um, I don’t want you to be blindsided...”

“Mmm hmm,” Carmilla simply murmured in between stammers, cuddling her closer and doing her best to let Laura get it out because she was clearly nervous about whatever it was. 

“...and this might change your mind about doing it, which is totally fine, because I won’t blame you if it does. I just want you to know that.” she said adamantly, tugging on the sleeve of her midriff shirt for added emphasis. “Because, it already means so much to me that you even agreed to it, and I know it was a lot to ask...well, I didn’t really ask, because you offered since you didn’t like the idea of me finding someone through the personals, but still. It’s the same thing. And um...” 

“Okay, Cutie, spit out, before you make me as anxious as you are,” Carmilla interjected softly, placing several light soothing kisses on her neck. 

“Mmm!” Laura moaned at the distraction. Tangling her fingers in her hair, as she let the words slip out without the nervous rambling to interfere. “My dad intends to put you through the ringer, which means he’ll be assessing everything you say and do to make sure you’re good enough for me, and he’s going to get my uncle involved in his scheming too...”

Breaking the contact, Carmilla propped herself up with a smirk twitching on her lips, “is that why you thought I was going to change my mind?” 

“Um...well, yeah. Pretty much,” Laura nodded, not sure what to make of her response. 

There wasn’t even the slightest inkling of apprehension or regret marring her beautiful features, and this was nothing like what she was anticipating, that’s for sure. And it almost seemed a little too good to be true, to believe she was taking the news so well, because Carm had a tendency to shirk anything that involved her emotionally investing herself in something, and she didn’t really think she was an exception to that rule regardless of the closeness and intimacy that they share, which is why it meant so much to her that Carm had even offered to help her to begin with.

“Well, Cutie, you have nothing to worry about then. I’ll have you know, I wouldn’t expect anything less from him, and I can handle it.” Carmilla drawled, breaking out in a full blown grin, before her Cupcake squealed happily. Drawing her back in for a tight hug and brushing their mouths together, so the last part ended up being whispered against her lips. “Everything will go off without a hitch. Trust me.” 

That little peck turned into another and another, and Carmilla was more than happy to let it happen, because one of her favorite things about cuddling was when her Cupcake got really assertive and demanding. She absolutely loved it when she tangled her fingers in hair and gave it a gentle tug, which was something she only ever let her do, and nobody else. Her fingers wove in deeper to scrape her scalp, and she purred in response to the light massage, as her own hand found its way beneath the hem of her shirt again to trace across her abdomen and feel the muscles contracting with every breath. 

Laura slipped her hand from her hair to trail up and down her back, and she let out a groan of pleasure when she felt the light bite of her nails through her shirt. It was so easy to lose herself when she was like this, and she often craved it, because it was nice to let go without all the usual fear she was accustomed to. There was nothing but trust and love in every caress, and the soft echo of their rhythmic breathing filling the room soothed her in a way nothing else did, not even driving ‘the beast’. 

She was getting really into it when Laura’s hand stilled on the small of her back, and she pulled away to look at her. “Oh, Carm, before I forget to ask, how was your day?” She said resting her head on the pillow next to hers as her hand started moving in little circles. 

“ _Really_ , Cupcake,” she muttered with a pout. “You had to remember that right now!” 

“Your adorable when you whine, I hope you know that,” Laura said, grinning cheekily. “But still...talk now, cuddle later.” 

“Fine,” Carmilla huffed. Sneakily stealing one last kiss before settling her head on her shoulder to look up at the glowing stars with a tiny satisfied smirk. 

While she gathered her thoughts, she began to trace the constellations on her stomach as her gaze travelled from one to the other. Starting with Orion and on to Ursa Major, she recreated the patterns with deft accuracy, enjoying the way her breath hitched with every stroke of her fingers, and finally began to speak when she got to one of her favorite ones, that made up the star system of Pegasus. 

“Leslie was a total bitch as expected, and this time I almost went after her, when she knocked the books I’d inventoried and sorted off the cart, but then I thought about what it would be like to watch you kick her ass, and that was enough to calm me down,” she couldn’t help but smile when, Laura chuckled at that. 

She paused for a moment, then purposely skipped over the part before class, “and my midterm _was_...a pain in the ass, but they always are, so nothing new there,” she mumbled. But, omitting it just didn’t sit right with her and her heart reacted to that accordingly, beating much faster than it normally did when they were snuggled up, and her stomach didn’t feel quite right either. But, she went on determined to ignore it. 

“I think the most interesting thing to happen was when the pseudo mad scientist friend of yours came by the Nook to see Perry with one of their ‘experiments’ in hand, _again_. And of course they stopped to bother me, and almost ended up dropping the damn thing at my feet.” 

“You didn’t throw them out on their butt again, did you?” Laura asked, trying to knead away the tension she felt building up in her back and shoulders. 

“No. Perry got to them in time.” Carmilla replied, as her leg began to move restlessly against the mattress. 

“That’s good,” Laura said, because it would make things a bit awkward Saturday night, if she had. 

She wasn’t oblivious to the way Carm’s entire body was practically vibrating with the same raw pent up energy she has when she’s really emotional and needed physical contact though, which didn’t make any sense, because she was just talking about her day. And from the sound of it, it was fairly average at best. So, there was certainly no reason for her to be this wound up, unless--there was something she wasn’t telling her.

Any other time, she would have bit her tongue to curb her curiosity, and waited for her to get it off her chest on her own, but she had a distinct feeling she wasn’t going to do that tonight. And she couldn’t stand to see her like this. “What’s wrong, Carm?” She said softly, trailing her hand down to massage her leg and ease the spasms she felt vibrating through the bed. 

_“Nothing,”_ Carmilla mumbled. 

Worrying her lip, because not telling Laura about the _‘incident’_ wasn’t nearly as easy as she had thought it would be. And she felt incredibly guilty, when she simply let out a small sigh and kept rubbing her leg until it stilled. “Cupcake,” she said, barely above a whisper. “There was—uh, kind of something else that happened today. But, I don’t want to tell you, because I don’t want you to freak on me.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” Laura smiled tenderly, when she cut her eyes at her with an edge of uncertainty. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s just us. And you can always talk to me about anything, you know that,” she said softly, kissing her forehead for a little bit of extra encouragement.

“Okay,” Carmilla murmured. Closing her eyes at the soft brush of her lips against her skin, she let out the breath she’d been holding and with it everything just came flowing out. “Before I went to class, I was thinking about what happened on the way to the internet café and I...it made me horny all over again, and not just a little either. But, like really turned on to the point where I almost skipped out on the beginning of my midterm to go to the bathroom and _take care_ of myself. I didn’t because getting to spend more time with you tonight meant more to me than that, but I was so wet, I _really_ wanted to.” She opened her eyes to look at her, biting her lip even harder than before when she met her wide-eyed gaze. 

For several moments Laura merely blinked, opening and closing her mouth, and willing something other than air to slip between her lips. It wasn’t that she was freaking out, or even the result of being particularly shocked for that matter, because she was the farthest thing from it. But, it was just...well, this was the only time since they’d known each other that Carm wasn’t trying to be all cool and disaffected, or make light of the affect she has on her, and it was more than enough to render her completely speechless. 

_‘Because, like...wow.’_ She never thought she’d see the day, and yeah it just blew her away. Only, Carm must have taken her prolonged silence to mean something else entirely, because before she could fully process the sense of euphoria coursing through her body, she flushed with embarrassment and pulled out of her arms.

“Laura, you promised,” she scoffed, turning away to get out of bed.

“Hey, no...come back here,” Laura murmured, finding her voice as she sat up to wrap her arms around her and draw her back down before she could swing her legs over the side and stand. 

She didn’t necessarily make it hard for her, but she wasn’t as receptive to being held as she’d been before and she flinched when she touched her, which hadn’t happened in...well, it’d never been like this before, and that was something she intended to fix before it had a chance to fester and create a chasm between them. 

“I wasn’t freaking out, Carm! I swear.” Laura rolled her eyes and simply smiled, when she huffed in response and chose to stare at the ceiling, instead of looking her in the eye. “I’m sorry that’s the impression you got, but it doesn’t mean it’s remotely true. It’s just...this is the first time you’ve ever acknowledged the effect I have on you without being all sarcastic, or purposely doing something to make me blush and forget. So, yeah—I was surprised by it, but that’s all. Now will you please stop being broody, and look at me, so we can talk?” She pressed feather light kisses on her cheek and her forehead when she finally turned to meet her gaze, before placing one on her lips. 

Carmilla let out an airy sigh and relaxed into her, “you’re not weirded out about,” she said, as the tension melted away and left her body, because that was really all it took for her defenses to come crumbling down. 

“No,” Laura said simply, grinning broadly when she drew her even closer and draped an arm around her waist with a relieved breath of contentment, before leaning in for another tender kiss. In the next beat, things were back to the way they were. Trailing a hand up to caress her cheek affectionately, she whispered the same words she’d said last night, “I’ll always place my faith in you,” and was rewarded with the sweetest smile. They gazed at each other for a few moments, or maybe it was minutes. She didn’t know, and it didn’t really matter either way. 

“I just wish we didn’t feel like we had to keep these things to ourselves in the first place. Because, it’s really not a big deal, as long as we don’t make it one.” She said eventually, chuckling when Carm arched an eyebrow at her in question. “I mean, think about, Carm! If we’re being honest, we get each other turned on all the time, intentionally. And neither of us feels awkwardly about it. Why should this be any different?”

 _“So,”_ cocking her head, Carmilla pursed her lips thoughtfully, “...it’s just as normal as the games we play?”

“Yeah, because it only has the weight we give it,” Laura stated with certainty, smiling at the understanding dawning in her eyes. 

“Thanks, Cutie. That makes so much sense,” Carmilla murmured, licking her lips as she dipped her head to brush their mouths together, before burrowing into the pillow and nuzzling her neck. 

In that moment, their relationship and the bond they shared at the essence of their friendship grew stronger. Now that they’d talked about this stuff and gotten it all out in the open, changing everything, it was like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders for all the times they’d avoided having this conversation, and with it a sense of lightness washed over them, or maybe it was just the sparks of electricity crackling in the air and filling every inch of the room. 

“...I guess in all fairness, I should tell you about last Sunday,” Laura groaned, when she started kissing the spot behind her ear that made her toes curl.

“Wait! What do you mean?” 

Carmilla’s head popped back up instantly, so she could lock eyes with her. And the glint she saw shining in those honeyed depths when her Cupcake grinned made it pretty damn obvious that she wasn’t the only one with an incredibly sexual story. There were just so many good things that came to mind when she thought about that day though, and it was hard to pinpoint on which one of them put that look there. 

“What have you been keeping from me all week long,” she said, shifting onto her side and resting her head in her hand without breaking eye contact. 

“Well,” Laura said sly, reaching out to twirl a lock of her raven hair around her finger. “I was already more than a little aroused from the patterns you were drawing on my palm while we were cuddling, but then we got up to get ready and I saw what you were wearing _and_...let’s just say, I barely made it to my room before my hand was down my pants.”

 _“Really,”_ Carmilla drawled, arching her eyebrows as a smirk played on her lips. In one swift motion she moved to straddle her, and pin her arms between their bodies. “I’m curious, Cupcake, did you just enjoy seeing me in my underwear, or was it my ass in the air that really pushed you over...”

“Shush you,” Laura pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, when she finally got a hand free. “I wasn’t the one who almost masturbated in a public bathroom, remember. So, you really can’t talk,” she said, shifting her hips slightly so Carm wouldn’t notice she was giving herself a little leverage, and in the next moment she expertly flipped her on her back and returned the favor, trapping her hands above her head with a grin.

“I wasn’t teasing you, Cutie,” Carmilla murmured, drawing her lip between her teeth, as her legs started sliding rhythmically back and forth against the sheets, (but this time it was for a completely different reason than before). “I just want to know.”

_‘Because, yeah...what was the harm in it, if they weren’t giving any real meaning to any of this.’_

“It’s late and we both have to get up early,” Laura countered, leaning in to whisper, “besides, why should I tell you...when I’m supposed to be paying you back for the hickey _and_ being a smartass last night.” 

“I, um...” Carmilla’s tongue darted out to moisten her parched lips, “...knowing will help me sleep, because if you don’t tell me, I’ll spend hours wondering and won’t be worth anything tomorrow,” she said hoping her answer was good enough, because she was pretty sure her punishment had just started, and she knew her Cupcake had plans for her. 

“Alright,” Laura said, releasing her grip and slipping off her, “I will give you this, but don’t think it means I’m going to let you off easy.” 

“I don’t,” Carmilla replied with a breathless grin, as she turned onto her side, so she could snuggle up behind her. 

As soon as they were settled, she reached back for her hand and laced their fingers together, wrapping her arm tightly around her. Letting the sound of Laura’s soft voice and _very_ detailed recount of exactly what she did to herself lull her toward the type of dream filled sleep that her fantasies were made of. “I was so far gone by then, Carm,” she murmured drowsily in her ear, “I pinched my nipple roughly, twisting it between my fingers and thrust deep inside pumping frantically, but it wasn’t enough, so I added another and fingered myself until I came, drenching my pants, the sheets and the mattress,” was the last thing she heard as she clutched their interlocked hands to her chest and succumbed to tiredness.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys enjoy. I took more editing to get it on here than expected. Hope it was worth it. :)


End file.
